To cover up the abuse my in-laws put me through they’ve told everyone that I am of ‘bad character’

Snigdha Mishra
abused lady

Dear Ma’am,

It’s been a year since I have been married and my life turned totally upside down. It was an arranged marriage.

After marriage, he started neglecting me and maintaining distance from me. In six months we have been intimate only four times. He started embarrassing me in front of his sisters and family. I was made to carry a fake smile. My husband, whom I loved a lot, started treating me like I was a slave to his family or like a servant. I was made to stay in the kitchen. He uses to treat me like I am an untouchable person.
Paid Counselling
I left my career, my aims and things which I loved for my husband, but in return, he gave only terrible pain. He left me alone at a time when I was in depression. He told my parents to take me away and promised me that he will come and take me back, but he never did. As I was in depression I took paracetamol in bulk, but somehow I got saved but my kidney got affected.

As people came to know about my situation, my in-laws, and husband, to save their face tried to defame me by saying that I was a woman of bad character. They did this so that people will not ask them questions or blame them for my condition. They knew that it in our community if a girl’s name has been ruined, people don’t support her. They don’t even bother to know what is the matter. They just make the girl’s life hell. I feel like I am drowning ma’am.

Snigdha Mishra says:

Hello dear lady,

You seem to have fallen for an insensitive person. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes and see how you think like a victim and a martyr and see no way out. You still wait for him and wish for him. Why do you want a man who doesn’t love you and treats you badly? Why did you not look after yourself and leave your job and independence? Marrying someone and loving someone does not mean you have to give up your desires and dreams.

You need to learn to love yourself and stand up for yourself irrespective of people and circumstances.

As far as your husband is concerned, you clearly don’t have to love him just because he’s your husband. One loves someone who has lovable traits and characteristics. If you have a husband whose abusive and disrespects you, what’s love got to do with it?

Change your mental dialogue to yourself. You are your only strength. Self-pity will not take you anywhere, but worsen your self-confidence and break you down further.

Have you been diagnosed with depression or do you think you’re depressed? These are two different things. I assume you took paracetamol as a suicide attempt? What good would that bring? How will ending your life help you?

You need help from a psychologist immediately to manage your emotional upset and get out stronger from this experience.

I cannot comment on what society and people say about women. What is important is what you think and say about yourself.

Please seek counselling immediately.

All the best!

Crimes of passion – When anger takes over the mind!

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Simran Ahuja May 30, 2018 - 11:39 am

Dear Ms Mishra,

I couldn’t agree more to every single word of advice given by you to the young lady. “Marrying someone and loving someone does not mean you have to give up your desires and dreams.” This is one simple and basic funda which a lot of women fail to understand. I have seen not one but many women closely living the life of a victim and giving the power to abuse to their partners and their families. The day we learn to say NO, things will change!

Simran Ahuja May 30, 2018 - 7:19 am

Dear Ms.Mishra,

I am your fan for this! “Marrying someone and loving someone does not mean you have to give up your desires and dreams. You need to learn to love yourself and stand up for yourself irrespective of people and circumstances.” Something so basic and simple is not understood b women. I don’t understand why love has to be equated with sacrifices and being mahaan by leaving everything behind? A husband who cannot take a stand for you and in-laws who abuse, deserve the big old middle finger called divorce. Just walk out! I have seen many colleagues and friends closely, going through shit but doing nothing about it than just sit and cry. Common women! You are stronger than that.. take a stand, be bold.

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