They are a couple and there’s me. Yet our three-way relationship works!

couple with woman

(As told to Yasmin)

(Names changed to protect identities)

He was married so I didn’t want to make a move

I met my man (Shodhan) years ago at a corporate gig. His take on the markets and the business world, in general, was witty, drawing crazed parallels with many in the fraternity. He had me in splits. While I would have loved to get to know him more, his ring stopped me from fluttering my lashes! Shodhan was a good business contact, but I kept it simple. A part of me wanted to settle down because of that dratted biological clock and the family going on with the same old jargon. However, the professional bug had kicked in and I was not ready for the marriage thing with babies, nappies and the rest of the whole nine yards. Days went by and while I did think about him, I continued working.

Professionally, I had a bucket list of sorts to reach the pinnacle of success that I aspired for. Probably CEO sometime in the rosy future was the idea. A couple of months after the meeting, Shodhan came over to my office for a business proposition. Over lunch, he suggested a joint venture between the company I worked for and his for a merger on a project that he had in mind. The idea was right up my alley and after discussing it with top management, and getting the go-ahead, I was the point of contact. Shodhan and I met every day going over every nitty-gritty. He was amazing! I found myself thinking about him and yearning for his touch. I was developing feelings for a married man!

I found myself thinking about him and yearning for his touch. I was developing feelings for a married man!

I chided myself for these crazy thoughts.

He brought his wife to meet me

After months of subtle flirting and physical touches, he organised a meeting with his silent business partner, a woman named Reeta. Both Reeta and I got along famously. I got to know at the end of the day that she was his wife. After a while, he joined and suggested another partnership that both he and Reeta wanted to discuss with me.

open relationship

Representative Image source

Shodhan had fallen in love with me, and while Reeta was still his wife, he could not do without me. I was stunned. What was this, I asked them, but inside I was burning with desire, I wanted him to take me there and then and have his way with me. Reeta probably sensed this and suggested that both Shodhan and I continue the meeting without her. He had his way with me and I with him that very evening and we’ve been happily together for the past 20 years.

Related reading: 5 Brutally honest truths about long-term committed relationships

I love him, and she’s my best friend

Reeta is not a judgemental wife; she has her time with Shodhan. Early on in their marriage, they realised that they did not want kids, and neither did I, and the relationship works for the three of us. I have not disclosed this to my friends’ circle, who may probably frown or disown me completely. Neither have I breathed a word to my family. The fact is that we love each other. Shodhan is a loving man, he takes care of me – the sex is great all the time. I am in my early 50s now and the three of us have seen hardships with health scares, and the like.

live in and open relationship

When Reeta was in the hospital I nursed her, and Shodhan and I were with her all the time.
To people who know what we are, we probably are a strange entity. But we love each other – Shodhan is the man for both Reeta and me and while we cannot get married legally, we are fine. Reeta has also proposed to divorce Shodhan so that I do not feel left out, but I objected and still do. Reeta has always been a firm believer that Shodhan should ensure that I am never lonely. We work out our relationship this way – he has me for a few days and her for a few. Honestly, I have no problem, coz the man is my lover, my companion, my heart, and my hot sex magnet. Reeta is my best friend.

Our three-way relationship works. If you think Reeta and I have indulged in a threesome, nope, because neither she nor I want to bare our bosoms to each other! We just love Shodhan and he has never looked elsewhere, neither have we.

Am I wrong to love a married man?

Here’s how this couple handles the complexity of an open relationship

We’ve had an open marriage, where occasional flings were okay. Was it a bad idea?

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[email protected] June 27, 2018 - 9:24 pm

This para left me stumped. ‘Shodhan had fallen in love with me, and while Reeta was still his wife, he could not do without me. I was stunned. What was this, I asked them, but inside I was burning with desire, I wanted him to take me there and then and have his way with me.’ I have heard it twice from people close to me. We may chide others, but yes desire does not understand societal rules.

Deb Chatterjee June 15, 2018 - 11:23 pm


I understand that this Sodhan and Reeta and other, are playing the awesome threesome.

However this relationship, while it is perhaps honestly laid out, has its own pitfalls. Will the legal system consider a threesome relationship legal? I mean how does the Supreme Court define and recognize extra marital relationships even it is three way consensual?

If any children is born out of this union how would property ownership etc be identified? In my view, Supreme Court would define this as illegal under the legal provisions laid out in the Constitution. The Hindu personal law does not recognize polygamy or polyamory. Only if the man Sodhan converts to Islam the mullah would have to identify the relationship under the Shariah laws. That’s a whole can of worms which is ghastly.

Kavya Anjali
Kavya Anjali June 14, 2018 - 10:32 pm

From where I see it, they have simplified the equation by taking out the ideological definitions and features assigned by the society. It’s an open marriage , and a happy one. They both have developed an understanding which works for three of them, and that, I feel, is beautiful. Maybe not something we are usually familiar with. But that’s the thing. Our perception towards relationship might not have to be the definition for every other being out there.

Deb Chatterjee June 13, 2018 - 12:21 pm

Looks like extramarital affairs and premarital affairs have become a part of the Indian society. If there is any form of loneliness or some disagreement, the greed comes out from within married couples and they go and have sex outside. Is this assumption of mine really true or I am just paranoid? Is this modern India? Saab ka sath, saab ka vikas?!

Can Bonobology publish some reliable statistics on the rise or decline of extramarital affairs in India? That would be interesting. In USA the divorce rate is 54% thanks to the rise of feminism.

Ashutosh Singh
Ashutosh Singh June 13, 2018 - 2:19 am

I just cannot understand that why? Is not it almost impossible to understand what Shodhan has in his mind? What he even wants to do. I am feeling bad for her wife what if the latter woman had never came into there lives?

Yasmin May 30, 2018 - 7:42 am

I had difficulty in understanding the situation myself, but they seem to work it out.

Hema K May 30, 2018 - 7:02 am

I don’t know how to process this. I just cannot comprehend the idea of two women being so okay with a man having both of them? Isn’t it a little submissive? A follow up piece with an expert comment would be great!

Kshitij Salwan
Kshitij Salwan May 30, 2018 - 2:15 am

I feel this relationship might have affirmation of both the subjects. May be an understanding between the couple to keep themselves I.e Shodhan and Reeta in open relationship with no strings attached.

Deb Chatterjee
Deb Chatterjee May 29, 2018 - 9:35 am

Reeta was an exception. I cannot fathom that Sodhan and his wife Reeta agreed to Sodhan’s relationship with this woman.

When a man and a woman are in a long term relationship a form of emotional and physical bond develops.

We simply are not told Reeta’s side of the story why she knowingly allowed Sodhan to be in a three-way relationship.

Something is missing here.

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