Me pēhea te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha: He aratohu taahiraa-i-te-taahiraa ki te angitū

He rite tonu te aroha ki tētahi ki te hurihuri o ngā kare ā-roto. I tētahi wā, kei runga koe i te kapua tuaiwa; i tētahi wā, kei te pōrearea koe. Kei te rite koe ki te tono kia haere tahi rāua, engari kātahi ka … kite koe i a rāua. Ā, ka ngaro atu ngā kupu. Ka pā tēnei ki te katoa. Engari mātakitaki mai? Kua kitea e mātou te huarahi ki te tono kia haere tahi tāu e aroha nei, me te uru atu ki aua karere whaiaro me te māia.

Ahakoa te hunga e tino maia ana ki te kōrero, ka rongo pea i te werawera ina tae mai ki te tono kia haere tahi māua. Me haere koe ki ngā tikanga tawhito, ka tūtaki ki a rāua, ka pātai atu? Kāore rānei, ka taea e koe te whakatutuki i te hua kotahi me te kore e pātai tika atu ki a rāua? Kāore he whakautu pumau. Engari, ki te mea he whakama koe, he mataku rānei mō tā rāua e kī mai ai, he rārangi tohutohu tā mātou hei tono kia haere tahi māua me te kore e whakakahoretia.

Me pēhea te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha kia puta mai, me te kore e whakakahoretia

He mea whakararuraru te whakaaro me pēhea te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha. Kua kōrero koe, kua kitea nga paanga noa, ā, tera pea ka noho tahi me ngā hoa i ngā mutunga wiki ngahau. Engari inaianei, kua tae ki te wā ki te mahi i taua nekehanga tuatahi me te maia. Ahakoa kei te aro atu koe ki tētahi tangata, kei te whakaaro rānei koe ki te tono hoa, ka āwhina mātou i a koe i roto i taua raruraru.

Ka whakaaturia e mātou ki a koe me pēhea te tuku tohutohu mārire kia taea ai e koe te ine i tō rātou hiahia me te kore e pātai tika atu ki a rātou. Kaua e manukanuka, ehara i te mea ko koe anake kei roto i tēnei pakanga. Mā te whakarite, te kōrero mārie, me te pono, ka riro i a koe te ngākau o tō hoa aroha.

1. Hoko hei hoa mō rātou i te tuatahi, ina koa mēnā kei te tono koe i tētahi hoa aroha ki te ipurangi

He roa te tukanga hei whakakore i te wehi o te tono i tō hoa aroha ki te whakatau. Nō reira, he mea nui kia ata haere, ina koa mēnā he whakama koe, he e raru ana ki te manukanuka ki te whakatata atu ki te whakaipoipo rātou. I te tīmatanga, ko te whakapau wā ki a rātou anake te whāinga. Ko te kounga, kaua ko te rahinga.

Kia manawanui i a koe e hanga ana i tētahi hononga hōhonu, me te wikitoria i ēnei manukanuka tuatahi. Anei me pēhea e hanga ai e koe tō hoa aroha hei hoa pai māu:

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• Hono atu mā roto i ngā hiahia ōrite: Kimihia he wāhi e ōrite ana, ahakoa he wāhi tino pai ki te noho tahi, he mahi whakangahau rānei e ōrite ana
• Pātai atu mō te rā o tō hoa aroha: Mā tēnei mahi iti nei ka huaki te kuaha ki ētahi atu kōrero hōhonu mā te whakaatu i tō hiahia pono ki tō rātou oranga.
• Te taunekeneke i waenga i a koutou i ia wā: Ka hohonu ake tō kōrua whakahoahoa i a kōrua e noho tahi ana i te wā roa
• Tīmatahia ngā kōrerorero tuihono: Ka taea tenei he huarahi iti ake te whakama ki te kōrero ki tō ipo i mua i te hiki i ngā mea ki te taumata e whai ake nei. Mā te hanga i tētahi turanga mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuihono, ka taea e koe te waihanga i tētahi hononga pono ake, me te aromatawai i tō pūmanawa mō tētahi whanaungatanga

Kaua e peke ki te taumata e whai ake nei, ina koa mēnā kei te rapu koe i tētahi whakautu pai mai i tō hoa aroha. Ko tāu noa iho he waihanga i ngā tikanga mō tētahi hononga whai hua ka whanake pea hei mea nui ake. Ā, ko te huarahi ki te mahi i tēnā ko te arotahi ki ngā hiahia ōrite, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, me te ahunga whakamua haere.

2. Mā te pānui pai i te āhuatanga me te wā tika ka āwhina i a koe ki te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha me te kore e whakakahoretia

Ahakoa e whakaarohia ana te huarahi pai ki te tono i tō hoa aroha, he mea nui te mārama ki tōna āhua hinengaro o nāianei. Mā te reo tinana me te kare ā-roto ka taea te whakarato i ngā māramatanga whai hua, ā, mā te wā pōturi noa iho ka taea te take mō te 'kāo'.

• Kia tupato ki te reo tinana o tō hoa aroha: Ki te mea he menemene katoa rātou, kia tuwhera, kia marino hoki te reo tinana, ā, mau tonu te whakapiri kanohi, he tohu pai tonu tēnei e whakaae ana rātou
• Whakaarohia ō rātou āhua kare ā-roto: Ki te mea kei te ahua pōrearea, kei te pouri, kei te āwangawanga rānei rāua, he pai ake pea te whakaroa i tā kōrua tono. Me whai wā koe kia marino ai kōrua.
• Whakaarohia i mua i te kōrero i taua katakata: Kaua e katakata ina pōuri ana rātou. Whakamahia te katakata me te whakaaro nui. Ko te katakata i te wā tika, i te kōrero whakakatakata rānei tētahi o ngā huarahi auaha rawa atu ki te tono i tō hoa aroha kia haere tahi.
• Ko te maia te mea matua: Ahakoa kei te mataku koe mō te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha, he mea nui kia whakaatu koe kei te tino hiahia koe ki te noho tahi me rāua. He mea nui tēnei ina te āhua nei kāore tō hoa aroha i te tino mōhio ki a kōrua, ina rānei kei roto ia i te wairua ngoikore. Koia te take he mea nui te pānui i te āhuatanga.

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3. Ko te wikitoria i tō manukanuka tētahi o ngā mahi tino nui hei tono atu ki tō hoa aroha

Kei te moemoeā koe mō taua kihi tuatahi? Kei te pupuri ringa rānei i a koe e hikoi ana i te tiriti i muri i te tina? Engari ka mutu te mahi a tō hinengaro ina tata koe ki te whakatata atu ki te whetu o ō kanohi. Ki te mataku koe mō te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha, kia māia, kāore koe i te mokemoke. Kua rongo pea koe i te iwi e kī ana he mea noa te pēnei, engari kāore tēnā e whakamāmā ake i te mahi.

Koia mātou i konei me ētahi tohutohu tino whai hua mō te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha kia haere mai:

• Kia ngawari: Tuatahi, kia maumahara kāore e hiahiatia kia pua ngā kupu e whiriwhiria e koe. Pātai atu ki tō hoa aroha, "Kei te hiahia koe ki te noho tahi mō tētahi wā?" Ko te whakapono kei roto i te ngāwari me te pono.
• Hohonu te manawa: I mua i tō whakatata atu ki tō hoa aroha, me tango he manawa hōhonu mō tētahi wā. Ka taea e ngā manawa hōhonu te whakamarie i ō io, ā, ka āwhina i a koe kia marino ake. Mā te manawa mārire, tatauhia kia whā, pupurihia kia whā, kātahi ka whakaputa i te manawa mō te whā. Whakahokia tēnei kia maha ngā wā hei whakapūmau i a koe.
• Hoatu he kōrero whakatenatena ki a koe anō: Kia maumahara koe ki tō uara me ngā āhuatanga e hanga ana i a koe hei tangata whakamiharo. Me kī atu ki a koe anō ahakoa kāore tō hoa aroha e aro mai pērā i tāu e tumanako ana, he pai noa iho nā te mea he tangata pai tonu koe, he tangata whai tikanga hoki.
• Whakamahia te whakakatakata: He wā pai tēnei hei whakawātea i te ngākau, ā, ko tētahi o ngā huarahi auaha rawa atu ki te tono i tō hoa aroha kia puta mai he hoa. Mā te kōrero māmā, whakakatakata hoki ka taea te whakaiti i te taumahatanga, ā, ka ngāwari ake te kōrero. Me whakarite noa kia tika tō whakakatakata mō te āhuatanga, ā, kaua e whakapataritari i tetahi.

He hikoinga toa te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha ki te whakawhanaungatanga. He mea noa te mataku mō tēnei mea, engari kia mahara he maha ngā tāngata kua pā ki a koe. He mea ātaahua te maia me te māia. ngā āhuatanga o te tangata utu nui te wahine rānei, ā, i ētahi wā ka kitea ēnei e rua i roto i ngā kupu me ngā nekehanga māmā noa iho.

4. Whakauruhia ngā kōrero iti: Koinei hoki tētahi o ngā huarahi ngāwari ki te tono i tō hoa aroha kia whakapuakina mā te karere kuputuhi

Ko te ataahua o te whanaungatanga puāwai kei roto i ngā mea nohinohi. Mā te maumahara ki ngā kōrero iti, ehara i te mea ka whakaatu noa i tō hiahia pono, engari ka whakarite hoki kia pono te aroha ina tono atu koe ki tō hoa aroha. Ko tētahi o ngā huarahi māmā ki te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha mā te karere kuputuhi, kia miharo ai rātou.

Nō reira, i te wā e whakarite ana mō te pātai nui – ahakoa he haora te roa, he rā kōrerorero WhatsApp rānei, he rā kanohi ki te kanohi rānei – anei ētahi o ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi:

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• Kia maumahara ki ā rātou manakohanga: I roto i ā kōrua kōrero e anga atu ana ki te pātai, whakahuatia te pukapuka e pānuihia ana e rātou, te wāhi pai rānei e pai ana ki a rātou hei noho mārire. Ngā mea katoa e whakaata ana i ā rātou e pai ai, e kore rānei e pai ai.
• Whakaohokia rātou: Mena kua whakapuaki rātou i te hiahia ki te whakamātau i tētahi wharekai hou, ki te toro atu rānei ki tētahi whakaaturanga, me noho ki reira mō te mutunga wiki.
• Whakahokia mai ngā kōrero o mua: Ahakoa he kiriata i hiahia rātou ki te mātaki, he huihuinga rānei i tino hiahia rātou ki te mātaki, pātai atu mēnā i whai wāhi rātou ki te mātaki i ēnei mea. E whakaatu ana tēnei i tērā he kaiwhakarongo pai koe nā wai i whakarongo ki ā rātou kōrero
• Aroturuki i ngā tohu ngawari o te wairua: Mai i te rangi e ngunguru ana rātou i te wā e pōuri ana, tae atu ki te āhua o tā rātou kōrero i te wā e hihiko ana, ko ngā mea iti te mea nui rawa atu.

Ko te maumahara ki ngā kōrero iti he mea nui atu i te pupuri noa i ngā kōrero. He tohu tēnei mō tō whakapau kaha, tō manawanui, me tō hiahia pono ki ō rātou oranga, ā, ka nui ake te whaiaro me te whakaaro nui ki tō huarahi. Kia oti te kōrero pēnei ki a rātou, ā, kia kitea rātou, ko te tono atu i a rātou kia haere tahi ko te taahiraa maori e whai ake nei. Tērā pea he mea kua roa rātou e tatari ana kia mahia e koe.

5. Whakapuakina ōu whakaaro mā te āta haere engari kia mārama

Kia mārama rawa ō whakaaro ina tae ki te wā hei neke. Ko te mārama te mea nui hei karo i ngā māramatanga. Me mārama tō hoa aroha ki tāu e tono nei – He haerenga aroha. Anei ētahi tohutohu mō te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha:

• Tatari mo te wa tika: Ina tae ki te wā tika, whakapuakihia tō hiahia aroha ki tō hoa aroha, pērā i tāu whakapuakitanga i ō kare ā-roto ki tētahi hoa pono.
• Tauwhāitihia ō mahere: Whakapai ake i tō tono mā te whakarato ngā whakaaro mō ngā rā motuhakeAhakoa he tina whakamarie i tētahi wharekai tino pai, he haerenga rā ohorere, he tīkiti rānei ki tētahi kōnohete. Ka tāpirihia e ngā taipitopito ngā āhuatanga o te pono me te whakahihiri.
• Whakapuakihia tō hiahia: Engari i te kī noa "kia noho tahi tātou", whakaarohia te mahi me tētahi wāhi me te kaupapa motuhake, pērā i te "Kei te hiahia koe ki te haere tahi tāua ki tētahi rā? Me pēhea te kai i tētahi [wāhi motuhake] i tēnei wiki mutunga?" Mā te mārama ka nui ake te tūponotanga o tētahi whakautu pai, ā, koinei te huarahi pai ki te tono atu ki tō hoa aroha kia haere tahi.

Ko te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro me te mārama he taahiraa nui i roto i te haerenga o te tono i tō hoa aroha kia haere tahi. He rite ki te hanga i tētahi mahere mō tō haerenga aroha, me te whakarite kia kotahi te whakaaro o kōrua ko tō hoa aroha. Nō reira, kia tika, kia motuhake hoki kia mōhio ai rātou kei te tino aro nui koe ki tēnei.

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6. Ahakoa kei te karanga koe i tētahi hoa, i tētahi hoa mahi rānei, whakautehia ō rātou rohe

He whakaatu tēnei i tō whakaaro nui ki tō rātou whakamarie me tō rātou whakaae — Koinei te huarahi e hanga ai koe i te turanga mō te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi.

• Tonoa mo te whakaaetanga: Kia mōhio tonu koe ki te wā e whakaatu ai koe i tō aroha, me te whakarite kia pai tō aroha ki a koe.
• Mātakitaki i te reo o te tinana, i mua atu, i muri mai hoki: Kia aro ki ngā tohu kore-kupu hei ine i tō rātou taumata whakamarie, he rite ki te mārama ki ngā kare ā-roto ngaro i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.
• Kōrero māhorahora: Pono, ā, korero tuwhera he mea nui te kōrero mō ō kare ā-roto. Ina whakaae mai rātou, me kī atu kei te whakaaro koe ki a rātou i ia rā
• Hoatu he wā ki a rātou: Kaua e hohoro te whakaatu i ō rātou kare ā-roto. Tērā pea ka ohorere rātou, me whakaaro rānei ki ētahi āhuatanga i mua i te hoatu i tētahi whakautu kua whakaaroarohia pai.
• Tukua tō hononga kia whanake noa: Ā, me te kore e tere rawa, he rite ki te whakatipu i tētahi hononga kaha ki tētahi atu. Kaua e whakatakoto i ō ture me ō hiahia ki runga i a rātou.

He mea nui te whakaute i ngā rohe mō te hanga hononga kaha, pumau hoki. Me tipu tō hononga i roto i te huarahi hauora, whai hua hoki mō te katoa. Ae, he roa te wā e pau ana mō ngā mea pai rawa atu, engari kia kaua e waiho kia tatari mō ngā wiki kia mārama — Me whakaute hoki i ō rohe.

7. Whakautehia tā rātou whakautu

He mea nui kia whakaaetia, kia whakautehia hoki tā rātou whakautu, ahakoa he whakamataku. Mā te mahi pera ka kitea tō pakeketanga, ā, ka kitea hoki tō māramatanga ki te tangata e tino paingia ana e koe. Ko ia whakautu, ahakoa pai, ahakoa kino, me aro atu ki te atawhai me te aroha.

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• Whakaaetia he whakautu pai me te atawhai: Kia whakawhetai, kia whakaatu hoki i te harikoa pono, engari kia maumahara kaua e whakararuraru i a rātou
• Whakahaerehia te whakakorenga me te pakeke: Ehara te 'kāo' i te whakaata i tō uara. Whakaarohia he huringa i te huarahi, ehara i te mutunga o tō haerenga.
• Kaua e pēhi: Ki te mea he pātai ā rātou, me tuku he wāhi ki a rātou kia whakaaroaro. Me whai wā anō hoki koe ki te whakatau i tētahi whakatau nui, tika?
• Noho hoa: I ētahi wā, kāore ngā whanaungatanga pai rawa atu i te aroha. Kia maumahara ki te hononga e tohaina ana e kōrua, ā, kia mōhio ki te hiranga o te pupuri i te whanaungatanga.

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakatau i te whakakorenga aroha, engari me whakaute koe i a koe anō kia taea ai te tūpono, me te wehe atu mēnā ka whakakahore te tangata kē. Ko te whakaute i tā rātou urupare he tohu i tō āhua me tō pakeketanga. Ahakoa kei te whakatere koe i ngā wai o te whanaungatanga aroha e tipu haere ana, kei te haere tonu rānei i te whanaungatanga aroha, ko te māramatanga me te atawhai ō hoa pai rawa atu. Ko ia taunekeneke i konei he wheako ako, he hikoinga whakamua i roto i tō haerenga whanaungatanga.

Ko te tumanako kua mōhio koe inaianei ki te tono i tō hoa aroha kia whakaipoipo, ā, kua nui ake tō māia i tō mua. Kia maumahara tonu ki tō uara i a koe e tono ana i a rātou ki te whakaipoipo me te maia me te whakatau.

Kaua e akiaki i ō hiahia ki tētahi, whakautehia ō rātou rohe, ā, ko te mea nui, whakautehia tā rātou urupare. Ka tata atu koe ki te kimi i te aroha e rapuhia ana e koe i roto i ia "āe" me ia "kāo". Ahakoa kua tīmata noa tō haerenga, mā ia taahiraa koe e kaha ake ai, e mātau ake ai, e rite ake ai hoki mō ngā kōrero aroha kei mua.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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