Not all marriages are meant to be perfect and a lot of times, even the perfect marriages run their courses a little sooner. Not only is your heart shattered after a divorce, but a woman has to deal with all the peripheral problems that come with it. A marriage falling apart can be a harrowing experience but we give you some ways on how to get back on your feet after a divorce.
Finding a new place, dealing with child custody, alimony payments and all the social judgement does not help the trauma one is already going through. But standing strong and fierce in these harsh winds is the first step to be a strong woman and over come this experience.
How To Start Over And Get Back On Your Feet After Divorce
It is extremely important to have financial freedom after a divorce. Marriage is an institution that economically ties you to another person. Thus when breaking things off, the hardest thing to navigate is the money, payments and alimony.
If you have kids, the stress only doubles because children truly are a huge investment. Finding yourself after divorce, dating again and restarting your life is one thing. But the financial foundations need to be really sound for you to be able to have a decent lifestyle again.
We give you some ways and anecdotes to inspire you if you are struggling with how to get back on your feet after divorce. Trust us, it does not have to be all that difficult. A little perseverance, positivity, determination and belief in oneself can go a long way.
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Building self-confidence when returning to work
“Fear is the biggest challenge,” says Rita, who has begun handling digital marketing for a friend, a domain that’s completely new to her, ten years after she left her job in the automobile sector. She is married and is the mother of a teen.
Interview with Rita
“It’s like I don’t know anything at all. I must think through something as simple as writing a mail, or facing an interview, things that had come naturally when I was working,” she says.
You may not even recognize the job profiles that suit you. As Rita says, “Earlier, I was blind to opportunities. Now that I have taken the first step, I am open to them.”
Her advice? “Be yourself and get on to it, and slowly you will regain things. Bouncing back after divorce depends on how ready you are to take charge and be confident again.”
Back-to-work for divorced women
Through all this, the question of whether you are employable pulls you back.
Look up job opportunities in companies which offer back-to-work programs for women – IBM, Amazon, Facebook, Phillips, Intel – the list is long and it is lengthening.
These companies are re-skilling women employees who return to work, they provide mentorship, and offer flexible opportunities. You will need the last one in particular if you have children. There are millions of opportunities out there for women going back to work.
Related Reading: 21 Tips For A Better Work-Life Balance For Women
Even as you approach these companies, review your qualifications (academic), and skills (your experience and capabilities).If you do not have the basic qualification, which is an undergraduate degree, it is better to complete that first. Yes, bouncing back after divorce might actually take you back to completing your education.
You may want to upskill or reskill yourself. But where do you find the funds to educate yourself when you don’t have a job? Alimony payments, family help, living with family while you stand on your own feet can help. Signing a prenuptial agreement before marriage helps with these things. To secure your future, one has to make the right decisions in the present.
There are also other ways to fund yourself and restart an independent life. Consider part-time or distance learning while you find work.
Will you get a job that matches your skill?
“She is more likely to start at the grade at which she had left, or as a trainee, depending on the length of her break, and if she has had any experience at all,” says Veteran Wing Commander Arun Kaul, former Group Head—Human Resources at Arvind Ltd.
Interview with Commander Kaul
“She needs to have the determination to return to work, it reflects in the confidence she exudes at the interview,” he adds. “She may need to work on her communication and interview skills, and domain knowledge. How to get back on your feet after divorce is about self development as well.”
- It helps to have a supportive friend or a recruitment consultant or coach who can guide you through these skills and interview trends.
- You may want to look at vocational training for jobs that match your interests. For example, a course in technical writing can get you a foothold into documentation teams in IT companies. Symbiosis offers one. Polishing communication and presentation skills can get you into customer care or sales roles.
- Look at ways that build craftsmanship, practical experience, and problem-solving. If you are an IT person, working on open source projects can qualify for experience. Working as an intern too helps you get a foothold.
- Don’t forget updating your computer skills, including Word, Excel, PowerPoint at the least.
Related Reading: Financial tips for double income couples
Childcare for working single mothers
Even if your qualifications, skills and job are settled, how do you work when you have children? Good quality childcare is as important, since child custody is generally given to mothers. Bouncing back after divorce is not just about being a great woman but also a great mother.
Family-friendly workplaces and having family caregivers for your children will help you work. For me, it was my in-laws. And for Donna, who is a doctor with two children, it has been her parents. For some, it can be siblings or cousins. For others, it can be a friend or neighbor who would do it for a fee.
If your ex is willing to take care of some parts of the children’s day, or overnights if your job requires travel, work out a schedule with him. After parents divorce, regular overnight stays with dad are best for most young children – all the more reason why you should have an amicable divorce. Divorce and children is a landscape of its own so you must deal with it delicately and pay attention to your kids.
For others, it will be childcare facilities. Assess the place for security, adult-to-child ratio, hygiene before you send your child to one.
Finally, in the matter of children, it’s a frail balance of time and money, one that you will never be at peace with, and that’s life at this point. But return to work, and you will be standing on your feet without uncertainty.
Be patient with yourself, that is most important. Don’t expect to come out of it as a better and happier person overnight. Getting over a divorce takes time. Don’t be bitter, spend time focussing on restructuring your life, nurturing your pursuits and helping your children deal with the change.
Sure it is. Being happily single is not a myth. If you use your energies in self development, you might feel much happier when you leave a marriage that was not nurturing you.