Why am I being blamed for my husband’s failures?

blamed for my husband's failures

My husband blames me for the ups and downs in his job. He claims that due to me, everything is going wrong in his life. I feel disappointed. However, I love him and don’t want to leave him. What can I do to save ourselves?

Name withheld 

It must be disconcerting to be blamed for things that you have nothing to do with and have very little control over. People sometimes tend to blame their failures entirely on either themselves, others or other external agencies. It is a coping mechanism that a lot of us engage in. Taking complete or no responsibility for your failure/s – both come with consequences.

Generally, one would observe the trend of not taking the legitimate bit of responsibility for what happened and blame it on the next available “suspect.” I explained it, not to excuse your husband’s behaviour but for you to understand the absurdity of taking it personally. From what I seem to understand, his accusations have no basis in reality and should be seen just like that.

I know it is hard, and it hurts to see your loved one being irrational, especially when the manifestation of it is an attack on yourself. I would recommend that you help your husband by encouraging him to talk to someone he might trust (more importantly known to you as a rational and objective person), e.g. a friend, a family member or even a relationship counsellor. I urge you again not to take this predicament; personally, it will help you with your emotional difficulties and will perhaps leave you with more motivation to gather skills to deal with the situation. All the best!

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