Being a boyfriend or a husband is as scary a proposition as it is to be a woman in India. As the recent spate of brutal rapes and assaults on women prove that the survey that said that India is a most dangerous country for women, was not wrong at all. But we keep talking about women’s safety but rarely do we talk about the anxiety or fears that a man harbours because he has a woman in his life. His fears are compounded by statistical data. The National Family Health Survey suggests 30 per cent of women in India between the age of 15 and 49 have suffered from some kind of violence.
Rising cases of brutal rapes, molestation, cyberstalking, acid attacks and a new emerging market of sexual assault videos, prove that men’s fears are not uncalled for.
8 Things The Indian Boyfriend/Husband Is Scared Of
Sometimes men tend to understand men’s psyche better that is why their fears are also more. They know the possibilities of violence and assault she is exposed to and is always worried about ensuring her safety. These are the 8 things that are usually always on his mind.
1. Is she safe while coming back home late?
This is a realistic fear. As the Priyanka Reddy case proves 8 pm is not even a safe time for a woman to come back home in India. If you go to Delhi you could feel a distinct paranoia around the time a woman should be back home. And there is no respite till she is back safe and sound.
So if he is texting and finding out about your whereabouts don’t treat it as obsessive behaviour. He has reasons to be scared no matter what city you live in and he knows that the most innocuous situation could turn into a dangerous one.
If you are travelling in an Uber, private transport or using public transport he can’t be sure you are safe. If you are working in the media, IT or a call centre and come back home at unearthly hours then he has more reasons to worry.
2. Her private transport is in good shape
If you are driving your car or a scooter, he is always checking the tyre pressure, ensuring the petrol tank is filled up and all the nuts and bolts are in the right place.
If your car breaks down in the middle of a dark, dead road then you could be in serious trouble. That’s always on his mind and that’s why he takes care to keep your private transport in the best shape.
3. She is wearing the “right” clothes
This might sound a bit sexist but there is some reality in it. No matter how much he believes that women should have the right to wear whatever they please and he has never told you anything about your hemline but inside he is often worried if your clothes are drawing the wrong kind of attention.
India is a place where a large part of the population is not yet sensitized to the concept of women’s freedom to wear what they want. They do stare and ogle if you are in your mini skirt. You might have learned to handle it by ignoring that but those stares do worry him. Do accept that. And don’t overreact if he subtly hints at your clothes being a bit too clingy. He is not a chauvinist he is just a worried guy.
4. The boss and colleagues are sensitized
If he is asking you a lot of questions about the male boss or your colleagues at work don’t look at it as his nosy attitude. It’s not that at all. He is just trying to fathom from the information that you are safe at work. Sexual harassment in the workplace is common and what often starts as just a coffee outing could gradually turn into coercion to have a drink together and then more.
If he tells you to be careful on how to interact on office mail, what photos to share on WhatsApp and how to keep the professional distance with the boss, listen to him. He is not always worrying without a reason he is talking from experience.
5. She is hanging out with the right friends
Yes, the kind of friends you hang out with says a lot about how safe you will be. You might not be doing drugs but if your friends do then they could be also interacting with the wrong people and inviting trouble.
Introduce your husband or boyfriend to all your friends then he would know the kind of people you are hanging out with and will worry less.
6. She is watching her drink when she is partying
He could be telling you a thousand times to watch your drink at a party. You could be getting irritated about that but do think from his perspective at times. Most mishaps happen when some drug is added to the drink and then the victim does not even have a memory of what happened to her.
That’s why in the UK there are special glasses that change colour in case a date rape drug is dropped in the drink. Till those are available in India, watch over your drink and tell your man you are being cautious.
7. She is sharing the right photos on WhatsApp and Social Media
Your boyfriend could have got you sexy lingerie from Singapore and you just shared a photo wearing those in your girl’s WhatsApp group, never thinking that a man would have access to it. But one lady thinks it’s kinky to send it to her husband and could result in some great action in bed later on. The husband loves the photo and shares it with his friends.
So if he is hyperventilating about your WhatsApp and Social Media activities he could be having a point.
8. She has pepper spray in her bag
If he got you a pepper spray online you don’t have any reason to think that he is being an obsessive, paranoid boyfriend. He worries about your safety and is taking steps to ensure you are equipped to handle a situation. And if he is talking about a taser don’t think he is going overboard.
He could be telling you all the time ways and means to stay safe. Just remember, considering the current situation in India his fears are not unfounded and it is only natural that he would worry for you.