Humour

Wife’s list of New Year resolutions for her husband

Many women are busy making New Year resolutions that will soon be broken. So this year, she has some resolutions that her husband and son can make, instead!
Happy New Year's resolutions

As one year ends and the new one springs upon us, I think many wives and moms like me would be wondering how to make this year better. Every year, one tends to make a short list of resolutions that invariably revolve around:

  • Fitness goals that fizzle out by January end.
  • Not going crazy when the son pushes buttons, which barely lasts 3 days at a stretch.
  • Spending quality time with the spouse, which ends with football practice, doctor visits, birthday parties and homework.

So this year my conclusion is that I am the best possible person that I can be in the family! Yes, I am and the rest of you can say Amen to that! I am the best possible mother for my son and the best possible wife to my husband. So, take that and that is not all, I have decided that I am making a list of resolutions for my husband. So, in your face, 2018, because I rock!

To be fair and honest, this decision is not because I am some stellar wife or perfect mom. I’m not. And I certainly don’t fit into my favourite pair of skinny jeans. And, I often turn into the devil mother and on occasion get fake headaches to avoid the ‘promise’ I made to the husband for the weekend!

We moms work hard all day long and many of us have ‘real’ jobs. We make breakfasts and lunch boxes while listening to some whining or some crazy stories about batman, batarang and grappling hook. Moms wipe asses. We wipe away tears. Moms exist on less sleep than junkies and continue to smile. We’re not the people in our households who need to make resolutions.

Shivani Thakral
Shivani and Nadish

So, here are some resolutions for the husband and some relevant for my son too.

1. Wet towels and dirty clothes

Your home is not a hotel burgeoning with hired help. There is a laundry basket in the bathroom for your dirty clothes. As for wet towels, they belong not on the bed and you have been informed of that often. These mundane tasks do not make my life thrilling, so do it yourself.

2. Offer foreplay

Hubs, I love you. I really do. But foreplay in this marriage means helping out with the daily chores. So yes, help out with the homework and help getting the child back from playtime on time and seeing to it that he’s out of the bath on time. Pitch in for the dirty jobs and do not always give me opportunities to be the bad cop.

3. Do not be a food critic

This one is for husband and son both. For the record, when I was a kid, dinner often was daal and rice or a variation, that is ‘khichdi’. While I can cook exotic food (because I am a multifaceted woman), I may not be able to do so daily. When you are served dinner that is humble, a simple ‘thank you’ would suffice.

Related reading: 10 things a man should never say to his wife

4. Stop acting like homework is my fault

Again, relevant for husband and son. I may not be able to spend that extra time with you, dear spouse, because of the school project I need to help with. Deal with it and read point 2. As for my son, do not scream ‘Homework sucks’! You are a child and you get homework like all kids did in the history of mankind. You too deal with it.

5. Stop behaving like helping me is a special favour

Honey, remember the time when we did it like bunnies to impregnate me? Yes, it took two to tango! So, yes, this child is half yours and if on occasion or on more than one occasion you do contribute effectively, then do not walk around with a chip on your shoulder like I owe you one. You did your job; aboutd 5% of what I do daily. You did what you are supposed to; no big deal.

Related reading: What to do when your husband doesn’t help with house chores

6. Call our parents

I am not the keeper of all family relationships. I’m happy to call them when I can, but you can also inform your parents and mine of what’s happening in our kid’s life. This is not just my job.

mother talking on smartphone
Image source

7. Just hear me out

With all the craziness most days bring, at the end of it I just want to be heard. I don’t really want opinions or ideas. I just want to be able to tell you how it was all for me. When I need a suggestion, I will surely ask. Till then dear husband, lend me your ears!

8. Don’t wake me up!

If you see my eyes closed then it’s a sign that I’m sleeping. I don’t do it often, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. So unless the house is on fire, don’t wake me up. I’m nicer when I’ve had some sleep. It’s in your best interest!

So, there you go; a small resolution list for my spouse and son to help me be the best version of myself that can be. I am sure there are many like me. So, to all my sisters out there, I hope I can be your voice! Happy New Year!

young woman sleeping
Image source

Related reading: A letter to Santa from his wife

Published in Humour

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