Counselling

Why did he ask me about my previous relationships in our first meeting?

Should I marry the man who asked me about my previous affairs right in the first meeting?
sad lady looking away

Question:

Hello Ma’am

I have conversed with a guy for marriage. I am a mature girl and am a writer too. Apart from writing, I am into teaching and also worked as an editor.

I want to ask you what should I consider a guy, who in the very first conversation asked me whether I was having any previous affair. Is this question justified? I never shoot such questions to anyone. I am a mature girl and yes my marriage is delayed. The reason is that I have not met the man with whom my mental level matches.. it should at least 70 percent of mine.

relationship counselling

Jaseena Backer says:

Hello Young Lady,

In the Indian context, this is a very normal question a prospect husband will ask his wife. We live in a country that gives so much importance to premarital affairs and virginity of a girl. Even if the man has himself had many affairs before marriage, he wants a girl who has had none of these. I do not consider this mature or immature. It is just a formality of the society we live in and something that has been going on for years. Answering such questions can be embarrassing. Ideally what happened before marrying shouldn’t become part of marriage. By asking such a question he would drag the past into your marriage.

A man who has asked such a question on the first day surely will have his own reasons to keep tabs on you and your activities. He might just be insecure in some areas of his life and that insecurity will surface after marriage with you.

As for your mental balancing with that of a man’s, it is not easy for me to say as I do not know how you are weighing the balance.

Good luck
Jaseena

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consult here native

Mine was an arranged marriage based on the man’s job rather than the man

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2 Comments

  1. I don’t know how you can set an exact benchmark for people matching your mind level but to be honest he is not the one. Seriously, you wouldn’t go around speaking about this benchmark of 70 percent if he was your man. Bail out while you can.

  2. Depends on why you were dating? Was it just for fun or were you serious? If you were just for fun and he was serious, then each one of you should have told the other person your motives for date. Then the serious person should not have asked you about your past life and just walked away after exchanging some pleasantries. Else if both were serious and looking for permanent relationship, asking about each other’s past is important. It’s a personal choice.

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