10 Ngā Huarahi Hei Hanga i Tō Hononga i Muri i te Taumautanga, ā, i Mua i te Marenatanga

Kua taumau koe a he wa e toe ana mo to marena? Kei te whakaaro koe me pehea te tata atu ki to hoa rangatira i tenei wa? Kaati, ko te wa i muri i te marenatanga me te wa i mua i te marenatanga he tino uaua na te mea kua mutu nga ra o to taangata me te mea kei roto koe i te waa "whakamahere marena".

I tētahi taha, he kare ā-roto makutu, pērā i ngā mano pūrerehua e rere ana i roto i tō puku. I tētahi atu taha, ko te whakaaro noa ki te whakatau i tēnei whakatau e whakarerekē ana i tō oranga, tera pea ka mataku koe. Ahakoa kāore koe e manukanuka ana ki te wāhanga "noho hei hoa rangatira", ko te manukanuka mō te mea ka he tetahi mea i mua atu, i te wā rānei o te marena, tera pea ka pāngia koe e te maha o ngā pō kore moe.

Mena koinei tō āwangawanga matua, kei a mātou ētahi whakaaro pai hei whakarite kia kore ai tō aroha e pāngia e te kino i muri i te taumau. Ka taea te whakamahi i tēnei wāhanga hei whakamōhio i tō hoa rangatira ā muri ake nei, hei whakawhanake hoki i tētahi rohe whakamarie ki a ia i mua i te marena. Ahakoa te roa o tō mōhio ki tō hoa rangatira, he rerekē te āhua o te marena, ā, ko te wā i muri i te taumau me mua i te marena ka taea te hoatu he tirohanga pai ake mō tō kōrua heke mai.

Ngā Mea Hei Mahi I Muri I Te Taumautanga, I Mua I Te Marenatanga

Ka kōrero mai a Lisa, he wahine hou kua mārenatia, nō Long Island, mō āna wheako hou ki a mātou, "Ko te wā i muri i te taumautanga me mua i te mārenatanga ka homai te turanga me te kaha e tika ana mō tō whanaungatanga ki tō hoa rangatira. Ahakoa i tūtaki ahau ki a Mike i te kāreti, kua kite ahau i te hiranga o te wā i waenganui i te taumautanga me te mārenatanga. Nā te mea kua whakaritea kōrua kia noho tahi mō te oranga katoa, ka kitea e koe tō hoa rangatira i roto i tētahi tirohanga hou."

I kōrero mai a Lisa ki a mātou mō tōna harikoa mō te marena me tō rāua oranga marena. I hoki anō ia ki ngā kare ā-roto katoa i pā ki a ia i tōna tīmatanga ki te aroha ki a Mike, engari i ruarua anō hoki ia mō ētahi take pūtea. Ko tana whakaaro nui ki ā mātou kaipānui ko te kōrero i mua i te marena me muri i te taumautanga mō ngā mea katoa kei roto i tō hinengaro mō tō heke mai. He mārama, ka rapu koe i ngā whai wāhitanga ki te hono atu, ki te hanga he whanaungatanga pumau me tō hoa rangatira ā muri ake nei. Whakamahia ēnei huarahi mohio, whai hua hoki e 10 hei whakapakari i tō whanaungatanga i muri i te taumautanga:

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1. Kōrerohia ngā mea ehara i te rā o tō marena

He mea maori te hiahia ki te kōrero ki tō hoa mō te rā nui e tere haere mai ana. Ko te oranga i muri i te taumautanga ko te whakarite i ngā mahere mō te marena, te whakatau ko wai ngā kaihoko pai rawa atu, me pēhea te whakarite nohoanga, ko tēhea roopu waiata e hiahiatia ana e koe, me ērā atu mea. Ahakoa he mea tino tika ēnei mea katoa, tera anō tētahi atu huarahi hei whakamahi i tēnei wā i waenganui i te taumautanga me te marena kia whai hua ake.

Kaua e ngenge i ngā kōrero a te tokorua hou kua taumautia, engari me tāpiri atu he momo kōrero ki ō koutou kōrero. Me pēhea te waihanga i tētahi rārangi hiahia mō ngā tokorua e rima tau te roa hei whakatutuki māu ko tō hoa rangatira? Ka taea e koe te tuku whakaaro mō te te haerenga mo te honiMe noho noa iho rānei, pērā i mua i tō kōrua taumautanga. Hei tāpiri, mā te kōrero mō ētahi atu mea i tua atu i te rā nui ka āwhina i te whakaiti i te ahotea, ā, ka taea e kōrua te whakapau i te wā kounga ki a kōrua anō.

2. Kōrerohia ō mahere ā muri ake nei: mō te wā poto me te wā roa

He moemoeā, he whāinga hoki tō te katoa, kua roa nei e hiahia ana rātou ki te whai i mua noa atu i te taenga mai o tō rātou hoa rangatira ki roto i tō rātou ao. He mea tika tonu kia whakapuaki i ō whāinga ki tō hoa kia rite ai ā koutou mahere mō te wā roa me te wā poto. Mā tēnei ka kore tetahi o koutou e whakarērea ā koutou moemoeā, ā, ka taea hoki e koutou te mahi tahi ki ēnei whāinga me ngā wawata mā te whakaute i ngā hiahia me ngā wawata o tētahi ki tētahi.

I hiahia tonu taku hoa a Alice ki te haere ki Cambridge mō tana tohu paerua, engari mō tana hoa tāne, he mea nui kia noho tata ki ōna mātua nā ō rāua raruraru hauora. I noho tēnei hei take tautohetohe nui i roto i tā rāua whanaungatanga, ā, i te mutunga ka whakakorea e rāua te marena. Kei te kite koe me pēhea te huri o ngā whāinga hē ki ngā raruraru whanaungatanga i muri i te taumau i mua i te marena? Kāore koe e hiahia kia waiho ēnei mea katoa hei take pakanga i roto i tō kōrua oranga marena. Mā te whakatakoto i ō kāri katoa ki runga i te tēpu mai i te tīmatanga ka āwhina i a kōrua mō te wā roa.

3. Kia mōhio pai tetahi ki tetahi

I muri i te taumautanga, me whakapau kaha koe ki te mōhio pai ake ki tō hoa, nā te mea, ki te kore, kāore e taea e koe te tumanako ki te hanga hononga kaha, pumau. Kei te tata koe ki te noho tahi me tēnei tangata mō te toenga o tō oranga. He mea maori noa iho te ngana ki te mōhio ki a ia i mua i te marena, ina koa he taumautanga ohorere. I taua wā, ka taea e tātou te whakaaro kāore i roa te wā i mōhio ai kōrua.

Ngāna kia mōhio ki ngā mea e pai ana, e kore rānei e pai ana ki tō hoa rangatira, kia pai ake ai tō mārama ki a rātou. Rapua ētahi atu kōrero mō tō hoa rangatira, tōna āhua, tōna whanaungatanga ki tōna whānau, āna whāinga me ōna wawata, me ērā atu mea. Haunga tēnā, ko tō hoa rangatira te mea nui rawa atu i roto i tō oranga ā muri ake nei, he pai ki te whai wāhi koe ki te whakarite i tētahi wāhi motuhake mōna i mua i te hikoi ki te arawhata me te kī "Ae".

4. Kia pono tetahi ki tetahi

Kia maumahara ko te pono me te whakawhirinaki te pūtake o ngā marena. Ā, he mea nui anō hoki kia kia pono ki a koe anō kia mārama ai koe ki tō whanaungatanga pai ake. He maha ngā wā ka whakaae te tangata ki te marena i runga i te hiahia ohorere, me te kore e whakaaroaro pai ki tā rātou whakatau. Kia mōhio rātou ehara te marena i te nekehanga tika mō tā rātou whanaungatanga, kua roa rawa te wā ki te hoki whakamuri me te kore e whara i ngā kare ā-roto o te tini o te hunga e whai wāhi ana ki te tukanga.

Whakapono mai, kāore mātou e hiahia kia waiho koe hei wahine marena kua oma atu, hei tangata rānei e waiho ana i tētahi wahine kākahu mā ki te aata. Koia mātou e kore e taea te whakanui i te hiranga o te whakaaroaro ki tāu whakatau i mua i te tīmatanga o te whakarite i te marena. Kei te marena koe nā te aroha, kei reira rānei ētahi atu take e pā ana ki tāu whakatau? Kia tino mōhio koe ki ō kare ā-roto mō tēnei marena i mua i te haere tonu me ngā mahere marena.

Ki te mea kei te awangawanga koe mō ētahi feaa, ngā whakaaro kino rānei, me whakapuaki atu ki tō hoa rangatira i muri i te taumautanga me te ngākau tuwhera me te hinengaro tuwhera. Kōrerohia ngā mea e kore ai koe e pai ki te kōrero, ngā mea rānei e kore e taea e koe te kōrero, kia kaha ake ai tō māramatanga.

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5. Ngāna ki te kōrero mō ngā pūtea

E mea ana a Carla, he kaiawhina ētita 26-tau te pakeke nō New Jersey, "Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe mō ngā mea hei kōrero māu i mua i te marena i muri i te taumau, me whakaaro koe ki ngā pūtea hei kaupapa kōrero. I tēnei ao hou, he pai ake ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine o te ao hou te tohatoha ōrite i ā rātou whakapaunga. Engari me pēhea te whakatau i tāu hea mēnā he nui te rerekētanga o ō utu? Kaua te moni e waiho hei take mō te takahi i ngā whakaritenga ina he aroha, engari he mea nui tonu hei whakatau i te kounga o tō whanaungatanga. Whakaarohia!"

He mea nui kia kōrerohia ngā take pūtea pēnei i te hiahia o tō hoa ki te tango i te kawenga pūtea katoa o te marena, i te hiahia rānei kia tohaina e kōrua te taumahatanga pūtea kia ōrite. Kōrerohia tēnei i mua i te wā kia taea ai te whakarite i tētahi whakaritenga e tika ana. Ka taea e ngā take pūtea te hanga arai i te huarahi ki te nga marena angitu nō reira, he mea tino nui te kōrero mō ēnei take.

6. Kia ū ki tō whanaungatanga

I a koe e noho ana i waenganui i te taumau me te marena, ngana kia mārama ki te nui o te whakapau kaha o tō hoa ki te whakaaro "kia wehea rā anō tāua e te mate". Heoi anō, he mea nui te whakapau kaha kia angitu ai te marena. Kei te tino hiahia rātou ki tēnei? Kei te kōrero rātou mō ngā mea ka taea e kōrua te mahi tahi i muri i te reti? Ka taea e rātou te kōrero mō tō kōrua oranga tahi me te kore whakaroa, te kore rānei e aukati?

He mea nui tēnei nā te mea he whakatau nui te marena, ā, kāore koe e hiahia kia puta te pouri i muri mai. I taua wā anō, whakaaturia ki tō hoa te pono me te whakapau kaha ki a rāua me tēnei whanaungatanga. Ngāna kia whai wāhi ki ngā kawenga o tētahi ki tētahi, kia noho hoki ki reira hei tautoko i a rāua ki te waihanga i tētahi wāhi mō te whakawhirinakitanga hauora i roto i tō kōrua marena. I muri i te taumau, i mua i te marena, me arotake e kōrua te whakapau kaha ki a kōrua kia tino whai hua.

7. Kia mōhio ki ō rātou whānau

Tērā pea kei te moe koe i te tāne/wahine o ō moemoeā, me te whakaaro hoki ki tētahi oranga tino pai me rātou. Engari i roto i tēnei mahi, kaua e wareware ki tētahi mea nui – ko tō rātou whānau ka rite anō hoki ki tō whānau whānui. Kia whai koe i tētahi he marena harikoa, roa, He mea nui kia mau tonu te whanaungatanga pai ki a rāua. He wāhanga nui rāua o te oranga o tō hoa taumau. Ina hoki, me whakapau kaha kōrua ki te noho tahi me ngā whānau o tētahi ki tētahi.

Nō reira, me mōhio koe ki a rātou kia ngāwari ai te hono atu ki a rātou i muri i te marena, kia noho humarie ai hoki ki a rātou. Ngāna kia mōhio ki te momo hononga, ki te whanaungatanga rānei e tohaina ana e tō hoa ki ō rātou whānau hei toa i ō rātou ngākau. Tērā pea ka taea e koe te whakarite i ētahi tina ki tō kāinga kia pai ake ai tō mōhio ki te whānau o tō hoa, kia whakamahere rānei i tētahi rā ki waho me ngā whānau e rua.

8. Ka taea e koe te whakamahi i tēnei wā hei kōrero mō te whakamahere whānau

Whakaarohia tēnei hei tētahi o ngā kaupapa kōrero nui rawa atu mō te tokorua kua taumau, ā, kaua e mahue mēnā kāore anō kia kōrerohia ēnei kōrero. Hei tauira, kei te kite koe i a koe anō e mau ana i te tūranga o tētahi whaea whutupaoro i tētahi wā, ā, kāore tō hoa i te tino pai ki ngā tamariki. Kāore rānei ia e hiahia ana ki ngā tamariki tūturu, ā, e hiahia ana ki te whāngai tamariki, engari e hiahia ana koe ki te whai i ngā ira e iwa katoa o te hapūtanga me te whānautanga. Me pēhea te haere ki te huarahi waenga? Kōrerohia. Kia kotahi te whakaaro o kōrua kia kore ai e taupatupatu ā muri ake nei.

Ehara i te mea ko te oranga i muri i te taumau he kai hakari papai me te mataku mō te marena anake. Kaua e huna te kanohi ki ngā raruraru tūturu ka puta ake i roto i te marena. Ae, kāore e taea e koe te matapae i te āhua o tō heke mai, engari ka taea e koe te whakapau kaha kia rite te whakaaro o tō hoa rangatira ki a koe, ahakoa te aha.

9. Kōrerohia tō hītori, mēnā he mea kei a koe

He maha ngā raruraru whanaungatanga i muri i te taumautanga i mua i te marena ka puta ake mēnā kua hunaia e ngā hoa tetahi mea mō ā rātou ake. ngā mea o mua ka pā pea ki te whanaungatanga o nāianeiMe whakatakoto ngā kōrero katoa mai i tōu ao o mua e tūpono ana ki te whakararu i te marena.

I muri i te kāreti, ka tīmata a Meredith ki te whakamahi i ngā raau taero. Tae rawa ki te wā i noho ai ia i roto i te whare whakaora mō ētahi tau, ā, i whiua hoki ia mō te mahi tinihanga. Heoi, i kaha tōna ngākau ki te tō i a ia anō i roto i taua rua rāpeti, kia tino ma. I taea e ia te waihanga i tētahi oranga whakaute mōna ake, ā, i te mutunga ka tūtaki ia ki a Harry. I whakatau rāua kia marena. Engari i muri i te taumautanga ka mōhio a Harry ki tōna hītori, ā, ka pōuri ia.

Nā te huna i tētahi mea ngaro nui mai i tana hoa rangatira, tata tonu a Meredith te kore e marena. Koia te take, koinei te wā pai ki te kōrero mō tō hītori ki a koe anō kia kore ai e miharo i muri i te marena, kia tīmata hou ai koe. Ki te kore koe e pai ki te kōrero i tētahi hītori whakama ki tō hoa, me whakaatu he tirohanga whānui ki a rātou, kaua e uru ki ngā taipitopito iti rawa.

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10. I runga ake i ngā mea katoa, whakapaua te wā ki te noho tahi

Ka maumauria ō mahi katoa ki te hanga i tō kōrua whanaungatanga i muri i te taumautanga mēnā kāore kōrua e whai wā ki a kōrua. Kia nui ake te wā e noho tahi ai kōrua kia mau tonu ai te aroha i muri i te taumautanga. Ka taea e kōrua te hoki ki ngā wāhi i haerea e kōrua i te wā tuatahi i tūtaki ai kōrua, te rēhita rānei mō tētahi akoranga whakarite mō te marena. Heoi anō, me pēhea te whakapaipai i te whare e tata ana kōrua te neke tahi ki roto?

Whakamaherehia ētahi atu rā me tō hoa rangatira ahakoa he rā pō whakatau kāinga he tina aroha, he mātakitaki kiriata rānei. Ko te tiaki i a kōrua anō te mea nui i tēnei wā i muri i te taumautanga me mua i te marena. Haere ki te wāhi mirimiri mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i ngā wiki mutunga, ki te whakapaipai rānei i a kōrua ki te mani-pedi. Mā ēnei katoa koe e āwhina kia taunga ki te whakaaro o te whai i tētahi i roto i tō kōrua ao, ā, ka maeneene, ka whakamarie hoki tō kōrua ao i muri i te marena.

He mea nui tēnei wā i waenganui i te taumau me te marena. Me whakamahi pai koe i tēnei wā, ehara i te mea hei mōhio pai ake tetahi ki tetahi, hei mōhio hoki ki te whānau o tetahi, engari me whakarite hoki i ngā mahere mō te heke mai mō ngā pūtea, ngā mahi, me te whānau. Kaua e kōrero noa mō ngā kākahu ka mau i te Rā-D, engari me whakauru atu hoki ngā kaupapa nui. Mā ēnei kōrerorero ka nui ake tō māia ina oti āu kupu taurangi, ā, ka mōhio koe kua oti i a koe te whiriwhiri whakaaro nui, whai whakaaro nui.

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