Have you ever wondered why women have more ‘relationship’ issues than men?
Why, even on this website (which incidentally is in the clutches of mostly, women) the majority of issues – are of the women by the women and for the women.
Is it a conspiracy?
I smell a conspiracy to malign the image of the oppressed men, living under fancy titles as ‘husbands’ or ‘steady boyfriends’.
Relationship issues can’t be gender-specific and yet in all those ‘Agony Aunt’ columns it is only the women who have borne the pangs of heartbreak and the villain is always – us men!
Ladies, it takes two to tango and women always have more than enough to fall back on.
You can write to Agony Aunts for therapy and solutions but for us, our Uncles themselves are in agony, chapter closed.
It doesn’t come cheap
Women always find fellow women to listen to their comrades’ issues, share their woes and launch a collective tirade against men.
But for us men, even our BFFs have gone AWOL, offering their shoulders to heart-broken women like you.
Oh, how I hate this skewed male/female sex ratio.
Then, come the rewards of heartbreak-
‘Shopping therapy’. It’s unimaginable that one can find therapy in shopping, but even if men wanted to discover this therapy, we no longer can.
By the time you dumped us, we had turned from Princes to paupers.
You didn’t imagine those fancy restaurants were doling out free langars (food) were you? Or those long drives occurred on ‘flying carpets’ and not fuel-guzzling SUVs, and not to mention the growing frequency with which you had those occasional bad days leading to twice the amount of dough to light up your ‘zero make up’ faces.
In the aftermath, have you ever thought about the tangle of thorns that men get caught in?
Alcohol abuses him, drugs overtake his otherwise sane head and often cheap women pry on his emotional frailties and abuse his jism, which the feminazis conveniently tag as ‘rebound sex’.
If only there was more space on Bonobology for men!
No Papas, please
In a husband-wife tiff, the oft-quoted remark, made by wives to their husbands is “Papa never spoke to me like that.”
Ladies, you don’t get ‘papa’ in such debates and if that was the case then you should have stayed with ‘papa’.
Honestly, in this mythical world of equal sexes, have men ever talked like that?
Imagine men shouting:
“Mommy never bought more curtains than there were windows!”
“Mommy never complained about my burps and farts!”
Yet surprisingly, it is mostly women who have relationship problems.
A recurring theme of such columns is about the ‘schizophrenic’ personalities displayed by husbands.
“My husband’s always cheerful with his friends but at home, he is sad and gloomy.”
How difficult is it to imagine that the problem lies not with him but with you, lady!
Be a friend!
Do you think his friends call and WhatsApp him 125 times a day?
And then when he is finally home, unceremoniously snatch the TV remote and treat him to regressive kitchen politics in TV soaps or make him watch those countless European cooking shows and then feed him tur dal (pulses) and rice?
Do you think his buddies start his weekend by nagging him about the broken washing machine?
Ladies, he is not a schizo, you are a tyrant and in denial.
Ok, another example and this one takes the cake: “I have done so much for him, sacrificed so much yet he does not understand me.”
(But darling, you are not GST, that I have to understand you!)
So to read between the lines, ladies, you have been pursuing love by swimming against Krishna’s eternal laws: “You have the right to action but not to the fruits of action.”
No wonder, for all your sacrifices, all you got was a thengaa.
No understanding required
And lastly, you say he does not understand me!
Hey, please revisit your rosy past and try and discover anyone who understood you!
Your teachers: Highly unlikely; read those report cards again.
Parents: They lie all the time; remember how they tricked you into wearing braces and lied by saying, ‘it looks cute’?
Your BFF’s: Really? Is that why they are such a seasonal commodity?
Ladies, if we don’t ‘understand’ you, then thank your stars, otherwise, you would have lived a very lonely life.
And stop complaining about us, we were the first citizens on this planet.
God first made man and then woman.
P.S. You always make a rough draft first and then create a masterpiece.