Q: I got married last March. It was a love marriage with strong opposition from his parents. Some hard decisions forced them to accept our relationship and finally we got married. On the first night my husband felt very guilty for hurting his parents and threatened me to do something great for them. I quit my job because he did not want me to go to another city on transfer for my government job. He also hit me. What can I do?
A: I understand that it must be a very painful and confusing time for you. As someone who is looking from the outside in, I would say that any kind of physical abuse, however small and whatever the reason, is not to be ignored and is grounds enough for breaking up the relationship. He has been threatening you with consequences if you do not do what he asks you to do and taking freedom away from you to make your own life decisions. To me it clearly is an abusive situation such that I would move away from him and the situation as soon as I could, regardless of what you have gone through to get married to him.
You would have to be, I imagine, strong to deal with three major emotions, guilt, shame and anxiety. Guilt for leaving someone you loved and worked so hard to be with against everyone else’s desires. Shame for ‘What will people say?’ and anxiety about ‘What will I do without him?’, and ‘What next?’ is also something that is necessary to plan for.
I would highly recommend that you gather support from friends and family and speak to a counsellor and lawyer as soon as you can. I wish you all the courage you’d need to go through this tough situation.