I am a married man but am having an affair with a married woman. We are committed to each other and planning to get married, and everything was going well,
Some days ago we met some new friends and my partner is now showing interest in talking to him. When we try to talk, she doesn’t have any topic to talk with me. This is increasing my insecurity towards her. When I tried to speak with her on this issue she refused to stop speaking to him.
This is screwing me badly! I am unable to concentrate on my work. Even on days when we meet I always feel like that something going wrong… I am confused. Please tell me what to do and how to stop all this… Please help me to get rid of this
Mallika Pathak says:
Dear Young Man,
From what I understand from your email is that, you’re both currently married but are planning to divorce your current partners and start a new life together. I am unaware of the circumstances that lead you to seek emotional comfort out of your marriage – but sometimes we start to project our feelings on to the other person may be making you feel vulnerable right now. In other words it means that the thought of being unfaithful in your marriage may be the reason why you’re projecting those feelings onto your current partner.
To come to your current issue, why the insecurities regarding her talking to someone else? If she’s able to talk to someone with a certain comfort level, I don’t think she has any special feelings for him. Have you noticed any other signs that she might be interested in him? If not, I think you just need to understand that this may be a friendship, and nothing else.
Regarding the fact that you both are now unable to find topics to discuss, try and think back if this has always been the case and that earlier you didn’t focus on it as much as you are focusing now. Having an insight into this might help you to understand if what you’re thinking is actually something you need to be worried about.
Since you’ve both decided to spend your life together, I would strongly recommend that you both sit down and discuss your future and the insecurities that you feel. Any relationship will flourish only with the presence of strong communication and honesty. Talk to her about your feelings, and hear her out. Don’t focus on what’s wrong, rather focus on understanding how you can mend what’s not working out.