Humour

The Penis Diaries Chapter 1: The introduction

A series from the point of view of that supreme object of man's obsession, his penis
Funny penis diary man

Hi, I’m Dick!

I have many other names – Junior, Pappu (any resemblance to a political figure coincidental), Member, Pecker, Tool, Joystick, Wang, Wand, Sword, Dagger, Prick, Weiner, Hot Dog … the list is endless. Some hilarious, some that can make you cringe, some that are actually quite witty.

Nice guy, me

I’m a really friendly guy, I would describe myself as a perfect blend of sensitive, naughty and innocent.

It would be an understatement to say I have a dynamic personality. You guys know what I mean!

They say a dog is a man’s best friend; well, I’m not against dogs or cats (you get it!) for that matter, but I guess I should have that title. A man owes me that much for all the times I have brought glory to him.

Anyways, I can’t complain! I love my man and have always been taken care of (you see by now, I’m good at puns!)

I’m sincere and dedicated.  I’m usually up before my man is and he loves me for this! At times I’m spontaneously active and catch him in the wrong time, like a board meeting or an exam but never have I seen him complain! :Big Grin:

I’m also a matter of several analogies!

My favourite being the Gun! Lasses with lovely tresses who have had the misfortune of getting “it” into the hair would know how deadly I am! Talking of that, much like a cowboy remembering his old gun, you know what nostalgia is when a man starts “Oh this thing could shoot so far!”

I must also mention being likened to the pole on which the flag of a man’s pride unfurls!

But not that, please!

The one that I really do not like is the “Banana” one! I mean, just because women can find good use of a fruit doesn’t mean you compare me with some soft yellow thing! Something more glamorous like a dagger is still acceptable!

Though I must admit, it’s not that I’m a knight in shining armour all days! I too have my bad days. Some days I’m just too tired, others I’m just plain upset and not willing to listen to my man (even his woman). I’m a true gentleman at heart; I hate not being able to be courteous to a lady, but then some days it is just not meant to be!

I hear vaginas share penis jokes behind my back, even say that I have a head but no brain (How mean!). Little do these little cunts (pun unintended this time!) know that I have a mind of my own.

I have heard of the Vagina Monologues, but why should girls have all the fun, so here I share some of my tales: Welcome to The Penis Diaries.

Stay tuned!

Published in Humour

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