Ungahlangana Kanjani Nabangashadile E-NYC Ngaphandle Kwezinhlelo Zokuqomisana

Uma uzizwa ukhathele ukuswayipha edolobheni elingalali, awuwedwa. Eqinisweni, abanye abaningi manje bahlola izindlela zokuhlangana nabantu abangashadile e-NYC, bekhathele ukusabalala kohlelo lokusebenza lokuthandana—ukuzikhukhumeza, izilinganiso zokuziqhenya, ukugeleza kobuso okungapheli esikrinini. Kuyihlaya eliyinqaba: edolobheni elinabantu abayizigidi ezingu-8, ukuthandana kusazwakala “njengombukiso ongcolile”, njengoba omunye weRedditor ekhungathekile ekhuluma . Ukukhanga kokuxhumana kwangempela kuyabuya, futhi izindawo zokuphuza utshwala, amapaki, kanye nezindlela zokuhamba ngezinyawo zase-NYC seziphinde zaba yindawo evundile yabathandekayo abahlangana nabo.

Eqinisweni, ukusetshenziswa kohlelo lokusebenza lokuthandana lwase-US kuye kwehla muva nje. Ngokusho kombiko , abantu baseMelika balande izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuthandana izikhathi ezingu-36 million ngonyaka odlule, okubonisa ukwehla okungu-16% kusukela ngo-2020, okubonisa ushintsho olubanzi njengoba abantu abangashadile befuna izindlela zemvelo zokuhlangana. Uma usukulungele ukuqhubeka ngale kwezinhlelo zokusebenza, i-NYC inikeza amathuba angenamkhawulo okuvuselela uthando mathupha. Lo mhlahlandlela uzokuqondisa ngamasu asebenzayo, angokoqobo endlela engcono kakhulu yokuhlangana nabantu abangashadile e-NYC—kusukela ekujoyineni amaqembu okuxhumana nabantu kuya ekuqaliseni izingxoxo endaweni yakini—ukuze ukwazi ukubheka phezulu esikrinini sakho bese wenza ukuxhumana kwangempela, ubuso nobuso.

I-NYC Dating Dynamics Futhi Kungani I-Real World Meet-Cutes Isasebenza

Ukuqomisana eNew York kunesigqi nezinselelo zako ezihlukile. Yebo, kunenqwaba yabantu abangashadile lapha. Empeleni i-NYC inesilinganiso cishe somuntu oyedwa kwabesilisa abangashadile kwabesifazane abangashadile, ngokwezibalo zakamuva , kodwa lokho akwenzi kube lula ngokuzenzakalelayo ukuthola uthando. Indlela yokuphila esheshayo neqhutshwa umsebenzi isho ukuthi abantu bahlala besendleleni. Yingakho izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuqomisana zaba usizo kakhulu eminyakeni eyishumi edlule. Nokho, muva nje, abantu abaningi baseNew York bazizwa benomkhawulo wothando lwe-algorithm.

"Ukuswayipha okungapheli" kanye nezingxoxo ezingasho lutho ezinhlelweni zokusebenza kungakushiya ukhathele futhi udumele. Njengoba uSteve Cole, umsunguli weqembu elidumile lase-NYC, eshilo , " Ukuqomisana kunzima kakhulu eNew York, futhi ngicabanga ukuthi izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuqomisana zenza kube kubi nakakhulu." Kukhona isifiso esikhulayo sokubuyela ekuxhumaneni kwangempela, lapho ungazizwa khona amandla omuntu, ubone izici zakhe, futhi wakhe i-chemistry ubuso nobuso.

Izindaba ezinhle? Ukuhlangana nabantu ungaxhunyiwe ku-inthanethi kusenzeka e-NYC nsuku zonke, futhi kungaholela ekuxhumaneni kwangempela. Kungathatha isibindi nesineke esikhulu kunokuzama ukuthandana ngesikrini, kodwa kuyafaneleka. Omunye umsebenzisi we-Reddit weluleke abanye abantu abangashadile ukuthi yize "kuthatha isikhathi eside i-IRL, ungathola umbono ongcono kakhulu wokuthi ungubani umuntu." Uma uhlangana ngendlela yemvelo - kungaba esitolo sezincwadi esithokomele sase-East Village noma ephathini lomngane ophahleni - ubona umuntu ongahlungiwe, hhayi iphrofayili ekhethiwe. Kukhona indawo yokuhlekisana okudlalwayo, ulimi lomzimba lwemvelo, kanye nokukhanga okuzenzakalelayo okungekho uhlelo lokusebenza olungakulingisa.

Indlela Yokuhlangana Nabangashadile Ngaphandle Kwezinhlelo Zokuqomisana E-NYC—Amathiphu angu-7 Awusizo

Abantu baseNew York bangabantu abahlukahlukene kakhulu. Lokho kusho ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unesithakazelo noma umphakathi onjani, kunendawo edolobheni lapho abantu abangashadile abanomqondo ofanayo behlangana khona. Futhi lezo yizindawo ezinhle kakhulu e-NYC zokuhlangana nabantu abangashadile. Isihluthulelo ukuzibeka lapho. Njengoba omunye umuntu oqavile endaweni yokuqomisana engaxhunyiwe ku-inthanethi esho ku-Reddit : “Kufanele ujoyine amakilabhu, amakilasi, imicimbi yomphakathi, noma uvolontiya. Nokho, udinga ukuhlala njalo, futhi uzimisele ukuthi yebo uma othile ohlangana naye ekumema kokuthile.”

Ngezansi, sizohlola izindlela ezahlukahlukene zokuhlangana nabantu abangabodwana e-NYC ngaphandle kohlelo lokusebenza olubonakalayo. Hlanganisa futhi uqondanise lezi zindlela kunoma yini efanelana nobuntu bakho. Intambo evamile ihlanganisa idolobha ngokwalo njengenkundla yakho yokuphola. Ngomqondo ovulekile nomzamo omncane, uzothola ukuthi ukuzola kwe-New York namandla okuxhumana nabantu kungavusa uthando uma ungakulindele.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokukhetha Uhlelo Lokusebenza Lokuqomisana Olungcono Kakhulu e-NYC Ngokwendlela Yakho Yokuphila

1. Phishekela izintshisekelo zakho ngamakilasi, amakilabhu, kanye nemihlangano

Enye yezindlela ezinhle kakhulu zokuhlangana nabantu abasha abangashadile e-NYC ukwenza izinto ozijabulela ngempela. Uma uphishekela izinto ozithandayo nezinto ozithandayo, uzihlanganisa ngokuzenzakalelayo nabanye abanothando olufanayo, futhi leso sizathu esivumelana ngaso senza ukuqala ingxoxo kube lula kakhulu. Esikhundleni somuzwa ophoqelelwe wengxoxo yohlelo lokusebenza lokuthandana, ningasondelana ngokwemvelo ngesithakazelo enisithandayo , kungaba ukuthwebula izithombe, ukupheka, ukubhala ikhodi, noma ukushushuluza. Cabanga ngento obulokhu ufuna ukuyizama noma iqembu obulokhu ufuna ukujoyina. I-NYC igcwele amakilasi namaqembu cishe kunoma yimuphi umsebenzi ngaphansi kwelanga.

• Uyathanda ukupheka? Bhalisela ikilasi lokupheka ngempelasonto e-Hell's Kitchen
• Ezincwadini noma ngokubhala? Joyina ubusuku beklabhu yamabhuku esitolo samabhuku sendawo noma ishabhu yokubhala yokudala
•  Umthandi wefilimu? Kukhona ukuhlangana kokubukwa kwefilimu ye-indie nezingxoxo

Uma uvela kule mibuthano, uzohlangana nengxube yabantu. Abanye bangase bafune abangani, abanye ukuze baxhumane nochwepheshe, futhi yebo, inala abangashadile nabavulekele ukuthandana. Ubuhle ukuthi uxhuma njengabantu kuqala, ngaphandle kwengcindezi yelebula “losuku” ngaso leso sikhathi.

Isihluthulelo ukuvela njalo nokuba nobungane. Mamatheka, ubingelele abantu, bese ubuza imibuzo. Njengoba omunye uRedditor eluleka, “Yiba umuntu ovamile endaweni ethile… futhi wenze izingxoxo ezincane ezakha kancane kancane njengoba ubabona laba bantu.” Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, labo bantu obaziyo bangaba abangane noma abantu abazothandana nabo. Nazi ezinye zezindlela zokuhlangana nabantu abangashadile ngezintshisekelo zakho:

• Joyina ikilasi noma indawo yokusebenzela: Bhalisela lelo klasi lobuciko, isifundo sokupheka, noma indawo yokusebenzela ethuthukisiwe obukade uyibhekile. Uzohlangana nabantu abasha endaweni ehlelekile futhi ube nesikebhe esakhelwe ngaphakathi: "Umdwebo wakho uza kanjani?"
• Iya kumaqembu e-Meetup: Phequlula i-Meetup.com, Imicimbi ye-Facebook yamaqembu e-NYC ezindaweni ozithakaselayo (ukuqwala izintaba, imidlalo yamabhodi, ukunambitha iwayini, izingxoxo zobuchwepheshe, nokunye), noma useshe "imicimbi yabantu abangashadile i-NYC namuhla". Hamba ngomgomo wokujabulela umsebenzi; ukuxhumana kuzokwenzeka ngokwemvelo
• Yiba njalo emicimbini esekelwe entshisakalweni: Izitolo eziningi zezincwadi, amakhefi, nezikhungo zomphakathi ziba nemicimbi ephindaphindayo njengamaklabhu ezincwadi, ukufundwa kwezinkondlo, namamakrofoni avuliwe. Khetha eyodwa noma ezimbili futhi uye njalo. Abavamile baqala ukubonana futhi baxoxe
• Zama ama-alumni noma amakilabhu wokuzilibazisa: Uma unenethiwekhi ye-alumni yasekolishi e-NYC noma iklabhu yokuzilibazisa njengekwaya, iklabhu egijimayo, noma iqembu lemidlalo, zibandakanye. Ingemuva okwabiwe noma izithakazelo zivusa izingxoxo ezilula kanye nezindaba zobungane eziphenduke ezothando
• Bandakanya ngesikhathi nangemva kwemicimbi: Ungavele uthamele bese uphuma. Hlala ukuze uthole abahlanganisi bangemva komcimbi noma uphakamise ukubamba ukuluma nabantu abambalwa. Ithi, "Bekumnandi ukuhlangana nawo wonke umuntu. Noma ubani ofuna ukuqhubeka nengxoxo ngekhofi/iziphuzo?" Lokhu kungashintsha kalula kube i-hang yeqembu elivamile futhi mhlawumbe nokunye okwengeziwe ngalowo muntu ochofoze naye

2. Zibandakanye nemiphakathi yezemidlalo neyokufaneleka

Uma ukhetha indlela esebenza kakhulu, cabanga ukujoyina elinye lamaqembu amaningi emidlalo yezenhlalo ye-NYC noma amaqembu okuqina. Awugcini nje ngokuthola ukujima, kodwa futhi uhlangana namathani abantu abasha endaweni ejabulisayo, egxile ekusebenzeni ngokubambisana. Kuyaphumelela: noma ungakutholi usuku ngokushesha, uhlezi unempilo futhi kungenzeka wenze abangani. Laba bangani bangase bakwethule kubangani babo abangabodwana phansi.

Akudingeki ube ngumdlali; lawa maligi avame ukuba nesikhathi esimnandi. Kunamaqembu ahlangene e-kickball, i-dodgeball, ibhola likanobhutshuzwayo, i-volleyball, i-basketball, ngisho nemidlalo engavamile efana ne-skeeball noma i-cornhole. Omunye uRedditor watusa ukuzama imidlalo yezenhlalo efana ne-“dodgeball, kickball, [noma] ngisho ne-skeeball” njengendlela “efanele yokuhlangana nabantu abaningi abahlukene” ngenkathi uvunguza umoya. Ngokuvamile, amaqembu azofika endaweni yokuzijabulisa ngemva komdlalo, ngakho-ke ukuxhumana nabantu kuyaqhubeka, kukunikeza ithuba lokwakha ukuxhumana kothando . Nazi ezinye izindlela ezisebenzayo zokuhlangana nabantu ngezemidlalo nokuqina komzimba:

• Joyina iligi yezemidlalo yokuzijabulisa: Bhalisela iligi edidiyelwe nge-ZogSports, i-NYC Social, i-Urban Sports NYC, njll. Ungabhalisa njengomuntu oyedwa, futhi bazokubeka eqenjini elihlangana masonto onke. Instant umbuthano omusha wabangane futhi mhlawumbe ukudlala ngothando
• Yiya emihlanganweni yokufaneleka yamahhala: Zama imicimbi yomphakathi evulekile njenge-Yoga eya ku-People amakilasi, ama-bootcamp, noma ukugijima imihlangano ehlelwe ukuthandwa kwe-Nike Run Club, kanye nokugijima kweqembu lezitolo zasendaweni. Abajwayelekile bavame ukuxoxa ngaphambi/ngemuva. Yenza umzamo wokuhlanganisa
• Zama amaqembu e-niche fitness: I-NYC inakho konke kusuka ezindaweni zokuzivocavoca ezikhuphukayo kuya kumakilabhu okugwedla e-Hudson. Ukujoyina umphakathi wokuqina we-niche kusho ukuthi uzobona abantu abafanayo njalo futhi wakhe ubungane. Ilungele ukuvusa uxhumo ngenxa yothando olwabiwe
• Khulisa ukusebenza komphakathi: Amanye amakilabhu axuba ngokusobala ukuhlalisana nokuzivocavoca—cabanga ukuthi ibha yangemuva kokugijima ye-Lunge Run Club ilenga, ivayibhu yomphakathi kaNovemba Project. Gqoka ubuso obunobungane, mhlawumbe isikibha esijabulisayo, futhi ulungele ukuxoxa ngokujima noma ubambe i-smoothie ngemva kwalokho.
• Jabula futhi ubambe iqhaza: Uma imidlalo yeqembu ingeyona into yakho, usengakwazi ukuhlangana nabantu ngokuba semicimbini esebenzayo. Joyina umngane kunhlangano esiza abantulayo engu-5K noma ujoyine uhambo lwabaswele. Ukweseka isizathu ngenkathi uxubana nabahambele umcimbi kungakwethula kubantu abangashadile abanomusa, abanomqondo ofanayo

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Umhleli Wezinsuku Zesizini Nesizini we- NYC

3. Volontiya futhi uhlangane nabantu ngenkathi wenza okuhle

Awudingi ukubheka imihlangano yokuphola e-NYC ukuze uhlangane nomuntu omusha. Ukuvolontiya kungenye indlela enhle yokuxhumana nabantu endaweni enengqondo kakhudlwana futhi uhlangane nomuntu onamanani afanayo. Uma uvolontiya, uzungezwe ngokuzenzakalela abantu abanozwelo nabacabangela umphakathi. Ukusebenza ndawonye esizeni kudiliza izithiyo. Nibonana ngesenzo, sisize abanye, okungakhanga ngempela ezingeni lomlingiswa. 

Cabanga ngalokhu: uvolontiya ekhishini lesobho ngoMgqibelo ekuseni futhi uqale ingxoxo nomuntu onobungane onikeza ukudla eduze kwakho. Nivumelana ngokuthi kungani nobabili ninqume ukuvolontiya. Ngemuva koshintsho, inqwaba yamavolontiya ahamba ayothatha ama-bagels nekhofi ndawonye. Manje uxoxa endaweni okungeyona eyesevisi futhi mhlawumbe ushintshanisa izinombolo noma izibambo ze-Instagram nalowo muntu ochofoze naye. 

Noma mhlawumbe ujoyina ukuhlanza ipaki e-Brooklyn futhi uzithole uhlanganyela nomunye umuntu ukudonsa ugodo olusindayo. Ekugcineni, usudlala njengabangane abadala futhi unquma ukuqhubeka nomsebenzi weqembu ngokuthola isidlo sasemini. Lezi zimo zenzeka kaningi kunalokho obungacabanga. Ukuvolontiya kukunikeza umgomo owabiwe, ovame ukudala ubungane nokungqubuzana okunobungane ngokwemvelo 

I-NYC inikezela ngamathuba amaningi okuzithandela: ukuqondisa intsha, izinja zokukhosela, ukuhlanza amapaki, amashifu emabhange okudla, ukwenza izingadi zomphakathi, ukusiza emikhosini yamasiko, imikhankaso yezepolitiki, nokunye. Nansi indlela ongazuza ngayo ngalezi zindlela ukuze uhlangane nabantu abangashadile e-NYC: 

• Sebenzisa izinkundla zamavolontiya: Phequlula i-New York Cares, isevisi ye-NYC, noma i-VolunteerMatch ngemicimbi oyithandayo. Bhalisela amaphrojekthi ambalwa wesikhathi esisodwa ukuze uhlangane nabantu abahlukahlukene. Qaphela uma kukhona iqembu elithile lapho udlalisa khona nabantu bese ubuyela kulokho
• Volontiya emikhosini noma emicimbini: Imicimbi emikhulu ye-NYC—Pride March, Tribeca Film Festival, Marathon, imibukiso yasemgwaqweni yamasiko, nokunye okunjalo—imvamisa idinga amavolontiya. Lezi ziheha izinkumbi zamavolontiya, eziningi zazo eziphumayo nezinomphakathi. Yiba ngomunye wabo. Nizosebenza ngamaqembu, alungele ukwenza ukuxhumana
• Joyina amaqembu amavolontiya angochwepheshe abasebasha: Izinhlangano ezifana ne-New York Cares Leadership Council noma iqembu le-Habitat NYC's Young Professionals zibamba ukuphuma kwamavolontiya kanye nemibuthano yokuzijabulisa. Yakhelwe ukwenza okuhle kanye nenethiwekhi. Bhalisa futhi uhambele abahlanganisi babo noma izinsuku zesevisi yeqembu
• Khetha izindima zokusebenzisana: Uma unikezwa ukukhetha, khetha imisebenzi yokuzithandela ehilela ukusebenzisana noma ukuhlanganyela nabanye. Isibonelo, ukusebenza kwetafula lokubhalisa endaweni yezinhlangano ezisiza umphakathi kusho ithuba lokukhuluma nabo bonke ababambiqhaza futhi uhlangane nabantu abaningi. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuhlunga iminikelo uwedwa egumbini elingemuva kusho amathuba ambalwa okuhlanganyela. Uma ingxenye yesizathu sokuthi uvolontiye ukuthi lezi izindawo ezinhle zokuhlangana nabantu abangashadile eNew York, khetha indima yakho ngobuhlakani
• Xoxa futhi udlulisele izimemo: Ngesikhathi sokuzithandela, yiba nobungane: buza abanye ukuthi yini ebalethe lapho, yenza ihlaya elincane ngomsebenzi, sebenzani ndawonye ngomdlandla. Ngemva kwalokho, phakamisa ukubamba ikhofi noma ukulunywa (“Ngiyazi indawo enhle ye-taco eduzane, noma ubani olambile?”). Abantu abaningi bazokujabulela ukuphumula nokuzijabulisa ngemuva kokuvolontiya. Leli yithuba lakho lokuguqula isenzo esihle sibe ubungane noma usuku olusha.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokukhetha Uhlelo Lokusebenza Lokuqomisana Olungcono Kakhulu e-NYC Ngokwendlela Yakho Yokuphila

4. Jabulela izindawo zokuxhumana ze-NYC: Amabha, amakhefi, nokuphila kwasebusuku

Masibhekane nakho, amabha kanye nempilo yasebusuku sekuyisikhathi eside kuyizindawo zemihlangano yakudala ngesizathu. Ukujabulela isiphuzo noma ukulalela umculo obukhoma kuvame ukukhulula abantu futhi kwakha isimo somphakathi. Esikhundleni sokusebenzisa uhlelo lokusebenza ukusetha umhlangano webha, kungani ungavele uphume uyohlangana nabantu ngokuzenzakalelayo? Inqwaba yamaculo e-NYC ayaphuma futhi cishe nganoma ibuphi ubusuku obunikeziwe—ngezikhathi zenjabulo, izindawo zokuphuzela uphahla, imibukiso yamahlaya, namakilabhu e-jazz—futhi akubona bonke abanamathele eqenjini labangane noma ocingweni. Ungaqala ingxoxo nomuntu ongamazi e-NYC. Idolobha elaziwa ngokuhlangana kwamathuba.

Sekushiwo lokho, akuwona wonke amabha adalwe alingana ukuhlangana nabantu abasha. Kwamanye ama-lounge ama-swanky noma ama-club avala izindlebe, abantu banamathela emaqenjini abo. Kepha izindawo eziningi zikhuthaza ukuhlangana: cabanga ngezindawo zokuphuzela ezivamile zasendaweni, izinti ezimatasa zangemva komsebenzi, noma izindawo ezinamatafula nemisebenzi yomphakathi. Isibonelo, ibha enobusuku be-trivia noma i-karaoke ikhuthaza ngokwemvelo ukusebenzisana. Indawo yokuphuzela utshwala noma amakamelo okunambitha iwayini avame ukuba nendawo yokuhlala yomphakathi, okungaholela ekuxoxeni nabantu etafuleni elifanayo. 

Amabha ezindaweni ezifana ne-East Village, i-Lower East Side, noma i-Williamsburg ivame ukuba nesixuku esincane esivulekile ukuhlangana nabanye. Ngisho nomuntu oseduze kwakho endaweni yokucima ukoma olinde isiphuzo angavulelwa umugqa owodwa onobungane mayelana nesimo sezulu esihlanyayo noma umdlalo odlalwa ku-TV. Okubi kakhulu, abanantshisekelo futhi uqhubeka kahle, akukho monakalo, akukho bubi.

Amathilomu angaba yizindawo zokuxhumana nabantu, ikakhulukazi ngezimpelasonto. Uma usebenza ukude noma ufunda esitolo sekhofi, ungase ubone abavamile bengena bephuma. Ukumamatheka noma ukuphawula okunesizotha kungavusa ingxoxo. (Abaningi abahlanganayo baqale esiteshini sikashukela somphakathi noma ukuncoma izitikha zekhompuyutha ephathekayo yomunye, ngithembe.) Amanye amakhefi aphinde abe nobusuku obuvuliwe bemakrofoni noma imibukiso yobuciko, eheha isixuku somphakathi.

Uma, ngokusekelwe kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kuze kube manje, uzibuza, “Ingabe amabha noma ama-cafe ayindawo engcono kakhulu yokuhlangana nabesifazane e-NYC?” noma “Amabha/ama-cafe ayindawo engcono kakhulu yokuhlangana nabesilisa abangashadile e-NYC? Angicabangi kanjalo.” Nokho, kufanele ulahle lowo mkhuba waseNew York wokuba sebhamuzeni lakho futhi ube ngumuntu ongenekayo noqaphelayo.

Ekhuluma ngokusebenzisa lezi zindawo ukuhlangana nabantu abangashadile e-NYC, umsebenzisi we-Reddit uphakamisa ukuthi, “Yiba njalo ngesikhathi nendawo ethile,” njengebha noma ikhefi, futhi ukhulume nabantu lapho kancane kancane. Isibonelo, uma ufika esitolo sekhofi esifanayo njalo ngoLwesithathu ekuseni noma ebha efanayo njalo ngoLwesihlanu ngemva komsebenzi, uzoqala ukuqaphela abanye abantu abavamile. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lawo ma-sign abonisa ukubonga angaphenduka inkulumo encane, kanye nenkulumo encane ibe ubungane noma ngaphezulu. Nazi ezinye izeluleko zokuthuthukisa amathuba akho okuhlangana nokuxhumana nabantu abangashadile ezindaweni zomphakathi:

• Khetha izindawo ezifanele: Iya kumabha noma imicimbi ekhuthaza ukuzijabulisa. Cabanga ngezindawo zokuzijabulisa ezivamile, amabha ophahleni anemidlalo, izindawo zomculo ezibukhoma, ubusuku be-trivia/karaoke, amahora okuzijabulisa enethiwekhi, njll. Indawo ekhululekile, ejabulisayo ikhuthaza abantu ukuthi bahlangane
• Phuma ngomcabango othokozisayo: Noma unabangani, ungagcini nje ngokuxoxa neqembu lakho. Skena igumbi, bheka amehlo, bese umomotheka kwabanye. Uma othile ekubamba noma ubona ukuthi othile uyakuqaphela, qala ingxoxo. Ukuvuleka kukazibuthe
• Sebenzisa indawo yakho njengomkhumbi ophihliza iqhwa: Beka amazwana ngomculo, umcimbi, ukuhlobisa, noma unikeze ama-cheers kumuntu ongamazi. Isibonelo: "Lo mugqa mude, ngethemba ukuthi ama-cocktail afanelekile!" noma “Wake waba lapha ngaphambilini? Yini enhle empompini?” Lawa avula ingcindezi ephansi angavusa ingxoxo
• Iya emicimbini yasebusuku esebenzisanayo: Bhalisela amakilasi e-mixology, ubusuku bokupenda nokuphuza, amakilasi okudansa, nemibukiso yamahlaya lapho ukusebenzelana kwezithameli kuvame khona. Ukuhleka noma ukufunda okwabiwe kudala uxhumano olusheshayo
• Kuphephile futhi ufunde amasignali: Ngenkathi uzibeka lapho, futhi hlonipha imingcele. Uma othile enikeza izimpendulo ezimfushane noma ulimi lomzimba oluvalekile, phuma ngokuzithoba. Gxila kulabo ababuyisela ubungane bakho. Futhi kunjalo, bambelela emikhubeni ephephile yokuphola ku-inthanethi lapho uhlangana nabantu ongabazi—hlangana esidlangalaleni, buka isiphuzo sakho, nokunye.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu Okuthandana EDolobheni LaseNew York - Isiko Lokuthandana E -NYC

5. Yiya emicimbini yabantu abangabodwana kanye nezixube zomphakathi

Ngale kwezindawo zansuku zonke, i-NYC iphinde inikeze inqwaba yemicimbi ehleliwe eklanyelwe ukusiza abangashadile ukuthi bahlangane. Lokhu kusuka kubahlanganisi abavamile bokuxhumana nomphakathi kuya kumaseshini okuthandana ashesha kakhulu noma amaphathi angashadile. Uma uvulekele umbono, le micimbi ingasebenza kahle futhi ijabulele ngoba wonke umuntu ulapho ukuze ahlangane nomuntu omusha ngenhloso. Okubalulekile ukuthola imicimbi enevayibhu okhululekile ngayo.

Amakilabhu omphakathi nabahleli bemicimbi bathole ubuhlakani eminyakeni yakamuva. Kunamaqembu aphatha amaphathi edina abantu abangabodwana, abanambitha iwayini, abavakashi bezobuciko, kanye nemihlangano “yokusebenzelana nabanye” yabashadile. Isibonelo, iqembu le-NYC elibizwa ngeMigqibelo Eyodwa lihlela ukuphuma okusekelwe emsebenzini okujabulisayo kwabangashadile abaneminyaka engu-30 no-40, futhi Ithebula lama-curate angu-12 amaphathi asondelene wesidlo sakusihlwa lapho abantu abangabodwana abakhethwe ngesandla bexoxa ngokudla okumnandi. 

Lezi zinhlobo zokuzizwisa okukhethiwe ziqeda unqenqema ngoba nenza umsebenzi ndawonye kunokuthi nivele nime nje. Bese kuba namaqembu afana ne-Met Through Friends, akhuthaza abantu ukuthi balethe umngane we-platonic emicimbini ukuze kuzwakale kungokwemvelo futhi kungafani nesimo sedethi esiyimpumputhe. 

Ukuqomisana okusheshayo-yebo, kusekhona-enye inketho uma uzibuza ukuthi ungahlangana kuphi nabantu abangashadile e-NYC. Eqinisweni, yenza ukubuya kancane phakathi kwalezo zinhlelo zokusebenza ezikhathele. Umqondo ulula: unochungechunge lwezinsuku ezincane, ngokuvamile imizuzu emi-5-7 lilinye, neqembu labantu ngobusuku obubodwa. Kungase kuzwakale okwesikole esidala noma kuthungatha izinzwa, kodwa kungase kube mnandi kakhulu kunokuswayipha ngoba uthola umbono wangempela womuntu ngamunye. Kukhona kuthatha yesimanje isivinini ukuphola ziyavela NYC. 

Isibonelo, izinhlangano ezifana ne -We Met IRL , eyasungulwa ngo-2022 ngowesifazane owayekhathele isiko lezinhlelo zokusebenza, zisingatha imicimbi yokuthandana ngesivinini esisheshayo ezwakala sengathi ifana namaphathi eziphuzo. Kukhona nobusuku bokuthandana ngesivinini obunezihloko ezifana nemicimbi ethile ye-LGBTQ+, noma izindikimba ezihlukile ezifana nokuthi “ukuthandana ngesivinini somthandi wezincwadi”, ukuze ukhethe eyodwa eheha uhlobo lwabantu obafunayo.

Ngaphandle kwemicimbi yokuqomisana esemthethweni, hlala ubhekile abahlanganisi bomphakathi. Amanethiwekhi omphakathi amaningi noma iziqalo zigxumele ukuze kugcwaliswe igebe phakathi kobusuku obungahleliwe bebha kanye nezinhlelo zokusebenza zokuswayipha. Isibonelo, kukhona imiphakathi ye-Instagram efana ne-@earlyburdz ehlela iminyuziyamu kanye nama-hops egalari yabantu abangashadile, noma amaqembu afana ne-"222" nelithi "Closer" abamba amaphathi angasese azimele anohlu lwezivakashi olukhethiwe. Uma ubona uhlu lomcimbi olukuhlaba umxhwele, kungani ungasibonisi? Okubi kakhulu, uchitha ubusuku bonke uzilolongela inkulumo yakho encane; Okungcono kakhulu, uchofoza nomunye umuntu ku-hors d'oeuvres yamahhala.

Ukuze wenze okuningi ngemicimbi yabantu abangashadile, ngena ngomoya okhululekile, ovulekile. Ungakuphathi njengenhlolokhono ephezulu. Kujabulele ukuhlangana nabantu. Nawa amanye amathiphu okuzulazula emicimbini yabantu abangabodwana be-NYC nezixube:

• Hlola izinhlobo ezahlukene zemicimbi: Zama okuhlukile: i-mixer yehora elijabulisayo, iphathi enetimu, ubusuku bokuthandana obunesivinini, noma umcimbi ohleliwe. Bona ukuthi yini efanelana nobuntu bakho. Uma i-mixer ye-cocktail ibonakala ingahlelekile kakhulu, ungase ujabulele umcimbi ofana nekilasi lokupheka iqembu labantu abangashadile, njll.
• Sebenzisa izinkundla nezibuyekezo: Hlola imiphakathi efana ne-Reddit noma izibuyekezo ze-Meetup ukuze uthole imicimbi yabantu abangabodwana enconyiwe. Abanye abasebenzisi ku r/NYCbitcheswithtaste wabelane ngokubuyekezwa kwemicimbi; isibonelo, umuntu oyedwa uzame ukuhlanganisa abantu abangabodwana futhi wavuma ukuthi “kuzwakala njengomcimbi wenethiwekhi”, kodwa abanye bayaxoxa ngezinto ezifana nobusuku be-Time Out abangabodwana noma amaphathi edina “Isikhathi Esisele”. Ukufunda kwabanye kungakukhomba ezenzakalweni ezibaluleke kakhulu
• Letha umngane (uma kuvunyelwe): Ukuba nomngane kungadambisa imizwa futhi kuphinde kuphinde kabili inhlalakahle yenu njengoba nihlangana nabantu abahlukene bese ninethulana. Vele uqinisekise ukuthi awunamatheli kumngane wakho kuphela. Hlukanisa phakathi komcimbi ukuze uhlangane uwedwa, bese uhlanganisa kabusha ukuze ushintshe amanothi
• Iba nguwe ozoqala: Kuma-mixers, abantu abaningi bazizwa benamahloni ekuqaleni. Uma ukwazi, yiba nesibindi futhi uzethule kulowo muntu omi yedwa, noma ujoyine ingxoxo yeqembu. Okulula, “Ucabanga uma ngijoyina? Ngingu __ nje”, kuyasebenza. Cishe, bazokhululeka uma uphule iqhwa
• Landelela: Uma uhlangana nomuntu opholile, ungesabi ukuphakamisa izinombolo zokushintshana noma izinkundla zokuxhumana ngaphambi kokuphela kobusuku. Futhi, sebenzisa noma yiziphi izici zomcimbi njengamakhadi okufanisa noma uhlu loxhumana nabo bangemva komcimbi. Eminye imicimbi izokwenza kube lula ukushintshana uma izinhlangothi zombili ziveza intshisekelo. Shaya ngenkathi i-ayina ishisa, thumela umlayezo omncane wokulandelela ngosuku olulandelayo

6. Zama indlela yakudala futhi uzuze abangani kanye nezinkundla zokuxhumana

Kwesinye isikhathi, indlela elula yokuhlangana nabantu abangabodwana e-NYC, ngaphandle kokuthembela kuhlelo lokusebenza, ngokusebenzisa abantu osubazi. Abangani bakho, osebenza nabo, ofunda nabo, kanye nojwayelene nabo bakha inethiwekhi yokuxhumana nabantu engakwazi ukukuxhumanisa nemibuthano emisha kanye nozakwethu abasha abangaba khona. Mhlawumbe umngane wakho wasekolishi ukumemela ngobusuku begeyimu, futhi kukhona umngane omuhle womngane lapho. Noma osebenza naye ukulethela esidlweni sakusihlwa seqembu elikhulu lapho ugcina ngokuxoxa nomuntu omusha ubusuku bonke. Lezi zingeniso zemvelo ziphethe ukwethembana kanye nomongo, okungenza izinto zibe ntofontofo.

Ungabi namahloni ngokwazisa abangani bakho ukuthi ufuna ukuhlangana nabantu abasha. Akukhona ukuthi uphelelwe yithemba, kodwa umatasatasa! Abangane abalungile bavame ukuthanda ukudlala i-matchmaker uma benikezwa ukukhanya okuluhlaza. Okungenani, bangase bakumeme okwengeziwe lapho kunamathuba okuhlangana. Futhi ngisho noma bengakumiseli ngezinsuku ezisemthethweni, ukunweba nje ikhalenda lakho lokuxhumana nabantu kuzokuchaya kwabanye abantu. Ithi yebo kulezo zimemo zephathi, ukuphuma kweqembu, noma isimo esingahleliwe sokuthi “abangani bomuntu engihlala naye benza ipikinikini, woza nawe”. Ngayinye yithuba lokuhlangana nabantu obungeke ubathole ngenye indlela. Nawa amanye amathiphu okufanele uwakhumbule lapho usebenzisa inethiwekhi yakho yokuxhumana nabantu ukuze uhlangane nabantu abangashadile: 

• Ithi “yebo” ezimemweni: Yenza iphuzu lokwamukela izimemo zamaphathi, imishado, ubusuku begeyimu, idina, njll. Uma ujwayele ukweqa lezi, ungase uphuthelwe. Noma uzizwa uvilapha, ziphushe uhambe. Ukuzibeka endaweni yezenhlalo kukhulisa amathuba akho okuhlangana nomuntu ngokucacile
• Zibambele okuthile ngokwakho: Uma unethezekile, yenza umbuthano omncane futhi ukhuthaze abangani ukuthi balethe abangani. Mhlawumbe i-brunch yangempelasonto, i-hang park, noma ubusuku be-movie. Abantu abasha bazohlangana eqenjini labangane bakho endaweni enengcindezi ephansi. Ungagcina usuchofoza nomngane womngane phezu kwamakhekhe ekhishini lakho
• Thepha kuma-alumni namanethiwekhi omsebenzi: Iya emibuthanweni, amahora enjabulo e-alumni, noma izixube zomkhakha. Usuvele unabo abaqala izingxoxo—“Ngakho nawe usindile ekilasini likaProfesa Smith!” noma “Unesikhathi esingakanani uku-Google?” Ukusuka lapho, ukuxhumana kungaba okomuntu siqu. Futhi, ozakwethu beminyango ehlukene noma abangani bozakwethu bawumdlalo ongenzeleli
• Khulisa obaziyo: Leyo nsizwa epholile yekilasi lakho lejimu noma intombazane ehlekisayo oxoxa nayo epaki yezinja yakho, bameme ngesikhathi esizayo wena nabangane bakho nenza okuthile okujabulisayo. Ukwakha umbuthano wakho nalaba bantu obaziyo kungakha “amawebhu” amaningi lapho abantu abasha behlangana khona. Ukwazana kwanamuhla kungase kube umuntu okhethekile wakusasa

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinkinga Zokuqomisana Kwanamuhla Nendlela Yokuzisebenzisa

7. Yamukela izikhathi zansuku zonke ze-NYC—ukuzola kungokoqobo!

Okokugcina, ungawabukeli phansi amandla okuphila kwansuku zonke okulula e-NYC ukuletha abantu abasha emhlabeni wakho. Idolobha liyaphithizela ngamathuba okuhlangana okubuhlungu, kodwa kufanele uvuleleke kuwo. Kungase kuzwakale ku-clichéd, kodwa yebo, ungahlangana nomuntu esitimeleni, epaki, esitolo segrosa, noma ngenkathi uhamba nenja yakho. Lezi zinto zenzeka kaningi kunalokho esikuzwayo, ngoba azigqami njengokuthi “sifaniswe ku-Hinge.” Kodwa khuluma nabantu asebenesikhathi eside baseNew Yorkers futhi uzothola izindaba eziningi zemihlangano eyinhlanhla.

Isibonelo, kukhona indaba edumile, eyasakazwa kubhulogi le- OkCupid , yendoda eyahlangana nomkakhe esitimeleni esingu-6 ngoba yaqala ingxoxo ngesihloko sephephandaba eyayisifunda. Yabona owesifazane epulatifomu, yazama ukungabaza ngombuzo ohlekisayo— “ Wake wezwa ngezintuthwane ezidla insimbi?”—futhi kwaba nemiphumela emihle. Sekuphele iminyaka engama-30 ndawonye.

Omunye umuntu waseNew York kuReddit wabelane ngokuthi bayamazi umbhangqwana owaxhumana lapho indoda yenza sengathi iyamazi owesifazane esitimeleni ukuze ivikele umuntu ohlukumezayo, kwathi ngemva kokuhamba kwesikhashana, laba bobabili baqala ukukhuluma. Bashadile ngenjabulo. Lezi zindaba zibonisa ukuthi ngisho nokuhamba ngezinyawo kungaba yinto enhle kakhulu, enekusasa nesibindi esincane. Manje, awukwazi ukuhlela "ukuhlangana okuhle esitimeleni se-Q ngo-8:45 ekuseni" ekhalendeni lakho. Kodwa ungakha ukuthula okwengeziwe ngokuba khona nokuzibandakanya nendawo ekuzungezile. Nansi indlela:

• Hlala ukhona ezindaweni zomphakathi: Lahla ifoni noma ama-headphones ngezinye izikhathi. Ngenkathi ulinde ikhofi lakho, ugibele indlela ehamba ngaphansi, noma uhlezi epaki, bheka bese umomotheka. Ukuziphatha okufudumele kungamema ukuhwebelana kobungane
• Sebenzisa izivuli zesimo: Phawula ngokwenzeka eduze kwakho. Isibonelo, “Le ndlela ehamba ngaphansi ihamba kancane kunokujwayelekile, ngizofika sekwephuzile” (ngokuhleka, kumuntu ogibele naye), noma “Ingubo yakho yinhle kakhulu – ulithathephi lelo bhantshi?” Ukuncoma okuncane noma ama-gripes okwabiwe angaqala inkhulumomphendvulwano emoyeni omncane
• Yiba ongeneka: Ulimi lomzimba lubalulekile. Gcina ukuma okuvulekile, bheka amehlo, futhi ungesabi ukusho ukuthi “sawubona” esakhiweni sakho noma kubhlokhi yakho. Uma ubonakala uyangeneka, abantu maningi amathuba okuthi basondele kuwe, futhi
• Yiya ezenzakalweni zomphakathi: Bheka imibukiso yasemgwaqweni, amaphathi, imicimbi yokudansa yomphakathi, noma amakhonsathi amahhala epaki. Le mibuthano yasendaweni igcwele omakhelwane namavayibhu akhululekile. Qala ingxoxo kulayini webarbecue wephathi yasendaweni noma ngenkathi udansa ku-DJ ongaphandle ebusuku
• Themba amathumbu akho futhi uphephe: Ngokuqinisekile, akubona bonke abantu abangabazi abangabangane; njalo ubeke phambili ukunethezeka kwakho. Kodwa uma othile ekunikeza ivayibhu enhle, ungesabi ukubonisa ubungane kancane. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma uzizwa ungakhululekile, kulungile ukungazihlanganisi. I-Serendipity kufanele izwakale imnandi, ingasabi

Imicabango Final

Ekugcineni, ukuhlangana kwabantu abangabodwana e-NYC ngaphandle kwezinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola kuya phansi ukuze kwamukele idolobha njengendawo yakho yokudlala futhi uphumele ngaphandle kwendawo yakho yokunethezeka. Imayelana nokuhweba okulula ukuze uthole ubuqiniso obuningi. Ingabe kuyodinga umzamo? Yebo, kungase kudingeke wenze i-RSVP ethi “yebo” kaningi, uqalise izingxoxo, noma uzame imisebenzi emisha. Kungase kube nezikhathi ezingalungile noma izikhathi lapho uya ekhaya ngaphandle kwenombolo entsha. Kodwa namathela kukho. Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma uxoxa nothile esitolo noma uhambele umhlangano, uguqula lowo mzimba wokuxhumana nabantu futhi wandise amathuba okuxhumana kwangempela.

Khumbula ukuthi ukuthandana ungaxhunyiwe ku-inthanethi kumayelana nengqondo njengoba kumayelana nethuba. Ngena kulezi zimo zomhlaba wangempela, ungagxili “ngokuthola Lowo” ngokushesha, kodwa mayelana nokujabulela ukuphila nokuhlangana nabantu abathakazelisayo. Lapho uhileleka ezintweni ozithandayo futhi ozivulele abanye, ngokwemvelo uba muhle futhi ungeneke. Kungaba kuphrojekthi yevolontiya, enkundleni ye-kickball, noma ukulinda isitimela esingu-L - inhlansi ingashaya lapho ungalindele khona. Futhi ngisho noma kungenzeki ngaso leso sikhathi, uzobe ucebisa ukuphila kwakho ngobungane, okuhlangenwe nakho okujabulisayo, nezindaba ongazixoxa.

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