"Mā te mamae koe e kaha ake ai, mā te wehi koe e toa ake ai, mā te ngākau pouri koe e whakaaro nui ai" – Ingoakore. Nā te tangata i kōrero i tēnei, kua waiho mai he tohutohu whai hua mō ake tonu atu hei āwhina i te tangata kia puta i ōna rā tino kino i muri i te ngākau pouri nui. Ae, he tino mamae te mōhio kua mutu katoa ngā mea i waenganui i a koe me te tangata i arohaina e koe me tō ngākau katoa. Tino kino, ā, e rite ana ki te mutunga o te ao. Engari kia mōhio koe, kāore i te ngaro katoa. Nō reira kati te tirotiro i ō rātou kōtaha pāpāho pāpori me te pouri ki a koe anō. I tēnei rā, ka taea e koe te ako i ngā mea hei mahi i muri i te wehenga.
Whakamahia tēnei tohutohu hei tīmatanga i tō haerenga i muri i te mamae o te ngākau, me te neke whakamua, me te piki ake. E mārama ana mātou. Ina pakaru tō ngākau i te tangata i arohaina e koe, i whakawhirinakihia hoki e koe, kāore he tikanga i muri mai. Ka pau ō rā ki te whakakī i te āputa o te kare ā-roto ki te kai, ki te tangi, ki te mātakitaki i ngā kiriata i mātakitakihia ngātahitia e kōrua, me te mahi i tetahi mea engari ko te ngana ki te neke whakamua i roto i tō kōrua ao.
He pono, ko te whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga ka rite ki te mea whakamutunga e hiahia ana koe ki te mahi. Te tīmata uaua i tētahi atu whanaungatanga, te whakatuwhera i ō whakaaro ki tētahi atu tangata, ā, ka takahia anō tō ngākau? Kāo, ngā mihi, e te rangatira. Engari, kia pono ki a koe anō. He ātaahua te āhua o te tāne/te kōtiro i tūtaki ai koe, tika? Ki te mea kei te ruarua koe, ā, kāore koe i te tino mōhio ki te aha e whai ake nei, kaua e manukanuka. Kei konei a Shazia Saleem (Tohunga i roto i te Hinengaro), he tohunga ki te wehenga me te whakarere, hei āwhina i a koe ki te kimi huarahi whakamua.
Me pēhea te wikitoria i te wehenga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ka puta he ngākau kōhatu i muri i te wehenga kino, ā, ko te nuinga kāore e hiahia ki te whai i te uaua o te kimi i tētahi tangata hou, ka hoki anō ki te aroha. Tērā pea ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro kāore te kēmu whanaungatanga katoa e tika ana māu, ā, ka ngaro te tumanako. Ko ētahi kua taunga rawa ki te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, ka uru pea rātou ki te whakaipoipo i te marama i muri i te wehenga me te kore e whakaaro ki ngā hua. Ae, ko ngā whanaungatanga e hoki whakamuri ana. Ko ngā mea kāore e mutu pai.
Nā, he aha tāu e taea ai kia kore ai koe e huri ki tētahi o ngā tino kino i a koe e pupuri ana i te ngākau maru? E whakamārama ana a Shazia, "Hei whakaora i te wehenga, hei tīmata anō i te whakaipoipo, me whakaaroaro koe i te tuatahi. Ko ētahi tāngata ka roa ake te whakaora, ko ētahi he tino māmā. Engari ki te mea kua rite koe, ka taea e koe te neke atu me te whakatuwhera i a koe ki te āheinga ka kitea anō e koe te aroha. Mena kei te tino mohio koe ki te tangata hou, ka pai ngā mea katoa. Engari i te tuatahi, arotahi ki tō whakaora."
He wāhanga nui o te ao ngā whanaungatanga kino, ā, he nui ngā mea e ako ana i a koe mō ngā mea e hiahia ana koe ā muri ake nei. Me whai tohutohu noa koe hei āwhina i a koe ki te haere i tō ara. Koia tonu te take i konei ai koe. Me tīmata tātou ki te whai i tō wā i muri i te wehenga. He aha ētahi mea kāore e tika kia mahia i muri i te wehenga, me ngā mea me tino mahi e koe.
Me aha i muri i te wehenga hei neke whakamua? 9 Ngā Hipanga hei Whai
Nā, he aha ngā mahi e whai ake nei hei wehe atu i ngā whakaaro mamae, hei whakanoho i a koe ki tētahi haerenga aroha ki a koe anō me te whakaora? Tuatahi, kia mārama he tino ngāwari rawa te pouri ki a koe anō i muri i te wehenga . He mea whakamataku te hoki ki te whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga. He mea noa iho mēnā kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakaipoipo i te marama i muri i te wehenga. Inaa, he maha ngā tāngata e whakarērea ana te whakaaro ki te waiho i a rātou anō ki waho mō tētahi wā, ka arotahi ki a rātou anō, ki ā rātou mahi rānei. He huarahi pai tēnā hei āwhina i tō whakaoranga i muri i te wehenga.
Ka puhoi te tukanga o te neke ki runga i te atamira. Engari ka paku ahu whakamua koe i ia rā mena ka whakapau kaha koe ki te rapu huarahi hei whakakore i te wehenga. Ka huri i te mamae e pā ana ki a koe i ia ata ki te ahua ngoikore e pā mai ana ki a koe i ētahi wā. He ahua kino te ahua, engari ka pai ake.
Ina kitea koe e harikoa ana i te whakaaro mō tētahi whanaungatanga hou, mō te rā tuatahi rānei i muri i te wehenga, kaua e whakaaro tonu ki tō hoa o mua, kua rite pea koe. Ā tōna wā, ka tūtaki koe ki tētahi e ahua kino ana, ahakoa mā tētahi taupānga whakaipoipo, mā tētahi huihuinga pāpori, mā tētahi hoa rānei e mahi ana hei kaiwhakataurite i ō rātou wā waatea. Ko te mea e rite ana ki ēnei mea, me whakaatu koe i a koe anō ki waho. Kia taea ai e koe te mahi i tēnā, me mārama koe ki te mea hei mahi i muri i te wehenga kia neke atu ai. Anei ētahi rautaki e iwa e tautokona ana e ngā tohunga hei āwhina:
1. Whakatikahia koe!
Kāo, ehara te ao tūturu i te waiata Coldplay. Kāore he tangata e haere mai ki te "whakatika i a koe". Kaua e tukua kia mamingatia koe e ngā pāpāho pāpori. Ki ētahi, he mea whakamatautau pea te tīmata whakaipoipo i tētahi i muri tonu i te tīmatanga o te wehenga engari he huarahi noa iho tēnā hei oma atu i te mamae. Ā, ki te mahi koe i tēnā, ka hinga ngā mea i te mutunga. Ehara i te mea pai te whakaipoipo tonu i muri i te wehenga.
Whakamahia te wā i muri i te wehenga hei whakaaroaro, hei ako i ētahi mea mōu ake. He pai ake te whai wā ki te neke whakamua (ahakoa te roa o te wā e pau ana ki a koe, ehara i te mea he whakataetae e hiahia ana koe kia toa ai). Kia oti i a koe te whakatau i ō kare ā-roto, he nui atu i te mea ko tō oranga whakaipoipo anake ka tino pai ake. Kia neke atu tātou ki ngā mahi e whai ake nei.
2. Ako mai i ngā mea o mua
He take tō hoa o mua mō tō hoa o mua. Ahakoa te maha o ngā mamae i muri i te wehenga e mea ana kia rite koe ki a rātou tō ao katoa, kaua e tukua kia horomia koe e te moemoeā, arotahi ki te take i wehe ai kōrua ko tō hoa, me te mea kua pāngia ō whanaungatanga kē atu e aua take. Tērā pea ka kitea e koe he tauira i roto i ō whanonga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, i te momo tangata rānei e paingia ana e koe.
Kia mōhio koe ki te take i kore ai ō whanaungatanga o mua i angitu, ka māmā ake te whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga, nā te mea ka mōhio koe ki ngā mea me karo. Kia mahara kia mahia ēnei mea i mua i tō whakaaturanga anō i a koe, inā koa mēnā kei te whakaaro koe ki te whakaipoipo i muri i te whanaungatanga roa. Nō reira, āe, ko te tātari i tō hītori mō ngā tauira katoa tētahi o ngā mea pai rawa atu hei mahi i muri i te wehenga.
He tohunga hinengaro haumanu nō Houston a Marie, ā, he uaua ki a ia te wehe i tana hoa tāne, a Ray. Ahakoa pēhea, i muri i te wehenga, kāore i taea e ia te whakatakoto rohe ki a ia, ā, he maha tonu ngā wā i uru atu ai rāua ki te ao o tētahi ki tētahi. I pēnei tonu a Marie tae noa ki te wā i noho ai ia ki raro, ka ngana ki te rapu he aha i tino uaua ai ngā mea ki a Ray. "Ki taku whakaaro ehara a Ray i te tangata kino. He tangata kino noa ia ki ahau. Ka taka ahau ki ngā tāne he tino rerekē ki ahau, ā, ka hoki mai anō tēnā, ka ngau i ahau," tana kōrero ki a mātou.
He Pānui e Pā Ana: He aha te taumahatanga o te 'Me Kati te Aroha' ki ō Tātou Hinengaro i muri i te Wehenga
3. Tātarihia tāu e hiahia ana i muri mai
E oati ana mātou koinei te taahiraa whakaaro whakamutunga māu. Koinei hoki te whakautu ki: kia pēhea te roa i muri i te whanaungatanga roa me tatari koe ki te whakaipoipo? Taria kia mōhio koe ki tāu e hiahia ana i muri mai māu. Ki te tukua e koe ō kare ā-roto kia whakatau, tera pea ka pānui anō koe i tēnei tuhinga i muri i te 3 marama. Tērā pea he mea whakamīharo te whakaipoipo wawe rawa i muri i te wehenga engari me tino tupato koe.
He tino pai te kore e hiahia ki te whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga. He tino pai te whakapau kaha ki te mahi. He tino pai mena kei te hiahia noa koe kia karapotia koe e ngā hoa me te whānau mō tētahi wā, me te kore he tumanako ki te whakaipoipo. Tangohia he wā okiokinga mai i tō hoa o mua. Whakapono ki te mana o te wahangu i muri i te wehenga , ā, tirohia me pēhea e pai ake ai koe. Mā te noho tawhiti me te noho pukumahi ka ārai i a koe kei uru ki te porowhita kino, ā, ka aukati i a koe kei mahi i tetahi mea tino kino i muri i te wehenga.
4. Kaua e wehi ki te whakamātau i tētahi mea hou kia pai ake ai te ahua
Ka taea e ngā whanaungatanga te whakarite kia mōhiotia te tangata, kia hoha pea. He pai te āhua o te mahi kotahi engari ka uaua ki te mahi ina mutu te whanaungatanga. Me pēhea te neke atu i muri i te wehenga i a koe e aroha tonu ana, e pātai ana koe? Āe, me whakapau kaha koe ki ngā mea hou me ngā mahi hou kia rite ki tāu e taea ai.
Ahakoa kei te aroha tonu koe ki tō hoa o mua, kei te ngaro hoki i a koe, he mea tino noa iho tēnā. Engari kaua e tukua kia aukati i a koe ki te tūhura i ngā mea hou me te ngana ki te whakatikatika i tō oranga . Whakawhanaunga atu. Haere ki ngā rōpū kāore koe i tae atu i mua, uru atu ki tētahi karapu pukapuka, tūtaki ki ō whanaunga, ki ō whānau rānei i karohia e koe i mua. Tērā pea he mea whakamataku te haere ki taua rā tuatahi i muri i te wehenga, nō reira tīmata noa i te iti, ka whakawhanaunga noa. Ina whānuitia tō tirohanga, ka puta mai ētahi atu whai wāhitanga. Tērā pea he hoa aroha hou! Kāore rānei, he pai anō hoki tēnā.
5. Hoki atu ki waho ki te anga whakamua
He tino ngahau te whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga. E mōhio ana mātou he uaua tonu te tūtaki ki tētahi tāne, ki tētahi kōtiro rānei hou i muri i te wehenga, me te tīmata kōrero ki a rātou, engari koinei te wāhi e uru mai ai ngā taupānga whakaipoipo. Kāore anō kia ngāwari ake te kimi hoa hou ipurangi, inā koa kei te ngana koe ki te hoki ki te kāinga me te tīmata whakaipoipo i muri i tētahi whanaungatanga roa. Mā te haere ki tētahi pae whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga ka whakaoho i ngā momo kare ā-roto katoa. Mena kei te whakamahi tika koe i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo , ka taea e koe te wikitoria i ngā arai, i ngā kare ā-roto me ngā arai mahi.
Mā roto i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo, ka kitea e koe he tini tāngata whakamere hei kōrero tahi māu. Ka wheako koe i te harikoa o te kimi i tētahi hoa hou, te manukanuka, me te hua i muri i te whiwhinga o tō karere kuputuhi mōrearea i tētahi whakautu pai. Ka mahi whakamiharo hoki mō tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, i pāngia pea i muri i te wehenga. Ā, ki te kore e whakamahi i ngā taupānga whakaipoipo, tonoa noa ō hoa tata kia whakarite i tētahi hoa pai māu. Kia tino mohio koe kei te tīmata koe ki te whakapono kei te aroha koe i muri tonu i te wehenga nā te mea he iti noa te tūponotanga o tēnā.
Pānui e pā ana: 13 Tohutohu hei Whakaipoipo Angitu i te Ipurangi, me te Kimi i tō Hoa Tino Pai
6. Me pēhea te tīmata anō i te whakaipoipo i roto i te huarahi hauora? Kaua e whakarite!
Mehemea he ture mō te whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga, koinei tonu te mea nui rawa atu. Nō reira, kaua e whakahawea ki tēnei. He mea maori noa iho te whakarite i ngā tāngata hou ki tō hoa o mua i te wā e whakaipoipo ana koe i muri tonu i te wehenga. Ina koa mēnā kua wehe ohorere koe i muri i te whanaungatanga roa , he uaua ki te wareware i tō hoa o mua me te kore e maumahara ki ngā wā pai ki a rātou. Me maumahara tonu koe ki a koe anō kāore he hua o tēnā.
"Kia tukuna atu e koe te mamae me te riri i roto i a koe, ka māmā noa iho tēnei mahi. Murua ōu ake hara, me muru hoki i ō rātou hara mēnā kei te hiahia koe kia ora i muri i te wehenga. Ki te kore he riri, kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakarite i tō hoa o mua me te tangata kei a koe i nāianei. Kia maumahara tonu ki a koe anō kāore he tangata e rite ana. Ki te kore, ka tau noa koe ki roto i tētahi raruraru nui ake o te kare ā-roto," te kī a Shazia.
He uaua kē te whakaipoipo i muri i te whanaungatanga roa, engari mā te whakataurite, ka uaua ake te kimi hoa hou māu, ā, ka waiho tonu tō hoa o mua kia teitei ake i roto i tō hinengaro. Akohia kia tuwhera te hinengaro, kaua e whakahe wawe i te tangata, ā, kia mau tonu te whakaaro pai ina ngana ana koe ki te anga whakamua.
7. Kaua e wareware ki ngā haki whero
Me aha koe i muri i te wehenga kia kore ai koe e kite anō i a koe e pupuri ana i te ngākau maru? Kaua e wareware ki ngā tohu ārai kei roto i ō hoa aroha. Ahakoa kotahi noa iho, kaua e wareware. Kaua e noho mokemoke, e pouri ana hoki. Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki ngā mea e takahi ana i tō whanaungatanga , tera pea kua mōhio koe ki te momo tangata kāore koe e pai ki te noho tahi. Mā te whakaipoipo anō i muri i te wehenga ka noho harikoa koe mō te hoa rangatira e whai ake nei, engari kia tupato kia kaua e huna ō kanohi ki ngā mea kāore e tau ki roto i tō hiahia ki te kimi i tētahi tīmatanga hou.
Ko tāu e hiahia ana kia anga whakamua, kia kitea he tangata e rite ana ki tō wairua, kaua e hoki whakamuri, ka kitea koe kei roto i te hupa. Ko ngā tohu kino noa ko te karanga i te kaimahi mā te whiowhio ki te whakahāwea i te wahine, te koretake o te pakeketanga, te whakaaro he tika, te kore e wātea mai ngā kare ā-roto, ngā whanonga tinihanga, te takaro wera me te makariri, te tuku tohu ranu rānei. He torutoru noa iho ēnei, engari he maha atu ngā rārangi roa ake e hiahia ana koe ki te tirotiro.
8. Kaua e hohoro te whakawhirinaki, engari kaua hoki e huna
I a koe e ngana ana ki te huri i tō ara ki te korōria, kia tupato kei tukua e koe te aroha nui kia riro, ā, whakawhirinaki ki te tangata tuatahi e tae mai ana ki a koe. I muri i te wehenga, ka hiahia koe ki te whai hua i te whanaungatanga mā te whakaipoipo i tētahi atu. I roto i tō hiahia, kaua e wareware ki te ata haere. Kia maumahara ki tā rātou e kī nei - ko ngā wairangi anake ka tere ki te uru mai.
I tētahi atu taha, ko te āhua o te huna i te aroha i te wehi kei whara anō koe he mea kino hoki. E mōhio ana koe ki te nui o te aro o ngā tohunga hinengaro ki te take o te pehi i ō kare ā-roto, tika? I te wehi o te mamae o te ngākau e whai ake nei, tera pea ka tino uaua ki te whakawhirinaki anō ki tētahi . He mea whakamataku te whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga, engari he mōrearea tēnei me tango e koe mēnā ka tīmata koe ki te pai ki tētahi hou. Kōrerohia ō kare ā-roto ki tō hoa, ā, kia tino mohio kei te whakaaro rātou kei te huna koe i te aroha nā te mea kāore koe e pai ki a rātou. Kōrerohia ō kare ā-roto.
E whakamārama ana a Shazia, "He tangata noa iho tātou katoa. Ka puta ake ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki i muri i te wehenga, ā, kāore koe e hiahia ki te wareware i ngā kare ā-roto o te mamae, o te riri rānei. Tukua kia pā atu i roto i a koe. Engari kia tukuna koe kia pāngia e ēnei kare ā-roto, ngana mārire ki te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi atu tangata. Hoatu he wā me te wāhi ki a koe anō kia mahi i tēnā. Kāore e taea te tupu i te pō kotahi. Kia āta haere, engari kia pono."
9. Ngā mea kāore e tika ana kia mahia i muri i te wehenga: Te kōrero mō te hoa o mua
Hei whakamutunga, kua tae atu tātou ki te wāhi tino nui o ā mātou tohutohu mō ngā mea hei mahi i muri i te wehenga. Āe, he tika ake, ngā mea kāore e tika kia mahia, i tēnei wā. Kāore he mea kino atu i te kōrero mō tō hoa o mua i te rā tuatahi me tētahi atu. He kino ake pea te tū atu engari kua mārama koe ki te kaupapa – kaua e kōrero mō tō hoa o mua.
Ka whakamataku noa iho tō hoa, ka whakaaro rātou kāore anō koe kia neke atu, kāore anō hoki koe kia rite mō tetahi mea, kia kore ai koe e whiwhi waea mō tētahi atu rā. He ture tēnei mō te rā i muri i te wehenga, kāore e taea e koe te takahi. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kāore e taea e koe te āwhina i a koe anō, tera pea kāore anō koe kia neke atu, ā, me nui ake te wā ki te pouri, ki te whakaora, ki te ora anō i mua i te tīmatanga anō o te rā.
Pānui e pā ana: 22 Ngā Tikanga Kino e Whakangaro ana i te Hononga
Nā, me aha koe i muri i te wehenga? I mua i tō tīmatanga anō ki te whakaipoipo, arotahi tuatahi ki ō kare ā-roto. Whakapaua he wā ki te pouri me te wareware i te whanaungatanga kua ngaro i a koe. Kia tino ora koe i mua i te whakauru atu ki tētahi taupānga whakaipoipo, i te tūtaki rānei ki ngā tāngata hou. E ai ki tā mātou i kī ai i te tīmatanga o tēnei tuhinga, "...ā, mā te mamae o te ngākau koe e whai whakaaro nui ake ai". Kāore koe e tīmata anō mai i te tīmatanga. Ehara i te mea ko tō rodeo tuatahi tēnei. He mātau koe ināianei, kua rite ki te whakaaro nui i muri i te wehenga. Whakamahia pai.
Tohutohu Matua
- Ko te whakaora i te kare ā-roto te taahiraa tuatahi ki te neke whakamua. Kia tino mahi koe i ngā mea katoa hei āwhina i tō whakaora.
- Kaua e huna i roto i te anga mō te wā roa rawa, engari ngana ki te hoki ki waho ki te tūtaki ki ngā tāngata hou
- Kati te whakataurite i tō hoa o mua ki tō hoa o nāianei, ka kino noa iho tō wairua
- Kia rite rawa koe ki te tīmata ki te tūtaki ki ngā tāngata hou, kaua e kōrero nui ki tō hoa o mua.
Mā wai e mōhio ka kitea pea e koe tētahi hei tiaki i tō ngākau, he pai ake i tō whakaaro. Ā, ko te mea nui, murua tō hara mō tō wāhanga i te wehenga. Ā, ina rite koe? Āe… whakatika, kakahuria ō kākahu, puta mai. Kei te tatari mai tō hoa rangatira ki a koe!
I whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te Whiringa-ā-rangi 2022.
FAQs
He rerekē te wātaka i ia tangata, i ia tangata, engari he wawe rawa mēnā kei te whakarite tonu koe i te tangata ki tō hoa o mua. Mēnā kāore anō koe kia neke atu, kāore anō kia whakaae ki te wehenga, ā, mēnā kei te riri tonu koe ki tō hoa o mua, he tino wawe rawa ki te tīmata te whakaipoipo i muri i te wehenga.
Kia pāngia rā anō tētahi hononga e te pōuri pērā i te wehenga, kāore pea e taea te hoki ki tōna kororia o mua. I muri i te wehenga, ka ngoikore haere ngā hononga, ā, i te nuinga o te wā, ka puta ake te take o te wehenga tuatahi, ka wehe kē te tokorua i te wā e tata ana.
Ki te whakaaro koe kua kitea e koe tētahi hei hanga hononga hauora māu , he mea tika pea kia whakamātauria. Me whakarite kei te pouri tonu koe mō tō wehenga, ā, kua neke atu koe. Kia kitea e koe te rangimārie me tō wehenga, ā, kāore koe e ngaro i tō hoa o mua, he mea noa te tīmata ki te hoki atu ki waho.
5 Ngā Karere e Tukuna Ana e Tātou ki Tā Tātou Hoa o Mua i a Tātou e Hau ana
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
