Quick Bites

Things women wish their partners understood about their sexuality

Sexuality in women is as occult or ethereal as the dew in the mornings. Women are complex and sometimes find it difficult to articulate their sexual needs when compared to men.
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Understanding the female psyche when it comes to sexual pleasure

In most relationships the main cause of friction is sex. While it may be the be all and end all in the early days, soon little fissures start showing causing minor rifts and mini sulk sessions.

While male sexuality is an established fact and a birthright in our societies, females are supposed to have none or minimal sexuality. This is in fact a gross negligence, which makes marital rape and abuse a matter to be shoved under the carpet. Women wish their mates could be more understanding and men wonder what they could have done wrong. Here are some tips to remember when and what can really make your woman’s sexuality sing.

1. Women need a bit of a headstart to engage in the mood

I just made love to my wife, and she attempted suicide the next minute – what did I do wrong cried my 45-year-old boss!

Youth is a crazy thing, and we do enjoy the corner quickies and tabletop sex. As we grow older and have kids, dinners and absconding maids that occupy our mind space, we need to be given fair warning that you are in the frisky mood. It could be as innocuous as a longing look, a note of sweet nothing stuck to the fridge door, or a bunch of roses just like that! Men have to start thinking beyond their own needs.

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2. Women like to dress up

Women are acutely aware of their body image and self esteem, so if they think they are smelling of garlic from their cooking for dinner or feel gauche in their clothes it is bound to make them reticent.

We love the trips to the salon, the waxing in the right erogenous zones, a new purchase, a movie night and a long drive in a new dress. Most men love their women with nothing at all, but it’s important to understand that our sexuality is linked to how good we feel in our clothes and accessories. The newer the better. Sometimes it is as simple as a string of mogra in our hair.

3. Male chauvinists are a big turn off

Women’s MCP upbringing has been the cause of many unhappy relationships. Men need to be schooled in the refined behavioural standards towards women. Men don’t realise that they are being bullies and therefore must cultivate awareness.

Whether it’s the lover or the hubby, if you are being a chauvinist you might as well strangle our sensitive sexuality. Note the clitoris is a tiny little bud, when compared to the hunk of your penis! So if you have been inconsiderate or downright nasty she won’t respond to your sexual overtures. Our sexuality is not a switch that can be turned on, whenever it pleases you.

Read more: Here’s how women can stand on their own feet after the marriage ends

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4. Porn is good, so is talking dirty

Getting excited visually is not a male domain anymore. Women are just as liable to enjoy the occasional sexual stimulation that porn offers, so also with loose sexually coloured talk that men reserve for the boys and stag get-togethers.

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Porn is a delicate subject for most women, and yet it can add the much-needed spice to a boring night. Choose the subject carefully, as there are many tasteful and aesthetically appealing movies that can spur our sexual impetus. I knew a couple that would spend the whole weekend exchanging dirty talk and ending in bed in a heap of giggles. A glass of wine always helps. A sexual woman is a blend of the goddess and the whore.

5. We appreciate other women just as much as you do

Women are just as keenly aware of beauty in other women. Psychologists claim that it is because both the male and female infant is first and foremost ‘in love’ with its mother.

My husband used to appreciate the fact that I loved to point out the good ones especially while in the traffic. I’d say, “Look at that rear,” and he would smile. Women are the better sex to ogle at, and our appreciation just adds to the feeling of confidence in ourselves and in our partners. It enhances our sexuality to see things of beauty.

6. Gentle is good – so is the rough ones

Men must be able to sense what kind of energy and passion can make sex more gratifying. It’s like tuning a musical instrument. You don’t need to be a clairvoyant, just ask!

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Most romantic women prefer the gentle hands of a powerful man. Rough sexuality could also be a source of intense pleasure and women savour the afterglow while rewinding a subtle or passionate encounter.

7. Talk is really great

Women love to talk, they also love to listen, which is probably why we indulge in so much gossip. When your significant other talks to his lover, a woman is more often on cloud 9, so get your act together and hone your pillow talk.

Not enough can be said about conversation. All women love chatting. You can turn on a woman’s sexuality in the most reticent ones with good wholesome conversation. Not small talk, mind you! You need to have done your research and figure out what interests your woman, – from fairy tales to magical realism, economics to astronomy, politics to Kamasutra. I’ve found even talking about food piques a good woman’s interest not to mention what cooking a good meal can do! It’s all about caring, nurturing, and even reading to her at bedtime – works all the time.

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