Q: I’ve been in an open relationship. It’s been one year. But in between I had fallen in love with him and I let him know. He said we will give a try and one month later he said he lost the spark and he is looking for a partner who can complement him emotionally and intellectually. Later we decided to give a second chance. A few days later I understood he is just lying to me. What do I do?
A: To convince someone to like you and be with you can be desirable, but often a difficult and demeaning ordeal. Love and relationships thrive when people want to be in them selfishly, that is, when they see self-interest in them, when they answer questions like “How does this make ME feel?” “How does this person and my relationship with them nourish ME?”
Related reading: Indian gods teach us about mutual respect in relationships
Selfless favours or external encouragement rarely serve to make a strong foundation for a romantic relationship. Open and monogamous relationships, both have been observed to follow the same principles at their core. From the sound of it, it does seem like the boy likes you, cares for you and finds you sexually attractive. All the above points are generally essential for a romantic relationship, but they are not enough. They can add to a lot of fulfilment with a person, but may not completely make someone confident of being with you romantically.
It is important that you talk to him, with the points which I talked about alive at the back of your mind, and tell him how you feel. Accepting these less talked about truths about love will help you gain the confidence of accepting the outcome of your talk with him, whatever it may be. Being vulnerable in front of him may not be a bad idea.