Counselling

I used to be rude and irritated with my husband and now he has found someone else. What do I do?

I couldn’t change myself in time and now my husband is seeking divorce from me.
woman crying badly

Question:

Dear Ma’am,

I got married 3 years ago. It’s a love marriage. We were in a relationship for 8 years before that. It was an inter-caste marriage. After our marriage, my husband felt that my behaviour towards him has changed. I mean I was rude to him in all senses; not speaking well, always irritated, keeping him away from me whenever he needs me. He kept telling me to change myself and I also tried but I didn’t improve. He started thinking of divorce.

I didn’t do it intentionally but it all happened. Later on, when I started feeling that he is moving away from me I started changing myself. But he said now it’s too late. He got into a relationship with some other women during the last one year. He no longer loves me now. He wants a divorce.

He wants to settle with a girlfriend after marrying her. She (that girl) is also married and both have told their parents. The girl’s own husband does not want her to leave, but she is not able to stop talking to my husband.

My husband’s parents are also not allowing him to divorce me. They are telling him to give me a chance and stop talking to his girlfriend. We are living together but in all the ways he is trying to frustrate me, so that I leave him.

He is saying that he can’t recover his life with me and wants to marry her. She has taken a stand against her husband and parents only for his love. We live together but he maintains a distance from me all the time at home. He is not talking to me, just trying his way to spoil the relationship. He told his parents that he doesn’t want to stay with me. I want to make up the things because I love him. Help me!

Relationship counselling

Related reading: His wife is pregnant, yet he wants to continue his affair with me

Prachi Vaish says:

Dear Lady,

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time.[restrict] I can imagine that it must be very painful losing your husband to someone else. However, sometimes in relationships the boat sails so far away that it is nearly impossible to bring it back. That’s what has happened to yours, it seems.

Also, a couple relationship requires investment from both partners and sometimes if one partner becomes completely detached, the effort doubles; sometimes it yields results, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes when the human heart moves on, it doesn’t look back.

You can try to hold a family meeting along with your husband and in-laws or have a heart-to-heart with him privately and request him for one last chance and decide a timeline (let’s say 3 months) and tell him that if he doesn’t want to continue with the marriage at the end of that period, you’ll bow out.

See, from his point of view, he now feels committed to the other woman who is willing to break her marriage too for him, so drawing him away from someone with whom he thinks he has found love is going to be torture for everyone. The most dignified thing to do here is to become your husband’s friend again, rehash what went wrong in your relationship, get rid of the bitterness and rebuild a bond such that even if you part ways, it’s on an amicable note.

I wish you all the best.
Prachi
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