Te Hoa me te Whanaungatanga - Ngā Rerekētanga Taketake e 10

Porohia te aroha

He mutunga kore te ao e noho nei tātou, engari ka noho mokemoke i ētahi wā. Koia tātou me whai tangata hei pupuri i ō tātou ringa i ngā wā uaua. He aha te momo aroha e rapu ana koe? Te hoa rangatira, te whanaungatanga rangatira, te whanaungatanga piripono? Ki te mea kei te pōhēhē koe mō te momo hononga e rapu ana koe, koinei te pukapuka tino pai māu.

I whakapā atu mātou ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro Jayant Sundaresan ki te rapu atu i ētahi atu kōrero mō te whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga. E mea ana ia, "Me mārama koe ki te Ariā Tapatoru o te Aroha a Sternberg mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te mōhio ki te rerekētanga i waenga i te whanaungatanga, te whanaungatanga, me ētahi atu momo aroha." E ai ki tēnei ariā, e toru ngā wāhanga matua o te aroha:

Te whanaungatanga: Ko te piripono o ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki ngā tāngata tokorua e whakakaha ana i te hononga, e herea ana hoki rāua.
Te riri: Te kukume tinana me te whanaungatanga ā-ira ki te hoa
Te Whakataunga: Te whakaae kei roto koe i te aroha, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te whakapau kaha ki tētahi whanaungatanga

E whitu ngā momo aroha e puta mai ana i ēnei wāhanga:

Friendship
Tuhinga o mua
Aroha Korekore
Aroha Romantic
Aroha Hoa
Aroha Whakapōuri
Aroha Tino Pai

He whakarāpopototanga rawa tēnei ariā i ngā ariā pēnei i te aroha me te whanaungatanga, engari ki ētahi, koinei pea te pūtake mō te mea e rapua ana i roto i tētahi hononga.

He aha te Hoa?

Ripanga o Ihirangi

Ā, he aha te tikanga o te whakahoahoa ki te wahine, ki te tangata rānei? E kī ana a Jayant, "He maha ngā wā ka pohehetia te tikanga o te whakahoahoa mō te whakahoahoa, engari he hohonu ake i tērā. Ko te whakahoahoa he tokorua ngā tāngata, ā, i roto i te wā, ka whakawhanake i tētahi hononga ā-taiao, ā, kāore he akiaki. He hononga hohonu ka taea e te tangata o waho te rongo ina noho tahi rāua me ētahi hoa tokorua. Me titiro tātou ki a rāua he whatitiri, he uira. Kei te noho tahi tonu rāua, i roto i te manawataki me ngā roangaru e ōrite ana."

"Kei te ōrite tonu rāua, ka ōrite ō rāua hiahia, ā, ka noho tahi rāua me te whanaungatanga, he uaua ki te kimi i tētahi atu wāhi. Ko te nuinga o te wā ka puta te whanaungatanga, kāore he taha moepuku, ā, he hohonu te pūtake. Ahakoa ngā uauatanga, ka mau tonu, ā, ka puta mai he whakamarie me te mahana."

E ai ki a Sternberg Ariā Tapatoru o te ArohaKo te aroha hoa ko te wā e kitea ai ngā āhuatanga piripono me te whakapau kaha o te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga, engari kāore te āhuatanga ngākau nui. Ko te whanaungatanga he hoahoa pumau, he roa te wā, te momo e puta pinepine ana i roto i ngā marena kua mate, kua puhoi rānei te kukume tinana (he pūtake nui o te ngākau nui).

He kaha ake tēnei i te whakahoahoa nā te mea he pūmau te here. Ko tēnei momo aroha ka kitea nuitia i roto i ngā marena roa, kāore e hiahiatia ana te hiahia moepuku i ia rā kia noho tahi ai, nā te mea he kaha te aroha e tohaina ana e te tokorua, ā, e mau tonu ana, ahakoa te roa o te marena. Ka kitea ngā tauira o te whakahoahoa i roto i ngā mema o te whānau me ngā hoa tata he hoahoa pakari engari he hoahoa whakawhanaunga.

He aha te whanaungatanga?

He whānui te kupu "whanaungatanga" nā te mea he maha ngā ngā momo whanaungatanga rerekē mai i te mahi ngaio, te aroha, te whānau, me te moepuku. I ēnei rā, ko te kupu 'whanaungatanga' e whakamahia whānuitia ana i roto i te horopaki aroha anake. E kī ana a Jayant, "Ka taea e te whanaungatanga aroha te whai kiko me te whai noa. Ko te whakatakotoranga noa o te whanaungatanga aroha ko te whakapau kaha mo te wa roa, mo te wa poto ranei (i runga i te mea kei te whakaipoipo noa koe, kei te whai kiko ranei tetahi ki tetahi), nga tumanakohanga tahi, te whakaute, me te whanaungatanga tinana."

E ai ki te Ariā Tapatoru o te Aroha a Sternberg, ko te aroha aroha ko te wā e kitea ai ngā āhuatanga piripono me te ngākau nui o te aroha i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, engari kāore anō kia whakatauhia te āhuatanga whakapau kaha. Ka taea hoki te whakaaro ki tēnei momo aroha he 'pai', me tētahi atu āhuatanga, arā, ko te whakaohooho i puta mai i te kukume tinana me ōna āhuatanga e haere tahi ana. Ka taea e te tokorua te hono i te taha hinengaro me te taha moepuku me te kore rānei e hiahiatia he whakapau kaha.

Te Hoa me te Whanaungatanga — 10 Ngā Rerekētanga Nui

I pātai mātou ki a Jayant: He rite tonu te whanaungatanga ki te whanaungatanga? I mea ia, "Ehara te whanaungatanga i te mea noa, nā te mea e whakaaro ana te tangata he rite tonu. Ka taea e te whanaungatanga te huri hei whanaungatanga mēnā ka tāpirihia te āhuatanga moepuku. Engari kāore e taea e ngā whanaungatanga katoa te noho hei whanaungatanga nā te mea ko te mea whakamutunga te momo aroha e kitea pinepine ana i waenga i ngā hoa tata e rua, i ngā hoa aroha rānei kua roa e noho tahi ana. Ka whanake haere i roto i te wā."

Ki te tāpirihia te kupu 'hoa whai hua' e rongonui ana, he hoa tonu, ehara i te mea he mea noa iho. Kei raro nei ētahi rerekētanga nui i waenga i te hoa me te whanaungatanga.

1. Ngā kare ā-roto aroha/ā-ira tangata

E kī ana a Jayant, "I roto i te kōrero mō te hoa rangatira me te whanaungatanga, kāore ngā kare ā-roto aroha i roto i te tuatahi, engari kei roto i te tuarua. Ahakoa te kore o te aroha aroha, ka taea e te tangata te noho hei hoa rangatira, ahakoa te ira tangata."

"Engari, kāore e taea e koe te rapu i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha me te huna i te kanohi ki te ira tangata e hiahia ana koe, ki te kore koe e aro ki te ira tangata. He mea whakawhanaunga te nuinga o te hoa, engari he rerekē ētahi. Ā, he whanaungatanga aroha, he whanaungatanga moepuku te nuinga o te wā, ahakoa kāore e hiahiatia te taha moepuku i ētahi wā."

Nō reira, he rite tonu te whakahoahoa ki te whanaungatanga? He uaua ki te tautuhi i ēnei me ngā rohe mārama pēnei i te mea ka taea e ō rātou mahi me ngā wāhanga te taupatupatu, te whanake rānei i roto i te wā. Engari e ai ki te māramatanga whānui, ehara i te mea kotahi. Ko te nuinga o te wā, ko te kore o ngā kare ā-roto aroha me te moepuku ki tō hoa. He whanaungatanga hohonu tēnei e hono ana ngā tāngata e rua mō te wa katoa.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te kī atu ki tētahi kotiro e hiahia ana koe ki tētahi hononga ki a ia, me te kore e whakakahoretia?

2. He mema o tō whānau, he hoa, he hoa aroha rānei te hoa

He hoa pea te tangata e arohaina ana e koe. Ka noho tahi kōrua, ka koa ki te noho tahi. He whakawhirinaki me te whakaute kei waenganui i a kōrua. He hoa pea te tangata e noho tahi ana kōrua i te whare kotahi, engari kāore i rite ki te noho-i roto i te hononga nā te mea kāore he whanaungatanga piripono, he aroha rānei. I ētahi wā, ko tō hoa he mema o te whānau, he hoa rānei e ngāwari ana te noho tahi.

ka noho tahi kōrua, ka pārekareka ki te noho tahi a tetahi me tetahi — Ka noho tahi kōrua, ka pārekareka ki te noho tahi a tetahi me tetahi

I pātai atu ahau ki taku hoa a Joanna ko tēhea tāna e whiriwhiri ai – he hoa rangatira, he whanaungatanga rānei? I mea ia, "He maha āku wā e whakaipoipo ana hei hoa rangatira, hei whakangahau noa rānei i te taha o tētahi. Ki te aroha ahau, ki te hiahia rānei ki te moe tahi me rātou, he pai. Ki te kore, ka noho tonu rātou hei hoa mōku, he pai tonu. Engari kāore ahau e uru ki ngā whanaungatanga me te kore e noho tahi me te tangata hei hoa."

3. He rite ngā tirohanga, ngā hiahia, me ngā mahi whakangahau a ngā hoa

E kī ana a Jayant, "He aha te tikanga o te whakahoahoa ki te wahine, ki te tangata rānei? Ko tōna tikanga ka whiwhi rātou i tētahi hoa rangatira i roto i ō rātou hiahia me ō rātou kore hiahia. I te nuinga o te wā, he rite tonu ngā tirohanga o te ao, ngā hiahia, me ngā mahi whakangahau a ngā hoa rangatira, ā, ka whai wāhi nui rātou ki roto. Ka whakapau kaha rātou ki te mahi i ngā mea e arohaina ana e rātou, ā, koinei te mea e kore ai e poke, e parakore ai tēnei hononga."

Koinei te wāhi e hiranga ai te pātai "he rite tonu te whakahoahoa ki te whanaungatanga?". I roto i te whanaungatanga, kāore e hiahiatia kia rite ō hiahia, ō mahi rānei. Ka taea e kōrua te noho rerekē rawa, ā, ka angitu ai nā te mea whakahē kukumeKa taea e koe te haere ki te whare pukapuka me te tirotiro haere i ngā whata pukapuka me tō hoa, ko tō hoa ia ka taea te tākaro whutupaoro me āna hoa.

Hei tauira, ahakoa he pai ki tō hoa me tō hoa te mātaki kiriata, ko te 'momo' kiriata e pai ana ki a koe e rite ana ki tō hoa, ehara i te mea ki tō hoa. Tērā pea ko te kōrero hōhonu e pā ana ki a kōrua ko tō hoa, ko te hiahia tahi rānei ki ētahi momo tirohanga, ki ngā kaiwhakaari, ki ngā kaiwhakahaere rānei. I tēnei āhuatanga, kāore ō kōrua e pai ana ki te 'rite' i roto i te whanaungatanga aroha. Engari he mea pai tonu te whakapau i te wā kounga ki a kōrua, me te mōhio ki ngā mea e pai ana ki tō hoa.

4. Ka roa ake te noho tahi

I roto i te whanaungatanga aroha, he maha ngā take e wehe ai ngā hoa. Ka tinihanga, ka whakahaere, ka teka, ka ngaro te aroha, ka hoha, ka mau rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga e wehe ai ngā hoa aroha e rua. Engari i roto i te whanaungatanga, he māramatanga kei reira ahakoa ka noho tahi kōrua me ētahi atu tāngata, kāore he hae e puta.

E kī ana a Jayant, "Ka roa ake te noho tahi, ā, ka mutu pea ngā whanaungatanga nā ngā take maha. He maha ngā ngā whakamārama mō te wehenga "Ka mutu te whanaungatanga i waenganui i te tangata. Ahakoa ka tūtaki koe ki tō hoa i muri i te wā roa, ka tere tonu te pai o te whanaungatanga. Engari ehara i te mea pērā i ngā whanaungatanga. Ina mutu te whanaungatanga, ka tino māharahara koe i te tīmatanga ina hoki anō kōrua."

5. Kāore e tino tūpono ana ngā hoa rangatira ki te moe tahi

Kāore i te maha ngā wā ka mutu te marena o ngā hoa. Tērā pea ka uru atu rātou ki ngā mahi moepuku mēnā he whakaae tahi ngā taha e rua. Engari he iti ake te tūponotanga ka noho tahi rātou ki te whakataurite ki ngā hoa. Heoi, ko te hunga i roto i ngā hononga roa, i ngā marena rānei, he maha tonu te noho hei hoa, nā te mea kua roa rātou e noho tahi ana. Ka mārama ake rātou tetahi ki tetahi nā te roa o te whanaungatanga.

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6. Ka tahuri te tangata ki te whakahoahoa hei whakamutu i te mokemoke

Te whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga – he kōrero tēnei e tika ana kia nui ake te kōrero, nā te mea kua ngaro te tikanga o te whanaungatanga i ēnei rā. Ināianei, ko ngā whanaungatanga anake te mea e aro nui ana te tangata, ko te aroha wairangi rānei, ā, ko ngā whanaungatanga pōuriuri e akiakihia ana e te ngākau nui, kāore he mea kē atu. Ka mutu te mokemoke i te whanaungatanga me te kore he hoa moepuku.

Kāore e hiahiatia kia aroha ngā hoa rangatira kia noho tahi ai. E hiahia ana rātou ki tētahi hoa nā te mea kei te noho mokemoke rātou, ā, kei te pai hoki ki te aroaro o tētahi atu. I te pātaihia i runga i te Reddit he aha ētahi tāngata e whiriwhiri ai i te hoa rangatira, he kaiwhakamahi i kōrero mai, "He pai ki ahau te noho i roto i ngā whanaungatanga nā te mea he hoa rangatira, he aroha kore-aroha hoki tōku mō ōku hoa. He uaua ki te wehe atu i te hanganga pāpori o te whanaungatanga e aroha ana ki te tangata."

7. Te whakahoahoa me te whanaungatanga — Kāore he whāinga tuku iho i roto i te mea tuatahi

I roto i te whanaungatanga, kāore koe e hiahia ki te 'whakatutuki' i tetahi mea. He tokorua noa iho e noho tahi ana, e whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ana, e pārekareka ana ki te noho tahi. I pātai atu ahau ki taku hoa a Veronica, he aha te tikanga o te whanaungatanga ki te wahine? I whakapuaki mai ia i ōna whakaaro mō te whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga, "Ko te whāinga o ngā whanaungatanga he hanga i te oranga tahi, i te marena, i ngā tamariki, i ngā mokopuna. He pumau tonu ngā hoa. Kei reira rātou hei tautoko i a koe ina hiahiatia e koe."

"He hoa tōu hei hoa haere māu, hei kai tina hoki. Kāore koe e hiahia kia noho ko koe anake i ngā hararei mēnā he hoa tōu. Kāore he whakamahere mō te heke mai e mahia ana me rātou. Kāore he kōrero mō te pūtea, kāore he kōrero mō te wāhi hei hoko whare, mō te kura rānei e whakaurua ai āu tamariki. E mōhio ana koe ka noho tonu rātou ki a koe, ahakoa te wāhi e haria ai koe e te ao."

8. Me nui ake te kaha ki te pupuri i ngā whanaungatanga

He nui te whakapau kaha e hiahiatia ana i roto i ia whanaungatanga

Ngā mahi kaha i roto i te whanaungatanga He mea tino nui. He nui te kaha o te hinengaro e hiahiatia ana mō ia whanaungatanga kia mau tonu ai. Me ringihia e koe te aroha, te aroha, te māramatanga, me te pono kei roto i a koe kia angitu ai. I ētahi wā, ki te kore e ranea, me whakauru mai e koe ngā mea nui pēnei i te whakapau kaha, te whakaae tahi, te marena, me ngā tamariki. Engari, he marino ake te hoa, ā, he iti ake te tika.

E ai ki a Ava, he tohunga whetū, "He māmā noa te whakahoahoa, engari ka memeha haere te whanaungatanga ina kore tetahi o ngā hoa e whakataurite i ā rātou mahi ki ngā kupu."

9. Ko te whanaungatanga e whakahaerehia ana e ngā kare ā-roto pai

Ka tāpiri atu a Jayant, "I roto i te tautohetohe mō te hoa rangatira me te whanaungatanga, he nui ake ngā kare ā-roto pai o te hoa rangatira i ngā kare ā-roto kino. Kei roto ko te whakawhirinaki, te manaaki, te whakaute, te manawanui, te whakahoahoa, te aroha, te whakamoemiti, tae noa ki te aroha. He wāhi pai anō hoki ō ngā kare ā-roto pai o ngā whanaungatanga."

Engari ka tino ngāwari te whakawhanake i ngā kare ā-roto kino pērā i te hae, te mana pupuri, te whakapehapeha, te whakapehapeha, te tinihanga (tinana me te kare ā-roto), te tinihanga, te apo, me ētahi atu te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga he āhuatanga kino e whakapōrearea ana i te kounga o te whanaungatanga.”

10. Ka taea e ngā mea e rua te noho tahi

I ētahi wā, ka waimarie koe, ā, ka kitea e koe te hoa me te aroha aroha i roto i te tangata kotahi. Engari, ka taea e koe te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga aroha me tētahi tangata, ā, ka taea e koe te noho tahi me tētahi atu. Ka taea e rāua te noho tahi, te noho tahi rānei.

Kāore ngā tauira hoa rangatira e herea noa ki ngā hononga tangata-ki-te-tangata. Ka taea hoki e āu mōkai te noho hei hoa mōu. Ki ahau nei, ko ngā pukapuka taku hoa pai rawa atu. Nā te mea, e rapua ana he hoa hei whakakore i te mokemoke me te rapu hononga tahi. I mua i tō urunga ki tētahi whanaungatanga, kia mōhio koe ki tāu e rapu ana. He hoa hei hono atu, hei whakapau i tō wā, he aroha aroha rānei hei hanga kāinga tahi.

Te pānui e pā ana: Kia pehea te tere ki te neke tahi?

Te Rerekētanga o te Hoa me te Whakawhanaungatanga

Ka huri ngā hoa hei hoa aroha, ā, ka taea e ngā hoa aroha te noho hei hoa mā te aroha, te ngākau aroha, te whakapau i te wā kounga tahi, me te whakawhitiwhiti i ngā ngoikoretanga. I a au e tuhi ana i tēnei tuhinga mō te hoa me te whanaungatanga, i kite ahau i te pōhēhē o ngā whanaungatanga tangata. He tino whakamiharo te rite, te wehewehe, me te pehea e kitea ai e tātou i roto i ngā tāngata rerekē i te wā kotahi, i roto hoki i te tangata kotahi i roto i te huringa o te wā.

Kei raro nei tētahi ripanga māmā hei tirotiro māu mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te mōhio ki te rerekētanga i waenga i te whakahoahoa me te whanaungatanga.

Te hoa	whanaungatanga
Kāore he kare ā-roto aroha, ā-ira tangata rānei. He manaaki, he tautoko, he aroha hoki kei roto.	He mea awe i te kukume tinana, te whanaungatanga piripono, me te ngākau nui
Ko te aroha hoa e hiahia ana ki te whakapau kaha mo te wa roa	Me whakapau kaha ngā whanaungatanga roa, engari kāore pea e hiahiatia he whakapau kaha mō ngā whanaungatanga poto
Ka whakapau kaha rātou ki te whai i ngā mahi whakangahau, i ngā pūnaha uara ōrite rānei	Kāore e hiahiatia kia rite ngā mahi whakangahau me ngā mea e pai ana ki ngā hoa
Ka roa ake te whanaungatanga	Ka mutu pea ngā whanaungatanga tetahi i tetahi, ka pōuri rānei nā ngā rerekētanga
Ko te nuinga o te wā, kāore e mutu i te marena, ahakoa ka noho hoa ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua marenatia i muri i te wā roa.	Ka tau te aroha o ngā hoa rangatira i te mutunga
He tokomaha te hunga e whakamahi ana i te hoa hei whakatau i te mokemoke	Ka uru te tangata ki ngā whanaungatanga nā te mea e aroha ana rātou
Kāore he whāinga, he whāinga noa iho rānei i roto i te whakahoahoa	Ko ngā whāinga ngātahi ka uru atu ki te whare, te marena, te pūtea, ngā tamariki, me ērā atu.
He iti ake te kaha e pau ana ki te pupuri i te hoa	He nui te whakapau kaha me whakapau e ngā hoa e rua
He nui ngā kare ā-roto pai pērā i te whakawhirinaki me te manaaki	Haunga ngā kare ā-roto pai, kei reira anō ngā kare ā-roto kino pērā i te hae me te kore ā-māia
Ka ngāwari te huri o te whakahoahoa hei whanaungatanga	Me whakatupu te whakahoahoa i roto i te whanaungatanga

Te rerekētanga i waenga i te whanaungatanga me te hoa rangatira

Tohutohu Matua

E whakamahi ana te tuhinga i te Ariā Tapatoru o te Aroha a Sternberg hei kōrero mō ngā rerekētanga matua i waenga i te hoa me te whanaungatanga.
Kāore ngā hoa e moe tahi ana tetahi ki tetahi, engari he whanaungatanga moe tahi tā ngā whanaungatanga.
He mea nui te whakahoahoa nā te mea ka manaaki, ka whakamana, ka tautoko, ka roa ake te whakapau kaha a te hoa i te nuinga o ngā whanaungatanga aroha.

Pērā i a koe e pānui ana i tēnei tuhinga, ahakoa ahau, kāore i te mōhio ki tētahi rerekētanga iti i waenga i te whanaungatanga me te hoa rangatira, ā, kāore rawa i te mōhio ki te tekau. I a au e pānui ana i te aroha me ngā uauatanga o ngā whanaungatanga, ka nui ake taku mārama ki te tangata.

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Ka taea e te tāne te moe me te wahine me te kore e whanake ngā kare ā-roto?

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.