Marriage and Hindi TV serials
Imagine this! It’s a Sunday afternoon and the whole household, except for you, is enjoying a blissful afternoon siesta. You are young and you are bored so you turn on the TV and lo and behold! The extremely catchy and melodramatic theme song of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi starts playing. Because, even though it’s 2018 now and we can choose what to watch and what not to, no one can avoid the chaotic mess that are TV serials.
Every time I go to visit my grandma, for example, she sits me down with a lot of food and makes me watch those twisted things, all the while telling me what I missed when I was not visiting. So, love it or hate it, there is just no escaping it. And in my long battle against this madness, here’s what I have learnt about these shows teaching single girls about married life
1. You wake up in full makeup
Yes, that includes a gorgeous sparkly saree, usually in some outrageous shade of red. Oops, eyeliner got smudged? No matter! Fix it by watching your reflection in one of the many mirrors attached to your saree as decoration. Really, though. How do they always wake up with those perfect curls? Better yet, how do they sleep in all that jewellery? No itching? How?
2. You’ve got to say “nahi” at least thrice
This is especially important if you are the sort of stupid, ever trusting elder bahu. Someone drops a plate of food? “Nahi!” Someone is killed? “Nahi!” There’s a rat in the house? “Nahi!” And the list goes on.
3. If the diya goes out, your pati’s life be in doubt
Seriously, though. You got to be careful of that diya. Keeps impulsively going out and killing people’s husbands.
4. Everyone wants to marry the protagonist
And I mean everyone! From that long lost school friend to your neighbour’s aunt’s cousin’s daughter, everyone wants to marry your husband. If they don’t want to marry your husband, you are probably a side character.
Related reading: Here are 5 women characters on American TV who inspire us every day
5. Educated women equals no cooking skills equals disaster
No educated woman is able to cook, right? She burns the milk at least once and gets injured twice while trying to cook something for the husband who is inevitably busy in the office. God knows how these women survived years of hostel life without learning how to cook. In their defence, they probably forgot what food tastes like after eating runny hostel daal for years.
6. Sasuma is a monster. Yes, ever so often
A friendly mother-in-law is a rare species indeed. The very unfriendly ones usually have an unmarried daughter in tow and she too hates your guts. The nicer and more helpful you are, the crueller they are to you till you end up feeling like a reel-life Cinderella. Except you got to cook that pumpkin and not turn it into a carriage.
7. You got to save your young sister-in-law from the hands of goons at least once to gain her love
One of the goons is usually the dude she was seeing. These women need better taste.
8. If your husband hates you, he probably loves you
He is just bad at showing it. So he throws away the food you make, is always rude to you and tells you that you have ruined his life. Such pure love!
9. Better learn some bhajans, because whenever there’s a puja, you got to sing them
And that’s how you begin to win over the hearts of your elderly in-laws.
10. People come to life all the time
And their head is usually bandaged. And someone drops a plate or a teacup in surprise and the sound echoes.
11. If someone loses their memory when they come back to life, hit them on the head with a rock
Especially if they have lost their memory after being hit in the head in the first place. Works wonders.
Hint: Do not try this at home.
12. The sound a slap makes is directly proportional to how important the character is to the story and how much they love each other
You misunderstand your innocent dewar who was just trying to save the family from some crime boss or something and you slap his face off? Whoa. The slap is not slap enough if its sound doesn’t echo across the room of your plush house, your courtyard and the neighbours’ kitchen. Replay the scene thrice for better effect.
Hindi TV serials have always taught us the weirdest things, but perhaps the most hilarious ones are its take on married life. Seriously though, they react to the news of their husband’s accident in the same way they react to a diya going out. Priorities, I tell you!