I have been married for 6 years to a girl whom I loved. Things weren’t good even earlier, as she used to cheat on me before marriage, but somehow things went on and we married. After marriage her firm behaviour changed into aggression, anger and demands.
In 2014 we were out for vacation with our friends where I saw her kissing one of my friends (who is her friend since before our marriage). When I asked about it, first both of them denied ever having kissed, but later my wife admitted that it happened as they were high (on drugs).
I forgave her, but again three months later, I found her texting and having telephonic conversation with the same friend (he lives in another state) but I let it go. My wife wanted us to live separately as we were in a joint family. She used to have tantrums and make a scene now and then. After a year I agreed to move out of our joint family. There also I found she was still in touch with that guy and on investigating I found they were planning to hook up in my absence.
My wife understood that I have came to know about their relationship and confessed. She assured me it’s all over with the other man.
But this time I wasn’t in a mood to spare her and sent her back to her parents. We have been living separately since 20 months. She is living alone now and is trying to convince me to live together again. She says she accepts all the cheating, her anger and all her tantrums, and that all that is a thing of the past.
But when I went to meet her, I found a used condom in her house. She accepted that she had sexual relations with another man as they were high on drugs.
I am stuck in the battle of heart and mind, but this time I lean more towards my mind. I just want one last opinion from your side. I will be very grateful for your help in need.
Snigdha Mishra says:
Dear young man,
I really can’t tell you what to do. But it seems very clear [restrict] that you already know and have made your decision.
From everything you’ve told me, it’s clear that you are looking for a monogamous relationship, whereas she may physically and emotionally be polygamous. Some people by nature may not be capable of monogamy.
Open communication about the nature of marriage you both are looking at can help you take action. If your goals match, it’s good. Else you can choose to decide about your relationship future.
All the best!