The way we were
Can we ever get back to the way we were? A question that people keeping asking themselves as they contemplate their love life. Whether it is closing the distance between your current partner and you or it is longing for an ex, the past seems to take on a rose-tinted glaze for most of us and we want to go back there. A place which we think we can navigate better now that we know what all could go wrong.
Nostalgia is the culprit
Longing to be with an ex is natural, of course. Time has a way of making a thing that seemed unbearable at a time suddenly desirable. Like old books and old photos, nostalgia is the ultimate romantic. We have all thought about the good times with an ex at least once after the breakup. Whether it was the great sex, the considerate partnership, the amazing adventures or their ability to love you, we all were in relationships for one thing or the other. Being single is great, you see, but nostalgia can have a really strong pull that can be difficult to deny.
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Actions speak louder than emotions
To make things more complicated, our emotions are rarely a crystal clear stream that we can see through. We have to jump through hoops in order to figure out what we are feeling. So, when we actually want to get back with our ex, we are almost begging to go back. We don’t always know it immediately; we can see it in our actions and other emotions we may feel.
- The panic mode
Usually, immediately after a sudden breakup, you feel the uncertainty crowding you. You feel like a closet that’s ripped apart and you need to arrange it back again. Since the sudden absence of your partner is what causes this sudden mental clutter, it is only natural to want to get them back. The missing piece of the puzzle, as it were. You want to call them and ask them to get back, help you put your life in order again. The amount of dependency you felt is made abundantly clear in this situation.
- You feel like calling them and talking to them
While friendly exes certainly exist, there’s usually some time that needs to pass before they can get there. When this time has passed, there’s this pull you feel towards them. Time softens the blows and negativity that comes with a breakup. At this time, feeling like you want to talk to them is natural. But if you keep wanting to talk to them in the way that you used to as lovers, if you want them to share the same platonic intimacy with you, you might be longing for more than friendship with your ex.
- Feeling like you have unfinished business
Looking at anything in retrospect can give you perspective. When looking at a relationship in retrospect you realise where you both went wrong and it can make you feel like you left things too early, as if there was room to grow and you could give it another shot. If this feeling lasts longer than the retrospection itself, if you keep feeling that you have something left between you, you might be considering getting back together with your ex.
- The comparison
Every relationship comes with a unique rhythm and its own set of problems. However, if you’ve had a relationship before, you will always compare parts of it with your current one. Sometimes, you might feel that your ex-partner was a better lover or better friend, better at giving you company than your current boyfriend and you might want to give it another shot. This is a painful process though, because it means that you’ve started thinking about breaking up your current relationship.
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- The growth riddle
A relationship may not work sometimes because of the time that it exists in. Whether you’re too young, too busy, too naive or too arrogant, it doesn’t work for both of you at the time. However, time tends to change people and teach them a thing or two about their behaviour. People change, their circumstances too, and as a result, when you see each other after a long time something just clicks. You both have now learnt the life skills that you needed back then to make things work and the idea of getting back together with them doesn’t feel odd. You know a little bit of the love still remains and even though the breakup that happened scares you, you still consider the alternative. This situation is rare, but when it arrives you know that it’s time to give it another short.