Having a selfish husband is a reality, I learnt it just the other day when I was travelling in the Mumbai locals, as I eavesdropped on the conversation of two homely wives. They were engaged in a series of allegations against their husbands. While one said how her husband had stopped paying her attention in bed; the other said how he refuses to do any household chores.
Both of them agreed that for some reason, their respective husbands had turned from ‘caring men’ they had married to ‘selfish people’. I kept wondering did caring men actually become selfish husbands? Or were they simply married to selfish men from the very beginning? Either way, I figured, having a selfish husband could make a woman’s marital life very challenging.
It doesn’t take a major in psychology to know that selfishness is not something abnormal, we are all selfish at some point in our lives. This selfish behaviour is manifested in different situations and actions. However, when it comes to relationships, what if the other person only takes and never gives back? Life becomes suffocating and one feels frustrated.
Related Reading: 12 Signs You Have A Selfish Girlfriend
Why do husbands become selfish?
It is probably an inherent trait that drives a man to look out for himself first, or it could be certain developments in life that make him feel like he needs to prioritise himself so that others prioritise him too. There could be a number of reasons for which he has become a selfish husband.
- Childhood: Selfishness is a characteristic roots of which can be traced back to childhood. For instance, being a single child sometimes could lead to the person never having learned how to share. Similarly, those with siblings could be extremely quarrelsome over certain things. As a result of that insecurity complexes could form at an young age.
- Birth of a child: When the wife gets pregnant, all the concentration of the spouse centres upon the newborn and the husband feels left out. He constantly craves and demands attention and this can often translate into extremely selfish behaviour.
- Work stress: Every marriage gets monotonous after a point. When the husband is under extreme stress at the office, he starts expecting and demanding more at home. When he is unable to have his needs met, the disappointment eventually grows into a disregard for others and he becomes a selfish husband.
- Male chauvinism: Some men have stereotypical mindsets due to their upbringing and surrounding culture. He always wants to have an upper hand in everything and fights to have a superior position. They simply cannot tolerate when wives are ambitious or are flourishing in their career. This results in their narcissistic attitude and gives rise to an inferiority complex that causes them to lash out.
Related Reading: 13 Signs You Are The Selfish One In The Relationship
15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband You Cannot Miss
The choices your husband makes, both in his life and relationship with you as well as his behaviour with others is a reliable way to evaluate the signs of a selfish partner. Given below are the top signs of a selfish husband. Dear ladies, make a note. It’s time you seriously consider your worth and try to resolve the situation. Dear men, if you are reading this, it’s time you try correcting yourselves and save your marriage.
1. Doesn’t take interest in your interests
A selfish husband doesn’t bother about your interests, dreams, and aspirations. He isn’t a patient listener and rarely pays attention to you while all the while expecting you to listen to him. He is only concerned about what his needs are even when it comes to matters related to your family or your sex life.
2. He is always the boss
A husband who is selfish will always want things his way. He will be extremely dominating and will be unwilling to compromise on even the smallest matters. He will want things to be done exactly to his liking and will resemble a control-freak. Similarly, he will lash out if things aren’t done according to him.
He is extremely arrogant and can be very rude when things don’t operate his way. The moment there is a deviation, he becomes upset and angry and lashes out at everyone. A typical sign of a selfish husband.
3. He is always preoccupied with his thoughts and interests
He holds himself in high regard and has extremely high self-esteem. Selfish people are extremely immersed in themselves and will not consider your opinion even when it comes to trivial matters like food choices.
Related Reading: 8 Signs You Have A Controlling And Manipulative Husband
4. A selfish husband never says sorry
Selfish people in a relationship always find a way to blame their partners for any conflict that takes place. They almost never take time to introspect and reflect on their behaviour and thus never realize the issue is with them.
They are not receptive to criticism and will lash out if the partner calls them out on their mistakes. They feel as if whatever they do is correct. So, ‘sorry’ is not a word in their dictionary.
5. He never thanks you
Who doesn’t want a little bit of appreciation in a relationship? But lady, you are unlucky if your husband is an inconsiderate being. Your selfish partner doesn’t appreciate your efforts.
He cannot see the little things you do to make him happy and you will never hear him thanking you for your efforts. He thinks taking you for granted is his birthright. Have you ever thought if you are being taken for granted unduly?
6. Doesn’t come to console you after a fight
A narcissistic person always wants to be on the winning side. At the end of an argument, he will be unwilling to initiate resolving the fight and will not think about how his actions have affected you.
Chances are you will always have to be the one approaching him first after a fight in the hopes of making amends.
7. A selfish husband always criticizes you
As a loving husband, your partner should be bringing out the best in you by showing you the error of your ways and encouraging you to be the best version of yourself.
But, there is a huge difference between correcting and criticizing. If your partner is always belittling you and making you feel worthless, these are traits of a selfish person.
8. He doesn’t compliment you
Ladies love to put effort into their appearance and expect this to be acknowledged. Compliments are always received well and hold even more value when they come from your man.
A little admiration like, “Today you look beautiful” just makes your day. If your husband is selfish, it is possible that he almost never compliments you for your work or how you look.
9. Avoids communication
For a relationship to thrive, open communication is key. Good communication doesn’t necessarily mean talking for hours at end but it is simply about being able to address an issue honestly and openly with your spouse.
If your husband is selfish, it is likely he has poor communication skills and you are unable to share your worries and concerns with him.
What is the value of staying in a bond, if two people don’t understand each other well? Selfish people always find excuses for walking out of conversations.
10. No mushy-mushy cuddling
There goes an old saying, ‘A warm hug can make everything alright’. Cuddling each other, holding hands, resting on your hubby’s shoulders or looking into each others’ eyes are all small gestures that increase the intimacy in a relationship.
If your husband is unwilling to do any of these actions with you, it could mean that his feelings towards you are dwindling.
11. Sex is what is more important to him
Is your partner only interested in having sex with you? Does he leave right after? Does he only engage in the conversation when it leads to sex? This could be indicators that your partner is only interested in sex and lacks any other sort of attachment to you.
12. Doesn’t take your advice
Does your husband often make big decisions without consulting you or at times even without informing you? If yes, then you are with a self-centred person who does not care for your input.
Your husband should want to hear your opinion and take it into consideration when making decisions. This is vital for a healthy relationship. It is so obvious you are dealing with a selfish partner here.
13. No romantic dates or shopping
Spending time together during the holidays is a good way for couples to bond. Exotic getaways are always exciting and if your husband is unwilling to plan any trips with you it is cause for concern.
The couple should want to go on movie dates or dinners together and if your partner doesn’t, it could mean he does not care about spending time together.
14. A selfish husband thinks he is the only one on the planet
If your husband often does not acknowledge your presence whether in public or if it is just the two of you, it could mean that he is too consumed with himself to care about you.
If your husband is careless about informing you of their whereabouts or including you in their plans, this is worrying behaviour. Selfish husbands often do not care for their wives times and live their lives on their own accord.
15. Unaware that relationship is growing unhealthy
Which couple doesn’t fight? Disagreements and arguments are completely normal in a relationship. But sensing that your relationship is going bad and trying to mend things is a crucial step for recovery. A selfish husband will be too absorbed in himself to realize your relationship is turning sour.
Not every marriage is a smooth ride but it is important that both people in the relationship make efforts to better their lives together. Dear couples, sit and communicate about your problems because your marriage and your love for each other is worth all the trouble! If you still cannot sort things out, consult a relationship counsellor.