There is such a lot of chatter today about commitment. What do you do when you want to work at a relationship but haven’t the foggiest how to make it work, because just face it, your track record sucks. Having dealt with a broken marriage, not wanting to tread down the path of happy ever after again, and my fair share of good, bad and not so cool relationships, I am faced with ridicule by friends. While some of the relationships were amazing, most of them were not at all appealing. Here is my take on the weirdest suggestions by well-meaning friends who had (still have) my best interests at heart.
“So, Yasmin, how about meeting this really nice guy. He is just right for you. Can I give him your number and you can chat?” is what this well-meaning friend asked. I never encouraged her, let me tell you, but just to humor her, went with the flow. Guess she did not like the idea of me being single (she still frowns on it) while she has tied the knot again and is quite happy – she wants me to be happy too. I love her for her energy. I give into her suggestion, talk to the guy. He seemed nice, but when some of his ideas were rather archaic, I nipped it in the bud. Why waste my time dressing up, going out and having to indulge in insane conversations with a stick in the mud? His ideas are okay for him, but so not my cup of tea. Sorry, Vee.
Another friend (male) is constantly on my case to meet him, for a drink. But when it is too much to indulge with his need to change the situation to a friend with benefits scenario, he blocks me. Honestly, why rock the boat when being friends is so much cooler. Ho hum! I am so over wanting to be a friend with someone who has ulterior motives. Whatever became of being friends with someone from the opposite sex without sex being on the table? Oh well!
Then another male friend, asks, “How about we go on a holiday and get to know each other?”. “Don’t I already know you?” I ask, “We are friends man!” Like I need to go on holiday when there is absolutely no chemistry and I do not want to know his biology and its avatars. Get the drift man, I say. I can holiday with family. He does not give up, he wants to accompany us but I am like go away. Now it is my turn to block. He finds a way to get in touch from another number, so I do not answer or have to deal with his insane ‘hello, hello, hello’. Well, goodbye.
Another well-wisher tells me about matrimonial sites, and I do so just to please her and myself. Who knows maybe this old (uh uh) girl may just make it to the altar again. Get to see the characters listed on the site and lo and behold, I see a familiar face of someone supposedly married. Whoa! What’s up? I close down and say adios. Online dating – not on my agenda, yet!
It is now time for an intervention from my friends. I do get that they have my best interests at heart. And I get that having a devoted partner is great. They go on with the same old story of why I need a companion. I say a dog is man’s best friend. They chirp that I am female. Funny friends. They bring on the big one – “What will I do when I am old?”. I let on that I am definitely older (the ’18 Till I Die’ song by Bryan Adams rings in my head), they shake their heads in dismay. You will die an old maid. “But guys, I was married”, I tell them, “remember?” I did have relationships before, and I do love the opposite sex, but I cannot, for the life of me, expect my friends to play matchmaker.
They leave me alone. The conversation with the last friend ended with “You are alone.” And I get it they care about me. But, think about it, at least I get to decide, what suits me and whether I am ready to be tied down.Published in