Q: I’m in a relationship since a year and a half with a guy who’s married with a daughter. We met through Facebook when he messaged me. He isn’t living with his wife since last year. He says that he will divorce his wife and marry me. She goes to stay with him every month for 10-13 days. But he says that they aren’t in a physical relationship. I’m confused because he says that until and unless she gets settled he won’t divorce her, whereas she doesn’t seem to be in a mood to get settled or concentrate on her career. I don’t like it when they talk, even normally. What should I do? Should I continue or end this relation here?
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A: This is a truly confusing scenario. It is tough to handle a romantic engagement with someone who is romantically or otherwise intimately involved with someone else, at least on paper. I can imagine the situation also being complicated for him, with no easy answers. In such scenarios, one has to ask oneself three important questions: 1) Do I love him/her enough to go through these hardships? 2) Are they showing equal interest in words and efforts to be with me and resolve the situation? And 3) What can realistically be done about solving the problems that are stopping us from being with each other?
Depending on the answers in your case, for you to resolve the anxieties around the relationship, I would suggest that you propose, that while you understand that he wants to help his wife settle down before the divorce, you see no reason not to open up about your relationship with him in front of her. Openness would signal common goals in the context of your relationship with him. Patience and trust can run thin in such situations and are required to be replenished with actions and words.
I hope things work out for you for the better.