The other day when I was travelling in the Mumbai locals, I eavesdropped on the conversation of two homely wives. They were engaged in a series of allegations against their husbands .While one said how her husband had stopped giving her attention in the bed; the other said how he refuses to any household chores.
Both of them agreed that for some reasons, their respective husbands had turned from ‘caring man’ they married to ‘a selfish person’. That day, something kept me pondering. I kept on thinking what might be the causes.
It doesn’t take a major in psychology to know that selfishness is not something abnormal . We are all selfish at some or the other point in life. This selfish behavior is manifested through different situations and intensities. But when it comes to relationships, what if the other person only takes and takes and never bothers to give back? Life becomes suffocating at a certain point.
Why do husbands become selfish?
It is probably an inherent trait that drives a man to look out for himself first, or it could be certain developments in life that make him feel if he needs to priortise himself so that others priortise him as well.
- Childhood: Selfishness is a characteristic which has its roots in the very childhood. Being a single child sometimes, the person doesn’t learn sharing . And when there are siblings, he fights over things and sometimes develops an insecurity complex. These reasons at times are the primary cause of a person who becomes ego-centric in future
- Birth of a child: When the wife gets pregnant, all the concentration of the spouse centers upon the new born and the husband feels left out. He constantly craves and demands attention
- Work stress: Every marriage gets monotonous after a particular point. When a husband is under extreme stress at the office, he starts expecting and demanding something new and exciting. The disappointment eventually grows into a preoccupation with self
- Male chauvinism: Some men have typical male attributes. He always wants to have an upper hand in everything and fights to have a superior position. He cannot simply tolerate or rather becomes insecure when wives are ambitious or are flourishing in their career. This results in their narcissistic attitude
15 signs of a selfish, self-absorbed husband
The choices your husband makes either in his life or in the relationship and also his behavior when he is with you are the reliable indicators of a selfish partner. Given below are the top signs of a selfish husband. Dear ladies, make a note. Its time you seriously consider your worth and try sorting things out. Dear men, if you are reading this, its time you try correcting yourselves and save your marriage.
1. Doesn’t take interest in your interests
A selfish husband doesn’t bother about your requirements, your dreams, and aspirations. He isn’t a patient listener to your expectations, though he always expects you to listen to him. He is only concerned about what he wants, let it be family issues or your sex life.
2. He is always the boss
A husband who is self-indulged always wants things his way. He is always domineering and takes everything under his control. He is extremely arrogant and can be very rude when things don’t operate his way.
3. He is always preoccupied with his thoughts and interests
He has a higher self –esteem. Selfish people are utmost individualists, either in sex, food choices or even other trivial matters.
4. He never says sorry
He doesn’t beg you an apology. Selfish people in a relationship always find the fault in their partners. They are thoughtless to look through their faults. They feel as if whatever they do is correct. So, ‘sorry’ is definitely not a word in their dictionary.
5. He never thanks you
Who doesn’t want a little bit of appreciation in a relationship? But lady, you are unlucky if your husband is an inconsiderate being. Your selfish partner doesn’t appreciate your efforts. He cannot see the little things you do to make him happy.
Related reading: 15 signs your spouse takes you for granted
6. Doesn’t come to console you after a fight
A narcissistic person always wants to be on a winning side. He doesn’t even give an ear to what you have to say. At the end of an argument, he is unmotivated to patch-up and doesn’t even bother to look back and see how you feel.
7. He always criticizes you
It’s the duty of either of the one in a bond to show where the other is right or wrong. He should hold the hands of his significant other and help her correct her mistakes. But there is a huge difference between correcting and criticizing. Always belittling the other is the trait of a cynic and selfish person.
8. He doesn’t compliment you
Ladies love to deck themselves up. And when compliments shower, it feels great, right? Especially when it’s from you man. A little admiration like, “ Today my girl looks beautiful” just makes your day. If your husband is a selfish one, he either disdains you or doesn’t care to make an effort to make you feel special.
9. Avoids communication
The only string that keeps a relationship strong is nothing else, but communication. Communication doesn’t mean talking for long hours. It’s about knowing and understanding each other to the fullest. What is the value of staying in a bond, if two people don’t understand each other well? Selfish people always find excuses for walking out of conversations.
10. No mushy-mushy
There goes an old saying, ‘A warm hug can make things alright’ . It sets aptly in every relationship. Cuddling each other, holding hands, resting on your hubby’s shoulders looking into each others’ eyes; all these things are the small gestures that add up to the strength and intimacy of your bond. If your husband doesn’t do all these kinds of stuff, he is too coldhearted.
11. Sex is what is more important to him
Does your partner always walks out after sex or turns his and sleep after sex? Well, beware. Sex is the only form of communication he wants to have with you.
Related reading: Signs that you are married to a sexaholic
12. Doesn’t take your advice
Does it happen often that your husband makes big decisions without asking or even sharing with you? You are with a self- centered person then. The lady of the house has the rightful say over things and can share ideas. It is the responsibility of the husband to value their opinions as well.
13. No romantic dates or shopping
There should always be getaways planned in relations, lest the relationship becomes boring. The couple should go for movie dates, shopping, holidays or just go dance in the pubs. If your partner doesn’t entertain any of these with you, good luck to you!
14. He thinks he is the only one on the planet
Selfish is the word for the husbands who overlook their wives’presence even. They return at whichever time they want, without realizing there is the other person waiting at home. Whether it is TV or food, the other doesn’t exist.
15. Unaware that relationship is growing unhealthy
Which couple doesn’t fight? Disagreements and arguments are completely normal in a relationship. But sensing that your relationship is going bad and trying to mend things is the most important step. But if your partner doesn’t even realize your bond is getting uneven, he is too absorbed in himself and you are nowhere in the picture.
Not every marriage is a smooth ride. But its two people to have to make efforts to make it smooth. Dear couples, sit and communicate about your problems because your marriage and your love for each other is worth all the efforts. If you still cannot sort things out, consult a relationship counselor.