Having a selfish husband is a reality, I learned it just the other day when I was traveling in the Mumbai locals, as I eavesdropped on the conversation of two homely wives. They were engaged in a series of allegations against their husbands. While one said how her husband had stopped paying attention to her in bed. The other said, ‘My husband is selfish as he refuses to pitch in with household chores.’
Both of them agreed that for some reason, their husbands had gone from ‘caring men’ they had married to ‘selfish people’. I kept wondering did caring men actually become selfish husbands? Or were they simply married to selfish men from the very beginning? Either way, I figured, having a selfish husband could make a woman’s marital life very challenging.
It doesn’t take a major in psychology to know that selfishness is not abnormal. We are all selfish at some point in our lives. This selfish behaviour is manifested in different situations and actions. However, when it comes to relationships, what if the other person only takes and never gives back? Life can become suffocating and frustrating.
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Why Do Husbands Become Selfish?
It is probably an inherent trait that drives a man to look out for himself first. Or it could be certain developments in life that make him feel like he needs to prioritize himself so that others prioritize him too. There could be a number of reasons for which he has become a selfish husband:
- Childhood: The roots of selfishness can be traced back to childhood. For instance, being a single child sometimes could lead to the person never having learned how to share anything from food to books to toys. Similarly, those with siblings could be extremely quarrelsome over certain things. As a result of that insecurity, complexes could form at a young age
- Birth of a child: When a couple has a child, it’s only natural for the woman’s attention to be focused on her newborn baby. This can leave the husband feeling left out. He constantly craves and demands attention and this can often translate into extremely selfish behavior
- Work stress: Every marriage gets monotonous after a point. When the husband is under extreme stress at the office, he starts expecting and demanding more at home. When he is unable to have his needs met, the disappointment eventually grows into a disregard for others. And he becomes a selfish husband
- Male chauvinism: Some men have stereotypical mindsets due to their upbringing and cultural influences. He always wants to have an upper hand in everything and fights to have a superior position. They simply cannot tolerate when wives are ambitious or have flourishing careers. This results in their narcissistic attitude and gives rise to an inferiority complex that causes them to lash out
Related Reading: 13 Signs You Are The Selfish One In The Relationship
15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband You Cannot Miss
The choices your husband makes, both in his life and relationship with you as well as his behavior with others is a reliable way to evaluate the signs of a selfish partner. Given below are the top signs of a selfish husband. Dear ladies, take note. It’s time you seriously consider your worth and try to resolve the situation. Dear men, if you are reading this, it’s time you try correcting yourselves and save your marriage:
1. Doesn’t take interest in your interests
A selfish husband doesn’t bother about your interests, dreams, and aspirations. He isn’t a patient listener and rarely pays attention to you while all the while expecting you to listen to him. He is only concerned about what his needs are even when it comes to matters related to your family or your sex life.
For instance, if your life partner leads with the assumption that his career is more important and expects you to follow him around wherever his work takes him, you’re not wrong in thinking ‘my husband is selfish’.
2. He is always the boss
A husband who is selfish will always want things his way. He is likely to be extremely dominating and unwilling to compromise on even the smallest matters. He would want things to be done exactly to his liking and his actions will resemble that of a control-freak. You may even see him lashing out if things aren’t done according to him. He wants the perfect food, perfect bed linen, the towels in place and his wardrobe in order.
He is extremely arrogant and can be very rude when things aren’t done his way. If you find yourself living with the realization ‘my husband thinks he does nothing wrong‘, it’s a typical sign that you’re dealing with a selfish husband.
3. He is always focused on himself
Selfish people are extremely immersed in themselves. So, one of the classic signs of a selfish husband is he’d hold himself in high regard and has extremely high self-esteem. You won’t find him even considering your opinion on trivial matters. For instance, if you’re going out to dinner, he’ll decide the place on his own. Once you’re at the restaurant, he may go ahead and order for you as well without even thinking of asking about your preferences. Even when buying you gifts he will never ask what you want.
To his mind, he isn’t doing anything wrong because he thinks he knows best. Besides, he is so preoccupied with thinking about what works best for him.
Related Reading: 8 Signs You Have A Controlling And Manipulative Husband
4. A selfish husband never says sorry
Selfish people in a relationship always find a way to blame their partners for any conflict that takes place. They almost never take time to introspect and reflect on their behavior. Thus, never realize that problem may lie with them.
They are not receptive to criticism and lash out if their partner calls them out on their mistakes. Besides, they’re convinced that whatever they do is correct. So, ‘sorry’ is not a word in their dictionary. Never expect them to say sorry to you with flowers. Do you constantly live with the feeling that ‘my husband thinks he does nothing wrong ‘? Are you the one who has to make up after every fight and disagreement no matter who is at fault?
The voice in your head screaming ‘my husband is selfish’ is absolutely on point.
5. He never thanks you
Who doesn’t want a little bit of appreciation in a relationship? But lady, you are unlucky if your husband is an inconsiderate being. Your selfish partner doesn’t appreciate your efforts.
He cannot see the little things you do to make him happy. You will never hear him thanking you for your efforts. He thinks taking you for granted is his birthright. As long as you don’t put your foot down and assert yourself, this pattern is not going to change.
6. He doesn’t reach out after a fight
A selfish person almost inevitably has certain narcissistic tendencies, which fuel their desire to always be on the winning side. At the end of an argument, he will be unwilling to initiate resolving the fight. That’s because he just doesn’t have the ability to think about how his actions have affected you.
Chances are you will always have to be the one approaching him first after a fight in the hopes of making amends.
7. A selfish husband always criticizes you
As a loving husband, your partner should be bringing out the best in you by showing you the error of your ways and encouraging you to be the best version of yourself.
But, there is a huge difference between correcting and criticizing. If your partner is always belittling you and making you feel worthless, these are traits of a selfish husband. From nitpicking at your ability to run a household to making light of your professional dreams and aspirations, his criticism will be aimed at putting you down and not lifting you up.
This can leave you with a dented self-esteem unless you learn to disassociate your self-worth from his opinions of you.
8. He doesn’t compliment you
Women love to put effort into their appearances and expect this to be acknowledged. Besides, they put in so much effort into turning a house into a cozy nest. A lot of work and effort goes into it, day in and day out. Wouldn’t it be nice if your spouse would appreciate all the little things that make you admirable? Be it your looks, your efforts to keep the household functional or your professional achievements.
Compliments are always received well and hold even more value when they come from your man. A little admiration with words like ‘you look beautiful today’ can make your day. Don’t expect him to buy you a dress because he feels it will look good on you. That’s the last thing on his mind.
If your husband is selfish, it is possible that he almost never compliments you for your work or how you look.
9. He avoids communication
For a relationship to thrive, open communication is key. Good communication doesn’t necessarily mean talking for hours on end. It is simply about being able to express your thoughts honestly and openly to your spouse. Having a selfish husband means being stuck with stunted communication in your marriage.
Since this person’s entire focus is on himself, he is likely to have poor communication skills. You can say ‘my husband is selfish’ with certainty if you are unable to share your worries and concerns with him.
What is the value of staying in a bond, if two people don’t understand each other well? Selfish people always find excuses for walking out of conversations.
10. No displays of affection
As they say, ‘A warm hug can make everything all right’. Cuddling with each other, holding hands, resting on your hubby’s shoulders, or looking into each others’ eyes are all small gestures that increase the intimacy in a relationship. However, with a self-centered spouse, such displays of affection are few and far between. He would get back home with a soft toy for sure.
He may be open to the idea of you showering him with love, affection, and adulation. But reciprocating them is a concept alien to him. Being married to such a man can be akin to being stuck in a loveless marriage.
11. Sex is all about him
Sexual intimacy is an important part of marital life. However, this intimacy is a lot more than just satisfying your carnal urges. It’s an expression of love – that is why it’s called lovemaking. It’s about understanding the deepest recesses of each other’s body, which strengthens the connection between two partners. And it’s a give and take of pleasure.
If your husband is only focused on his needs in bed, there is no doubt that he is selfish.
Does your husband demand intimacy like it’s his right? When you’re together, is the act all about him achieving the big O? Does he leave you high and dry once he is done? If yes, you’re right in thinking ‘my husband is selfish’. So heck don’t ever think he would be using sex toys with you and think about your satisfaction.
12. Doesn’t take your advice
Does your husband often make big decisions without consulting you or even without informing you? If yes, then you are with a self-centered person who does not value your opinions or care about your consent. A marriage is about two people building a life together. That requires working together as a team, collaborating and consulting each other on matters big and small.
Now, this doesn’t mean that as life partners you will always be in agreement with each other or support every decision the other person takes. But being able to weigh in is the bare minimum you can expect from your marriage.
Sadly, a selfish husband cannot accord you even the basic courtesy of asking your opinion on matters that impact both your lives.
13. No romantic dates
Spending time together is essential for couples to keep their connection alive and strengthen it even more. A couple should want to go on movie dates or dinners together. Exotic getaways are always an exciting proposition to rev up the spark. He wouldn’t be into it neither will he get you flowers and wine for a romantic evening at home.
If your husband is not on board for any of these activities, it is a cause for concern. It could mean he does not care about spending time together because for him it’s all about ‘he and himself’.
14. A selfish husband is too self-absorbed
If your husband often does not acknowledge your presence whether in public or when it is just the two of you, it could mean that he is too consumed with himself to even acknowledge your presence. Self-centered people tend to think that the sun shines out of their rear and they are the center of the universe.
Due to this attitude, you may find that your husband conveniently forgets to include you in his plans or inform you about his whereabouts. When you do point out these tendencies to him, he cannot see what all the fuss is about. That’s because selfish husbands often do not care for their wives’ times and live their lives on their own accord.
15. Unaware that relationship is growing unhealthy
Which couple doesn’t fight? Disagreements and arguments are completely normal in a relationship. But sensing that your relationship is going bad and trying to mend things is a crucial step for recovery. A selfish husband will be too absorbed in himself to realize your relationship is turning sour.
You may keep trying to salvage the relationship or sweep issues under the carpet for the sake of harmony. But there is only so much you can do to keep your relationship afloat single-handedly. At some point, you may snap and give up. When that happens, your selfish husband will be taken by surprise. That’s because he has been too self-absorbed to notice that things are going south in your marriage.
Not every marriage is a smooth ride but it is important that both people in the relationship make efforts to better their lives together. Dear couples, sit and communicate about your problems because your marriage and your love for each other is worth all the trouble! If you still cannot sort things out, consult a relationship counselor.
The reasons why husbands start acting selfishly in their marriage can vary. He may just be a selfish person – a trait he may have acquired due to his childhood experience. It could also be a result of male chauvinistic conditioning. Or he may just be too overwhelmed with stress related to work or other life occurrences to care about your needs desires or expectations.
Husbands can ignore their wives for a host of reasons. To decipher why it is happening in your marriage, you need to analyze whether he has always been like this or is it a recent tendency. If he has started ignoring you lately but wasn’t like this always, it could be because he is too occupied with work or may have lost interest in you. The possibility of another romantic partner or infidelity can also not be ruled out.
No, it is perfectly normal to dislike – even resent – your husband for being selfish. After all, relationships are a two-way street. And you cannot give love and affection to a partner who is not mindful of your needs and desires.
Hate is an extremely strong and negative emotion. The fact that you’re still living with him despite his selfishness is an indication that you don’t really hate him. But yes, you may feel a strong resentment or contempt toward him. And it is possible to confuse these feelings with hatred.