This is why possessiveness in any form is bad for a relationship

Starting from my grandparents, to my parents, my uncles and aunts and cousins, everyone in my family had love marriages. It goes without saying that I was born to be a romantic, a believer in true love kind of girl.

Just when I had given up on hopes of being in love again (after a error-ridden relationship), I found this guy, miles away from me. We were in different cities back then. But when we got talking and bonding, I realised how much I wanted to be with him. It was not love at first sight though. I had known him for quite some time before moving out of the city, but never really felt about him that way till I moved out. I was working hard and was happy where I was, but the thought of being close to him never really left my mind.

Let’s try this

Gradually he started persuading me to come back and after weeks of requesting and pleading, I gave in. I decided to go back. Convincing my parents wasn’t a tough task and in a few days I was back to my old city, my home away from home. When I saw him at the station waiting for me, I was overjoyed. We hugged and there I was in the cab, sitting beside him, still not knowing how much of a good decision it was!

It marked the beginning of the happiest phase of my life.

possessive woman
We stayed in two ends

Neither of us confessed our love for each other, we just knew there was something brewing between us.

The problem was that even in the same city, we stayed in two ends, but he would drive all the way to my place on weekends and spend the weekend with me. Those days felt like a dream. Even when we weren’t talking or making love, the silences were comfortable too. I could just sit beside him for hours, with my head on his shoulder.

My guy had told me long back that he was a possessive kind of person and he couldn’t share his loved ones with anyone. Very well aware of the fact, I decided to go ahead with him, because I was very sure of our mutual feelings. My ex was not at all possessive, so this was a new kind of experience for me and boy, it did make me feel good!

I have faith in you

My last relationship ended partly because of my possessive nature as we stayed in different cities, and my boyfriend was not very vocal or expressive about his feelings. I would always be worried what’s going on in his mind, and that led to numerous fights. With this guy, I never even felt the possessive streak in me. He was and still is, the most caring guy I have ever come across. Fiercely loyal, extremely hot (*winks*), highly committed. I had a very tight work schedule, and we couldn’t meet or even talk every day. But even a brief exchange of 2-3 texts would be enough for me, because I knew that during the course of those messages, I was on his mind.

I never felt the need to worry about where or who he was with, or why hadn’t he called me today.

Sounds perfect, right? Well, turns out it was not.

Don’t you care?

He would always complain how I wasn’t ‘possessive’ enough about him, how I didn’t ask him where he is. Initially I found it weird, but would always tell myself that it’s hard to find a guy who’s so concerned. I would always explain to him that I don’t feel that possessiveness. I would sit down and tell him how protective I was about him, how I wouldn’t tolerate a word against him and how I would always defend him and be with him in times good and bad, but I couldn’t really be that person who has to know “who’s the girl in the picture, why has she tagged you in her photos” etc.

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong
I couldn’t figure out what was wrong

Related reading: I’m over possessive and jealous that my boyfriend finds a certain celebrity hot

These conversations gradually turned into arguments and then fights and then miserable fights. The love was still very much there, the loyalty and commitment were there, but I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Gradually, I started finding this pressure of having to be the ‘ideal girlfriend’ too much to take. I tried reasoning with him how this is affecting our relationship, but none of it worked. I told him that just the way I had accepted him despite his ‘possessive’ streak without any complaints, I expect him to accept me for the lack of it.

Happier apart

And one day after a huge fight, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I need to be in a positive space of mind all the time, else I cannot function properly. I took a train in the middle of the fight and went back home. He tried a lot to make things okay, and I totally appreciate and respect his efforts, but I was sure of the end of it.

We are extremely good friends now, and I still love him. And he loves me too, I know that. But we are so much happier now. We are in different cities again, this time he left. But not a day goes by when he doesn’t call me up. I’m in a very happy space right now, not seeing anyone and so is he. Sometimes I do wish that things had worked out for us. I never thought my love wouldn’t be enough for him!

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