Anzanu Awiri: Njira 10 Zopangira Abwenzi Monga Banja

Kufalitsa chikondi

Mukukumbukira gawo la The Sexless Innkeeper lochokera mu How I Met Your Mother ? Marshall ndi Lily akusangalala kwambiri ndi chibwenzi cha anthu awiri ndi Robin ndi Barney, chifukwa adakumana ndi vuto lopeza mabwenzi awiri kale. Ndipo tsoka! Usiku wamasewerawo udakhala "usiku wa maanja" wovuta komanso wokakamiza.

Monga iwo, maanja nthawi zambiri amatha kupeza zovuta komanso zovuta kukhazikitsa vibe ndi maanja ena. Kupatula apo, kupanga mabwenzi ngati okwatirana kumafuna kuti anthu azigwirizana osati awiri, koma anthu anayi. Komabe, zikachita bwino, zitha kuwonjezera "chinthu chosowa chosangalatsa" paubwenzi kapena ukwati wanu. Koma kodi okwatirana angapeze bwanji mabwenzi oterowo? Nanga n’cifukwa ciani kukhala ndi mabwenzi n’kofunika kwambili? Nawa mayankho a mafunso anu onse.

Kufunika Kokhala ndi “Anzanu Awiri”

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Nthawi zambiri anthu amaona kuti anthu okwatirana amangofuna nthawi, mphamvu komanso ndalama. Ichi ndi chifukwa chachikulu chomwe maanja amadzipatula okha m'malo otonthoza a mabanja awo. Kuyang'ana kupitirira chigoba cha moyo wawo wa tsiku ndi tsiku kumawoneka ngati ntchito yotere kwa iwo.

Ntchitoyi si yovuta monga momwe ikuonekera. Inu ndi mnzanuyo mukangoigwira bwino, kupeza mabwenzi awiri sikungowonjezera moyo watsopano m'miyoyo yanu komanso, kwenikweni, kudzakhala choyambitsa kuyambiranso ubale wanu . Inde, kupanga mabwenzi awiri kungayambitse maukwati achimwemwe komanso aatali. Umu ndi momwe mungachitire.

1. Mumaona mbali ina ya okondedwa wanu

Kodi munayamba mwatenga mnzanu wanu mopepuka, mpaka kufika poti munali otopa naye? Si inu nokha amene mukukumana ndi vuto la kutopa muubwenzi . Kukhala ndi munthu kwa nthawi yayitali kungakupangitseni kuiwala momwe munali openga naye, pamene munayamba chibwenzi naye.

Yankho la kuonananso ndi mnzanu m'njira yabwino, ndi maubwenzi a anthu awiri, malinga ndi Dr. Kathleen Deal, wolemba nawo buku la Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships . M'bukuli, maanja ena anati, "Ndikaona mwamuna/mkazi wanga ali ndi anthu ena, zimandipangitsa kuwayamikira mwanjira ina. Ndimaona momwe alili okongola kapena oganizira ena kapena momwe alili okonda kukambirana."

2. Relatability factor

Monga okwatirana, chinthu chomaliza chomwe mukufuna ndi anthu osakwatiwa amadzitamandira nthawi zonse za maphwando awo, maulendo a tsiku ndi tsiku komanso momwe moyo wosakwatiwa uliri wosangalatsa. Inu ndi wokondedwa wanu nthawi zina mumafuna maanja omwe angagwirizane nanu komanso omwe akukumana ndi mavuto omwewo.

Awa ndi malo omwe maubwenzi apabanja angakuthandizeni kuchita bwino. Monga okwatirana, mungapeze anthu akulimbana ndi nkhani zofanana - kulera ana, kulinganiza ntchito ndi chikondi, kusamalira makolo okalamba ndi zina zotero. Zimakupangitsani kumva kuti si inu nokha. Komanso, mumapeza njira zina zothanirana ndi mavuto omwe mukukumana nawo ndikuphunzira njira zabwino zothetsera mavuto anu.

3. Amapha monotony

Kodi mwachibadwa timakhala ndi mkazi mmodzi? Zoona zake n'zakuti kukonda mkazi mmodzi kumakhala kotopetsa ndipo kukhala nthawi yayitali ndi munthu mmodzi nthawi zina kumakhala koopsa. Ndipo mungatani kuti muchotse poizoniyu? Khalani okonzeka nthawi zonse kuyesa zinthu zatsopano. Kuchita chinthu chomwe inu ndi mnzanu simunachitepo kale kungakulitse chisangalalo.

Itha kukhala ntchito iliyonse yomwe mungasankhe kuchita ndi anzanu apamtima. Kuwonera masewera pamodzi. Kusewera masewera angapo limodzi. Kuyenda limodzi. Kuyesa malo odyera atsopano pamodzi. Kupatula apo, palibe vuto lomwe chakudya chabwino ndi vinyo sizingathetse!

4. Ubale wosangalala kapena ukwati

Monga momwe Dr. Greg Smalley, akunenera m'buku lakuti Crazy L'il Thing lotchedwa Marriage: Zinsinsi 12 za chikondi cha moyo wonse , "Ndaphunzira kuti kukhala m'gulu ndikofunika kwambiri kuti banja likhale lolimba, makamaka pamene ukwati ukuyesedwa..."

Kupeza mabwenzi kungalimbitse maziko a ubwenzi wanu chifukwa tsopano chinthu chachikulu chikachitika, mumakhala ndi anthu ambiri oti musangalale nawo. Ngakhale zopambana zazing'ono zimakhala zazikulu, popeza muli ndi gulu lothandizira, nthawi zonse limakhala lokondwerera kupambana kwanu.

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Momwe Mungapangire Mabwenzi Awiri

Rhaine Cohen moyenerera anati: “Abwenzi athu aamuna, ena athu ofunika ndi amuna athu akuyenera kukhala nambala 1. Dziko lathu labwerera m’mbuyo.” Monga momwe mawuwo amapitira, kuyang'ana mnzanuyo ngati pakati pa chilengedwe chanu si njira yabwino yokhalira moyo. Mufunika magwero ena kuti mutengeko chimwemwe chanu. Ndipo, maubwenzi apabanja akhoza kukhala amodzi mwa magwero amenewo.

Koma mungayambire pati muzochita zonse zopanga mabwenzi ngati banja? Nazi njira 10 zopangira anzanu angapo, zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo mutenthedwe.

1. Kambiranani ndi bwenzi lanu

Chomaliza chomwe mukufuna ndikumenyana kwina pa mnzanu m'modzi yekha akuika ntchito yonse. Choncho kambiranani momveka bwino ndi mnzanuyo za kuchuluka kwa inu nonse mukufuna kucheza. Kugawanitsa zoyesayesa ndiye njira yabwino kwambiri yochitira. Kupeza mabwenzi awiri si ntchito ya munthu mmodzi.

Buku lakuti Two Plus Two limagawa maanja m'magulu atatu - 'Ofuna' (okonda kucheza ndi anthu ena omwe akufunafuna maubwenzi), 'Osunga' (omwe amamva kukhutitsidwa mkati mwa ubale wawo ndipo akusangalala ndi gulu la mabwenzi apamtima) ndi 'Okonda kukhala chete' (okonda kukhala chete omwe amakonda kukhala ndi gulu la anthu awiri). Ndani mwa awa awiri? Ndani mwa awa amene mukufuna kukhala?

2. Yankhani anzanu omwe alipo kale

Muli ndi anzanu akusukulu kapena akukoleji m'tawuni yanu omwe simunakumane nawo, mutagwidwa? Agwirizanenso ndi anzako. Popeza munali kale nawo kale, zingakhale zosavuta kuti musiyane nawo.

kupanga mabwenzi awiri — Kuyanjananso ndi abwenzi akale ndi okwatirana kungakhale lingaliro labwino

3. Pangani maphwando kuti mupange mabwenzi angapo

Kukonza phwando nthawi zonse kwakhala njira yabwino kwambiri yopezera mabwenzi ngati banja. Konzani mndandanda wosangalatsa wa masewero. Konzani masewera angapo monga Dumb Charades kapena Taboo. Muthanso kusewera masewera akumwa monga Never Have I Ever , Social Humor kapena Dring. Odani chakudya kapena ingokhalani ndi potluck. Konzani umunthu wanu ndipo mwakonzeka kuyamba.

Mukhoza kuchita masewera monga, 'Kodi mumamudziwa bwino mnzanuyo?' momwe mumawafunsa okondedwa anu za wina ndi mzake ndikuwona ngati mayankho awo akugwirizana. Itha kukhala njira yabwino yotsitsimutsira mnzanuyo ndipo mutha kuphunzira zatsopano za iwo ndi masewerawa.

4. Khalani ozizira, musapangitse kukhala chinthu chachikulu

Ubwenzi wabwino kwambiri wa anthu okwatirana ndi umene umakhala wopanda chinyengo. Choncho, khalani nokha ndipo musayese molimbika. Aliyense amakonda anthu oona mtima komanso oona mtima. Yambani ndi nkhani zing'onozing'ono ndikufunsani zokonda kuti mupange anzanu angapo. Mutha kulankhulanso za nkhani zomwe zimagwirizana, monga momwe mudakumana ndi bwenzi lanu. Chinyengo ndicho kukhala omasuka komanso ofikirika.

5. Phatikizanipo awiri muzochitika zomwe nonse mumakonda

Simuyenera kuchoka panjira. Ngati inu ndi mnzanuyo mumakonda kusewera tenisi mwachitsanzo, mutha kukhala ngati, "Hei, mkazi wanga ndi ine tikukonzekera kusewera tennis sabata ino. Ingopitirirani ndi kuwafunsa iwo. Umu ndi momwe zimakhalira zosavuta kupanga mabwenzi apabanja.

Kapena mukhoza kupita ku bowling. Kapena kukoma kwa vinyo. Kapena kusewera gofu. Mukhoza kuyamba ndi kuwapempha kuti abwere kudzamwa khofi. Kapena kupita kukayendetsa. Kapena Sunday Brunch. Mwaona? List ikupitilira…

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6. Yambani inuyo kuchitapo kanthu

Njira yabwino yopezera mabwenzi awiri ndi kuyamba inuyo kuchitapo kanthu. Osachita manyazi kukhala amene amapanga mapulani. Zitha kukhala kuti maanja ena amafunanso kucheza nanu koma sakutsogola.

Choncho, sungani kudzikuza kwanu pambali ndipo khalani amene mumatumiza uthenga, kutsatira zomwe mukufuna komanso nthawi zonse muzilankhulana. Musamachite manyazi kukhala Roland ndi Jocelyn, banja lokonda kwambiri la ku Schitt's Creek, lomwe nthawi zonse limakhala lokonzeka kucheza ndi maanja ena.

7. Pezani malo otchuka mumzindawu ndi anzanu angapo

Pamene mawu a nyimbo ya Jeremy Zucker amapita, "Talk is overrated, tiyeni tizingomva." Maubwenzi apabanja amatha kukhala osasangalatsa ngati mumakumana nthawi zonse pongolankhula. Zokambirana za ana ndi zachuma zimatha kukhala zotopetsa, pambuyo pake. Kukumana ndi abwenzi kuyesa zinthu zatsopano ndi zosangalatsa palimodzi, m'malo mwake, kungakhale chisomo chanu chopulumutsa.

Tsatani mipiringidzo, malo odyera, malo odyera, malo osungiramo zinthu zakale kapena zipilala za mzinda wanu. Funsani mozungulira ndikuyesa malo ochepera a tawuni yanu ndi anzanu angapo. Sankhani Loweruka ndikuwona gulu lanyimbo likuyimba kapena kuyimilira koseketsa kapena ndakatulo za slam. Kupeza mabwenzi awiri kwenikweni ndikungochitira limodzi zosangalatsa.

8. Konzekerani zikondwerero pamodzi

Ngati mulibe achibale ndi achibale m'tauni yanu, musade nkhawa, zitha kukhala mwayi wocheza ndi maanja ngati inu. Pitani ku tchalitchi limodzi pa Khrisimasi kapena phwando limodzi pa Usiku wa Chaka Chatsopano.

9. Tchuthi

Kuyenda ndi mnzanu kungakhale njira yabwino yopezera mabwenzi awiriawiri. Aliyense amakhala wochezeka paulendo ndipo mlengalenga ndi wopepuka komanso wozizira. Ngati inu ndi mnzanu mumayenda pafupipafupi, kukambirana za maulendo anu kungakhale njira yabwino yolumikizirana panthawi ya ubwenzi wa awiriawiri.

Kuwona malo atsopano limodzi ndi kuzolowerana ndi chikhalidwe chatsopano kumatha kukhala chothandizira kwambiri pakupanga mabwenzi ngati banja. M'malo mwake, mabungwe oyendayenda nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi phukusi lapadera la maanja, kuti athe kupeza ndikuyanjana ndi abwenzi.

10. Kaduka kakang'ono ndi kachilengedwe komanso kathanzi

Popanga mabwenzi monga mwamuna ndi mkazi, pangakhale kutengeka pang’ono pamene anthu amene si amuna kapena akazi anzawo akukhudzidwa. Izi ndi zachilengedwe komanso zathanzi. Koma onetsetsani kuti mukuthandiza mnzanuyo akamanena nkhani. Aphatikizeni m’zokambilana pamene anai mwatuluka. Palibe amene ayenera kudzimva kuti akunyalanyazidwa kapena kuikidwa pambali.

Osakumana panokha ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe si mwamuna kapena mkazi. Izi zitha kuyambitsa zovuta. Osadumpha malire pokopana kwambiri. Nthawi zonse tengani mbali ya okondedwa anu ndikuwathandizira. Ndi zimenezotu, ndiwe wabwino kupita.

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Kodi Mungapeze Bwanji Anzanu Okwatirana?

Mutha kupeza anzanu angapo kuntchito kwanu. Anthu ena amakhumudwa kwambiri ndi anzawo akuntchito, chifukwa kukhala ndi ntchito yomweyo kumatha kukhala bonasi. Mukhozanso kupeza abwenzi apabanja pazochitika za ana. Misonkhano yawo ya PTA kapena makalasi oimba atha kukhala mwayi kwa inu ndi mnzanu kuti muzicheza.

Malo ena opangira mabwenzi ngati banja ndi bungwe lachifundo. Kudzipereka limodzi kungakhale njira yabwino yokumana ndi anzanu apabanja, omwe amapereka kugulu monga inu. Komanso, mutha kupanga mabwenzi angapo polowa nawo makalasi ovina okondedwa monga salsa kapena bachata. Malo ena otere opeza anzanu angapo kudzera pa mapulogalamu ndi malo ochezera.

Kafukufuku wochitidwa ndi msonkhano wa Society for Personality and Social Psychology wasonyeza kuti kupeza chitsimikizo kuchokera kwa banja lina pa chibwenzi cha anthu awiri kapena malo ochezera kumawonjezera chikondi pakati pa banja, pambuyo pa msonkhano wocheza. Chifukwa chake, pitani kunja ndikupeza mabwenzi apabanja kuti muwonjezere chisangalalo paubwenzi wanu ndikuwonjezera kukondana kwa nthawi yayitali.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.