I am a 42-year-old married woman with one kid. My marriage, though outwardly smooth, has had no emotional connect for the large part of it. I have felt lonely and bereft of any emotional succour and just went with the flow so far. Since it is a long-distance marriage we meet once or twice a year.
All this changed at the onset of summer, this year. In the run-up of my creative pursuits, I bumped into someone who was always at the periphery of my life. He swept me off my feet with his love and empathy. Our souls connected in unimaginable ways and though he too is much married with a kid, we are convinced as of now, that we are soul mates.
We are soul mates but how much does he desire me?
At 42, both of us know this is a rare and incredible gift. Though in conventional ways of the world, we might never have a future, one thing we never have to worry about is not being loved.
My concern is his ability to separate love from desire. Please note over here that he has had a long history of sexual escapades with women, post-marriage since he says the marriage was a failure. It is only in the last 5 years that he has devoted himself to his creative passions and led a more or less life of abstinence. He has sowed his wild oats and now as if he has calmed down on a different level.
He does not feel the urge to meet me often
It would be wise to mention here that this is not a physical issue. We have had one escapade and it would suffice to say he is a man amongst boys. His lovemaking skills coupled with his love and tenderness is the stuff romance novels are made of. He has told often enough that all that I need to do is look at him to turn him on. Yet, I do not feel he desires it as much as emotional connect.
We live in different cities and I feel he does not feel the urge to meet me often, though he would talk for hours every day.
I find that where desires are concerned I am the only one craving for it. If his love is so strong, should he too not feel the urge to desire me? This disconnect between love and desire, on his part, is driving me insane and I wish to have some sort of clarity on this issue. Talking to him has not yielded any result so far.
You have a long-distance marriage and you also have a long-distance relationship with the other man. Am I correct?
You wrote that he’s had his escapades with different women and now he’s leading a life of abstinence. You also mentioned he has clarity of thought.
So where is the confusion? He seems to be clear.
Is it sexual desire?
When you speak of desire, do you mean sexual desire? Have you explored each other’s expectations from this relationship? What’s it you’re looking for? How do you see each other in this relationship?
You need clarity
Moreover, why are you in this relationship? What are you gaining? What are you giving? What is your current status with him? How do you, if at all see a future?
These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself because you’ve stated talking to him has yielded no result.
All the best!