Before I tell you the truth about me and why don’t I feel bad for cheating on my husband and you pass some kind of awful judgement, hear me out well. Love isn’t promised to you in a church or a marriage registrar office. Love finds you when you least expect it and that’s what makes it so alluring.
It’s the fairy tales we all grow up hearing and believing that have messed up our idea of love and finding love. We’ll meet our prince or princess, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. But what happens if that doesn’t work this way? What happens when the order is scrambled?
Why Don’t I Feel Guilty Being In An Extramarital Affair
My affair is the reason I’ve learned what love and friendship is really about that years of marriage could not teach me. Lifelong extramarital affairs are always viewed with such contempt when one does not even try to understand what makes them happen in the first place. Here is my story that will give you a little insight into what it is like to live in a marriage that has no connection with husband and how miserable it can make oneself.
(Names changed to protect identities)
Sarthak met Aditi 15 years ago. Then, they were both young 20-year-olds, studying together in Hyderabad. From the beginning, Sarthak had a soft corner for the innocent Aditi, helping her settle down in the new city, finding her accommodation, dealing with neighborhood thugs for her and even being her lab partner. The course was over in four months, but their friendship continued.
Sarthak says, “We didn’t have mobile phones then. But we still kept in touch daily despite PCO booths and forbidding hostel wardens. Our bond was very intense and we discussed getting married many times.”
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But their love story could not flourish
But there were many obstacles – she needed to support her family, he couldn’t get a job and the economy was bad during the IT bubble burst. Finally, Sarthak had to move abroad to study further, and explore his options, leaving a distraught Aditi who didn’t know if their relationship held any future. Bowing to familial pressure and the loss of close contact with Sarthak, she got arranged married to Vinod, whose parents were her family friends. Sarthak was devastated too, but chose to accept her decision and stay friends. When he returned, he met Vinod, and knew that Aditi’s decision was wrong. A few days later, Aditi confided in him and he was right.
Aditi says, “Vinod isn’t a bad husband but he’s detached. He believes in living his life and I should live mine. Our problems are separate, our finances are separate and we don’t really offer each other emotional support. I know that he married me for the sake of society and family pressure. The emotional detachment in marriage also makes me pretty disheartened. This is not the life I wanted.”
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After years, they got close again
After his return, Sarthak was busy dealing with illness in the family, as well as bowing to the inevitable, and marrying Lalita. For about two years, Sarthak and Aditi were not in regular contact. After his father passed away, they got back in touch, and their bond came alive once again, with Aditi coming to rely on Sarthak for the advice and support she lacked in her own marriage.
Somewhere along the way, Sarthak confided in Aditi about an erotic dream he’d had about her. The next day, he was almost speechless when she teasingly asked him if he wanted to make it come true. Clandestinely in a secluded parking lot, the two finally went from emotional to somewhat physical – and it hasn’t stopped since. They meet every week, finding ways and avenues to spend time with each other and indulging in public displays of affections.
I Cheated On My Husband And Don’t Regret It
The two couples are friendly and even meet, all four of them, every now and then to go on double dates together.
Do they feel guilty? Aditi says, “No, because I was never connected with my husband. Even if I tell him about our affair or if I even make up any other extramarital affairs, I’m sure he won’t care. I never even ask myself – Why don’t I feel bad for cheating on my husband? It’s just a marriage on paper, nothing else.”
Sarthak, however, says, he does feel guilty sometimes. “Perhaps because it’s human nature to be polygamous – I love my wife and Aditi equally. I am sure if my wife found out, she would be hurt and it could end in divorce. I fear that terribly which is why I am on the fence about lifelong extramarital affairs.”
The future is hazy. Sarthak says, “We never felt possessive before, even if we didn’t speak for a while. Now, it’s a more demanding relationship. We both expect the other to be available when we need them.”
Related Reading: I had an affair with a married man
Their future remains unclear
Both of them are unsure of the future – but they’re clear on not breaking existing relationships to make new ones. Both have children, and would strongly like to protect them. Sarthak confesses, “I want to limit our physical interaction to avoid emotional breakdowns later.”
But for now, they’re clear they cannot stop seeing each other. They love each other, have loved each other for decades, and don’t know what else to do. Are affairs ever good? That’s a tricky question. They are indeed excruciatingly painful for the people who are cheated on but what if someone is feeling trapped in an unhappy marriage and this is the only way they can be happy?
Aditi still says, “I cheated on my husband and don’t regret it. Sarthak is the love of my life and no piece of paper can change that.”
Given that this kind of bond is what we all dream of, do judgement and moral stances have any place? Sarthak and Aditi don’t know, and don’t care.
(As told to Akhila Vijaykumar)
Extramarital affairs can last from two days to two years to two decades to an entire lifetime. It is very situational and depends on who you fall in love with. Is it just a short escapade or have you found the love of your life outside your marriage? Either way, there is no fixed time period for extramarital affairs.
Yes, it can. Lifelong extramarital affairs, cheating with an ex or even micro cheating can completely destroy a marriage that you are in. It can make your spouse feel, small and insignificant and develop self esteem issues or anger towards you that could lead in divorce or separation.