Why do some people take breakups harder than others?

Kanika Sharma
sad man looking outside the window

Breaking up from a relationship is an event that comes without knocking, but hits many of us quite harder than usual. No two individuals are the same, especially when it comes to handling emotions. Some may find it easy to overcome the turmoil and move on, whereas others may find their life stuck on a dead halt. So, it is quite fair to say that breakups affect different people in different ways.

Why are breakups harder for some people?

Breakups are painful, and they are meant to be that way. Some people are able to cope with the loss of a relationship better, while others struggle to even get back to their day to day life. People such as these tend to suffer more from the romantic loss, and their emotions often lead them into depression, neglect and disconnect. Research has it that some people take all the losses in life as a blow to themselves because they were deeply attached. When a romantic alliance ends, some people carry the painful burden of a rejection many, many years. When we suffer a breakup, our insecurities mount up and while some are well-rooted within themselves to deal with it, some are not.

Related reading: How to get over a breakup fast?

If you are the one who ended the relationship, you might be affected less than your partner, because you were mentally and emotionally prepared to take the decisive step. But if you are at the receiving end, it will be much harder for you to cope with the situation. Unless you saw it coming, it will hit you like a bolt from the blue. You will keep asking yourself, what did I do wrong? What could I have said or done differently, so that the relationship would not have ended? There is no hard and fast psychology behind breakups. You will just start blaming yourself for the irreversible void in your emotional life. But why does that happen? Let us analyse the potential reasons that leave many youngsters vulnerable while handling a breakup.

1. Sensitive souls feel the breakup pain more

Highly sensitive individuals are more invested in a relationship and get more affected by breakups than practical men and women. It is harder for them to deal with the breakup recovery stages. Since they are easily and more deeply affected by emotional upheavals, breakups are particularly hard on them. They tend to paint life in broad strokes, so it might seem to them that a breakup is the end of the world.

sad lady seeing her phone

Breakup is more difficult for emotional person: Image source

2. See ‘individual’self in low light

Being in love elevates our self-worth. As a couple’s relationship grows in life, we as humans feel valued and accepted in life. Instead of ‘me’or ‘you’, the relationship blurs the psychological boundaries and turns them into ‘we’. A breakup breaks the companionship of life and exposes you to the ruthless side of being ‘alone’. If dumped, you may feel disoriented, distressed and depressed. You might start questioning your role in a relationship or see yourself in low light. From ‘why me’to ‘something must be wrong with me’, you start blaming yourself for the failure of a romantic relationship. This may make them more confused about their relationship’s identity and maybe inclined towards depression.

Related reading: How to get over the depression of breakup?

3. Experience disturbance in biological rhythms

Romance is an addiction that fosters attachment and belongingness between couples. Slowly, their thoughts, values, opinions and feelings start having a powerful influence in your life. They calm you down when impulsive, drive you to your goals and support in daily life. Their physical presence may also have a positive impact on your health and well-being. Needless to say, you become addicted and deeply accustomed to your partner, physically and psychologically. When that equation falters in the form of a breakup, your whole life and its functions turn upside down. Heartbreak causes real pain, not just on the soul, but over the complete body. Scientifically, heartbreak brings physical agitation,insomnia, lack of appetite, elevated heart rate, blood pressure problems, depression and withdrawal symptoms.

man thinking in his bed

Facing difficulties in sleeping

4. Highly committed relationship breakups bring torment

Breakups in a committed relationship are the invitation to the cycle of doom. It declines the life satisfaction if you are being dumped in a relationship. Your faith in relationships receives a sudden jolt and you either go on a rebound spree, or hook-ups or avoid being in a relationship or marriage. You may stop believing in love and may lose interest in prospective dates as well. Due to lack of acceptance, you may end up in a cycle of torment and self-destructive behaviour. Did you know? Women take more time to overcome breakups than men. Wonder why? Let us explore this dynamic below.

Why do women take breakups harder than men?

There is an inherent difference between men and women after a breakup. Men are generally less invested emotionally in a casual relationship. Their minds are also less complex. Therefore most men find it relatively easy to deal with a breakup. Most men build their lives around strong friendships with other men. This group of ‘buddies’is a ready source of support and companionship while dealing with a breakup.

The female psychology after a breakup is far more complicated and layered. Women tend to form emotional attachments quicker than men. It is not uncommon for a woman to become deeply attached to her partner after just a couple of weeks of knowing him. Women also tend to invest emotionally in a purely sexual relationship. So it becomes harder for them to cope with a breakup. But, there are certain ways with which individuals can overcome the hardships of a breakup.

If you have broken up but still love your ex, it’s going to be exceptionally tough for you to deal with the situation. Perhaps you had fallen in love with your partner but not told him/her. Now you have broken up and it’s too late for a confession. Dealing with your unrequited love and the pain of rejection together is difficult.

How to cope with a hard breakup?

Don’t feel weak if you feel that you are feeling it difficult to overcome a hard breakup. Don’t just enter into a series of blame-games and a self-destructive phase and make things harder for yourself. Instead, follow some of the effective coping tips to deal with a hard breakup and emerge stronger than ever.

1. Accept your emotions

Breakups make us more emotional than ever. In one moment, you may feel like crying or angry and in the other moment, you may feel aggressively impulsive to burn your ex-partner’s photos or souvenirs. But worry not! An unwanted breakup may lead to such unwanted energies and emotions. There is no need to feel shame in it, as the behaviour shows how invested you were in a relationship. So, accept and allow your emotions instead of sobbing within the sheets ‘alone’. Talk to your support system, including siblings or friends, about the painful situation. You may end up blaming your ex. Just let the negative rueful emotions drain out of your system and see how it helps you heal over the course of time.

2. Undergo 7 phases of relationship breakup

As a breakup targets you in phases, the best way to deal with it is to go through 7 phases. Initially, you may need time to overcome the ‘shock value’of a breakup. Then the ‘denial’of it may make you deny the reality of the breakup doom. You may even try to negotiate with him/her over calls and texts to reconcile and reconsider the decision. When that doesn’t happen, you may isolate yourself, or feel suicidal. Anger may cloud your sensibilities and you may feel derailed after the nasty split. But after you accept your emotions, you may feel the difference. Acknowledging this breakup dilemma could be empowering for many tormented souls. This is the actual beginning of a post-split recovery.

3. Avoid ex-partner – at allcost

Ever felt you could be friends with your ex? If yes, then this is a doomed recipe for disastrous ex-complications. Accept the reality that you can’t be friends with your ex-partner. Monitoring their social media posts, that is, cyberstalking them, is a toxic tactic that can make overcoming your breakup even harder. Our Bonobology relationship consultants always recommend those going through a breakup to avoid any form of contact with the ex-partner. Free your soul from the ex-mania and try to reconnect with your long-lost passion. This deviation may do wonders for your soul and within few months, you will definitely overcome this nasty breakup.

stop stalking ex

Stop stalking your ex-partner: Image source

4. Find hope in moving on eventually

Breakups are never a permanent scar on your life. When you give yourself ample time, you will feel that the stress is fading away, sooner or later. Take the help of your support system, find solace in social volunteering, or find an outlet for expression in a new office project. Throw the thoughts of breakup out of your system and rediscover who you are. In the process, your ex will definitely become a matter of the past, and hardships of a breakup will end soon.

Our Bonobology relationship counsellors agree that your breakup recovery may be difficult, but not impossible. If you are finding it challenging to overcome the torment, then wise relationship help is available 24×7. Just relate your personal breakup case story, and let our panel of relationship experts guide you personally and help resolve your miseries.

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