Will my abusive, cheating husband ever change?

by Prachi Vaish
abusive husband

Question:

Hello Dr. Prachi,

I am a computer science engineer and my husband is working in IT. I have been married since the past 3 years and it was an arranged marriage… but currently I am separated from my husband from last 7 months.

He is having an affair with his ex and I don’t trust him. He is a narcissist. I gave him too many chances to get over his past relationship but he has always been lying and talking to her secretly. The frequency became less in between but he hides his phone and never accepts the truth… he has explanations for everything when confronted. He never shows guilt about the affair.

Second, every decision is taken by him. I am nowhere. I feel worthless. He always changes his statement according to situation. My parents had given a lot of dowry and fulfilled his every wish. When they confronted him about the affair, he started speaking ill words to me and my parents and asked us to apologise. He has insulted me and my parents several times.. and he has hit me several times too. Can such people change or do they remain the same?

I am thinking to proceed for divorce but wanted to take your suggestions.

Relationship counselling

Related reading: Without evidence of my wife’s cruelty, how to prove it in court?

Prachi Vaish says:

Dear Friend,
I’m sorry that you are in this tough situation. As for your question, people [restrict]change but only when they realise that they are making a mistake and have remorse for their actions. If your husband doesn’t consider what he’s doing as wrong, then why would he want to change?

From your recent marriage, I’m assuming you’re still young and have a chance to start a fresh life with someone who values you. Walking out of a marriage is never easy but sometimes it’s better to take a few months of hurt and then move on to better things, rather than live with a lifetime of hurt.

Walking out of a marriage is never easy but sometimes it’s better to take a few months of hurt and then move on to better things, rather than live with a lifetime of hurt.

I suggest you sit down for one final talk with your husband and tell him that you are exhausted by the constant roller coaster and that you’re making a firm decision. If he utters the same words as he has in the past then you know he doesn’t mean them and then take a deep breath and walk away 🙂

I wish you all the best!
Prachi
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https://www.bonobology.com/20-signs-of-a-cheating-husband/

6 people on what they learnt about themselves after they cheated

consult here native

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