I intend to use this space in contradicting the old adage ” Do unto others what you want others to do unto you”… In my opinion after trying to balance relationships for nearly four decades i find something amiss here. That rule has either left the other person perplexed about my behaviour towards them or have left me reeling in sheer disappointment at being misunderstood. At the cost of sounding cliche~ i emphasise on , we all are different and unique and so our likes and dislikes. What may fill one with enthusiasm can be another’s dreariness. My religion is – words , yours could be – food for ~ crying out loud ! I know this couple who try to keep their U quotient high.. U for understanding , U for “You” the other person, by all means . They go by the theory the world has been made to , believe in , since times immortal… ” do unto others… … …” Its not so simple you see, its not Karma that your doing would return to you with same intensity and propensity. Lets put it this way, if Harry likes surprises, and wants Sally to surprise him , according to this theory Harry should throw a surprise to Sally for him to get the same in return. But the problem is Sally hates surprises, just like i do. Alas! Why should Harry do that which Harry wants Sally to do for him rather , why not just do what Sally wants Harry to do. Confused ? ;) Don’t be, it’s SIMPLE… Do unto others what THEY want you to do unto them. Sally wants books not flowers for a gift. Gift books not flowers. The whole game of relationship is expecting the other to understand the meaning behind your actions and unsaid emotions hidden behind those actions. You may desire your partner to hold your hand in a mall and walk but your partner is averse to any display of affection in public so unlike every other time, do not give in to the temptation, walk away, walk proud, walk thinking, you are actually doing what your partner wants. May be some day he would take your hand in his and give it a gentle squeeze too :) We become so helpless with our loved ones. They control our lives so royally that we keep falling into these pitfalls of expectation and disappointments.
Its a pity, that we are ready to do unto others but not to our own selves what we love and desire. Sometimes i feel we should separate ourselves from ourselves and then deal, it may weild different results. We may go to that extra edge to please our own self, if that “own” is “other”. The key to relationship is, oh wait, is there ANY KEY?
We make mistakes, we learn and then some of us share, like i am doing here. The sum of this post was hummed years back by a popular artist- ” Jo tumko ho pasand wahi baat karenge…” :)
