I roto i te kanapa uaua engari whakakitenga o te tirohanga whakamuri, ka tū tetahi whanaungatanga hei whakamahara mamae mō te kupenga uaua o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka taea te uru puku ki roto i ngā hononga tino piripono. Ko māua ko Sarah, i kahakina e te kaha o te aroha hou, te āhua nei kāore e taea te hinga. Heoi, i raro i te mata, ka puta he pakanga ngaro mō te mana whakahaere, e whakatuma ana i te taurite ngawari i rapua e māua.
I te pakanga o ngā kare ā-roto, i te pakanga nui haere o ngā whakapehapeha, ka noho hei akoranga uaua ki te ako i roto i ngā āhuatanga uaua e puta ana ina ngana ana ngā ngākau e rua ki te taurite. I ahu mai ā mātou papa pakanga i ngā whakatau iti mō te kiriata hei mātaki ki ngā mea nui ake pērā i te ahunga o tō mātou heke mai. I kite ahau i ahau anō kua mau i roto i te huna o te tuakiri kaha o Sarah, ko tana kaha ki te huna i aku hiahia. I te nui haere o taku rongonga i te memeha haere o taku mana motuhake, ka kaha ake taku piri ki ngā miro pakarukaru o ngā mea i a mātou i mua.
I puta ake te whakaaro, kāore pea ko au anake te tangata kua pāngia e tēnei kukume me te kukume o te mana. Nō reira, i whakatau ahau ki te ruku hohonu ki ngā āhuatanga rerekē o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, me te hura i ngā ara hei whakatere i aua ara me te atawhai me te mārama. Me ētahi tirohanga whai hua mai i a Dhriti Bhavsar (MA Clinical Psychology), he kaitohutohu whanaungatanga, ka whakatere mātou i te arai o ngā kare ā-roto, me te tango mai i ngā wheako whaiaro me ngā rangahau hei hura i te huarahi tika hei whakatau i ngā pakanga mana e kore e taea te karo, ka taea te hanga i te pūtake o ō tātou hononga, ka pā kino ki tō tātou oranga.
He aha te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ko te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga e pā ana ki tētahi āhuatanga e whakataetae ana ngā hoa tokorua i roto i te whanaungatanga aroha mō te mana whakahaere, te awe, te rangatiratanga rānei i roto i te hononga. Ka taea e tēnei pakanga te puta i roto i ngā āhuatanga maha o te whanaungatanga, pērā i te whakatau kaupapa, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te tohatoha i ngā kawenga. He maha ngā wā ka puta mai ina kitea he kore taurite o te mana, ka ārahi i tētahi, i ngā hoa tokorua rānei ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou hiahia, ō rātou whakaaro, ō rātou wawata rānei i roto i te ngana ki te whiwhi mana whakahaere, ki te pupuri rānei i te mana motuhake.
E whakamārama ana a Dhriti, "He pakanga mana tō ia whanaungatanga i tētahi taumata. He mana tō ia whanaungatanga . Kāore i te ōrite te tohatoha o tēnei mana; engari, ka rerekē haere i runga i ngā āhuatanga maha. He mea whakamīharo, i roto i ngā whanaungatanga takatāpui, he maha ngā wā ka mau tēnei mana ki tētahi hanganga pakari ake, me ngā pānga e tino whai tikanga ana ina tirohia mai i te tirohanga a te hoa tāne. He mea nui kia mōhio ko te koretake o te haumaru ka whai wāhi nui ki te hanga me te whakapakari i ēnei mana, me te whakaatu i te hiranga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, te aroha, me te māramatanga ki te whakatipu i ngā whanaungatanga hauora."
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I a ia e kōrero ana mō te pātai he aha te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga, e kī ana tēnei kaiwhakamahi Reddit , "I a māua e tūtaki ana, he nui ake tana whakapau kaha i ahau, ā, i aroha ahau ki taua mea. I te mutunga, ka marino ake ia. Ināianei kua rite ki te nui ake taku whakapau kaha, ā, kāore ia e mārama he aha ahau ka riri ai ina mangere ia. Kāore au e hiahia kia rite ia ki tētahi hoa tāne kino nā te mea e mahi ana ia i ngā mea tūturu hei whakaatu mai i tana aroha ki ahau."
"Kei reira tētahi whakaaro e kīia nei ko te Mātāpono o te Tino Pānga . Ko tōna tikanga, ko te tangata kāore e aro nui ana ki te whanaungatanga kei a ia te mana rangatira. I tēnei rā tonu ahau i ako ai mō tēnei, ā, koinei tonu taku kare ā-roto. Kua tino matekiri ahau, ā, kāore ia e hiahia kia pērā, nā te mea e mōhio ana ia ka nui ake taku aro."
"Kāore au i whakaaro ka mutu te whanaungatanga hei pakanga mana. Ka ngana ahau ki te kī atu ki a au anō kia mutu te aroha nui kia nui haere ai tōna matekiri, engari e pouri ana ahau mō te whakahaere i ahau anō, ā, he tangata atawhai ahau, nō reira he uaua ki te mutu te aroha."
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He mea nui kia mōhio koe he āhua motuhake te mana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, he maha ngā wā kāore e taea te whakatutuki i te ōritetanga tino tika. Kāore e taea te karo i te tautohetohe ki tō hoa aroha. Heoi, ka taea e ngā pakanga mana kino te whakangaro i te turanga o te whanaungatanga mēnā kāore e arohia, ka arahi ki te riri, te pakaru o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te ahua o te kore makona. Ka puta tēnei ina uru te tokorua ki ngā wāhanga e 5 o te pakanga mana o te whanaungatanga:
- Te mamae me te taumahatanga tuatahi: I ngā wāhanga tōmua o te tākaro mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, i muri tonu i te kua mutu te wā honi, kei te piki haere te ahua o te kore whakamarie me te taumahatanga. Tērā pea ka puta ake ngā rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro, ngā uara, ngā tumanakohanga rānei, me te kore e whakahua i ngā whanonga whakarihariha, ka arahi ki te āwangawanga ngawari engari e kitea ana i waenga i ngā hoa.
- Te pikinga o te papā: I te kaha haere o te pakanga mana, ka piki haere pea ngā pakanga. Ka nui haere ngā whakahē, ā, ka piki ake pea ngā ngana ki te whakamana i te mana whakahaere, i te mana nui rānei. Ka kitea ngā pakaru o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te uaua o ngā hoa ki te kimi i ngā huarahi e pai ai te whakaaro.
- Ngā tikanga tiaki me te whakahaere: I tēnei wāhanga, ka taea e ngā hoa te whakamahi i ngā tū tiaki, e ngana ana ki te tiaki i ō rātou hiahia, i ō rātou tirohanga rānei. Ko ngā rautaki whakahaere, pērā i te tinihanga, te whakapae, te ngana rānei ki te awe i te whakatau takitahi, ka kaha ake te kitea.
- Te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto me te riri: Ka taea e te pakanga mana tonu te arahi ki te wehenga kare me te tipu haere o te riri. Tērā pea ka wehe atu ngā hoa i te taha kare ā-roto hei tiaki i a rātou anō i te riri, i te ahotea rānei e kitea ana, ka puta he wehewehenga ka whakararuraru ake i te whanaungatanga. Ka pā kino pea tēnei ki tō rātou oranga.
- Ngā Whakawhitinga — te whakataunga, te pakanga tonu rānei: I tēnei wā, ka tae te whanaungatanga ki tētahi huarahi whakawhiti. Ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te whiriwhiri kia aro atu ki te pakanga mana, kia whakatau rānei i te pakanga, kia haere tonu rānei te huringa o te pakanga. Ki te aro atu mā te whai hua, ka taea e tēnei wāhanga te huri hei huarahi hauora ake, taurite ake, me te whakaaro kotahi o ngā hoa tokorua. Heoi, ki te waiho kia kore e arohia, ka mau tonu pea te pakanga mana, ā, ka mau tonu koe i roto i tētahi huringa mutunga kore o te whakakake kotahi.
Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki ngā wāhanga e rima o te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga, kia titiro tātou he aha i puta ai.
He aha te take e puta ai te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?
Ka puta mai pea ngā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga i ngā āhuatanga maha, e whakaata ana i te taunekeneke uaua o ngā tuakiri, ngā uara, me ngā nekehanga takitahi. Ahakoa te hunga e āhua pai ana te noho hei takitahi, ka taka pea ki roto i tēnei mahanga i roto i ā rātou whanaungatanga piripono. Ka whakarārangihia e Dhriti ngā āhuatanga e whai ake nei e ahu mai ana te hinengaro pakanga mana:
- Ngā rerekētanga o ngā uara me ngā whāinga: Ina rerekē ngā uara, ngā whāinga, ngā kaupapa matua rānei o ngā hoa, ka raru pea rātou i a rātou e whakatau ana i ngā mea e tika ana. e pā ana ki te ahunga o te whanaungatanga
- Nga momo korero: Ka taea e ngā momo momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te arahi ki ngā māramatanga kore me ngā whakamārama hē. Mēnā he kaha ake te māia o tētahi hoa, he ngāwari ake te noho o tētahi, ka taea te hanga i te kore taurite o te mana i roto i ngā kōrero me te whakatau kaupapa.
- Te Haumarutanga: Ko te koretake o te noho, ahakoa i ahu mai i ngā wheako o mua, i ngā take ā-pūtaiao rānei, pērā i te nui ake o te moni whiwhi a tētahi hoa i tā tētahi atu, ka whai wāhi ki te hiahia mō te mana whakahaere, te whakamana rānei i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka puta pea tēnei hei pakanga mana i te mea e rapu ana te tangata i te whakamarie, e ngana ana rānei ki te tiaki i a rātou anō i roto i ngā kare ā-roto.
- Nga take kaore i whakatauhia: Tērā pea ka ara ake anō ngā amuamu o mua, ngā pakanga rānei kāore anō kia whakatauhia, ka puta he pakanga mana tonu i te mea ka tirotirohia e ngā hoa ngā riri me ngā āwangawanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia.
- Ngā tumanakohanga mō ngā tūranga: Ngā tumanakohanga pāpori, ahurea rānei e pā ana ki tūranga ira tangata ka whai wāhi atu ki ngā pakanga mana, inā koa i roto i ngā whanaungatanga takatāpui. Ka taea e ngā tumanakohanga tuku iho te hanga i ngā tirohanga mō te mana me te awe
- Ngā taumahatanga o waho: Ka taea e ngā āhuatanga o waho pēnei i ngā pēhanga pūtea, te ahotea mahi, ngā raruraru whānau rānei te whakanui ake i ngā taumahatanga me te whakaoho i ngā pakanga mana.
- Te wehi o te whakaraerae: He uaua te whakatuwhera me te noho ngoikore. Tērā pea ka uru atu ētahi tāngata ki ngā pakanga mana hei arai i a rātou kia kore ai e whakakitea ō rātou kare ā-roto pono, ō rātou āwangawanga rānei.
- Te kore o ngā rohe: Ka taea e ngā rohe kāore i te mārama, i te takahia rānei te arahi ki te kore whakamarie me te riri. He mea nui te whakatū me te whakaute i ngā rohe mō te oranga hauora o te mana i roto i te whanaungatanga.
- Te whanaketanga whaiaro: I te whanaketanga me te tipu o te tangata takitahi, ka rerekē pea te mana o roto i te whanaungatanga. Mēnā ka ātete, ka wehi rānei tetahi hoa i tēnei huringa, ka ara ake pea he taupatupatu me he pakanga.
He mea nui te mārama ki ēnei āhuatanga matua o te hinengaro pakanga mana hei aro atu me te whakatau i ngā pakanga mana i runga i te whai hua. Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, te aroha, me te hiahia ki te mahi tahi ki te kimi i ngā huarahi e pai ai te noho tahi, koia ēnei ngā wāhanga matua o te whakatere me te wikitoria i ngā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
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Hei tāpiri, e kī ana a Dhriti ko te ariā o te mana whakahaere he pānga ki te noho o tētahi mahi mana kino i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. E mea ana ia, "He maha ngā wā ka mahi ngā tāngata takitahi mai i tētahi mana whakahaere ā-roto, ā-waho rānei. Ko te hunga whai mana whakahaere ā-roto e whakapono ana ka taea e rātou te awe me te whakarerekē i ō rātou āhuatanga mā roto i ngā mahi whaiaro, e poipoi ana i te wairua o te mana whakahaere me te kawenga. I tētahi atu taha, ko ngā tāngata whai mana whakahaere ā-waho ka rapu mana whakahaere i waho i a rātou anō, e ngana ana ki te whakahaere i ētahi atu me te whakahaere i ngā āhuatanga o waho. Ka taea e tēnei mana whakahaere ā-waho te noho hei wāhi whakatupu mō ngā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, inā koa ka tūtaki ki ngā rerekētanga i waenga i ngā hoa.
"Ka puta te wero ina kite te hunga whai wāhi o waho i ēnei rerekētanga hei tūmomo mōrearea ki te whanaungatanga, ka puta he rerenga o te kore haumaru. He maha ngā wā ka puta tēnei kore haumaru i roto i te kore taurite o te mana i roto i te whanaungatanga, e tohuhia ana e ngā whanonga pēnei i te whakamātau i ngā whanaungatanga , te tinihanga, me te hiahia nui ki te whakahaere i ngā whakataunga tino iti rawa - he huringa pōrearea e aukati ana i te whakatūnga o te māramatanga me te mahi tahi. Ko te mohio me te aro ki te wāhi whakahaere i roto i a koe anō me te hoa mahi ka taea te noho hei taahiraa nui ki te wehe atu i ngā tauira whakangaro o ngā pakanga mana, te poipoi i ngā hihiri hauora i hangaia i runga i te whakaae me te mahi tahi."
Te pakanga mana hauora me te kore hauora i roto i ngā whanaungatanga
He pakanga mana ia whanaungatanga — he wāhanga tūturu ngā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga o te whakatere i ngā rerekētanga me te whakatū i te taurite o te awe. Heoi, mā te āhua o te putanga mai me te whakahaere i ēnei pakanga mana ka whakatau mēnā ka whai wāhi atu ki tētahi whanaketanga hauora, kino rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Te pakanga mana hauora
Ka taea te kī he pai te pakanga mana ina:
- Whakawhitiwhiti whai hua: I roto i ngā pakanga mana hauora, ka kōrero tuwhera, ka kōrero pono hoki ngā hoa mō ō rātou hiahia, wawata, me ngā āwangawanga. Ka whakarongo kaha rātou tetahi ki tetahi, ka whai kia mārama ki ngā tirohanga rerekē, ā, ka whakarite kia kotahi te whārangi whakatau a te tokorua.
- Te whakaute tahi: I roto i tētahi pakanga mana hauora, ka whakaute ngā hoa e rua i te mana motuhake o tētahi ki tētahi, ā, ka whakaae ki te tika o ō rāua kare ā-roto me ō rāua whakaaro. He whakapau kaha ki te kimi i tētahi whakaaetanga e whakahonore ana i ngā hiahia me te oranga o ia tangata.
- Whakatau pakanga whai hua: Engari i te tahuri ki whawhe aroha ngā rautaki whakahaere rānei, ka mahi tahi ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i ngā pakanga mana hauora ki te kimi otinga. Ka whakatata atu rātou ki ngā pakanga hei whai wāhitanga mō te tipu me te māramatanga, me te ako tetahi i tetahi i roto i te tukanga
- Korehau: He mea nui te aroha ki te whakamahinga pai o te mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ka ngana ngā hoa ki te mārama ki ngā kare ā-roto me ngā wheako o tētahi ki tētahi, ka poipoi i te hononga hohonu ake, ka whakaiti i te kaha o te mana kotahi-taha, ka kite tetahi i tētahi i runga i te tirohanga whānui ake. taumata whaiaro
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Te pakanga mana hauora kore
I tētahi atu taha, ko ngā āhuatanga o te pakanga e puta mai ana i te kore taurite o te mana i roto i te whanaungatanga ko:
- Te whakahaere me te whakahaere: I roto i ngā pakanga mana kino, ka huri pea tētahi, ngā hoa tokorua rānei ki te tinihanga, ki te whakahaere, ki te akiaki rānei kia tutuki ai tā rāua e hiahia ai. Ka puta pea tēnei hei tinihanga kare ā-roto, hei whakamārama i te mana o tētahi atu, hei ngana rānei ki te whakaiti i te mana o tētahi atu.
- Te kore korero: He maha ngā wā ka pāngia te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e ngā āhuatanga mana kino. Tērā pea ka karohia e ngā hoa te kōrero mō ngā take, ka hua ake he pakanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia, ka pirau, ka whai wāhi atu ki tētahi taiao paitini.
- Te kore aro ki ngā rohe: I roto i ngā pakanga mana kino, tera pea kāore he whakaute tetahi ki tetahi ngā rohe i roto i ngā whanaungatangaTērā pea ka takahi tetahi hoa i ngā rohe, ka puta ai ngā kare ā-roto o te riri me te whakaaro takahi ture.
- Te hinengaro toa-hinga: Engari i te rapu i ngā whakaaetanga, ko ngā pakanga mana kino ka tohuhia e te hinengaro toa-hinga. Ko te wikitoria o tētahi hoa ko te hinganga o tētahi atu, ka puta he āhuatanga wehewehe me te whawhai.
- Te pikinga o te papā: He maha ngā wā ka nui haere ngā pakanga mana kino, kaua e whakaiti, ka hua ake he huringa o te kino me te mauahara.
He mea nui te mōhio ki ngā tohu o ngā āhuatanga mana kino hei aro atu me te huri i aua tohu hei tauira hauora ake. He taputapu whai hua te whakaora i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, te tohutohu whanaungatanga rānei, hei ako i ngā rautaki whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua, hei hanga hoki i tētahi āhuatanga pai ake, taurite ake hoki.
4 Ngā momo pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga
He aha te pakanga mana o te whanaungatanga? He āhuatanga kino te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga? He pai te whakamahinga o te mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga? Ina tīmata koe ki te kite kei roto kōrua ko tō hoa i te pakanga mō te mana, ka tīmata pea ēnei whakaaro whakararuraru me te koretake o tō whanaungatanga ki te taumaha i roto i tō hinengaro. Mā te mārama ki ngā momo pakanga mana e whā i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka mārama koe mēnā he hauora, he pai, he kino rānei te mea e pā ana ki a koe:
1. Te pakanga mana i waenganui i te tono me te tango mana
Ka puta tēnei pakanga mana ina hiahia tetahi hoa, ā, ka ngana ki te whakatū i tētahi taumata piripono, engari ka whakaaro tetahi he 'whakamomori', ā, ka oma atu. E whakaaro ana te tangata whai kei te makariri tana hoa, kei te pupuri rānei i te aroha. I tētahi atu taha, e kite ana te tangata tawhiti he tino hiahia tana hoa.
Ko tētahi o ngā tauira o ngā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te noho puku e whai ake ana i ngā tautohetohe a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. I roto i te pakanga mana e pā ana ki te tono me te tango i te mana, ka hoatu e tetahi hoa ki tetahi atu he wā me te wāhi hei whakamatao i a rātou anō, engari kāore tetahi e aukati i a rātou ina ngana ana rātou ki te whakatau i te take.
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2. Te kaha o te kaiwhai-tawhiti
Ka puta tēnei pakanga mana ina hiahia tetahi hoa, ā, ka ngana ki te whakatū i tētahi taumata piripono, engari ka whakaaro tetahi he 'whakamomori', ā, ka oma atu. E whakaaro ana te tangata whai kei te makariri tana hoa, kei te pupuri rānei i te aroha. I tētahi atu taha, e kite ana te tangata tawhiti he tino hiahia tana hoa.
Ko tētahi o ngā tauira o te pakanga mana i waenganui i te tangata e whai ana i te tawhiti me te tangata e whai ana i te aroha ko te pana me te tō . I roto i ēnei whanaungatanga, ka mau ngā hoa e rua i roto i tētahi kanikani wera-mātao kino, kāore e taea te whakaae ki tētahi taumata e whakaaetia ana mō te whanaungatanga piripono. Ko tētahi tauira matarohia ko tētahi e whakaweto ana i tana waea i muri i tētahi pakanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga tawhiti, i te mea e ngana ana te tangata e whai ana ki te whakapā atu mā tētahi hoa, whānau rānei, me te manukanuka me te porangi.
3. Te pakanga mana i waenganui i te wehi me te whakama
Ko te pakanga mana i waenganui i te wehi me te whakama, ko te tikanga ka puta te whakama i roto i te hoa o tetahi. He maha ngā wā ka puta tēnei i ngā wehi me ngā āwangawanga o tetahi e puta ai ngā kare ā-roto o te karo me te whakama i roto i te hoa. Ā, ko te ritenga kē. Hei tauira, i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e pāngia ana e te ahotea pūtea , ki te āwangawanga tetahi hoa mō te kore moni, ka whakama pea tetahi atu nā te mea kāore i te nui ā rātou whiwhinga moni. Nō reira, ina pāngia tetahi e te ahotea, e te āwangawanga rānei mō ētahi āhuatanga, ka noho puku tetahi atu hei huna i te whakama e pā ana ki a ia.
Ka nui ake te noho puku o te hoa nā te whakama, ka nui rawa te kōrero a te hoa e mataku ana, nā te mea e whakaaro ana rātou kāore rātou e rangona ana. Ka puta he hekenga kino. Nā te mea ko te wehi me te whakama te mea e kiia ana ko ngā kare ā-roto kino tino whakararuraru, ka tere te piki o ngā taumata o te pakanga mana o te whanaungatanga ki ngā taumata kino me te paitini i roto i tēnei āhuatanga, ka pā kino ki te hauora hinengaro me te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō o ngā hoa e rua.
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4. Te pakanga i waenganui i te whiu me te karo i te whiu
Ko tēnei momo pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha e ahu mai ana i te hiahia o tētahi hoa ki te whiu i tētahi atu. Ka riri, ka riri, ka tono hoki tēnei hoa ki tētahi atu. Ka ngana hoki rātou ki te pupuri i te aroha, ka tukua kia rere noa, ka whakamahia te aroha hei taputapu tinihanga hei whakamahi i te utu me te whiu. Hei karo i te whiu, ka hoki te hoa ki roto i te anga, ā, ka kore e taea te aro atu ki ngā kare ā-roto.
Ko te pakanga mana pēnei i roto i te marena, i ngā whanaungatanga rānei te mea tino paitini, ā, he maha ngā wā ka puta mai ngā kupu whakamutunga me ngā tūmomo whakawehi. Hei tikanga tiaki, ko te tangata e pāngia ana e te whanonga whakahawea pēnei, ka tahuri ki te whakarongo puku , ā, ka whakanui ake i ngā kare ā-roto kino o te hoa e whai ana ki te whiu.
Me pēhea te kite i ngā tohu o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?
He rerekē te mārama ki te tikanga o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whakaaro hinengaro, engari he rerekē te ako ki te kite i tēnei ia o tō whanaungatanga. He maha ngā wā, ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakawhiti mai i tētahi ki tētahi. Nā te mea he maha ngā wā ka whakakahoretia e tātou ngā take matua o tō tātou whanaungatanga.
Ki te whakaaro koe kei te huri tonu kōrua ko tō hoa ki te whakahihi i a rāua anō, engari kāore koe i te tino mōhio mēnā he tohu tēnei o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga piripono, kia aro ki ēnei tohu pono o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga:
1. Ka takaro koe i ngā kēmu hinengaro
Ko tētahi o ngā tauira tino kitea o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te āhua o te takaro i ngā kēmu hinengaro hei whakahaere i a rātou anō. Ahakoa he kōrero tonu mō tētahi hoa o mua, he āta kore rānei e tuku karere kuputuhi i te tuatahi engari me whakautu tonu , he taputapu ēnei whanonga hei whakahaere i te hinengaro, i ngā kare ā-roto, me ngā mahi a tō hoa.
Ina he raruraru tō tetahi o kōrua ki tetahi, ka hoki kōrua ki te huarahi mārire-kaha ki te whakapuaki i tō kōrua riri. He tino uaua te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pono, tuwhera hoki i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Koinei ētahi o ngā tohu tōmua o te wā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. "Ko te tangata e takaro ana i ngā kēmu hinengaro ka ngaro te ara ki ngā mea nui o te whanaungatanga, ka whakatairanga i tana ake 'wikitoria' i te hauora o te whanaungatanga," te kī a Dhriti.
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2. He whakaaro rangatira
He aha te āhua o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga? He tohu nui tēnei, ehara tāu i te hoa mahi ōrite. Kāore rawa i te pērā. Kei te noho tētahi, e rua rānei o kōrua me te whakaaro kei te hiranga ake kōrua i tētahi. Ahakoa nā te āhua o tā kōrua mahi, tō kōrua whānau, tō kōrua mātauranga, tō kōrua tūnga pūtea rānei, kei te whakaaro tētahi o ngā hoa kei te hapa tonu tētahi atu.
Nō reira, ka hiahia tonu te 'tangata noho' ki te tautoko me te whakahaere i te 'kaitono', ka hua ake he pakanga mana kino. Ka pāngia te 'kaitono' e ngā raruraru whakaiti i a ia anō. He mea noa ēnei tauira o ngā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga i roto i te whanaungatanga wehi-whakama, ina meinga tonutia e tetahi hoa te whakaaro o tetahi atu me te mea kāore i te ranea, ka panaia rātou ki roto i te kōpuku o te wehenga kare ā-roto.
3. Ka whakataetae koe tetahi ki tetahi
Engari ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine he kaha te pakanga mana i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga rānei, ka hiahia ki te whakataetae tetahi ki tetahi i runga i te taumata whaiaro. Ahakoa i runga i te taha ngaio, i ngā mea iti rānei pēnei i te āhua o wai e pai ake ana mō tētahi rōpū, kei te ngana tonu kōrua ki te wikitoria tetahi i tetahi. Hei tauira, ki te mea ka waiho koe hei rua i roto i tō puku i te rongonga o te pikinga utu o tō hoa, ka waiho rānei rātou hei hae i tō whakatairanga, ka taea e koe te tatau i ēnei hei tohu tōmua o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha.
"I tētahi atu taha, mā te pakanga mana hauora, ka ako te tokorua i ngā mea e whakaoho ana i ō rāua kare ā-roto me ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te hae i roto i a rāua. Ka mōhio rāua ki ngā momo āwangawanga o te whanaungatanga , ka mōhio ki ō rāua āwangawanga, ka kimi huarahi hei whakaora, ā, ka whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pai mō ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e ia o rāua, kia kore ai tō rāua whanaungatanga e pāngia e te hae," te whakamārama a Dhriti.
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4. Ka kukume tetahi i tetahi ki raro
Ko tētahi atu tohu tawhito e mau ana koe i te wā o te pakanga mana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko te kukume a tō hoa i a koe ki raro, ko koe rānei e mahi ana i taua mea ki a rāua. Tērā pea ka whakamātau kōrua i ētahi wā. Kei te kite koe i te reo tawai i roto i ngā whakaaro o tō hoa mō āu mahi, āu whakatutukitanga, me āu ngoikoretanga? Kei te kite rānei koe i a koe e tino whakahawea ana ki ā rāua? Kei te ahua kei te whakatika tonu koe i a koe ki tō hoa? Ki a rātou rānei ki a koe?
E mea ana a Dhriti, "Kia tūpato ki ngā tohu whakahāwea e kitea whānuitia ana, pērā i ngā kōrero whakaiti e huna ana hei katakata (Hei tauira, te kī atu ki tō hoa ko "te pōro me te mekameka tawhito"). Ko te whakakorekore, te whakaiti rānei i ngā hiahia o tō hoa , te whakaiti rānei i ngā mea e aro nui ana ki a rātou, he tohu pea tēnei kei te pakanga mana tonu."
5. Kua ngaro te aroha i roto i tōu ao
Kāore e mahara ana ki te wā i mahi ai kōrua i tētahi mea motuhake mā kōrua? I haere atu rānei ki waho mō tētahi pō whakaipoipo? I noho tahi rānei kōrua i tētahi pō whakamarie, he paraikete e takai ana, e kōrero ana, e kata ana? Engari, ka mutu, ka totohe kōrua ko tō hoa mō ngā mahi kāinga, ngā mahi me ngā kawenga?
Kua tae koe ki tēnei wāhanga o te pakanga mana i roto i tō whanaungatanga nā te whakarērea tonu, te karo, te tawhiti, me te whakarongo puku. Kua taunga koe, tō hoa, kōrua rānei ki te kore kōrero, ki te taunekeneke rānei hei karo i te mamae me te riri, nō reira, kua pāngia te taumata o te whanaungatanga piripono i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ko ēnei tauira ngā tohu o te wāhanga pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga kua roa rawa te roa. Ki te kore koe e mahi i ngā mahi ātaahua hei whakamutu mā te wawahi i ngā tauira raruraru me te mahi ki te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero , ka raru tonu tō whanaungatanga.
6. Kāore e taea e koe te whakaae ahakoa ngā rerekētanga iti rawa
Ina tae te whanaungatanga ki tētahi wāhi e uaua ai te whakaae ahakoa ngā rerekētanga iti rawa, he tohu tēnei mō ngā take hohonu ake ka arahi pea ki te pakanga mana. Tērā pea ka puta mai i te hiahia ki te mana whakahaere , te wehi kei huri, te hiahia rānei kia tutuki ngā mea ki tētahi tumanakohanga motuhake.
E kī ana a Dhriti, "Mēnā kei te noho tonu te kore whakaae ki ngā rerekētanga o tō hoa, me te tumanako kia whakaae rātou ki ō hiahia, tera pea he tohu kei te pakanga mana koe. Ahakoa he iti noa ngā rerekētanga whakaaro ka whakaoho i ngā pere whakaoho mō te tūponotanga o te wehenga, kei te raru koe i te pakanga mana. Ka tupu ngā whanaungatanga hauora mā te whakaae me te whakaute i te tuakiri o tētahi ki tētahi."
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7. Kāore e taea e koe te whakamāori i tetahi mea
Ko te āhua o te kore e taea te whakaae ki tētahi mea - ahakoa te whakatau noa iho - i roto i te whanaungatanga he tohu nui pea tēnei, e tohu ana i ngā wero pea i roto i ngā whanaungatanga i waenga i ngā hoa. E whakaatu ana i tētahi hinengaro pakari, e kī ana he pakanga mana kei roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka puta mai pea tēnei pakari i te hiahia ki te whakahaere, te kore aroha ki te whanaungatanga , te kore rānei e pai ki te whakaaro ki ngā tirohanga rerekē.
"I roto i te pakanga mana, tera pea te ahua kāore e taea te whakaae tahi nā te mea e whakaaro ana ngā hoa e rua kei te whakarērea e rāua tetahi mea tino nui. Kia mataara ki ngā tohu o te whakaaro tino pono, ina whai tetahi, e rua rānei i te huarahi "katoa, kāore rānei," e aukati ana i te kaha ki te kimi i te huarahi ōrite," te kī a Dhriti.
8. Kua waiho te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora hei maharatanga tawhiti
Ko te pakaru o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero he tohu nui o te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga, e tohu ana i te pakaru o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ngā kare ā-roto, me te māramatanga i waenga i ngā hoa. Ka karo ngā hoa i te kōrero mō ngā take nui, ka hoki rānei ki te wāhangu. Ko te karo pea he tikanga hei ārai i te pakanga, engari i roto i te horopaki o te pakanga mana, ko te kore o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero he tohu i te kore hiahia ki te whai wāhi ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera me te aro atu ki ngā take matua.
9. He maha ngā wā ka warewarehia e koe ngā rohe o tētahi ki tētahi
I roto i te horopaki o te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ka pā kino te kore aro ki ngā rohe ki ngā whanaungatanga i waenganui i ngā hoa. E tohu ana tēnei i te kore whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka hono atu ngā takahi rohe maha ki te pakaru o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Tērā pea ka uaua ki ngā hoa te whakapuaki mārama i ō rātou hiahia me ō rātou tumanakohanga, ka arahi ki ngā māramatanga kore mārama me ngā takahi ture.
Ka taea e ngā takahi i ngā rohe o tētahi ki tētahi te whakakaha ake i te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ko te hiahia kia whakahaere, ko te kore rānei e whakaae ki te mana motuhake o tētahi te take o ngā mahi a ia hoa. I roto i te wā, ko te kore aro ki ngā rohe ka arahi pea ki te tipu haere o te riri. Tērā pea ka noho te whakahawea i roto i tō whanaungatanga , ka noho pea ngā hoa e rua ki ngā kare ā-roto kino, ka whai wāhi ki te āhuarangi kare ā-roto paitini e whakararuraru ana i te hauora whānui o te whanaungatanga.
Me pēhea te wikitoria i te pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakamutu i te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga. Me mahi ā-hinengaro ngā hoa e rua ki te wawahi i ngā tauira whanaungatanga kino, me te whakakapi i aua tauira ki ngā mahi hauora. Engari ki te whakapau kaha koe ki te mahi i tēnei, ka taea e koe te ako mō te whakamahinga pai o te mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. E taunaki ana a Dhriti i ēnei mahi e rima hei whakamutu i te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga, me te hanga hononga whānui:
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1. Whakaaetia te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga
Kāore e taea te karo i te pakanga mana i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka puta anō ngā pakanga mana hou i roto i te whanaungatanga. Pērā i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga katoa, ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakaora me te neke atu i te pakanga mana ko te whakaae kei te raru koe. Me whakamārama te raruraru.
Ko tā Dhriti tohutohu, "Tīmata mā te whakaaroaro me te pātai ki a koe anō he aha te take e kore ai koe e māharahara ki te whai mana, ki te whai awe rānei tō hoa. He mea nui te tautuhi me te mārama ki ō mataku, ki te take rānei e kore ai koe e māia, hei aro atu ki ngā pūtake o te pakanga mana."
2. Whakakorehia ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero
Me wikitoria e koe ngā arai whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kia puta ai koe i te wā pakanga mana i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ko te kī ki tētahi hononga hauora, taurite hoki ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera me te pono. Ko te tikanga o tēnei ko te ako i te toi o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ā-ringa e āhei ai koe ki te whakapuaki i ō ngākau ki a koe anō me te kore e pā ki ngā io kino. Ka taea e tēnei te āwhina i ngā hoa ki te whakahou i te hononga kaha i kitea i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga. Mā te hanga i runga i tēnei hononga ka whakatakoto i te ara whakamua mō te whanaungatanga hauora me te kore he pakanga mana.
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3. Whakamutua ngā pakanga mau tonu
Mā te mau tonu i ngā pakanga ōrite, ka waiho pea koe kia mau i roto i ngā tauira whakangaro. Ka whakakaha ake ēnei tauira i ngā āwangawanga, i ngā mataku, i ngā āwangawanga rānei e whakaoho ana i te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga. Koia te mea nui kia whakamutua ngā pakanga e hokihoki mai ana, kia ārai hoki i te piki haere o ngā take.
" Ina huri ngā kōrero katoa hei tautohe , he mea nui kia mōhio koe ki te pikinga o ngā kare ā-roto ki te taumata kore hua. Ki te hiahiatia, tangohia he wā hei whakamatao i a koe anō, hei whiwhi tirohanga whānui. Whakamahia tēnei wā hei whakaaroaro, hei aromatawai i ō kare ā-roto me ō tumanakohanga. I muri i te hoki whakamuri, tīmata anō ngā kōrero ina marino ngā hoa tokorua. Whakatata atu ki te kōrero me te arotahi ki te mārama ki ngā tirohanga a tētahi ki tētahi, kaua ki te toa i te tautohe. Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua ko te whakarongo kaha me te hiahia ki te kimi i ngā huarahi e pai ai te noho tahi," te kī a Dhriti mō te neke atu i te wā pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga.
4. Kaua e tākaro i te kāri patunga
Ina rongo koe kua āraia koe, kua whakama, kua whiua rānei e tō hoa, he mea maori te whakaaro kei te pāngia koe. Ko koe te tangata e tangohia ana tō herekoretanga. Ko koe te tangata e meinga ana kia whakama mō ngā mea katoa kāore i te tika i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko koe te tangata e pikau ana i te taumaha o ngā pahūtanga o te riri. I mua i tō whakakino i tō hoa i roto i tō hinengaro, hoki whakamuri, ka arotake mēnā he pono te āhua.
Kua whai wāhi kē koe i roto i te wāhanga pakanga mana, ā, kua puta he whanaungatanga kino ? Kei te tukuna e koe ō wehi ki tō hoa? Kei te uaua ake te whanaungatanga i tēnā? Hei wikitoria i te wāhanga pakanga mana o tō whanaungatanga, me titiro koe ki tō whārite mai i tētahi tirohanga hou.
5. Whakaaetia, ā, awhia ō rerekētanga
Kāore he rite o te tangata e rua. Kāore hoki ō rāua wheako o te ao, ō rāua tirohanga, me ō rāua tirohanga whānui. Heoi, ina huri ēnei rerekētanga hei pūtake o ngā taupatupatu, kāore tetahi o te hoa rangatira e taea te noho hei tino tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga. Kātahi, hei tikanga tiaki i a rāua anō, ka tīmata rāua ki te whakakotahi i te mana. Me te tumanako ka hoatu he whai wāhi ki a rāua te kaha ki te whakamahi i te mana whakahaere kare ā-roto ki tētahi atu.
He maha ngā wā ka kore e whai hua tēnei huarahi, ka waiho ngā hoa tokorua kia mau ki tētahi wā pakanga mana kua whakatōkia ki roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko tētahi huarahi māmā noa iho – ahakoa he ngāwari ake te kī i te mahi – hei ārai i tēnei ko te mahi kaha ki te whakaae me te awhi i ngā rerekētanga o tētahi ki tētahi.
E mea ana a Dhriti, "Kia mārama koe ehara te whakahē a tō hoa i te mea hei whakawehi i te whanaungatanga. Awhitia te kanorau o ngā whakaaro me ngā tirohanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, me te mōhio ka taea e ngā rerekētanga te arahi ki te tipu me te hononga pakari ake."
Tohutohu Matua
- Ka puta he pakanga mana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ina whakataetae ngā hoa mō te mana whakahaere, te awe, te rangatiratanga rānei i roto i te hononga.
- Kāore i rite ki te hihiri mana e puta noa mai ana, ā, ka taea te ora mena ka whakahaerea tika.
- Ko te pakanga mana he takaro hinengaro, he whanonga raweke, he kore rānei e taea te whakaae, me ētahi atu mea anō hoki.
- Ko te whakaae ki te noho o te pakanga mana te taahiraa tuatahi ki te wikitoria i taua pakanga, ā, muri iho ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora me te whakaae ki ngā rerekētanga o tētahi ki tētahi.
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te wikitoria i te pakanga mana i roto i te marena, i ngā whanaungatanga rānei. Kāore e puta i te pō kotahi. Kāore hoki he pātene makutu hei whakahoki i ngā whanaungatanga o te tokorua ki te āhua pai. Me whakapau kaha koe i ia rā, i ia rā, kia puta ai i te wā pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Mena he mea tēnei e raru ana koe, whakaarohia te kōrero ki tētahi tohunga i te rōpū Bonobology , ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana rānei e tata ana ki a koe. Mā te mahi tahi me tētahi tohunga ngaio whai whakangungu ka mārama koe ki ō tauira whanonga me ngā take matua, ā, ka mutu te pakanga mana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. He rauemi pai hoki te tikanga a John Gottman mō te whakatau i ngā pakanga mana.
FAQs
Kāore he wā tika mō te roa o te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga. Kei te āhua o te pakanga mana, te mōhiotanga o ngā hoa e rua mō tōna oranga, me te hiahia ki te wawahi i te tauira. Ko te tere o te ako a te tokorua kua pakeke te hinengaro i ngā huarahi whai hua ki te whakatakoto rohe whanaungatanga hauora, ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pai, me te whakatau i te pakanga mana, ka poto ake te wā.
Ko te mana pai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka hua ake te tipu o tō whanaungatanga. I roto i tēnei momo pakanga, ka whakatūria, ka whakakahahia rānei e koe ngā ture o te whai wāhi atu ina tae mai ki ngā tautohetohe me ngā take noa. Mā te mana pai, ka tae ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki tētahi tūnga ōrite o te noho ko wai rātou me te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia o tā rātou hoa.
Kaua e titiro ki te wikitoria i te pakanga mana i roto i tō whanaungatanga, engari me whai kia mutu rawa, kia whakatauria. Koinei te huarahi e whai hua ai, e kiia ai he hauora te pakanga mana i roto i te whanaungatanga. Mēnā kei te whai tetahi o ngā hoa i te mana nui, e kore e taea te whakatutuki i te hononga o ngā hoa ōrite.
Ahakoa ehara i te mea onge te wā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea ko ngā hononga aroha katoa e tautuhia ana e tēnei. Ko te pakanga mana he wā, he wāhanga rānei o te whanaungatanga e kore e taea te karo ina tūtaki ngā tāngata ahurei e rua. Ka tere te kite a ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine i tēnei ia, ā, ka kitea he huarahi hei wikitoria. Ko ētahi ia ka noho mau tonu i roto i tēnei wā mō ngā tau, mō te roanga katoa rānei o te whanaungatanga. Nō reira, ko te mea nui ko ō tirohanga me ngā tirohanga a te tokorua.
Anei Me Pēhea te Whakamutu i te Tautohe Tonu i roto i te Hononga
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
