Why finding a match in arranged marriage can be like F1 racing

Bineesh Balakrishnan
happy couple dancing

Time to settle down

When you’re a 30-something male, in our society, you’ll definitely want to settle down. Bride hunting for a 30-something male is a lot like Formula 1 racing. The right girl is the checkered flag and each girl you see is like a pit stop. I’ve had four pit stops so far, and I’m looking for the checkered flag.

Negotiating the matrimonial course

According to Hindu faith, the horoscope has to match that of the prospective bride, you have to like your prospective bride’s Photoshopped photo on the matrimonial site, you have to believe the stuff that is written on the site about them (some people are so suspicious, that they verify details by employing private investigators), and then you have to go ‘and see the girl and her family’….

So this is how it goes… You’ve seen it tons of times, in Hindi movies, but here’s my take on it…

So I’m speeding in my McLaren (translation: I’m going with my parents, in our Maruti Swift!), to see one prospective bride. The visibility is around 2 miles, and the roads have ditches, so we’ll have to give up the analogy of F1 racing temporarily from here on (damn! I kinda enjoyed the whole concept!)…

After a half hour drive, we arrive at the girl’s place. The conversation always starts off with “Hope you didn’t have any difficulty in getting here?” The answer is always “No”, followed by a smile.

(You may have been traffucked, nearly got run over by a truck, wondered if a place of that name ever existed on this planet, but never ever will you admit to having had hiccups in getting to the girl’s place! Never!)


Representative Image source

Related reading: Rifles, not rituals, sealed this arranged marriage

And then you meet

After sitting down, the usual introduction starts off. The girl’s parents and relatives probe you and your family. Your family and relatives try to analyse the girl’s family. After around 20-30 minutes of that, the girl is asked to come and grace the occasion. As I said, I’ve had four pit stops (as in 4 girls who weren’t the right ones for me). So here were the thoughts in my head at those pit stops.

Pit stop 1: She looks okay… She’s kinda authoritative, and doesn’t give me any good vibes. She studied abroad, and isn’t into my kinda books or movies. Doesn’t look like a checkered flag to me… (My gut feeling was right, apparently the girl and her family lied to us about some things.)

Pit stop 2: She looks really cute… But she’s too orthodox in her behaviour. Loves Hindi movies, that’s a good thing… Doesn’t read much (Damn! I almost thought this was the checkered flag.)

Pit stop 3: The best girl I’ve ever seen, in all my life… But wait, Tolstoy said, “It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.” So we start talking (and God bless Tolstoy). She doesn’t open up at all. Apparently her answer to every question was “Nothing in particular!” No particular interest in books/movies/songs… It was like I was investigating a crime scene, and she was trying to hide evidence!

No particular interest in books/movies/songs… It was like I was investigating a crime scene, and she was trying to hide evidence!

Man! This does not even qualify as a pit stop!

Pit stop 4: A simple girl, and she is amicable. She has an interest in sports and romantic comedies (to be honest my mind was still bitching about the fact that Pit stop 3 was so damn cold!) She’s an okay girl, but she doesn’t look like the checkered flag to me…

Related reading: Arranged marriages and the interesting men I got to meet

What’s wrong with this system of arranged marriage?

I believe that arranged marriage is better than love marriage, but there are flaws in this system as well.

– People try to project an image of what they want to be seen as, and often the mask falls off.

– Girls are afraid to socialise, and sometimes that can hamper the whole match finding process.

– If on the first day, parents allow the boy and the girl to go out for lunch, they’ll get to know each other better. (I know in a society like ours that’s difficult, but honestly that will change the whole scenario drastically.)

– If you only get to socialise for like 10 minutes, and decide on the spot, to marry someone, you’ll end up in trouble (I have tons of friends who are now wallowing in regret, after having done so.)

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and people need to be a little more practical in their approach.

(Apologies for comparing match finding to Formula 1 racing! It was all in jest.)

I had an arranged marriage at the age of 19. And I gradually fell in love…

I had an arranged marriage and here’s how I got my wife to trust me

Questions to ask him during the arranged marriage meeting

You May Also Like

1 comment

Preeti Goyal
Preeti Goyal July 7, 2018 - 2:07 pm

Nice one!

Totally agree with you!

I understand you can’t just decide to marry someone in one meet or two. You need a good quality time and parents should really understand this. It’s a matter of the lifetime. And there should not be any burden for choosing a girl or a boy. The meet should be made comfortable with now formalities and awkwardness.

Leave a Comment


Be a part of bonobology for free and get access to marvelous stories and information.