What happened when her husband caught us sexting

(As told to Smriti Lamech)

They met on a WhatsApp group

We met on a WhatsApp group that was created for an event. We all came from the same town, even though we now lived across the globe, but were of different vintages. Most of our paths had never crossed before. Even though the group should have been disbanded once the event was over, we’d all grown rather fond of each other and didn’t even consider it. Not everyone on the group was equally close and many of us had formed individual equations.

She (let’s call her Yamini) and I got chatting about job opportunities and since it had nothing to do with the rest of the group, took it off the group and to an individual chat window. The conversation meandered and went down a path that it admittedly shouldn’t have. We began to talk of affairs, particularly long-distance affairs and what indulging in one entailed.

A jump from straight talk to sexting

It escalated fast and I’d be hard-pressed to tell you exactly when we went from discussing to participating. One day we were chatting about it in an academic fashion, and the next day we were in a strange relationship, sexting without ever having met or had sex.

And since we lived in different cities and had no reason to travel, the question of the meeting didn’t arise. In fact, we didn’t even entertain the notion as a fantasy. Yamini was a fair bit younger than I, and I hadn’t expected to head down this path, but I wasn’t exactly unwilling. Clearly, neither of us was. I will say right up front here that there was no excuse for our behaviour, and we’re not making one.

Related reading: How to seduce a married woman?

My wife knows

I have been married 20 years and am polyamorous. I’ve been having affairs for a while now, and my wife Shivani knows of them. We are sexually incompatible – my sex drive being far higher than hers – and she has long come to terms with me satisfying those needs elsewhere.

I’ve been having affairs for a while now, and my wife Shivani knows of them. We are sexually incompatible – my sex drive being far higher than hers – and she has long come to terms with me satisfying those needs elsewhere.

I might even have divorced her long ago, except that we have a great working relationship, and are raising two lovely children. We’re also each other’s best friends, having dated for years before getting married, and seen each other through thick and thin. I have no real desire to rock this boat.

I’ve been having affairs for a while now, and my wife Shivani knows of them.
I’ve been having affairs for a while now, and my wife Shivani knows of them.

Related reading: How important is lust in a relationship?

We exchanged titillating pics

I don’t think Yamini wanted more from me either. She seemed happy enough sexting and there were no declarations of undying love or even affection. From there we graduated to sending each other nude pictures. There’s only so much you can look at a naked body, so the idea really, is to titillate. A curve here, a glimpse there. And then we finally began to make videos for each other, of her showering, me masturbating and so on. This continued for a few months with us satisfying each other’s needs for sexual release and a little thrill of the forbidden.

Related reading: Should You Tell A Friend About Her Husband’s Affair?

Until we got caught

And then one day, as we should have expected in such a situation, we got caught. Her husband came home one evening and happened to pick up her phone to make a call because his was charging. The pictures from me came in right then and he unwittingly clicked on one, and ended up getting an eyeful.

As expected, all hell broke loose. I woke up to 15 missed calls from Yamini’s number, an unknown number (I later got to know it was the husband’s number), and a message from her telling me what had happened.

In a state of panic I switched off my phone and went into hiding. I had never been caught before and didn’t know what to do in such a situation. But in a while it was crystal clear. It was time to pay the piper. I spoke to my wife about it, whose only response was, “What a silly woman. Why didn’t she delete the videos and pictures once she was done looking at them?”

A cheating husband will be on the phone all day. Thus proving he is having an extra marital affair
A cheating husband will be on the phone all day. Thus proving he is having an extra marital affair

Related reading: Even after discovering that her husband was sexting with his ex, she didn’t lose her cool

I let him rant and rage

Then I switched on my phone and called Yamini’s husband back. I gave him the space to vent, to release his rage and I kept my mouth shut admitting that I was in the wrong, with no excuse for my behaviour. When he was done screaming I asked him what he wanted me to do. Did he want me to make reparations? Divorce my wife, marry his? I’d do what it took. He was taken aback and gave it some thought. When he got back to me he said he didn’t want to divorce his wife. He thought they could fix their marriage. He just wanted me to stay away from her. I was more than happy to do so. She and I stopped cold turkey after a quick chat.

All we’d wanted was some fun, and we’d had it. And we’d paid for it too. And it was time to move on.

It wasn’t the romance of a lifetime. It was just a little thrill. I love my wife in ways that most people who read this piece won’t understand, and that’s all right, because I don’t owe anyone that understanding. I will admit that after this little scare, I’m going to stick with regular old-fashioned affairs. The risk of having photos and videos online is a huge one, and I’m too shy to be bitten for the second time.

Related reading: The two sides of an extra marital affair

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Readers Comments On “What happened when her husband caught us sexting”

  1. People like you are a disgrace to society. Just because you are polyamorous, that doesn’t give you the right to interfere with people in monogamous relationships.

  2. Well if I would have been the cheated husband, then:

    1. I would have certainly divorced my wife and then told her family members in detail and made them listen in her presence. I would have found a good divorce lawyer to shave off my financial commitments to her due to infidelity which she did not confess. The logic of the husband that he does not want to rock the boat is just stupid. If he let her go and forgave, he will be cheated again. Else I would have told her that I shall divorce her after the children came of adult age and in the meantime spread the word of her adultery very nicely.

    2. I would have kept the pictures of that cheater, filed an adultery case against him and also sent the same information to his children, their friends and to his office colleagues. Of course these steps would be taken to exert the maximum social harassment but in a clever way. One can call this sly approach cheating, but the man does not deserve any better because he wrecked my marriage by seducing my wife to cheat on me with him. Eventually I might have hired goons to beat him up really bad.

    One argue that these are too harsh actions; in my view they are not because I need more than what a simple (legal) divorce can offer. Of course, a simple divorce would financially benefit my cheating wife, and I shall just get separated with a real possibility of total mental breakdown. No solution to my emotional hurt. The law of the land mostly favors the characterless wife. Thus I would need to take my fate in my hands. Harsh but fair.

  3. This has truth in the piece and not overly dramatised! Yes…it was just a little thrill and it was caught and they moved on…this is how life goes on! Bonobology! Great job…

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