If you’ve ever wondered, “what does premature ejaculation feel like?”, or are going through it right now, my story can give you the answers you’re looking for. My fight with premature ejaculation has always given me severe problems that I’ve had a hard time looking past. Once the problems start affecting your confidence, it takes a hold of the rest of your life and makes even simple tasks impossible to achieve.
It doesn’t really matter what premature ejaculation feels like, what matters is how it changes the way you think and perceive things. The confidence suddenly plummets to an all-time low and it feels like there’s nothing you can do about it.
Through my premature ejaculation story, I want to tell you about the damage it can do to a man’s confidence and social status. Read on to find out the effect of premature ejaculation and how it made me miserable.
The Problems I’ve Had With Premature Ejaculation
I have been married for 20 years. Sex has been irregular. I am a nervous wreck every time we have sex. For the longest time, I did not know why. In pre-internet times, a premature ejaculation story was hard to come by and I was never really sure about what was happening to me. Things like “what does premature ejaculation feel like? Am I ejaculating too early?” didn’t occur to me, and when they did, I had no answers. Women and men approach sex differently, but I’d much rather avoid it.
When I began dating my girlfriend (now wife), I would often ejaculate during just smooching or petting. I didn’t make much of it then. A few months into my marriage I knew I was not doing it right because I would always orgasm within a minute of penetration and she would never have a proper orgasm from intercourse. We figured out a way to make her orgasm without penetration, so we never really worked on the intercourse part.
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But soon the Internet arrived and I began to research and realized I had primary PE. A lot of things began to make sense. I recalled those early teen escapades in an empty flat with a bunch of boys flipping through porn magazines. We’d wank in the loo and I’d be shocked how long the others took and how quickly I was done.
Premature ejaculation has ruined my relationship
Something so damaging to my self-confidence and our sex life has ended up ruining my mental wellbeing and our relationship. Once I found out I have premature ejaculation, I no longer had to ask “what does premature ejaculation feel like?” I was experiencing it.
I also realized that on our first night a mistake had proven fortunate. I bought a desensitizing jelly instead of KY jelly and that made the first night painless for her and desensitized and therefore longer lasting for me. But no pleasure for either! And pleasure-less it has remained since. The sexless relationship effects were taking hold.
During every session, foreplay becomes the main act, where I do all I can to bring her to orgasm manually. During this phase, I try everything to keep her from stimulating my penis, as it could mean a most unwanted, untimely ejaculation. And I never start intercourse until she asks.
Intercourse usually lasts under a minute with two or three stops. There is not much in it for her, as her rhythm keeps getting broken when I stop. I know she likes it hard and fast, and slow thrusting does not do much for her. So each break is like a little death by shame for me. I am hyper-aware of the clock. I feel every second mock me, every thrust and stop expose me. Arousal ebbs away. Almost all intercourse ends with me muttering sorry. The doggy position offers some relief because she is at least not looking at my anxious face.
Premature Ejaculation Makes Me Feel Less Of A Man
The worst is after play; I dress, avoiding eye contact with her, hoping against hope that someday sex will not be this tense fight against ejaculation. Some day it will be more about pleasure, intimacy, and a sense of manliness. PE has emasculated me. It makes me feel I don’t deserve sex. I don’t have the rights that ‘real men’ do. In the bedroom, I ask for nothing. I am apologetic.
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PE affects me outside the bedroom. In our marriage and family life, she takes the major decisions, as I cannot bring myself to argue or put my point across effectively or stand up for myself during spats. A lifetime of passive behavior has made me angry and resentful.
PE makes me feel small. General female attention stings like a bee. “Oh, God! What if I ever had to sleep with her and she FOUND OUT?” This fear of exposure dominates my interactions with women in general. I feel intimidated. I have nightmares about being paraded naked on the streets with people laughing at me.
PE takes away even the good aggression and assertiveness that is necessary to get by in life without being walked over. At work, I never ask for my due or insist on doing things my way.
There is always a parrot on my shoulder giggling and whispering ‘ loser’ several times a day.
How I’m trying to battle my premature ejaculation
Since the effects of premature ejaculation have taken over other spheres of my life as my work or any social interactions, I knew I had to do something about it. I googled things like “what does premature ejaculation feel like? How to fix premature ejaculation?”
I started going to therapy as well. It was there that I was diagnosed with depression. It didn’t come as much surprise. When I keep struggling with such confidence issues as a result of the effects of premature ejaculation, no wonder I’m depressed. Trying to take steps to correct the issues I’ve let creep into other areas of my life, anti-depressants were prescribed to me.
Over the years I have tried everything from creams to Kegel exercises to pranayam to alcohol. Nothing has really worked for me. Now my psychiatrist has advised me to stop watching porn and promised my anti-depressants will help. I wait for them to work.
(As told to Neelu Singh)
The average time from the beginning of ejaculation is about 5 minutes for most men. That means the average time of premature ejaculation could be something drastically shorter than that, around 1-3 minutes.
No sensation during ejaculation can be caused by numbness or low testosterone levels.