"Ziphi izinto eziphambili kuwe kolu budlelwane?" Mhlawumbi ukhe wayiva le nto kwenye yezo romcom ezibonakala zizaliswe kukunganxibelelani kakuhle phakathi kwamaqabane. Inye into abayilungisayo, nangona kunjalo, kukubaluleka kwezinto eziphambili kubudlelwane. Awufuni ukutsibela kubudlelwane kuphela ukuqonda ukuba umdlalo wezemidlalo ubaluleke kakhulu kwiqabane lakho kunawe.
Ukuqinisekisa ukuba awuhlali usiva ukuba izinto eziphambili zakho azilungelelanisi kuwo wonke umlo, umcebisi wezengqondo. UJaseena Backer (MS Psychology), ingcaphephe yolawulo lwesini kunye nobudlelwane, ilapha ukuze inikeze i-lowdown malunga nokuba izinto eziphambili zobudlelwane kufuneka zibukeke njani.
Uzibeka njani izinto ezibalulekileyo kubudlelwane?
Isiqulatho
Ukubeka izinto eziphambili kubudlelwane bakho ikakhulu malunga nendlela onokunxibelelana ngayo kubudlelwane bakho. UJaseena uthi, “Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kubudlelwane kukwenza iqabane lakho libe yinto ephambili ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuqhawukileyo njengokuba." Nanga amacebiso ambalwa awacebisayo:
- Nxibelelana ngendlela yokudibanisa omnye nomnye kwindlela yokuphila yomntu ngamnye. Thetha kunokuba wenze intelekelelo
- Beka phambili ulonwabo lomnye kwaye ube nokuqonda kwiimeko apho iimbono zakho zingahambelani. Kwaye hayi, ukuyeka isilayi sokugqibela se-pizza ayibali
- Khangela eyona nto ibalulekileyo kuwe kubudlelwane bakho, kwaye ube nencoko malunga nezinto eziphambili kubudlelwane obunempilo kunye neqabane lakho.
Xa ubeka izinto ezibalulekileyo kubudlelwane, ubeka izikhokelo kunye neqabane lakho. Unokubalandela ngesivumelwano sokubambisana ukuze ugcine ubuhlobo obonwabileyo nobunempilo. Ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buhamba kwisigaba esinzima, ukuseta imigaqo ethile kunokunceda ukuba uphole. Nangona ubudlelwane bakho buvakalelwa njengomdlalo owenziwe ezulwini, ukubeka ezi zinto zibalulekileyo kuya kuphucula uthando phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho.
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Zeziphi ezona zinto ziphambili ngokubaluleka kubudlelwane?
Ke ngoku sibonile ukuba kutheni izinto eziphambili ngobudlelwane zibalulekile kwaye ungahamba njani malunga nokuzibeka kubomi bakho bothando. Kodwa qiniseka ukuba awupheli ngokubeka phambili ixesha lakho lobuqu ngaphezu kobudlelwane bakho kangangokuba anibonani. Kufuneka ukuba yintoni ezona zinto ziphambili kuwe kubudlelwane, iqondo apho basempilweni, kwaye bangaphi omele uziqwalasele, zonke zidweliswe ngezantsi:
1. Ulwalamano ngokwalo
Eyona nto iphambili ekufuneka ubenayo kubudlelwane bakho inokuba lulwalamano ngokwalo. Akukho ngqikelelo apho. Xa ubomi bungena endleleni, kusenokudlula ixesha elininzi ngaphambi kokuba nina nobabini ninikele ingqalelo ngokwenene omnye komnye. Ukuba awululungisi ulwalamano lwakho xa ubona iimpawu eziyingxaki, ngokuqinisekileyo luya kuba lubi kakhulu.
Izibini zikholisa ukwenza ukuthathana omnye komnye bakuba befikelele kwinqanaba elithile lentuthuzelo nentembelo. Ekuphela kwendlela yokuphuma koku kukukhangela kunye neqabane lakho, usebenze kwimiba kwaye wenze ubudlelwane bakho bube yinto ephambili.
Ngaphandle koko, kweli xesha ledijithali, unokukhetha ukunxulumana naye nabani na emhlabeni. Oku kulula ukufikelela kunokulungisa indlela yeengxaki zemidiya yoluntu kubudlelwane. Izibini ezininzi zihlala kunye kuba zifuna ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni. Nangona kunjalo, emva kweenyanga ezimbalwa, baphela bencokola nabanye ngobusuku, kanye emva kwesondo, okanye ngexesha lencoko enzulu.
Ekuqaleni, isenokungabonakali njengento omele uzikhathaze ngayo. Kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha oku kunokonakalisa ulwalamano lwenu. Olu luphawu kufuneka ucinge ngokutsha ngokubaluleka kobudlelwane bakho. Kwimeko enjalo, ukuba kunokwenzeka, thatha ikhefu kwimidiya yoluntu ukuze ugxininise kwiqabane lakho.
2. Ulonwabo luphakathi kwezona zinto zibalulekileyo eluthandweni
Ngaba awuziva ngathi ubalulekile kubudlelwane? Ngaba uyafuna ukusebenza kunye ukwenza ubudlelwane bakho bube yinto ephambili? Qala ngento elula njengolonwabo. Sonke siyazi ukuba ubudlelwane obonwabisayo buthetha ukwenza iinkumbulo ezimnandi nomntu wakho omthandayo. Kodwa xa sele ukwingqimba yobudlelwane obuyityhefu / karmic, uhlala ulibala ukuba ukonwaba njani kubudlelwane.
UJaseena uyasixelela, “Ulonwabo aluthethi ukuba nemvakalelo nje elula yolonwabo imini yonke. Omnye kufuneka abeke kuqala ukwenza omnye umntu azive ekhethekile – yiloo nto ebaluleke ngakumbi kuluhlu olubalulekileyo kulwalamano. Cinga ngento ebenza bonwabe, yidaleleni bona, kwaye uzame nokuba yinxalenye yolo lonwabo.”
Xa ulonwabo luyenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo eziphambili kubudlelwane, uya kukwazi ukubuzana imibuzo enzima efana, "Ngaba wonwabile nam?" Bonisa ukuba yintoni eyenza bonwabe kwaye yintoni engonwabanga, okanye kutheni bengonwabanga. Ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye neqabane lakho kunokuba luncedo kwimeko enjalo. Ke, yenza umzamo wokunikela ixesha elithile kwiqabane lakho kwaye ubone ukuba ikwenza uzive wonwabe ngokwenene.
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3. Intlonipho
- Ukuba nezimvo zikabani, iingcinga, neemvakalelo zikabani zigatyanisiwe kwaye zingenziwa zingasebenzi liqabane likabani kunokumtyhafisa ubani ekuvuleni. Oku kunokubangela ukuba umgama ungene kubudlelwane
- Ukungahloniphi kunokwenza kube nzima ukugcina ubudlelwane ekuhambeni kwexesha. Inokuba sisizathu esikhulu sokuba kutheni ungaziva ngathi ubalulekile kubudlelwane
- Intlonipho ayinakuxoxwa ngayo okanye inyanzeliswe; kufuneka ibekho. Nokuba amaqabane akakho kwiphepha elinye, akufuneki ahlise omnye komnye okanye ahlasele ukungakhuseleki komnye nomnye.
- Ukunqongophala kwentlonipho kukhokelela kumandla agqwethekileyo, angenakuba sisiseko sobudlelwane bothando
4. Ukunyaniseka - enye yezinto eziphambili kubudlelwane obuphilileyo
Usenokungasoloko ukwiphepha elinye neqabane lakho kwaye oko kuyinto eqhelekileyo. Okubalulekileyo yindlela ozisingatha ngayo iimeko apho iimbono zakho zingahambelani. Ngaba nithetha ngokuphandle ngayo okanye nibhenela kubuxoki? Ukuba yeyokugqibela, izinto ezibalulekileyo kuwe kubudlelwane azilunganga.
Ukulala kubudlelwane ukuphepha incoko enzima, okanye ukubamba nje ulwazi kuya kukhokelela kwimilo engathandekiyo ekuhambeni kwexesha. Nokuba yinto encinci njengokuba ungayithandi indlela abahlafuna ngayo, baxelele. Kodwa kwenze oko ngobubele, okanye basenokukubaxa ukuhlafuna kwabo okwezilwanyana kuba nje befuna ukukucaphukisa. Ukunyaniseka, nokuba akumnandi okomzuzwana, kuya kunceda ukwenza ubudlelwane bakho bomelele.
5. Unxibelelwano
Uya kuhlala ubona izinto eziphambili zobudlelwane ziguquka njengoko uguquka njengesibini. Kodwa unxibelelwano luhlala okanye ubuncinane kufuneka luhlale luhleli. Ukuthatha ixesha lokunxibelelana neqabane lakho kubalulekile. Nje ukuba uqale ukuthathana kancinci, unokunxibelelana ukuze ubone indlela yokuhamba ngeveki ezayo kodwa awuyi kuthetha neqabane lakho.
Ngoko ke, ukuphucula unxibelelwano kubudlelwane mayingaze ityeshelwe. Ngaphandle kokuba nobabini ninxibelelana rhoqo malunga nendlela eniziva ngayo, niya kugqiba niqikelele into enye. Awungekhe ufune ukumosha ubudlelwane bakho nothando lobomi bakho ngenxa nje yokungaqondani, akunjalo? Nazi izinto ezimbalwa ekufuneka uzigcine engqondweni ukuze uqiniseke ukuba akwenzeki:
- Thetha malunga kwaye unxibelelane nezinto ozithandayo, ongathandiyo, kunye nemida komnye umntu kwasekuqaleni kobudlelwane
- Xa unxibelelana nengqondo yakho oyithandayo, gcina engqondweni eyona mdla wobudlelwane bakho
- Soloko ufumana ixesha elifanelekileyo kunye nomzuzu wokunxibelelana kuba ukuba kukho ukupela kokuthula kubudlelwane, elinye okanye omabini amaqabane anokuqala ukuziva engahoywanga okanye engabonwa / engaviwa.
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6. Ndithembe
Ndingenza njani ukuba ubudlelwane bam bube yinto ephambili? Kufuneka ibe yintoni eyona nto iphambili kubudlelwane bam? Kutheni kubalulekile ukuthembana kubudlelwane? Mhlawumbi le mibuzo ikugcina ungalali ebusuku. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni wena okanye iqabane lakho oye waba nalo kwixesha elidlulileyo, ukuzivula kunye nokuthembela iqabane lakho ngokupheleleyo kufuneka lihlale liphambili.
Ngoku, izinto ezifana ukuqhathwa okanye ukuxokiswa kwixesha elidlulileyo kunokuthintela ngokufanelekileyo amandla akho okuthemba iqabane lakho. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uqhubeka uzithandabuza iinjongo zabo, kuya kuthatha umonakalo kubudlelwane bakho, kungekudala okanye kamva. Kambe ke, ukwakha ukuthembana kuthatha ixesha, yaye ukuphinda kwakhiwe, nangakumbi. Kodwa ngokunyaniseka kunye nonxibelelwano, uya kufika apho.
7. Imida
UJaseena ucebisa ngelithi, “Ukumisela imida kulwalamano kubalulekile kuba kulapho kuvela khona intlonipho. Yintoni eyamkelekileyo, into engekhoyo, into enyanyezelwayo, into engekhoyo – ezi zinto zimele zicace kulwalamano.
Kuhle kakhulu ukuthi, "Ndingabelana nawe nantoni na!" okanye "Imali yam yimali yakho", ngakumbi ekuqaleni kobudlelwane. Kodwa njengoko ixesha lihamba kwaye ukhula, uyayibona imfuneko yemida kubudlelwane bakho. Oku kuxa kufuneka usebenze kunye ukwenza ubudlelwane bakho bube yinto ephambili, ngoncedo lwemithetho embalwa.
Ke xoxa ngemali, imida yezesondo, imida yomzimba, kunye neqashiso. Uya kulazi ngcono iqabane lakho kwaye uya kuba nokuqonda ngokucacileyo oko bakulindeleyo. Ubudlelwane obunempilo buthetha ukwenza imida enempilo. Okukhona unxibelelana ngakumbi malunga nokuba yintoni eza kusebenza nengayi kusebenza, kokukhona uya kuba nemilo embalwa.
8. Ukulawula umsindo kunye nokulungisa iingxaki
UJaseena uyasixelela, “Ungalibona eleqabane lakho imiba yomsindo kwangethuba kubudlelwane. Kodwa ukuqonda izinto ezibangela ukuba kuncedwe kubalulekile ukunceda omnye umntu. Umntu kufuneka azi indlela yokujongana nayo. Noko ke, musa ukwenza impazamo ngokuzivumela ukuba usoloko uvalelwa umlomo okanye uxhatshazwa.”
Ngencoko malunga nemida kunye nokunxibelelana rhoqo, kufuneka ukwazi ukubona indlela iqabane lakho elisabela ngayo kwingxabano. Ukhe weva intetho ngaphambili, ubudlelwane bakhelwe kwi-compromise. Ngoko ke, kwiimeko ezimbalwa, yenza kube yinto ephambili kubudlelwane. Imizekelo embalwa iya kuba:
- Awukwazi ukuqhubeka udibana ex yakho ukuba kubudlelwane ozinikeleyo kwaye iqabane lakho ayilunganga ngayo
- Awunakuseta ubushushu begumbi ukuba bube ngathi buthabatha ama-40 kwiqabane lakho
- Kuya kufuneka uyeke ukuthumelelana imiyalezo nomntu osebenza naye ngobusuku kunye neqabane lakho
9. Ukunyaniseka
Oku kufuneka kubekwe phezulu kakhulu kuluhlu lwakho oluphambili lobudlelwane. Izibini ezininzi zigqala ukunyaniseka njengento ephambili kulwalamano. Ukuba olwenu bubudlelwane obubodwa, ukunyaniseka kufuneka kwenziwe nguye wonke umntu obandakanyekayo. Nokuba i ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo, kusoloko kukho imida yokuba ngubani onokulala naye nongenakukwazi. Ngaphandle kokuba uthembisa kwaye usebenzise ukunyaniseka, ukuthembana akusayi kufezekiswa ngokupheleleyo.
Ukuqhathwa yimvakalelo embi enokwenza kube nzima ukuba uthembe nawaphi na amaqabane exesha elizayo. Lixelele ngokucacileyo iqabane lakho ukuba ukuxabisa kangakanani ukunyaniseka kwaye unqwenela ukuyifuna kubudlelwane bakho kwaye wenze enye yezinto eziphambili kubudlelwane obunempilo.
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10. Ububele - enye yezinto eziphambili zothando
UJaseena uthi, “Ububele buvela kuthando nentlonelo ngomnye umntu, sisimo sengqondo esisisiseko nemfezeko umntu afanele abe nayo kwiqabane lakhe.Ngaphandle kokuba umkhathalele umntu othile, ububele abuyi kufika. ubudlelwane obuphilileyo.” Nazi izinto ezimbalwa omele uzikhumbule ukuba ufuna ukwazi ukuba nobubele kwiqabane lakho:
- Thetha kuphela ukuba unokuphucula xa uthe cwaka. Ukuba awunanto yakuthetha ngaphandle kwamagama ahlabayo onokuthi ngokulula uzifihle emva kweqhiya “yokunyaniseka”, cinga ngokuthula de ukwazi ukuwaphelisa amazwi arhabaxa.
- Nokuba yintoni na onxibelelana ngayo, khetha amagama akho ngononophelo kwaye uziqhelanise novelwano kubudlelwane bakho
- Ukuba ubeka ingongoma yakho ngethoni ezithobayo, ekuphela kwento eya kuviwa kukungabi nantlonelo kwelizwi lakho.
- Izinto ezincinci ezifana nokwenzela iqabane lakho ikomityi yeti, xa benokusebenzisa enye, ziya kwenza iqabane lakho lizive likhethekile. Izijekulo ezicingisisiweyo ezinjalo zinokuhamba indlela ende ekukusondezeni kwaye zikwenze uzive unxibelelene
Iimpawu eziphambili
- Khangela izinto eziphambili zakho kubudlelwane kwaye ube nencoko evulekileyo neqabane lakho malunga nokuseta ezo zinto ziphambili kubomi bakho bothando
- Izibini zityekele ekuthatheni omnye komnye xa sele befikelele kwinqanaba elithile lokuthuthuzelana nokuthembana. Ekuphela kwendlela yokuphuma koku kukukhangela kunye neqabane lakho, usebenze kwimiba kwaye wenze ubudlelwane bakho bube yinto ephambili
- Ukuba kukho imbali yokukopela, imiba yokuthembana, okanye ixesha elidlulileyo, ukunxibelelana ngokunyaniseka kunye nokwakha ukuthembana kunokuphilisa ubudlelwane bakho.
- Izenzo ezincinci zobubele (ezifana nokwenza isitya somhluzi kwiqabane lakho ngosuku lokugula) ziya kwenza iqabane lakho lizive likhethekile kwaye libekwe phambili kubudlelwane.
Kolu luhlu lwezinto eziphambili zobudlelwane, kufuneka uqaphele ukuba isondo akukho ndawo. Ngoxa iintlobano zesini ziyinkalo ebaluleke kakhulu, izinto ezinjengobubele, imbeko, ukunxibelelana nokunyaniseka zidla ngokuxatyiswa ngakumbi. Yiba nencoko ngesondo ngokunjalo, kodwa ubudlelwane obusindayo kuphela ngokusondelana ngokwasemzimbeni ngokungabikho kwezinto eziphambili esizidwelisileyo, akunakuziva kuzaliseka.
Eli nqaku lihlaziywe ngoMeyi, 2023.
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