We always pay so much attention to how to get into a relationship and make a relationship last. Compromise, understanding, and trust-building – are some of the things that sustain a long-term relationship. While that is right in its own place, it is also worth considering the things not to do in a relationship in order to keep it healthy and wholesome. Those factors can easily make or break a relationship just as much as practices that make a relationship work in the first place.
Sometimes what you should not do is far more important than what you should do in a relationship. Maybe you’re doing all the right things for your partner. Sending them flowers, listening to them, being supportive and encouraging, and also showing as much affection as you can. While all of that is helpful in its own way, what if you are doing some things on the other side of the spectrum that could actually be making things a whole lot worse, and you don’t even realize it?
That is why it is essential that you get the full perspective on things not to do in a long-term relationship and we are here to offer you just that. We want to show you the dos and don’ts of a long-term relationship that are really pivotal in making a relationship last.
What Is A Long-Term Relationship?
How long is a long-term relationship? This question gets asked quite frequently, especially by couples who have been together a considerable amount of time but may not have discussed what it means for the future. Well, to answer that for you, any relationship that lasts two years or longer is considered a long-term relationship. And as the relationship lasts longer, don’t expect things to magically become easier.
While the love grows, sustains, and becomes more comforting than ever, you cannot stop putting effort into the relationship if you want the bliss of togetherness to last. This is why the long-term relationship meaning encompasses more than just a time frame. After two years or so, your relationship is no longer as exciting as it used to be during that tantalizing honeymoon phase. In fact, it can even begin to feel like a routine or a healthy habit. And while healthy habits are great for you at the end of the day, sustaining them can be quite an exercise.
6 Tips For Successful Long-Lasting Relationships
If you’ve been in a relationship that has lasted two years or longer, then this advice is especially for you. If you are convinced that this person is the love of your life, your life partner, and your everything, then you must do all that you can to make this relationship work. Look nowhere else if you think this is the final relationship of your life and nobody will come after this. To help you out with that, we bring you some long-term relationship advice that will help you and keep your relationship afloat for a lifetime.
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1. It’s not always exciting, but try to keep the fun alive
There will be times in your relationship when you feel as if the romance or the spark is gone. Perhaps the way you used to look at each other in the first six months of the relationship or the way you used to drop everything to meet each other are now rituals of the past. In the present, things are starting to feel mundane, dull, and routine. This does not mean that the love is gone. The love is still very much there. Only the excitement is lost.
In such a case, getting that same kind of excitement back is futile. But re-energizing your relationship from time to time is definitely something you should do. Consider things like going on monthly weekend trips or throwing a house party every now and then. Maybe even try planning a double date with another couple to keep things fresh in your relationship.
2. Don’t let your personal identity get lost in the mix
As you go through the long-term relationship stages, there comes a point where it can start to feel as if you and your partner are the same people. Since you spend so much time together, eat similar things, share similar music, and might even start quoting each other a little too much, it is possible that you might start feeling enmeshed with one another. Some people may think that’s a good thing and natural in relationships, but it can quickly turn weird for you very soon.
You might realize that you’ve hardly left the house for a girls’ night out with your best friends lately. Or you might learn that the boys have been going to the bar every Friday night but have stopped inviting you because all you talk about is your girlfriend. While it is important to be the person that you are in your relationship, it is important to be the same person outside of it. Make sure that your personal life includes things other than your partner and that you don’t sacrifice your uniqueness for your partner.
3. How to make a relationship last? Commit, like never before
If you know they’re the one, well then there are no further questions about this. Frankly, this is relationship 101 for anyone. The moment you enter the ‘being boyfriend and girlfriend’ realm, know that commitment is a big part of it. Consider ‘commitment’ the very crux of the long-term relationship meaning.
4. Learn the art of working through the problem
Even though you’ve been together for years now, it does not mean that you are past all your problems and are now at a stage when things are only rosy. Remember that you never stop learning about your significant other and that usually happens through relationship arguments. Don’t be scared or intimidated by these conversations. Try to learn how to work through them.
Conflict resolution is an art that can make or break a relationship. If two people love each other but are unaware of how to work through their differences, the love simply goes down the drain. One must learn how to understand, reflect, put their point across and forgive.
5. Learn how to be each other’s support systems
How to keep a relationship alive? Make your partner believe that they can place their unwavering faith in you and can trust you to always stand by them, and hopefully, expect the same from them as well. A long-term relationship is built on heaps of emotional support.
Hear each other out, try to be as vulnerable as you can, be as honest as you can possibly be, and encourage your partner along every step of the way. Try to be a supportive partner so that you can see yourself making and fulfilling the ’till death do us part’ promise.
6. What is considered a long-term relationship? One with healthy boundaries in it
One might think that the more a relationship progresses, the closer you get to one another. While that is true in some aspects, it cannot be true in all aspects. Take this long-term relationship advice and understand the importance of drawing boundaries and ensuring that there is space in a relationship.
Being with someone for so long can feel stifling after a point unless you decide to consciously give each other more space and autonomy. Over time, you will learn the need for it and how to practice it as well. Remember, personal space in a relationship can actually hold it together for a long time.
6 Things You Should Never Do In A Long-Term Relationship
Now that we’ve touched upon the cornerstones of a long-term relationship, it’s time to switch to the other side. Let’s take a different tangent altogether now and talk more about the things not to do in relationships. It is possible that you or your partner might be indulging in one of these, without any understanding of how these little things can really make it a toxic relationship.
Better safe than sorry, right? But don’t worry. Now that you’re here, it will only get better as we are going to give you some really important long-term relationship advice. If you have been dating the same person for a while now, there is a good chance that some of the common problems will sprout as you both start getting attuned to one another. Thus, we give you 6 things not to do in relationships, especially if they’re long term.
1. Being complacent
Every relationship is a work-in-progress. It requires constant labor, designing, and molding. Things usually go (possibly) wrong when laziness invades. And one may begin to think that this relationship is there, it’s available, and it’s not going to end or get over. FYI, it does get over. Relationships too expire and sometimes sooner than you realize, if not kept fit, strong, and free of lethargy. Complacency in relationships, therefore, is the commonest contaminant.
Forgetting that you have a life with your partner, poring over work in the office, or going out to have your customary glass of whiskey every day with your group of friends without spending some quality time with your spouse may seem regular parts of domesticity, but that’s how complacency begins, that’s how dissatisfaction sets in. Consider this one of the relationship mistakes to avoid and try to be more vigilant with your partner in matters of spending time or working on the bond together.
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2. Letting performance pressure get the better of you
This adulterant is not just restricted to sexual competence. In the times we live in, everything about our lives is about performance and targets. In matters of sexual performance, for instance, it’s achieving the big O. We constantly lose our original and authentic self by trying to shape ourselves in ways that are deemed ideal and perfect. We constantly strive to be liked by people on Facebook or Instagram, to be validated and authenticated by them. It’s as if we must become a ‘certain someone’ if we are to be accepted and loved.
This tendency may very well spread into a relationship and our presence in that relationship may merely become a way of performance, where we are clearly not ourselves but are only trying to achieve external goals. Considering what not to do in a relationship? Make this your first milestone. In a long-term relationship, this invariably needs to go. Try to be as original, authentic, and absolute as possible in front of a partner with whom you might consider spending your life.
3. Feeling insecure about yourself
Do you constantly find yourself outside the body, judging yourself and beating yourself up for not looking the way you’re supposed to look? Well, it’s time for those anxieties to leave! In a long-term relationship, you can’t afford to be outside your body, judge yourself from a distance and spend all your time wondering how you look.
You need to come back to your body and start accepting that even though you may look like a broom in the morning when you wake up, it’s okay to show your face and let yourself be kissed. Body image issues are too lame for an LTR to survive. This long-term relationship advice is not just for your relationship but also for you.
4. Being suspicious of your partner
It takes time to have the kind of trust that would allow a relationship to flourish. It’s easier for love to come by, but trust may take its own time. But if you find yourself constantly wondering: Which friend did s/he go out with tonight? Is s/he really going to a house party or a nightclub? Being a jealous, possessive boyfriend or girlfriend is certainly one of the things not to do in a relationship to make it work.
If you notice signs of lack of trust early in a relationship, then maybe it’s time to talk it out as honestly as possible and tell your partner how best you’d like to resolve it. These are relationship mistakes to avoid and mistakes that you need to avoid NOW. Because the moment this starts overcoming you, you will not even realize it and it will drag your relationship all the way to the bottom.
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5. Sticking to utopian ideas of romance
Sex may fade over time and become more routine or predictable. Love too may fade and it is natural for that to happen. What will not fade though is company and companionship. We give ourselves ideas of how our relationships will look in the future and we keep harping on the amount of love we feel from our partners, and how much we are capable of giving. These utopian ideas of romance and what your happily-ever-after is supposed to look like can often prove counterproductive.
Of course, love and sex are integral parts of a relationship. They bring compatibility. But that’s not what will let you and your partner survive in a long-term relationship. Companionship is the only thing that survives and helps two people remain under one roof or within the choice and commitment to be together. So learn this before it’s too late, and prioritize working on friendship and camaraderie as one of the things you do in a relationship.
6. Seeking instant gratification
This is again a byproduct of the times we live in. Replying to a text message instantly, or seeing the blue tick and writhing in anxiety when the reply doesn’t come, the desire to be constantly connected, expecting a ‘love you’ at the end of each phone call, or getting upset when no ‘kiss’ emoticon appears in a text message – all of these are indeed common long-term relationship problems, but know that they need to be done away with.
You’ll realize how frivolous such things are but how they occupy so much space and time in our heads and how futile all of that really is. Such expectations are absolutely inconsequential, and they only make you insecure and rob both of you of your personal space.
With all these relationship mistakes to avoid, trust us when we tell you that if you consciously work on these, your relationship will take a turn for the better. What’s even more significant is that when you really adhere to these things not to do in a relationship – you are also creating a better version of yourself. Use this as a short and easy manual to love and life and you will be good to go.
Common long-term relationship problems are frankly abundant. They can start at miscommunications and misunderstandings and go all the way to constantly doubting your partner’s intentions, having low self-esteem and using that to attack your partner, and so on.
Long-term relationships fail as soon as the couples think it’s time to fold their arms and sit back and relax. Once the comfort sets in, a couple might start to get lazy or too satisfied and not indulge in the same kind of chase or effort anymore. Moreover, any kind of breach of trust, insecurity issues, or anger issues can do the same.