Counselling

They’re planning to marry just to prove their parents wrong

Question:

A friend of mine fell in love approximately three years ago. Before this he was in a relationship with another girl who was from a different community. His mother didn’t approve and anyway they drifted apart after six years of relationship and broke up.

Now he has fallen in love with another girl who is from his caste and community.

But his mother has a problem with this girl also as the families know each other since years. My friend is hails from a very rich family and enjoy high status as well. Somehow their family friends bad mouthed this new girl to my friend’s family. They even attacked her character! So the parents are now against this relationship.

Now there is a new problem. My friend and this girl both show that they love each other but we can’t see it. There are many ridiculous complications going on. My friend isn’t even able to pass his graduation in all this. He doesn’t have guts to stand up for himself or to leave the girlfriend either. The girl is refusing rishtas as she is waiting for him, she even asked me to spy on my friend’s mom! Long and short of it is that:

We friends now feel that this couple is not in love at all and is only getting married to show to their families that they are right and families are wrong. Now our mutual friends and I, as we watch this couple, can’t find any love at all in this relationship. Seriously. Please help us know what we can or we should do. They are our friends after all, feel terrible watching without helping.

Answer:

Dear Friend,

The problem raised by you seems to be born more ​out of academic interest, than concern for someone who is just seemingly a friend. Neither this friend, nor his girlfriend have sought your advice or help.

​You need to understand that your friend knows how helpless he is because of his family’s influence over him and therefore he may never want any outside intervention.

Read on to find out why chasing after marriage is not a good idea.

Families that are in business and are rich​, behave differently from the other families, which are more supportive at an emotional level. The kind of control or command which parents have over their wards, especially the son, is a stranglehold. Since the fellow knows to be able to have the kind of riches he is going to inherit, is impossible for him to build, he plays in the hands of the parents.

The parents love their son but feel he ​is still not ​a grown ​up​. They do not allow cycling, swimming without supervision and adventure during childhood. The fellow remains stunted in many ways. He is not likely to be street-smart like many others his age.

Later as a grown up, the guy is mostly remote controlled. If the father acts like a pal, the mother is ​strict​ or if the mother happens to be sympathetic, the father bullies. Unless this so called friend of yours has got the guts of supporting himself and the girl he marries, he would be better off being a puppet in the hands of his mother. ​Ideally he should focus on completing his education and getting ​ready to take on the challenges of life, rather than fooling around with a girlfriend.

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