The status syndrome

The status syndrome

I had decided to get married to Suresh*, an office colleague, but everything was not good as my Dad and Mom had not said yes. They knew Suresh as he had visited my home with other office colleagues often enough. But when I wanted Suresh to speak with my parents about our wish to get married, though I was nervous about it, I was sure they would give us their blessings. He insisted that I come with him. I was glad I went along.

Dad looked at Suresh and said, point blank, to his face,  “This is how you take advantage of our trust in you? Leave this house and never step into it again. And don’t try to meet Asmita* from now on.” Mom began to sob. It was like a scene of a Hindi movie unfolding before my eyes.

Related reading: Living with criticism from the in-laws

Of course, Suresh walked off. I let him leave, for I wanted to speak with my parents first. I asked them why they had refused. And you know what their answer was? Dad called him a gold-digger, who would make a deep hole in their pockets. A gold digger! Dad said that a stone had been thrown into our happy family set-up, creating a big hole in the existing structure.

Dad and Mom had wanted to spend exorbitantly on my wedding.  What hole in their pocket would our marriage make? Both Suresh and I don’t want that!

Dad says he loves me, yet he was talking as if I did not exist, only his money did. I had found someone who connected with me, respected and loved me, whom I had chosen to spend my life with, but that had no standing in the face of Dad’s wealth, and so-derived status.


Suresh belongs to a respectable, educated middle class family. And the two of us have to lead a life together; not be dependent on the handouts of parents. I do have a good job and so does Suresh. We can look after ourselves…we just needed my parents’ blessings.

Related reading: The first year of marriage

Dad said that I should marry someone of the same status, someone they chose, then I could continue to live in the lap of luxury and be happy, and they would also be happy. This means, without Dad’s money, I am nobody.

Mom actually asked me, “You will leave us for this boy? We who have loved you and brought you up?” I told her that I was not leaving her. She was leaving me because she considered Suresh a gold digger, and that with or without their blessings, Suresh was the man I had chosen for my life partner.

The status syndrome
The status syndrome

And Suresh is marrying me, regardless. And I am marrying him.

*Names changed upon request

(As Told To Abha Iyengar)

After being opposed to our marriage, how my in-laws finally accepted me

How we waited for eight years for our families to accept our love


Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website.