Why I Don’t Feel Bad About My Extramarital Affair

Before I tell you the truth about me and why don’t I feel bad for cheating on my husband and you pass some kind of awful judgement, hear me out first. Love isn’t promised to you in a church or a marriage registrar’s office. Love finds you when you least expect it and that’s what makes it so alluring.

It’s all those the fairy tales we all grow up hearing and believing that have messed up our idea of love and finding love. We’ll meet our prince or princess, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. But what happens if it doesn’t work that way? What happens when the order is scrambled?

Why Don’t I Feel Guilty Being In An Extramarital Affair

My affair is the reason I’ve learned what love and friendship is really about that, and which years of marriage could not teach me. Lifelong extramarital affairs are always viewed with such contempt when one does not even try to understand what makes them happen in the first place. Here is my story, which I hope will give you a little insight into what it is like to live in a marriage where there is no connection with the husband and how miserable it can make one feel. I have been with another man despite being married and I am here to tell you why don’t I feel bad for cheating on my husband.

(Names changed to protect identities)

Sarthak met Aditi 15 years ago. They were both young 20-year-olds, studying together in Hyderabad. From the beginning, Sarthak had a soft corner for the innocent Aditi, helping her settle down in the new city, finding her accommodation, dealing with neighborhood thugs for her and even being her lab partner. The course was over in four months, but their friendship continued.

Sarthak says, “We didn’t have mobile phones then, but PCO booths. But we still kept in touch daily despite forbidding hostel wardens. Our bond was very intense and we discussed getting married many times.”

Related Reading: True Love Is Loving The Darker Side

But their love story could not flourish

But there were many obstacles – she needed to support her family, he couldn’t get a job and the economy was bad when the IT bubble burst. Finally, Sarthak had to move abroad to study further, and explore his options, leaving a distraught Aditi behind, who didn’t know if their relationship had any future. Bowing to familial pressure and the loss of close contact with Sarthak, she had an arranged married with Vinod, whose parents were her family friends. Sarthak was devastated too, but chose to accept her decision and stay friends. When he returned, he met Vinod, and knew that Aditi’s decision was wrong. A few days later, Aditi confided in him, confirming his suspicions.

lifelong extramarital affairs
She was in a marriage where she felt no connection with husband

Aditi says, “Vinod isn’t a bad husband but he’s detached. He believes in living his life and that I should live mine. Our problems are separate, our finances are separate and we don’t really offer each other emotional support. I know that he married me for the sake of society and family pressure. The emotional detachment in my marriage is so disheartening. This is not the life I wanted.”

Related Reading: You made me strong

After years, they got close again

After his return, Sarthak was busy dealing with illness in his family, as well as bowing to the inevitable, and marrying Lalita. For about two years, Sarthak and Aditi were not in regular contact. After his father passed away, they got back in touch, and their bond came alive once again, with Aditi coming to rely on Sarthak for the advice and support she lacked in her own marriage.

Somewhere along the way, Sarthak confided in Aditi about an erotic dream he’d had about her. The next day, he was almost speechless when she teasingly asked him if he wanted to make it come true. Clandestinely in a secluded parking lot, the two finally went from the emotional to the physical – and it hasn’t stopped since. They meet every week, finding new ways and avenues to spend time with each other and indulging in public displays of affections.

I Cheated On My Husband And Don’t Regret It

The two couples are quite friendly with each other and even meet up every now and then to go on double dates together.

Do they feel guilty? Aditi says, “No, because I was never connected with my husband. I bet even if I tell him about our affair or make up other extramarital affairs, I’m sure he won’t care. I never even ask myself — Why don’t I feel bad for cheating on my husband? It’s just a marriage on paper, nothing else. I cheated on my husband and don’t regret it and I possibly never will. ”

Sarthak, however, says, he does feel guilty sometimes. “Perhaps because it’s human nature to be polygamous — I love my wife and Aditi equally. I am sure if my wife found out, she would be hurt and it could end in divorce. I fear that terribly which is why I am on the fence about lifelong extramarital affairs.”

The future is hazy. Sarthak says, “We never felt possessive before, even if we didn’t speak for a while. Now, it’s a more demanding relationship. Are affairs ever good? I’m not sure. It puts you in a tricky situation on both sides. We both expect the other to be available when we need them.”

Related Reading: I had an affair with a married man

Their future remains unclear

Both of them are unsure of the future – but they’re clear on not breaking existing relationships to make new ones. Both have children, and would strongly like to protect them. Sarthak confesses, “I want to limit our physical interaction to avoid emotional breakdowns later. I know that Aditi has no connection with her husband, but this is still a slippery slope.”

But for now, they’re clear they cannot stop seeing each other. They love each other, have loved each other for decades, and don’t know what else to do. It’s why people always wonder whether affairs are ever good? It’s not all black and white, that’s for sure. They are definitely excruciatingly painful for the people who are cheated on but what if someone is feeling trapped in an unhappy marriage and this is the only way they can be happy?

Aditi still says, “I cheated on my husband and don’t regret it. Sarthak is the love of my life and that is the only answer I have when asked why don’t I feel bad for cheating on my husband. My husband will never give me what Sarthak gives me.”

Given that this kind of bond is what we all dream of, do judgement and moral stances have any place? Sarthak and Aditi don’t know, and don’t care.

(As told to Akhila Vijaykumar)

FAQs

1. How long do extramarital affairs usually last?

Extramarital affairs can last from two days to two years to two decades to an entire lifetime. It is very situational and depends on who you fall in love with. Is it just a short escapade or have you found the love of your life outside your marriage? Either way, there is no fixed time period for extramarital affairs.

2. Can cheating destroy a marriage?

Yes, it can. Lifelong extramarital affairs, cheating with an ex or even micro cheating can completely destroy a marriage. It can make your spouse feel small and insignificant, and develop self esteem issues or anger towards you that could lead in divorce or separation.

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Readers Comments On “Why I Don’t Feel Bad About My Extramarital Affair”

  1. SreeRam Gupta

    All the comments above are true and touch my soul. These two spoilt adults are setting the worst example for their children. As someone pointed out very correctly, the children will have no faith in relationships and trust no one. That is not the way a healthy society should function. I am happy (as an elderly male) that my values still resonate with females all of whom have condemned such truant behavior.

  2. All said and done this is still cheating. Decide to live together , divorce if you have to but don’t continue such a toxic relationship ( if you understand and mean love) respect other human beings at least even if you don’t love them maybe like your lover. Sure fall in love. Marry again if need be but don’t involve the whole team ( other two respective spouses and not forgetting the kids)

  3. I think these two are being tremendously selfish. if they love each other so much, it’s better to leave their married partners and marry each other or live together. They are having best of both the worlds.
    Its perfectly understandable not to be in love with one’s own spouse but to cheat and not part ways for the sake of children is just too lame.

    1. Yess I agree with you ….this type of relationships when exposed devastatingly ruins the future and trust of kids.As kids loose faith on marital relationship ..they think its just having fun or nothing serious in in it …they loose faith in any kind of relationship….being disloyal aur unfaithful to spouse is not at all acceptable in any sense …if circumtances dont allow one to marry the person he or she loves …just remain unmarried…..wait for the right time…keep faith but dont
      ruin others life for the sake of so called family pressure or at least dont go for kids if you think that …the person you married is not your destiny ..

    2. Very true. I totally agree with you. It’s utter selfishness. When someone is involved in such sort of relationship, he/she hardly care about others. As they are in a win win situation.

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