Humour

When not being able to relax comes with motherhood

Anxiety and motherhood often go hand in hand. Here's her journey of being helped, hindered, harried and hugged through all the stages of motherhood.
pregnant lady with husband

A day for the anxious creatures called mothers

Mothers are, by nature, anxious creatures. They feel anxious if they are not anxious, if that makes any sense to you. The full burden of a couple of human lives, that would be their offspring, is on them, so how can they relax at any moment? While carrying the burden of their children exclusively they wonder now and then, “Don’t these kids have another parent? Oh, who am I kidding? He is of no use.”

A mother may feel the other parent a.k.a. father a.k.a. her husband is good for nothing, but actually the husbands of mothers are terribly useful. They give valuable remarks, comments and help at each stage of motherhood.

Related reading: Stretch marks on the tummy and other side effects of pregnancy – tackling them as a couple!

The journey of motherhood starts the day a woman discovers she is pregnant. On that day of course, she is yet to become the exclusive bearer of the burden of a human. That day she is generally a nervous wreck anticipating the overwhelming responsibilities of the future. So let’s witness her journey from that nervous wreck state to the day her offspring leaves the nest. And also check out how her husband has been with her throughout this journey.

Scene 1: Immediately after finding out she’s pregnant

Mother: Oh God, how will I manage this responsibility? I can hardly take my own responsibility. How will a tiny human stay safe with me? What if I forget to feed her or can’t carry her properly and she falls? Oh, I think now I have forgotten how to breathe.

Mother’s husband: Can you make me tea now? Or is it going to take some more time?

Mother: *silent murderous stare*

Mother’s husband: Hey, how about me making tea for both of us? I mean only if you can tell me where is the tea. And if possible, also where are milk and sugar. Then maybe how many spoons of what and by the way, how is the stove turned on?

Mother: Are you insane? My whole life is going to change here and you want tea…. (ten minutes later)…. I don’t know how I will manage a kid with you.

Mother’s husband: *silence*

Mother: *heavy breathing*

Mother’s husband: You can.

Mother: What?

Mother’s husband: You can do it. I know you.

Mother: *Starts wailing*

Scene 2: After dropping the child at playschool on the first day

Mother: *silence*

Mother’s husband: Ahem ummm ahem

Mother: *silence*

Mother’s husband: I have to get ready now.

Mother” *silent sad stare*

Mother’s husband: Now what?

Mother: She has been never been left on her own. What if she runs out of the school to the road?

Mother’s husband: They have teachers, nannies, guards and moreover doors, which can’t be opened by three-year-olds.

Mother: But they don’t have a hunter. What if a tiger wanders into the school?

Mother’s husband: Yes, that can definitely happen. At least she will be in the news then.

Mother: *Trying to strangle husband while laughing*

Mother’s husband: You know, it is good to get some “us” time every weekday after years.

Related reading: How our sleeping improved when we gave the children their own bedroom

Scene 3: Another school day or not

Mother: Wake up, wake up now!

Mother’s husband: *in sleepy voice* Why this urgency?

Mother: She is late for the bus. You need to drop her now. She woke up late and took hours in the bathroom. You wake up now. No need to brush, just go!

Mother’s husband: But isn’t it a holiday today?

Mother: Oh $*&@! I had entirely forgotten. Why did not you tell me anything when I was up and going mad with chores?

Mother’s husband: You mean the usual Dhan Than Dhan noises you make every morning? I thought you have to make those noises every morning to stay fit or something.

Mother: *pushes the husband from the bed hoping he will get some serious injury*

Scene 4: After dropping the child at the hostel for the first time

Mother: I don’t know how she will manage. Whether she will remember to eat on time or not.

Mother’s husband: Is it a bad time to ask if I can go out with the boys for drinks after dinner?

Mother” *silent sad stare*

Mother’s husband: Okay, so it is a bad time. You know what? I will ask you at a good time.

Mother: Are you out of your mind? She has left home and you want to party?

Mother’s husband: She has not left home, dear. She will be back every weekend, because her hostel is like a couple of hours drive away.

Mother: Tell this to her nightmares. They would not know we are only a couple of hours away. They will just see her alone and attack.

Mother’s husband: Here too she sleeps alone in her bedroom. And I literally can’t remember her getting nightmares ever.

Mother: What if she suddenly starts getting them?

Mother’s husband: Then she will tell us at the weekend and we will have a big laugh.

Mother: Why not? Everything is a joke for you.

Mother’s husband: You know what, come and join me and the boys on that drink plan!

Mother: No way!

Mother’s husband: If you do that, then we can drive tomorrow evening to see how she did on her first night out of home.

Mother: *laps up the idea*

Related reading: Why staying at home with my family is a better vacation

Scene 5: Child coming home on vacation

Mother: Go wake her up. I am tired of waking her up. It is already 10.

Mother’s husband: Why? Did not you want her to have a real rest before going back to the hostel?

Mother: Yes, but I want her to eat everything I cook and spend some time with me, too. How will that happen if she sleeps so much? She did not eat anything yesterday.

Mother’s husband: You had cooked like 118 items. The poor girl managed to eat 50 items.

Mother: So you are saying not eating 68 items is just fine? Why fine? Do you assume she has started hating my cooking after going to hostel? Is this how they start becoming independent, by hating their mother’s cooking? Why are you silent now? Say something!

Mother’s husband: Do you think Reliance stocks will be up/Do you think Kohli will make a century today?

Scene 6: Child in love

Mother: Have you got any mail from her?

Mother’s husband: I never liked that Ketan guy.

Mother: Really? I clearly remember you telling me “Ketan is an intelligent guy. And he is so well behaved too.”

Mother’s husband: But I did not know then he has designs on my sweet innocent daughter. He is sly and a loafer.

Mother: You know your sweet innocent daughter loves him and wants to marry him, right?

Mother’s husband: Yes. And there’s only one explanation. That Ketan knows black magic. He has kept our daughter under hypnosis.

Mother: Ahem ummm ahem

Mother’s husband: Okay, I got a little carried away.

Mother: Don’t you feel he is suitable for……. (after 10 minutes) We can’t get such a nice boy even if we try for an arranged match.

Mother’s husband: If you feel like that then……ummm….maybe I will meet him once. But I am telling you, I will give him the third degree.

humour

Scene 7: Child leaves home forever after getting married

Mother: *sigh*

Mother’s husband: *sigh*

Mother and Mother’s husband: *Silently holding hands, peek into the disarray in her room, the air of which still has her presence*

Her husband may exasperate the mother, but he is sometimes the voice of reason when she gets particularly anxious for her kids. She also needs someone to mother her in panicky moments, however tiny the attention span of that someone may be.

Here’s to mothers and their husbands all over the world who nail parenting, or at least are trying every moment to nail it.

The five stages of parenthood – find out which stage you are in now!

Here is how to cope with the empty nest syndrome when your children leave home

Why every couple should say ‘I love you’ more often

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2 Comments

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