Why does he check me out if he says he is not interested?

sad lady crying


Dear Mallika Ma’am,

I like this guy at the office and he also knows that I like him (through my colleagues), who asked him to go out with me. But he has never asked me about it and told them that he had already had too much pain from his previous love and he cannot take the plunge again.

Normally if a guy comes to know that a girl is interested in him and he doesn’t have the intention, he tends to avoid her. But he has started talking to me much more after this incident. I’ve never been in a relationship and never had guy friends. So sometimes I think that it’s all in my head. But I feel a connection when we both are together and I’ve seen him checking me out most of the times. A colleague told me that if I ask him out he’ll lose interest in me.

I confessed to him and it seems like he has just had a breakup, just three weeks ago. He said that his heart is cold now and he has nothing to give. He doesn’t want to give me false hopes it seems. Do I stand any chance?

Related reading: We’re on-again and off-again. Does he love me?

Mallika Pathak says:

Dear Do-I-stand-a-chance,

First of all, this guy has made his intentions pretty clear by specifying that he does not wish to be in a relationship at the moment. Whether the reason is his recent breakup, or something else, he has nevertheless been vocal about his emotional unavailability at the moment. It is a mature decision on his part to avoid entering a relationship at this moment if he’s not emotionally in the right place to give you what you want.

Coming to the question of him being more interested in you recently, and ‘checking you out’, neither you nor I can explain why he is giving you mixed signals. I understand that this is your first experience with a guy in a romantic situation, but this guy may not be the one you’re looking for. As for the connection between the two of you, see if that can grow to one of strong friendship, but only after ensuring that you have dealt with all your romantic feelings for him.

Your first relationship will be one that will give you a lot of wonderful moments and a lot of self-understanding. Make sure that you invest your feelings in someone who can reciprocate the same and give you the love you deserve. All the luck to you!


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