Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband And Why Is He Like That?

selfish husband

Having a selfish husband is a reality. I learned about it just the other day when I was traveling in the Mumbai locals, as I eavesdropped on the conversation of two women. They were engaged in a series of allegations against their husbands. While one said how her husband had stopped paying attention to her in bed, the other said, “My husband is selfish as he refuses to pitch in with household chores.” As the two discussed these signs of an uncaring husband, I could not help but sympathize with them.

Both of them agreed that for some reason, their husbands had gone from the ‘caring men’ that they had married to ‘utterly selfish people’. I kept wondering, did caring men actually become selfish husbands? Or were these women simply married to selfish men from the very beginning? Either way, I figured, having a selfish husband could make a woman’s marital life very challenging.

It doesn’t take a major in psychology to know that selfishness is not abnormal. We are all selfish at some point in our lives. This selfish behavior is manifested in different situations and through our actions. However, when it comes to relationships, what if the other person only takes and never gives back? Life can become very suffocating and frustrating then.

Why Do Husbands Become Selfish?

It is probably an inherent trait or maybe even a zodiac sign weakness that drives a man to look out for himself first. It could also be certain developments in life that make him feel like he needs to prioritize himself so that others prioritize him too. There could be a number of reasons for which he has become a selfish husband:

  • Childhood experiences: The roots of selfishness can be traced back to childhood. For instance, being a single child could sometimes lead to the person never having learned how to share anything from food to books to toys. Similarly, those with siblings could be extremely quarrelsome over certain things. As a result of that insecurity, complexes could form at a young age and further in life, thus making a husband rude and inconsiderate
  • Birth of a child: When a couple has a child, it’s only natural for the woman’s attention to be focused on her newborn baby. This can leave the husband feeling left out. He constantly craves and demands attention and this can often translate into extremely selfish behavior
  • Work stress: Every marriage gets monotonous after a point. When the husband is under extreme stress at the office, he starts expecting and demanding more at home. When he is unable to have his needs met, the disappointment eventually grows into a disregard for others. And he becomes a selfish husband
  • Male chauvinism: Some men have stereotypical mindsets due to their upbringing and cultural influences. He always wants to have an upper hand in everything and fights to have a superior position. They simply cannot tolerate it when their wives are ambitious or have flourishing careers. This results in their narcissistic attitude and gives rise to an inferiority complex that causes them to lash out
Related Reading: 13 Signs You Are The Selfish One In The Relationship

15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband You Cannot Miss

The choices your husband makes, both in his life and relationship with you, as well as his behavior with others, is a reliable way to evaluate the signs of an uncaring husband. Have you ever thought to yourself, “My husband wants everything his way and never takes my opinion into consideration?” If this thought has crossed your mind before, then perhaps you might have a selfish husband on your hands.

Given below are the top signs of an uncaring husband that are commonly observed. Dear ladies, take note of these in case your partner has been ignoring you or if your husband is not being affectionate. It’s time you seriously consider your worth and try to resolve the situation. Dear men, if you are reading this, it’s time you try correcting yourselves and save your marriage:

1. Doesn’t take interest in your interests

A selfish husband doesn’t bother about your interests, dreams and aspirations. He isn’t a patient listener and rarely pays attention to you, all the while expecting you to listen to him. He is only concerned about what his needs are, even when it comes to matters related to your family or your sex life.

For instance, if your life partner leads with the assumption that his career is more important and expects you to follow him around wherever his work takes him, you’re not wrong in feeling, “I hate my selfish husband.”

my husband is selfish
A selfish husband will not care about your feelings

2. He is always the boss

A husband who is selfish will always want things his way. He is likely to be extremely dominating and unwilling to compromise on even the smallest of matters. He would want things to be done exactly to his liking and his actions will resemble that of a control-freak. You may even see him lashing out if things aren’t done according to liking. He wants the perfect food, perfect bed linen, the towels in place and his wardrobe in order.

He is extremely arrogant and can be very rude when things aren’t done his way. His bossy attitude can make your husband rude and inconsiderate toward you too. If you find yourself living with the realization, “My husband thinks he does nothing wrong”, it’s one of the typical signs of an uncaring husband.

3. He is always focused on himself

Selfish people are extremely immersed in themselves. So, one of the classic signs of a selfish husband is he holds himself in high regard and has extremely high self-esteem. You won’t find him even considering your opinion on trivial matters.

For instance, if you’re going out to dinner, he’ll decide the place on his own. Once you’re at the restaurant, he may go ahead and order for you as well without even thinking of asking about your preferences. Even when buying gifts for wife, he will buy you what he likes and never ask you what you want.

To his mind, he isn’t doing anything wrong, because he thinks he knows best. Also, he is rather preoccupied with thinking about what works best for him.

4. A selfish husband never says sorry

Selfish people in a relationship always find a way to blame their partners for any conflict that takes place. They almost never take time to introspect and reflect on their behavior. Thus, they never realize that the problem may lie with them.

They are not receptive to criticism and lash out if their partner calls them out on their mistakes. Besides, they’re convinced that whatever they do is correct. So, ‘sorry’ is not a word in their dictionary. Never expect them to say sorry to you with flowers. Do you constantly live with the feeling that “My husband wants everything his way?” Are you the one who has to make up after every fight and disagreement no matter who is at fault?

The voice in your head screaming “My husband is selfish”, is absolutely on point.

Related Reading: 8 Signs You Have A Controlling And Manipulative Husband

5. He never thanks you

Who doesn’t want a little bit of appreciation in a relationship? But if you have a selfish husband on your hands, he will be as inconsiderate as ever. One of the signs of an uncaring husband is that he doesn’t appreciate your efforts.

He cannot see the little things you do to make him happy. You will never hear him thanking you for your efforts. He thinks taking you for granted is his birthright. How to deal with uncaring husband? As long as you don’t put your foot down and assert yourself, this pattern is not going to change.

6. He doesn’t reach out after a fight

A selfish person almost inevitably has certain narcissistic tendencies, which fuel their desire to always be on the winning side. At the end of an argument, he will be unwilling to initiate a resolution. That’s because he just doesn’t have the ability to think about how his actions have affected you.

Chances are you will always have to be the one approaching him first after a fight in the hopes of making amends.

7. A selfish husband always criticizes you

As a loving husband, your partner should be bringing out the best in you by showing you the error of your ways and encouraging you to be the best version of yourself.

But, there is a huge difference between correcting and criticizing. If your partner is always belittling you and making you feel worthless, these are the traits of a selfish husband. From nitpicking over your ability to run a household to making light of your professional dreams and aspirations, his criticism will be aimed at putting you down and will never be offered in a kind or constructive manner.

This can leave you with a dented self-esteem unless you learn to disassociate your self-worth from his opinions of you. Wondering “Why is my husband so selfish and inconsiderate toward me?” Well, only he can answer that.

8. He doesn’t compliment you

Women love to put an effort into their appearances and expect this to be acknowledged. Besides that, they put in so much effort into turning a house into a cozy nest. A lot of work and effort goes into it, day in and day out. Wouldn’t it be nice if your spouse would appreciate all the little things that make you so admirable and worthy of acknowledgement? Be it your looks, your efforts to keep the household functional or your complete work-life balance.

Compliments are always received well and hold even more value when they come from your man. A little admiration with affirmative words like, “You look beautiful today” can certainly go a long way. Don’t expect him to buy you a dress because he feels it will look good on you. That’s the last thing on his mind.

If your husband is selfish, it is possible that he almost never compliments you for your work or how you look.

9. He avoids communication

For a relationship to thrive, open communication is key. Good communication doesn’t necessarily mean talking for hours on end. It is simply about being able to express your thoughts honestly and openly to your spouse. Having a selfish husband means being stuck with stunted communication in your marriage.

Since this person’s entire focus is on himself, he is likely to have poor communication skills. You can say “My husband is selfish,” with certainty if you are unable to share your worries and concerns with him.

What is the value of staying in a bond, if two people don’t understand each other well? Selfish people always find excuses for walking out of conversations.

Related Reading: 12 Signs You Have A Selfish Girlfriend

10. No displays of affection

As they say, “A warm hug can make everything all right”. Cuddling with each other, holding hands, resting on your hubby’s shoulders, or looking into each others’ eyes are all small gestures that increase the intimacy in a relationship. However, with a self-centered spouse, such displays of affection are few and far between.

He may be open to the idea of you showering him with love, affection and adulation, but reciprocating them is a concept alien to him. Being married to such a man can be akin to being stuck in a loveless marriage.

11. The sex is all about him

After a round in bed have you ever been left questioning, “Why is my husband so selfish and inconsiderate in bed?”

Sexual intimacy is an important part of marital life. However, this intimacy is a lot more than just satisfying your carnal urges. It’s an expression of love — that is why it’s called lovemaking. It’s about understanding the deepest recesses of each other’s body, which strengthens the connection between two partners. And it’s a give and take of pleasure.

If your husband is only focused on his needs in bed, there is no doubt that he is selfish.

Does your husband demand intimacy like it’s his right? When you’re together, is the act all about him achieving the big O? Does he leave you high and dry once he is done? If yes, you’re right in thinking, “My husband is selfish”. And you may as well forget about him ever using new sex toys with you and thinking about your satisfaction.

12. Doesn’t take your advice

Does your husband often make big decisions without consulting you or even without informing you? If yes, then you are with a self-centered person who does not value your opinions or care about your consent. A marriage is about two people building a life together rather than one person thinking, “My husband wants everything his way”. A marriage requires working together as a team, collaborating and consulting each other on matters big and small.

Now, this doesn’t mean that as life partners you will always be in agreement with each other or support every decision the other person takes. But being able to weigh in is the bare minimum you can expect from your marriage.

Sadly, a selfish husband cannot accord you even the basic courtesy of asking your opinion on matters that impact both your lives. Instead he will just end up mansplaining you and taking decisions his own way.

13. No romantic dates

Spending time together is essential for couples to keep their connection alive and strengthen it even more. A couple should want to go on movie dates or dinners together. Exotic getaways are always an exciting proposition to rev up the spark. But one of the signs of an uncaring husband is that he wouldn’t be into this stuff at all and neither will he get you flowers and wine for a romantic evening at home.

If your husband is not on board for any of these activities, it is a cause for concern. It could mean he does not care about spending time together because for him it’s all about he and himself.

husband rude and inconsiderate
If your husband is selfish, it is likely he has poor communication skills

14. A selfish husband is too self-absorbed

Often if your husband does not acknowledge your presence, whether in public or even when it is just the two of you, it could mean that he is too consumed with himself to even care that you are there. This can make your husband rude and inconsiderate toward you. Self-centered people tend to think that the sun shines out of their rear and they are the center of the universe. This can start to make you feel neglected in the relationship.

Due to this attitude, you may find that your husband conveniently forgets to include you in his plans or inform you about his whereabouts. When you do point out these tendencies to him, he cannot see what all the fuss is about. That’s because selfish husbands often do not care for their wives’ times and live their lives on their own accord. It’s no surprise you often think or say things like, “I hate my selfish husband”.

Related Reading: 8 Common “Narcissistic Marriage” Problems And How To Handle Them

15. He is unaware that the relationship is becoming unhealthy

Which couple doesn’t fight? Disagreements and arguments are completely normal in a relationship. But sensing that your relationship is going bad and trying to mend things is a crucial step for recovery. A selfish husband will be too absorbed in himself to realize your relationship is turning sour.

You may keep trying to salvage the relationship or sweep issues under the carpet for the sake of harmony, but there is only so much you can do to keep your relationship afloat single-handedly. At some point, you may snap and give up. When that happens, your selfish husband will be taken by surprise. That’s because he has been too self-absorbed to notice that your marriage is on the rocks.

Not every marriage is a smooth ride, but it is important that both people in the relationship make efforts to better their lives together. Dear couples, sit and communicate about your problems because your marriage and your love for each other is worth all the trouble! If you still cannot sort things out, consult a relationship counselor from Bonobology’s panel.

Good Luck!


1. Why do husbands become selfish?

The reasons why husbands start acting selfishly in their marriage can vary. He may just be a selfish person – a trait he may have acquired due to his childhood experiences. It could also be a result of male chauvinistic conditioning. Or he may just be too overwhelmed with work related stress or other life occurrences to care about your needs, desires or expectations.

2. Why do husbands ignore their wives?

Husbands can ignore their wives for a host of reasons. To decipher why it is happening in your marriage, you need to analyze whether he has always been like this or it is a recent tendency. If he has started ignoring you lately, but wasn’t always like this, it could be because he is too occupied with work or may have lost interest in you. The possibility of another romantic partner or infidelity can not be ruled out either.

3. Is it normal to dislike your selfish husband?

Yes, it is perfectly normal to dislike – even resent – your husband for being selfish. After all, relationships are a two-way street. And you cannot give love and affection to a partner who is not mindful of your needs and desires.

4. Do I hate my husband because he is so selfish?

Hate is an extremely strong and negative emotion. The fact that you’re still living with him despite his selfishness is an indication that you don’t really hate him. But yes, you may feel a strong resentment or dislike toward him. And it is possible to confuse these feelings with hatred.

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Readers Comments On “Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband And Why Is He Like That?”

  1. Husband buys himself a luxury SUV brand new while wife is driving a 16 year old car with no air. Is this selfish on his part? Does she have the right to be upset especially when he’s always pleading poor mouth…

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