Affair and Cheating

Should I tell my husband that I cheated on him?

She had an affair with her husband's older cousin, got pregnant and lost the baby. Should she confess?
sad lady thinking at home

(As told to Joie Bose)

(Names changed to protect identities)

I sit and look at the mirror often and practice the lines. How would I look saying them to him. Then I look away. I can’t fathom how his reaction will be. Will he hit me? Will he scream and let everyone know? Drop me at my father’s home? Or will he just throw me out? But that inner voice in me tells me that I need to tell him. It says, “Megha, you can’t keep such a big thing from Manav.” And then I tell it, “What should I say? Should I say, ‘Manav, I’ve had a fling with your cousin’? Or should I simply say, ‘Manav, I’ve cheated on you…’” The circumstances were quite strange and perhaps too much to handle for him.

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1 Comment

  1. This is my view, as follows. In my view, marriage is a social contract that comes with obligations anc not lovebugs.

    You have compulsively cheated and not only that you got pregnant with someone’s child. Good that you lost the child, who would have been the emblem of your shame that you maybe willing to hide. I am very surprised that you are from India, my home country, which is known to have the ancient heritage of holding respectable family values.

    Regardless of how you got married – love or arranged marriage – it was your and your husband’s duty to preserve the sanctity and fidelity. So you broke that highest code of honor because you felt neglected and shouted at. You have admitted that all marriages in practical terms have some degree of staleness. So yours was nothing new.

    Now in today’s world you do have support groups who will stand by your cheating and extra marital affair by pushing forward rubbish and asinine arguments. They shall compulsively ignore that you had cheated on your husband. For them the sanctity of marriage is just not important and they would cite that male chauvinism in India is the root cause of female infidelity. While there maybe some merit to that statement, it does not help to assuage your husband’s grief and cannot restore trust in the marital bond that you had agreed to.

    So what would I have advocated? I would advocate that you be publicly shamed by your husband. It is not your (nor your husband’s) right to cheat. If either one of you want to have extra marital affair, then either or both of you should: (a) declare open marriage with mutual consent, or, (b) file for divorce. Either of these options is not cheating and hence is more honorable than cheating which is what you have done.

    To sum up, I would advocate public shaming for both you (Megha) and your lover (Arav), so that your misdeeds be known and both you of you live a life of shame.

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