"Ingabe Angithandeki" - Izizathu eziyi-9 Ozizwa Ngale ndlela

Enkingeni eyinkimbinkimbi yemizwa yomuntu, umbuzo odlangile wokuthandeka komuntu ungabeka ithunzi elijulile enhlalakahleni yomuntu siqu. Umcabango othi "Ingabe angithandeki?" kunanela ezinhliziyweni zabaningi, kubonisa ukuhlangana okuyinkimbinkimbi kwemizabalazo yangaphakathi namathonya angaphandle.

Lesi sihloko sicubungula ekujuleni kwale labyrinth yemizwa, sihlola izizathu eziyisishiyagalolunye ezivamile ezibangela umuzwa onyantisayo wokungathandeki. Kusukela ebunkingeni bokuzethemba kanye nokuhlukumezeka okudlule kuya kumthelela wokulindela umphakathi kanye nempilo yengqondo, ingxenye ngayinye inikela embonweni eyinkimbinkimbi yokuzibona kwethu. Ngokwambula lezi zintambo, sihlose ukukhanyisa izindlela eziholela ekuzitholeni kanye nokwelapha, sikhuthaze ukuqonda okunozwela kwezinto ezingase zifiphaze umuzwa wethu wokufaneleka endaweni yothando nokuxhumana.

Ngokuvumelana ne I-Harley Therapy, ukuzizwa ungathandwa kungase 'kuzwakale' sengathi akuyona into enkulu. Kodwa kuyindaba engathi sína kakhulu. Kungaba yimbangela yezinye izimo eziningi ezingokwengqondo futhi ngokudabukisayo kuyimbangela ehamba phambili yokuzibulala.

Sibuze umeluleki wethu onguchwepheshe Nandita Rambhia (M.Sc. in Psychology) ukuze usisize siqonde ukuthi kungani abanye abantu besaba ukungathandeki nokuthi bangabhekana kanjani nokungathandwa. Qhubeka ufunda ukuze uthole ukuthi uthini ngalolu daba futhi uhlanganyele nathi ohambweni lokuzihlola, njengoba sizulazula endaweni eguquguqukayo yemizwa yabantu futhi sembula impicabadala yombuzo othi, “Kungani ngingathandeki?”

Kungani Uzizwa Ungathandwa? 9 Izizathu

Ungase uzibuze, “Yini eyenza umuntu angathandwa?” Awu, lutho neze. Wonke umuntu uyathandeka, futhi ukuzizwa sengathi awuthandi kungaba umphumela wenkinga ethile ejulile. Kungenzeka yini ukuba ungathandeki? UNandita uthi, “Angicabangi ukuthi kungenzeka nganoma yimuphi umuntu ukuba angathandeki. Kumayelana nombono wakho siqu.” Nokho, awukwazi ukususa umcabango othi, “Ngizizwa ngingathandwa futhi ngingafunwa yiwo wonke umuntu.” Sekuyisikhathi sokujula futhi uphenye ukuthi lo muzwa othi “Ngizizwa ngingathandwa” usuka kuphi.

Ukuzizwa ungathandeki kungase kubangelwa izici ezihlukahlukene, futhi kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi le mizwa iyinkimbinkimbi futhi incike. Kodwa kungani ukuzizwa uthandwa kubaluleke nakakhulu? Ukuzizwa uthandwa kuyisici esibalulekile sokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu, okuthonya inhlalakahle yethu engokwengqondo, engokomzwelo, nengokwenyama. Ukwamukela uthando kunikeza umuzwa ojulile we ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kanye nokwesekwa, okusebenza njengekhambi elinamandla lokunqanda izingcindezi nezinselele zempilo.

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A cwaningo wabonisa ukuthi umuzwa wothando nokulondeka “uthulisa ama-jittery neurons.” Ocwaningweni, abantu besifazane bahlolwe ngesithwebuli se-MRI ngenkathi benikezwa ukushaqeka okuncane emaqakaleni abo. Izinsikazi ezisele zodwa kusithwebuli zezwa ukwethuka nobuhlungu. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abesifazane ababambe isandla sikachwepheshe waselabhu bezwa ukushaqeka kodwa ubuhlungu buyancipha kakhulu. Ngokufanayo, abesifazane ababambe izandla zabayeni babo abanothando bezwa ukushaqeka kodwa kwakungenabuhlungu.

Ngenxa yezizathu eziningi, abanye abantu bangase basungule izinhlelo ezithile zengqondo (izindlela zokucabanga) ezibenza bakholelwe ukuthi abathandeki futhi akekho oyoke bazifune, noma ukuthi azanele, okuholela ekubeni nomuzwa wokuthi “Ngizizwa ngingathandwa futhi ngingafunwa yiwo wonke umuntu”. Silapha ukuze sikutshele ukuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nalo muzwa. Ngezansi kukhona ezinye izimbangela umuntu angase azizwe engathandwa ebudlelwaneni noma ekuphileni kwakhe kwansuku zonke.

1. Ukuzinyeza

“Ukungazethembi kungaba yimbangela enamandla yokuzizwa ungathandwa, futhi esinye sezimbangela ezivame kakhulu zokuthi umuntu azizwe engathandwa, kudale izinkolelo ezigcwele zomuntu siqu zokuthi umuntu ngokwemvelo akakufanelekeli ukuthandwa,” kusho uNandita. Uma abantu benombono ongemuhle ngabo, kuphazamisa umbono wabo wokuthi abanye bababheka kanjani futhi baqale ukubona izimpawu zokuzizwa bengafunwa ebuhlotsheni.

Morris Rosenberg noTimothy Owens, encwadini yabo Abantu Abangazihloniphi Ngokuphansi: I-Collective Portrait, bathi abantu abanokuzethemba okuphansi bavame ukuzwela ngokweqile. Banomqondo ontekenteke wokuzicabangela bona ongalinyazwa kalula ngabanye. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abantu abanokuzethemba okuphansi “baqaphile futhi baqaphele kakhulu izimpawu zokwaliwa, ukungafaneleki, nokuphika.” Nansi indlela abantu abanokuzinyeza abavame ukuzizwa bengathandwa ngayo:

• Bangase bakuthole kunzima ukwamukela uthando noma bazitshele ukuthi abakufanelekeli ukuthandwa
• Ukuzinyeza kwabo kungaholela endleleni yokuzilimaza ebudlelwaneni, njengoba bangase bakuthole kuyinselele ukukholelwa ekufanelweni kwabo uthando nokwamukelwa.
• Banenkinga yokuzithanda futhi bathambekele ekunciphiseni okuhle. Lokhu kusho ukuthi bagxila kuphela ezintweni ezingezinhle empilweni yabo futhi bashaya indiva isipiliyoni esihle
• Ukwephula lo mjikelezo ngokuvamile kuhilela ukubhekana nokwakha kabusha ukuzethemba ngokuzicabangela wena, iziqinisekiso ezinhle, nokuxhumana okusekelayo.

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2. Okulindelwe okungenangqondo

Ukulindela okungenangqondo kudala izindinganiso ezingenakufinyelelwa wena nabanye. Lapho abantu bebeka phezulu ngokweqile okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni noma bona ngokwabo, bazibekela ukwehluleka. Noma ikuphi okucatshangelwayo kokwehluleka ukuhlangabezana nalezi zindinganiso ezingenangqondo kungaholela ekuzigxekeni nasenkolelweni yokuthi ngokuyisisekelo umuntu unamaphutha noma akathandeki. Ngenxa yalokho, umuntu angase aqale ukubuza, "Ingabe ngiyathandwa?", Okubuye kubangele umuzwa wabo wokuzethemba.

Igebe phakathi kwamaqiniso namathemba aphakeme kangaka liba isizinda sokuzizwa ungafaneleki nokungafaneleki, kulimaze ukuzethemba komuntu. Lokhu kwenza kube nzima ngabantu ukuzizwa bamukelekile noma bakholwe ukuthi abanye bangabazisa ngobuqotho. Babona ngisho nokusuka okuncane kulokho abakulindele njengezimpawu zokuzizwa bengafunwa ebuhlotsheni. Ukubhekana nalokhu kuvame ukuhlanganisa ukuhlola kabusha okulindelekile nokukulungisa ukuze kube okwangempela kanye namazinga afinyelelekayo, ukukhuthaza uzwela, nokwamukela ukungapheleli okwenza umuntu ngamunye athandeke ngokukhethekile.

3. Okuhlangenwe nakho kwesikhathi esidlule

Izinto ezimbi ezenzeka esikhathini esidlule, njengokulahlwa, ukulahlwa, noma izenzakalo ezibuhlungu, zingaba nengxenye ekuzizweni ongathandeki. Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kungadala izibazi ezingokomzwelo ezithinta indlela umuntu azibheka ngayo nekhono lakhe lokuthandwa, kuholele umuntu ukuba akholelwe ukuthi umuzwa othi “Ngizizwa ngingathandwa futhi ngingafunwa yiwo wonke umuntu” abalwa nawo uyiqiniso. Nazi ezinye izibonelo ezingakusiza ukuqonde kangcono lokhu.

• Ngemva kokwenqatshwa izikhathi eziningi emsebenzini, umakhelwane wami uMark waqala ukungabaza ikhono lakhe, ezizwa engathandeki njengoba ezama ukuhlukanisa izithiyo zobungcweti nokubaluleka kwakhe.
• Umngane wami, u-Emily, usesimweni esifanayo. Abazali bakhe bahlukana esemncane. Lokhu kwamshiya nomuzwa oqhubekayo wokulahlwa owabhebhethekisa ukungazethembi futhi wenza ukwakha ukuxhumana okujulile kwaba inselele kuye. Lokhu kwakhulisa imizwa yokungathandeki
• Umngane wami, uSarah, owahlukana kabuhlungu okwaphawulwa ukukhashelwa, wakhula izindaba zokuthembela, futhi wakuthola kunzima ukuvuleka ebuhlotsheni obalandelayo, ebonisa ukuhlukumezeka umuzwa wakhe wokuthi akathandeki ngempela.

ULinda Graham, umelaphi womshado nomndeni onelayisensi, uyachaza kuye blog indlela okwenzeka ngayo esikhathini esidlule okungasenza sizizwe singathandeki. Uthi okuhlangenwe nakho okuphindaphindiwe kokufinyelela nokubhekana nobuhlungu kungaholela i-amygdala, isikhungo sethu sokwesaba kanye nemizwelo, ukufaka inkumbulo exhumanisa ukulangazelela nokulindela ukulimala, ngokuphindaphindiwe, ukudala i-loop engazi lutho, iqinisa iphethini ye-neural. Ubuchopho, obujwayele lokhu kuphindaphinda, busungula uxhumano lwe-neural oluqinile, olufana neluphu eliziqinisayo noma usimende we-neural.

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4. Ukuqhathanisa njalo

Ukuhlala uziqhathanisa nabanye, ikakhulukazi ngokubukeka komzimba, impumelelo, noma ubuhlobo, kungaholela emizweni yokungafaneleki nokungathandeki. Umkhuba we uziqhathanisa nawe kwabanye ngokuvamile kuvela ezindinganisweni zomphakathi kanye nemibono engenangqondo.

Njengoba abantu besebenzisa lezi ziqhathaniso ngaphakathi, bangase baqale ukukholelwa ukuthi izimfanelo zabo eziyingqayizivele azanele, zikhulise ukukholelwa okujulile kokuthi abathandeki. Ukugqashula kulo mjikelezo kuhilela ukuzijwayeza ukuzizwela, ukuqaphela amandla omuntu ngamunye, nokwamukela umbono oyiqiniso kakhulu noziqinisekisayo, ngaphandle kokuqhathaniswa kwangaphandle.

5. Ukuntuleka kokuqiniswa okuhle

Ukuntuleka kokuqiniswa okuhle kungaba nomthelela omkhulu ekuzizweni komuntu ukuzethemba futhi kube nomthelela emizweni yokungathandeki. Nansi indlela ukuqinisa okuhle okusebenza ngayo:

• Ukuqinisa okuhle, okuhlanganisa iziqinisekiso, isikhuthazo, nokubonakaliswa kothando, kunendima ebalulekile ekulolongeni indlela umuntu azibheka ngayo.
• Ngaphandle kwalokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okuqinisekisayo, abantu ngabanye bangase bathwale kanzima ukuze baveze isithombe sabo esihle
• Ukungabikho kokuqiniswa okuhle, ikakhulukazi phakathi neminyaka yokukhula, kungaholela ekuhlukumezekeni kwengane kanye nezinkolelo eziyinhloko eziqhubekayo zokuthi umuntu akakufanelekeli ukuthandwa nokwamukelwa.
• Abazali abakude abahlale begxeka futhi abangavamile ukutusa bangaholela ingane ekubeni ikholelwe ejulile yokuthi abalufanelekele uthando. Abantu abanjalo bangaphila impilo yabo yonke yabantu abadala bezibuza, “Ingabe ngiyathandwa?”

UNandita uthi, “Uma umuntu onegunya (umzali, uthisha, umnakekeli, isihlobo) ehlala egxeka umuntu, ikakhulukazi lapho esemncane, noma emenza azizwe ephansi kunabanye, ngokuqinisekile kungaholela ekuziphatheni okuphansi.” Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuntuleka kokuqinisekiswa okuhle kwangaphandle nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kungase kube nomthelela ekungazethembini, okwenza kube inselele kubantu ngabanye ukukholelwa ekuthandeni kwabo. Bangase baqale ukukholelwa ukuthi abafaneleki ubudlelwano obuhle.

Ukubhekana nale mizwa kuvame ukuhilela ukwakha ukuzethemba ngokuziqinisekisa, ukufuna ukuxhumana okusekelayo, nokukhetha ukwelulekwa kochwepheshe. Ukukhulela endaweni lapho uthando nokuqinisa okuhle bekuyindlala kungaba nomthelela ekuzihlonipheni komuntu kanye nokholo lwakhe ekuthandeni kwabo.

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6. Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo

Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo zifaka imizwa yokungathandeki ngokuhlanekezela indlela umuntu azibheka ngayo, akhuthaze imicabango engemihle, futhi abe nomthelela ekuxhumaneni nomphakathi. Nansi indlela:

• Umuntu ongaphilile kahle ngokwengqondo noma ohlushwa yizimo ezinjengokucindezeleka nokukhathazeka angaqala ukukholelwa emaphutheni angokwemvelo noma ukungafaneleki.
• Ukuhoxiswa komphakathi, ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa, nobunzima ekulawuleni imizwa noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo yengeza futhi emzabalazweni, inciphisa ulwazi oluhle phakathi kwabantu
• Umthelela wokugula ngengqondo ebudlelwaneni, kuhambisana namandla aphansi kanye nogqozi, kungaqinisa umuzwa wokuzihlukanisa (isizungu) nokungathandeki

Ukusebenzisana phakathi kwempilo yengqondo nemizwa yokungathandeki kuvame ukubandakanya iphethini yomjikelezo. Ukwephula lo mjikelezo kudinga indlela ephelele, okuhlanganisa ukwelapha, imithi, kanye nemikhuba yokuzinakekela, okuhloswe ngayo ukuhlakulela uzwela, ukwakha inethiwekhi yokusekela, nokukhuthaza ukuxhumana okunempilo. Ukubona ukuthi izinkinga zempilo yengqondo azichazi amandla omuntu othando nokuxhumana kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile ohambweni oluya ekwelapheni nasekuziboneni okuhle.

7. Ukwesaba ukuba sengozini

Kwesinye isikhathi ukwesaba ukungathandwa noma ukuzizwa ungathandwa ebuhlotsheni kuvela ekwesabeni ukuba sengozini nokuvuleleka emathubeni okwaliwa. Lokhu kwesaba kungaholela ekugcwalisekeni kwesiprofetho lapho abantu bezihlukanisa ngokomzwelo. Ukwesaba ubungozi ebudlelwaneni kungaholela umuntu ekubeni nesizungu, ngenxa yokuzihlukanisa yedwa. A study imibukiso:

• Isizungu singaholela ezinkingeni zobuntu (ezifana nokuphazamiseka kobuntu emngceleni, ukuphazamiseka kobuntu be-narcissistic, njll.) kanye ne-psychoses, ukuzibulala, ukukhubazeka kokusebenza kwengqondo nokuncipha kwengqondo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukwanda kwengozi ye-Alzheimer's Disease, ukunciphisa ukulawula abaphathi, kanye nezimpawu zokucindezeleka.
• Isizungu siphinde sikhulise ukucindezeleka okucatshangwayo, ukwesaba ukuhlolwa okungalungile, ukukhathazeka, nentukuthelo, kuyilapho kunciphisa ithemba nokuzethemba.

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Ngakho-ke ucwaningo luphakamisa ukuthi umuzwa ocatshangwayo wokuxhumana nomphakathi usebenza njengesikafula somuntu siqu. Limaze isikafula bese wonke umuntu eqala ukubhidlika.

8. Izitayela zokunamathisela ezingenampilo

Ayinampilo izitayela zokunamathisela kungaba nomthelela emuzweni ojulile wokungathandeki ngokusebenzisa izindlela ezahlukahlukene. Nansi indlela:

• Labo abanokunamathela okukhathazayo bangase besabe ukulahlwa, befuna ukuqinisekiswa njalo futhi benze ukuncika ngokomzwelo okuqinisa inkolelo yomuntu siqu yokuthi abathandeki ngaphandle kokuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle okuqhubekayo.
• Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu abanezitayela zokunamathisela ezigwemayo bangase babhekane nobunzima bokusondelana, ukukhulisa ibanga lomzwelo kanye nombono wokungakwazi ukusekela ukuxhumana okunenjongo.

Izindlela zokunamathisela ezingahlelekile, eziphawulwa ukuziphatha okungahambisani, zingadala ukudideka nokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo, kwenze umuntu azizwe engafaneleki. Kodwa yini ebangela la maphethini angenampilo? “Lapho umuzwa wokuqala wokuthanda umuntu ungathandwa, lokhu kungadala ubunzima ekusondelaneni nasekusondeleni, kudale imizwa eqhubekayo yokukhathazeka nokugwema ukudala ubudlelwano obujulile obunenjongo njengomuntu omdala,” kusho. Nancy Paloma Collins, LMFT.

Ukunamathiselwe okungenampilo kuvame ukuholela eziprofethweni ezizigcwalisayo kanye nokwandisa izinkinga zokunamathela, umuntu angase azihumushe njengezimpawu zokuzizwa engafunwa ebuhlotsheni. Ukuziphatha okuqhutshwa ukungazethembi kungaphazamisa ubudlelwano, kuqinise inkolelo yokuthi awuthandeki. Ukwelashwa kudlala indima ebalulekile ekubhekaneni nasekuguquleni lawa maphethini, ukukhuthaza ukuzazi, ukusungula okunamathiselwe okuvikelekile, kanye nokuhlakulela ukuzibona kwakho okuhle.

9. Amathonya amasiko nezenhlalo

Amathonya amasiko nomphakathi angaba nomthelela omkhulu ekuzizweni ungathandeki ngokubeka izindinganiso nokulindelwe okungenangqondo. Ukulandisa okuvelele kwezamasiko kuvame ukusho imikhuba ehlobene nobuhle, impumelelo, nobudlelwano phakathi kwabantu, kwakha uhlaka olungase lungafinyelelwa kwabanye abantu.

Labo abaphambukayo kule mibono enqunyiwe bangase bafake ngaphakathi umuzwa wokungafaneleki, bekholelwa ukuthi bayasilela ezilinganisweni zomphakathi zothando nokwamukelwa. Ukucwasa, ukucabanga ngendlela ehlukile, noma ukubandlulula okusekelwe ekwehlukeni kwamasiko noma ubulili kungenza le mizwa ibe mibi kakhulu, kukhuthaze inkolelo yokuthi umuntu akathandeki ngenxa yokuchema komphakathi.

A cwaningo kukhombisa ukuthi ukuzethemba kungazuzwa kangcono kubunikazi obufeza izimiso zesiko elizungezile. Ngokwesibonelo:

• Abahlanganyeli ezimweni zamasiko lapho abantu babegcizelela khona izindinganiso ezinjengokuziqondisa kanye nokuba nempilo evuselelayo (isb., i-UK, iNtshonalanga Yurophu, nezinye izingxenye zeNingizimu Melika) kwakungenzeka ukuthi bathole ukuzethemba ngokulawula izimpilo zabo.
• Labo abasemasikweni lapho bekugcizelelwa kakhulu izindinganiso ezifana nokuvumelana, isiko, nokuphepha (isb., izingxenye zeMpumalanga Ephakathi, i-Afrika, ne-Asia) kwakungenzeka ukuthi bathole ukuzethemba ngokwenza umsebenzi wabo.

Ukunqoba lezi zinselele kuhlanganisa inselele imikhuba yomphakathi, ukwamukela ukuhlukahluka, kanye nokukhuthaza umuzwa wokuzethemba ngaphandle kokulindelwe ngamasiko angaphandle. Ukufuna ukwesekwa emiphakathini ekhuthaza ukubandakanywa nokuqonda kungase futhi kubaluleke kakhulu ekulweni nomthelela wamathonya amasiko noma omphakathi emizweni yokungathandeki.

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Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi lezi zizathu zixhumene, futhi umuntu angase abe nenhlanganisela yalezi zici. UNandita usikisela ukuthi umuntu kufanele akhethe ukuzithanda yena. Uthi: “Kumayelana nendlela ozibheka ngayo, hhayi umbono womphakathi ngawe.

Izimbangela zokuzizwa ungathandeki - noma ukuzizwa ungathandwa ebudlelwaneni - zinezici eziningi, ezihlanganayo ezingokwengqondo, zemizwa, nezenhlalo. Ukuhlola lezi zici ekwelapheni, ukuzijwayeza ukuzizwela, kanye nenselele yemibono engemihle kuyizinyathelo ezibalulekile zokunqamula umjikelezo kanye nokugqugquzela umbono onempilo, omuhle ngokwengeziwe ngawe esimweni sothando nokwamukelwa. Esigabeni esilandelayo, sizobheka izindlela ezimbalwa zokubhekana nomuzwa wokuthi awuthandeki.

Ungabhekana Kanjani Nokuzizwa Ungathandwa?

Uma uzithola ubuza imibuzo enjengokuthi “Kungani ngizizwa ngingakufanelekele ukuthandwa?” noma “Yini eyenza umuntu angathandwa?” noma Kungani ngihlala ngizizwa ngingathandwa ebuhlotsheni?”, kungase kube ngenxa yezizathu ezithile ezibalwe ngenhla. Kodwa kuthiwani ngokubhekana nesimo esinjalo? Manje, ziningi izindlela zokubhekana nomuzwa wokuthi ungathandwa noma ungathandeki. Ukuzulazula endaweni eyinkimbinkimbi yokuzizwa ungathandeki kudinga indlela yozwelo nenhloso yokuzitholela wena siqu kanye nokuphulukiswa. Lesi sinyathelo sokuqala sokuzamukela siwukuvuma ukuthandwa nokungathandwa. ukuqina.

I-Quora umsebenzisi wathi, “Indlela obhekana ngayo nokungathandwa yindlela uHellen Keller abhekana ngayo nokuzalwa eyisithulu, eyisimungulu nempumputhe. Okunye umsebenzisi wasikisela, “Qala ngokucabanga 'ubalulekile.' Uma uzithanda, uzihlonipha, futhi uzinakekela, ungabathanda futhi ubakhathalele nabanye. Noma nini lapho ufuna ukunikeza othile okuthile, qala ngawe kuqala. Ufuna ukuthanda, kuqala zithande, zijabulise. Kuzogeleza kuwe njengokugeleza kwegazi emthanjeni wakho ngaleso sikhathi." Nazi ezinye izindlela ongabhekana ngazo nokuzizwa ungathandwa.

Ukufunda okuhlobene: Zitholele Ukubaluleka Kwakho: Izindlela Eziyi-13 Zokuzizwa Uthandwa Futhi Waziswa

1. Zijwayeze ukuzihawukela

Zijwayeze ukuzizwela ngokuziphatha ngomusa nokuqonda okufanayo obungakunikeza umngane obhekene nobunzima obufanayo. Zinike uthando olungenamibandela, yiba nesineke kuwe, futhi uvume ukuthi wonke umuntu unokungazethembi. Tara Brach, encwadini yakhe edayisa kakhulu Ukwemukelwa Okukhulu: Ukuphila Impilo Yakho Ngenhliziyo KaBuddha ithi, “Ukwamukelwa nothando yikona okwelapha ‘umbono wokungafaneleki.’ Futhi kuwukuphela kwezinto ezelapha ukuzizwa ungathandeki.”

2. Inselele imicabango yakho engemihle

U-Nandita uyasikisela, “Thola ukuthi kungani uzizwa ungathandeki.Ingabe kuwumuzwa wokuzihlukumeza? ukukukhanyisela ebudlelwaneni, noma ukukuphatha kabi ngokomzwelo? Ingabe kungenxa yalokho okwenzeka esikhathini esidlule? Uma sesitholile ukuthi 'kungani', kuba lula ukuqhubeka nokuyelapha.” Nansi indlela ongakwenza ngayo lokho:

• Thola bese ubekela inselele amaphethini emicabango engemihle enomthelela emizweni yokungathandeki
• Faka esikhundleni le micabango kanye nokuzikhulumela okungekuhle ufake iziqinisekiso ezilinganiselayo neziqondile ukuze ulolonge kabusha indlela ozibona ngayo.

3. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Cabangela ukwelashwa noma ukwelulekwa ukuze uhlole izimbangela zale mizwa. Abelaphi banganikeza imininingwane ebalulekile namathuluzi okuzulazula futhi anqobe ukuzizwa ungathandeki nezinye izinselele eziza nakho. Kodwa ekugcineni, umuntu ongakusiza nguwe kuphela.

NgokukaNandita, umuntu kufanele afune usizo lochwepheshe kudokotela wezengqondo ogunyaziwe ukuze akhiphe noma yikuphi ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuhambisana nokuzizwa engafaneleki futhi engathandeki. Futhi uma kutholakala ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, uchwepheshe uzokwazi ukukusiza ukuthi uthole uhlelo olungcono kakhulu lokwelapha. Uma uyidinga, unekhono futhi unolwazi abeluleki kuphaneli yeBonobology zilapha ngawe. Udokotela wezengqondo womtholampilo onelayisense uzokwazi ukunikeza ukwelashwa okufana nokwelashwa kwengqondo-yokuziphatha, ukwelashwa okunamandla phakathi kwabantu, nokwelashwa kokuzibophezela.

4. Yakha ubudlelwano obunempilo

UNandita uthi ukuba nohlelo oluqinile lokusekela kanye nokuxhumana okuhle komphakathi kubalulekile. Kodwa okubaluleke nakakhulu ukwethembana. Ngakho thulula isifuba sakho kubantu obathembayo, futhi ugcine abangani bakho namalungu omndeni eseduze. Uma uzizwa ungathandeki ebudlelwaneni bakho, kungase kube yisikhathi sokuhlola ukuthi kungaba ngcono yini ukushiya lobo budlelwano. Nakhu ukuthi ubudlelwano obunempilo busiza kanjani:

• Ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo isebenza njengekhambi elinamandla lemizwa yokungathandeki ngokunikeza ukuqiniswa okuhle komphakathi nokusekelwa
• Ukuxhumana nabantu abakuqondayo, abakwamukelayo nabakwazisayo kunomthelela ekuzizweni ubalulekile futhi ubalulekile
• Lobu budlelwano bukhuthaza indawo lapho ungabekela khona inselele imibono yakho engalungile, uthole uthando lwangempela, futhi kancane kancane wakhe kabusha umuzwa omuhle wobumina kumongo wothando nokuxhumana.

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5. Zibekele okulindelekile okungokoqobo

Setting okulindelwe okungokoqobo kuyisu elibalulekile lokubhekana nemizwa yokungathandeki, njengoba lihlanganisa ukuvuma ukuthi ukuphelela akunakufinyelelwa. Ngokuhlola kabusha futhi ulungise okulindelekile, uvumela indawo yokuzamukela futhi wamukele iqiniso lokuba ngumuntu, ngamandla nokungapheleli.

Lokhu kushintsha kwesimo sengqondo kukhuthaza umbono onozwela ngawe, okunikela emuzweni omuhle wokuzethemba kanye nokwanda kokuzethemba. “Kufanele ukhumbule ukuthi konke kungokwengqondo, ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukuqeqesha kabusha ingqondo nemicabango yakho ukuze ibe nomusa kuwe futhi ubheke izimfanelo ezinhle ngokwengeziwe,” kusho uNandita.

6. Zibandakanye ekuzinakekeleni futhi ugxile ekukhuleni komuntu siqu

Beka phambili ukuzinakekela kanye nokuphila kahle imisebenzi ekulethela injabulo nokuphumula. Ukunakekela impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokomzwelo kungaba nomthelela omuhle ukuzethemba kwakho kanye nendlela obheka ngayo izinto. Thola izindawo zokukhula komuntu siqu futhi ubeke imigomo engokoqobo. Okufeziwe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuncane kangakanani, kungakhuphula ukuzethemba futhi kufake isandla ekuzibukeni okuhle. Yeka imikhuba yakho yokuzilimaza.

7. Zama iziqinisekiso, ukubhala phansi, ukucabangela, nokuzindla

Gxila emisebenzini eyakhayo ukuze uzazi kangcono, hlala uqaphela imizwa yakho, futhi ufunde ukusefa ubuhle ngokusebenzisa isiphithiphithi semicabango engalungile. Nakhu okudingekayo:

• Dala futhi uphinda iziqinisekiso ezinhle eziqinisa imizwa yokuzethemba nokuthandwa. Iziqinisekiso zingaba ithuluzi elinamandla lokulwisana nokuzikhulumela okungekuhle futhi kukhuthaze umbono omuhle kakhudlwana
• Ukuthola izindlela veza imizwa yakho kanye nemicabango ngokusebenzisa ijenali kungaba indlela yokwelapha yokuthola ukucaciseleka kanye nokuqonda ngezimbangela zokuzizwa ungathandeki. Iphinde inikeze irekhodi lokuqhubeka kwakho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi
• Zijwayeze ukucabangela nokuzindla ukuze uhlakulele ukuzazi futhi unciphise ukukhathazeka. Lezi zinqubo zingakusiza ukuthi uhlale ugxile esikhathini samanje futhi uthuthukise umbono olinganiselayo

Ukwamukela amandla omuntu siqu, ukuqonda izimbangela, kanye nokuvuselela kancane kancane ukuzibona okuhle kuyizici ezibalulekile zale nqubo yokuguqula. Ngokuzicabangela kanye nezinyathelo zamabomu, abantu bangahlakulela ubuhlobo obuyiqiniso nobunothando ngokwengeziwe nabo, ekugcineni bagqashule ekubanjweni kokungathandeki futhi bakhuthaze umuzwa wokufaneleka othandweni nasekuxhumaneni. Ngakho susa imibuzo enjengokuthi 'Ingabe kungenzeka ukungathandeki?' nokuthi 'Kungani ngizizwa ngingakufanelekele ukuthandwa?' engqondweni yakho bese uzama izinto ezimbalwa ezibalwe ngenhla ukukusiza ukuthi ubhekane nomuzwa wokuthi awuthandeki.

Ekuhloleni okuyinkimbinkimbi kwemibuzo ekhathazayo "Ingabe angithandeki?" futhi "Kungani ngingathandeki?," kuba sobala ukuthi uhambo lokuzitholela kanye nenqubo yokuphulukisa kokubili komuntu siqu futhi kuyashintsha. Ukuvuma kanye nokubekela inselele amaphethini emicabango engemihle, ukukhuthaza ukuzizwela, nokufuna ukusekelwa kuyizinyathelo eziyisisekelo zokudiliza izimpande zokungathandeki.

Kungaphakathi kwezinyathelo zamabomu zokuzicabangela, ukukhula ngamabomu, kanye nokuhlakulela ukuxhumana okunenjongo lapho abantu bengadlula khona ithunzi lokungathandeki, ekugcineni bathole uthando olujulile noluhlala njalo kanye nokwamukelwa ngaphakathi kubo. Uhambo oluya ekuzithandeni aluqondile, kodwa ngokubekezela, uzwelo, kanye nokuzinikela, umuntu angaphuma ekujuleni kokungabaza aye ekuqondeni okugqamile futhi okuqinisekisa ngokwengeziwe ukuthandwa komuntu ngokwemvelo.

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