Te Whakahē i te Aroha me te Hiahia Pono: 8 Ngā Huarahi hei Wehewehe i a Rātou

Whakaarohia te tūtaki ki tētahi e ringihia ana te aroha, te whakamoemiti, me ngā mihi ki a koe. Ka meinga koe kia rongo kei te hiahiatia, kei te hiahiatia hoki. Me te mea ko koe anake te mea e aro ana ki tōna oranga katoa. Ka rite ki tētahi pakiwaitara kua tutuki. Me te mea kua kitea e koe te hoa tino tika. Kua tino whakaarohia te whakaaro o te rere atu i te aroha, ā, ka taea e te awhiowhio o te aroha te mea kia rite koe ki te tangata tino waimarie o te ao. Kia tīmata rā anō te ahua rerekē o tētahi mea, kia tīmata rānei te tere o te whanaungatanga ki te tino taumaha. Koinei te wāhi e tino hira ai te mārama ki te rerekētanga o te aroha me te hiahia pono mō tō hauora hinengaro. 

Mena kua tīmata koe ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi, ā, e whakaaro ana koe kei te tere rawa te tukanga katoa o te tūtaki, te whakaipoipo, me te hinga ki te aroha, ā, kei te waiho koe me te mea kei te whakahaerehia koe, kei te tukinotia rānei, tera pea kei roto koe i te pokapū o te huringa poma aroha. Hei whakahoki mai i te mana whakahaere o te āhuatanga, me mārama koe he aha te poma aroha, he aha tōna rerekētanga mai i te hononga pono, i te aroha tūturu rānei, me pēhea e taea ai e koe te whakatau i taua mea me te kore e ngohengohe ki te hoa.

Kei konei mātou hei whakamārama atu ki a koe mō te raruraru o te aroha, te wehewehe rānei o te hiahia pono, mā te kōrero tahi me te tohunga hinengaro a Jayant Sundaresan (Tohu Paerua mō te Hinengaro Āwhina), he tohunga ki te tuku tohutohu mō ngā momo take whanaungatanga pēnei i te pakaru o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te whakahaere i ngā tumanakohanga, te puremu, te wehenga me te whakarere.

He aha te Pōma Aroha? 

Ko te aroha pōrearea he whakaaturanga nui o te aroha me te aro, e whakamahia ana hei whakahaere, hei whakahaere rānei i tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. I te mea he mea noa ngā whakaaturanga o te aroha me te aroha me te aro me te manaaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kia taea ai te wehewehe mēnā he aroha pōrearea, he hononga pono rānei tāu e pā ana, he mea nui kia arohia te pātai: he aha te āhua o te aroha pōrearea? Ka rite pea ki te āhua

• Ngā mihi tonu
• Ngā nekehanga nunui
• Te tuku karere auau
• Ngā whakapuakitanga aroha i te tīmatanga
• Te kī i ngā mea pēnei i te, "Ko koe taku hoa wairua," i roto noa i ngā rā o te tūtakitanga

Ahakoa te āhua aroha o ēnei kupu me ngā mahi, he tohu kino anō hoki ēnei, ina koa kāore e rite ki te roa, ki te hohonu rānei o te whanaungatanga. I a ia e whakaahua ana i tēnei he "tino tere rawa", e kī ana a Jayant, "Ko te whakapōrearea i te aroha ko te whakapōrearea i te hoa ki te nui o te aroha i ngā wāhanga tuatahi o te whanaungatanga. Kāore e kore ka rongo te kaiwhiwhi i te aroha me te motuhake i te tīmatanga. Engari i te whanaketanga o te whanaungatanga, ka tīmata pea rātou ki te māharahara mō te kaha me te tere o te whanaketanga o ngā mea." 

Ko te hinengaro i muri i te poma aroha

Ahakoa he āhua whakamīharo, he ātaahua hoki te whakapōrearea i te tuatahi, he maha ngā wā ka hunaia ngā hiahia huna o te whakamahi i te mana whakahaere, te waihanga whakawhirinaki rānei. I tōna pūtake, ko te pūtake o tēnei ia he whakahaere kare ā- roto. E kī ana a Jayant, "Ka mau te whāinga ki te hiahia nui o te arohaina, ā, ka uaua ake te kite i te whakahaere i muri mai." He rautaki tēnei e whakamahia ana e—engari kāore i te herea ki—ngā tāngata whai ia he whakahaere whakapehapeha, ā, e akiakihia ana e:

• Te hiahia mo te mana whakahaereTērā pea ka whakamahia e te tangata te pōma aroha hei whai mana ki a koe, ka meinga koe kia whakaaro kāore e taea e koe te ora me te kore he whakaae mai a rātou.
• HaumarutangaI ngā wā maha, he hōhonu ngā āwangawanga o te tangata e pupuhi ana i a koe ki te aroha, ā, ka whakamahia e ia te whanaungatanga hei whakamana i tōna uara.
• Nga hihiko kahaMā te whakaaro pai ki a koe, ka whakatū mārire rātou i a rātou anō hei tangata whakahaere, nō reira, ina memeha haere te aroha, ka mahue koe ki te whai i te hononga i a koe i mua.

Pānui e pā ana: Te Whakamahinga Aroha – 15 Ngā Mea e Huna Ana Hei Aroha

He aha te take e hinga ai te tangata i te aroha pōma?

He aha te uaua ki te wehewehe i te rerekētanga o te aroha me te aroha tūturu? He aha koe ka miharo ai i te mea ka pupuhihia koe e te aroha me te aro o tetahi? He aha te uaua ki te kite i ngā tohu kino e tū mai ana ki tō kanohi? Āe, he ngawari ki te taka ki te aroha nā te mea ka whāngai i tō hiahia tūturu ki te aroha, ki te whakamana, me te hononga. He tangata noa koe—ko wai e kore e kukume ki tetahi e ahua nei ka whiwhi koe, ka aroha ki a koe me te kore mutunga? Anei te take:

• He rite ki te pakiwaitaraHe mea whakamīharo te pūrākau aroha awhiowhio. Ina aro nui mai tetahi ki a koe, e ahua ana kei te whiwhi koe i te pūrākau aroha i moemoeā tonu koe.
• He urupare koiora tēneiI roto i te hinengaro, kua whakaritea tō roro ki te urupare ki te aroha. Ina pupuhihia koe e te aroha, ka tukuna e tō tinana te dopamine me te oxytocin, arā, ngā matū e whakaharikoa ai koe, e hono ai hoki ki tētahi atu tangata.
• He mahi nui tā te ngoikoreMena kei roto koe i tētahi wā uaua o te ao—pēnei i te wehenga—kei te raru rānei koe i ngā raruraru pēnei i he iti te kiritau, ko taua aroha me te aro katoa ka rite ki te oranga hou e pai ai koe ki a koe anō

E mea ana a Jayant, "Ka whakahohehia e ngā wāhanga tōmua o te aroha ngā pokapū utu i roto i tō roro, ka puta he kare ā-roto o te waranga. Ina pāngia koe e te aroha, he tino teitei te rerenga mai o aua wheako pai, ā, tera pea ka matapō koe i ngā tohu whero ina kei roto koe i te pokapū o te huringa pāngia aroha."

He aha te hiahia pono me te manaaki? 

Kia taea ai e koe te whakautu ki te pātai, "He aroha nui, he hiahia pono rānei?", me mōhio koe ki te āhua o te whanaungatanga aroha e tipu haere ana, i te mea he mea nui te aroha, te ngākau aroha, me te aro ki tētahi whanaungatanga piripono i waenganui i te tokorua. Heoi, ko te rerekētanga o te aroha nui me te hiahia pono ka kitea i roto i te āhua o te putanga mai o ēnei āhuatanga. 

Ehara i te mea ko ngā mahi nunui, ko ngā kupu aroha anake te hononga pono . I konei, ka kitea ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata mōu i roto i ngā mahi iti, auau hoki e tino kitea ai koe, e whai uaratia ai, e tautokona ai hoki. Ina tino aroha tetahi ki a koe, ka rite ā rātou mahi ki ā rātou kupu. Koinei te āhua:

• Ka whakarongo puku rātouKāore te hoa aroha e whakarongo noa ki a koe; e whakarongo pono ana rātou. Ka maumahara rātou ki ngā mea iti e kōrerohia ana e koe, mai i tāu kawhe tino pai ki ngā taipitopito o tō rā mahi, ā, ka whakahuatia ēnei i muri mai hei whakaatu kei te aro atu rātou.
• Ka tautoko rātou i tō tipuKāore rātou e mataku i ō wawata, i tō mana motuhake rānei. Engari, ka tautoko rātou i ō angitu, ka akiaki hoki i a koe kia whai i ō whāinga, ahakoa he rerekē te wā. 
• E whakaute ana rātou i ō roheIna he pono te hononga, kāore koe e pōuri, e taumaha rānei. Engari, ka mārama te tangata kei a koe ko koe tō ake tangata me ō ake rohe. Ka whakaute rātou i tō hiahia mō te wāhi, ka whakaute i ō whakaaro, ā, kāore rawa e pēhi i a koe ki tētahi mea e kore ai koe e pai ki a ia.
• He rite tonu rātouKo te tangata e aroha pono ana ki a koe ka puta mai ina kī mai rātou ka pena, ka pupuri i ana kupu whakaari, ā, ka whakaatu mā roto i ā rātou mahi ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki a rātou 
• He whanaungatanga kare ā-roto kei reira: Ko tētahi o ngā tohu mārama o te hiahia pono ko te whakawhanaungatanga kare-a-rotoKa whai wā te tangata e piri tahi ana koe, e whai hononga rānei ki a ia ki te mārama ki ō kare ā-roto, ō mataku, me ō moemoeā, ā, ka waihanga i tētahi wāhi haumaru hei whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te kore e mataku kei whakahengia, kei tawaitia rānei. 
• Ka whakamanahia e rātou ō kare ā-rotoKi te pono ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata ki a koe, e kore rātou e whakahawea ki ō kare ā-roto. Ahakoa ka whakamā rātou i ō kare ā-roto, ka whakaae rātou mā te kī atu, "E mārama ana ahau he aha koe i pērā ai," me te "Kāore he aha te pouri—me kōrero tāua."
• He whakataunga pakanga hauoraHe rerekētanga kei roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa, engari ka aro atu te hoa aroha ki ngā pakanga me te whakaute. Ko tā rāua arotahi ko te whakatau i ngā take, kaua ki te toa i ngā tautohetohe.

He aha te rerekētanga o te hiahia pono

He ngāwari te whakapoauau i te harikoa poto noa me te manaaki pono, inā koa i ngā wāhanga tōmua o te whanaungatanga . Engari he āhuatanga ahurei tō te hiahia pono—he pumau, he pumau, he haumaru hoki. Anei me pēhea te wehewehe:

• Kei te hiahia rātou ki a koeKa whai wā te hoa aroha ki te ako mō ngā mea e tino akiaki ana i a koe, ō āhuatanga rerekē, ō hiahia, me ō uara—kaua ko ngā mea o runga noa iho
• Ka whakanui rātou i a koe mō tō tuakiriKāore rātou e ngana ki te whakarerekē i a koe, ki te hanga rānei i a koe hei tangata kē. Engari, e whakaae ana rātou ki a koe me ō kaha me ō ngoikoretanga katoa.
• Ka meinga koe kia noho haumaruI roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e ahu mai ana i te hononga pono i waenganui i te tokorua, kāore he wehi kei whakahengia, kei tinihangatia, kei whakarērea rānei. Engari, ka pai koe ki te noho hei tangata tūturu mōu.

Te Whakahē i te Aroha me te Hiahia Pono: 8 Ngā Huarahi hei Kite i te Rerekētanga 

Nā te mea kua mārama tātou ki te āhua o te aroha pōrearea me te manaaki pono, me hoki anō tātou ki te pātai matua: me pēhea e mōhio ai koe mēnā kei te pāngia koe e te aroha pōrearea, e te hiahia pono rānei? He maha ngā tohu hei āwhina i a koe ki te wehewehe i waenga i ngā mea e rua, engari ko te mea tino kitea ko te wā e pāngia ana koe e te aroha pōrearea, he pai rawa te āhua o te whanaungatanga, engari ka waiho koe kia pōuri, kia kore e marino. 

E whakamārama ana a Jayant, "Ko te whāinga o te aroha pōma he mea kia noho nama te kaiwhiwhi. Ko te tangata e pōma ana i a koe ki te aroha me te aro e hiahia ana kia pēhia koe kia whakahoki mai i ō rātou kare ā-roto." Ka kitea pea tēnei i roto i ngā whanonga e whai ake nei kāore e kitea i roto i ngā whanaungatanga hauora i hangaia i runga i te hononga kaha:

1. Te tere o te whanaungatanga

E mea ana a Jayant, "Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe he aroha nui, he hiahia pono rānei, tirohia mēnā kei te tere rawa te haere o te whanaungatanga . I roto i te whanaungatanga hauora, ka whai wā te tangata ki te whakatipu i tō rātou hononga, ā, ka tukua ngā mea kia ahu whakamua. Heoi, ina aroha nui koe, ka ahua pōuri, ka tere hoki te ahua. Ki te mea he wheako kai reka te whanaungatanga pono, ka rekahia ia kai i mua i te neke atu ki te kai e whai ake nei, he rite te aroha nui ki tētahi kai tere. Koinei tētahi o ngā huarahi māmā ki te wehewehe i te aroha nui me te manaaki pono."

Ka pupuhi te aroha i a koe nā te mea e hiahia ana ia kia whakaarohia e koe te pai o te aroha. Kei te hangaia e rātou he kare ā-roto whakawhirinaki i roto i a koe, ka waiho koe me te mea kāore e taea e koe te mahi me te kore he aroha. Whakawhirinaki tonu ki tō puku me tō pūmanawa. Ki te puta he pātai ki a koe anō, "He aha te āhua o te pupuhi aroha?", me whai wā ki te okioki me te whakaaroaro ki te āhua o te whanaungatanga e pā ana ki a koe anō. 

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2. Te hihiri kei muri i te whanaungatanga

E kī ana a Jayant, "I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, e aroha ana tō hoa ki a koe, kāore he kaupapa huna, he kaupapa huna rānei. Kāore rātou e hiahia ki te whakahaere i a koe, ki te whakarerekē i tō āhua, ki te whiwhi mana rānei ki runga i a koe. Heoi, ko te whakamomori aroha he mea e pā ana ki te pakanga mana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga . He kaupapa anō tā te whakamomori aroha. Ko koe anake tā rātou whāinga."

"He mārama rawa ō rātou whakaaro huna—ko te tuatahi ko te pupuri i a koe, ko te tuarua ko te whakahaere i a koe mō ō rātou painga, mō te wā e pai ai ki a rātou. Ka taea e ēnei wheako te waiho i a koe kia whara i te kare ā-roto, ka whakangaro i tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō me tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō."

3. Ngā mahi nui, ngā mahi atawhai tonu rānei

E mea ana a Jayant, "I roto i ngā whanaungatanga hauora, he reka, he mahana ngā mahi aroha, engari ko te tangata e tino aroha ana ki a koe ka whakamahi i ngā mahi nunui hei kukume i a koe. Nā te mea e hiahia ana rātou kia noho nama koe ki a rātou, kia puta ai te whakaaro kāore he tangata, ā, kāore he tangata e hoatu ana ki a koe te mea ka taea e rātou." 

He rerekētanga ngāwari i waenga i te aroha nui me te manaaki pono, arā, ki te aroha pono tetahi ki a koe, ahakoa he iti noa iho te whakapuakitanga o ō rātou kare ā-roto mōu, ka mau tonu. Hei tauira, ka waiho pea hei tikanga mā rātou te kawe kawhe māu i ia ata, te tuku karere rānei hei tirotiro mēnā kua pai tō taenga mai ki te kāinga i muri i te pō roa, kia taea ai e koe te whakawhirinaki ki a rātou ki te mahi i ēnei mea māu.

I tētahi atu ringa, ko te tangata e aroha ana ki a koe, tera pea ka puta atu ki waho o tō wāhi mahi me ngā putiputi, ngā tōnati, me te kawhe mō te wiki kotahi, kātahi ka mutu ohorere. Tērā pea ka tuku karere tonu mai rātou ki a koe i te awatea tae noa ki te pō mō ngā marama tuatahi, e rua rānei, kātahi ka waea atu anō ki te wāhi ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro mēnā kei te huna mārire mai rātou i a koe, mēnā rānei ko rātou te tangata e whai ana i a rātou me ngā karere me ngā waea auau kia mau tonu ai te taumata o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i mua.

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4. Te whakakotahi i ōu oranga, te momotu rānei i a koe i ētahi atu

Ina tīmata kōrua te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata hou, i te whanaketanga o te whanaungatanga, ka whakauru atu kōrua ki te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi. Ka tūtaki kōrua ki ō rāua hoa i tētahi wā, ka whakauru atu hoki i a rātou ki ō kōrua hoa. Kātahi ka tūtaki ki ngā tuākana, teina, ngā mātua. Ka uru atu ki te porowhita pāpori o tētahi ki tētahi. Heoi, ina pāngia kōrua e te aroha i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha, ka kitea kōrua ko koe anake - me te mea kua mimiti tō ao katoa ki tētahi tangata anake. 

E kī ana a Jayant, "Ko tētahi o ngā huarahi mārama hei whakatau mēnā he aroha nui, he manaaki pono rānei, ko te tirotiro mēnā kua puritia koe e te tangata kei a koe i roto i tētahi rūma karāhe. Ka taea e te katoa te kite i a koe mai i waho, ā, ka taea e koe te kite i te katoa mai i roto. He mārama te karāhe engari kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga . Ka motuhia koe e rātou i te ao o waho, i ō hoa me tō whānau."

Ki te amuamu ō hoa kāore koe e noho tahi ana me rātou i ēnei rā, ki te whakaaro rānei koe kāore e taea e koe te noho tahi me ō hoa me tō whānau ahakoa e hiahia ana koe, he tohu kino tēnā. Ko te tangata e aroha pono ana ki a koe, e kore ia e here i a koe ki roto i te whare herehere. E hiahia ana rātou kia whai oranga koe i a koe anō. Ka mea atu rātou kia haere koe ki waho, kia tūtaki ki ō hoa, kia pai ai tō wā, kaua hoki e meinga koe kia whakama. 

5. Te ātea me te whakamomori

E whakaaro ana koe, "He aroha nui, he kare ā-roto pono rānei kei te pā ki a koe?" Ka kitea te whakautu i roto i te nui o te wāhi kei a koe hei tangata mōu. E kī ana a Jayant, "Ko te tangata aroha nui he tangata whakahihi e hiahia ana kia aro katoa ki a ia. Mena kei te whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tangata whakahihi , tera pea ka kitea koe e ia e pehia ana e ia, e pōuri ana hoki i te hiahia kia arohia ia, inā koa i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga."

"Ina kore koe e noho tahi me rātou mō tētahi wā poto, ka miharo rātou ki tāu mahi i a rātou e ngaro ana. Ka tirohia e rātou tō waea, ka whai i tō wāhi noho, ka pātai atu hoki ki a koe mō ō wāhi noho. Ka mahia e rātou tēnei mahi me te tino pūkenga, ā, kāore koe e mōhio kei te tirotirohia koe e rātou." I tētahi atu taha, i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e hangaia ana i runga i te manaaki me ngā kare ā-roto pono, ka whai wāhi koe ki te noho ko koe anake, me te whai i ō hiahia, me te kore e whakama. Nā te mea he mea hanga tēnei whanaungatanga i runga i te tūāpapa o te whakawhirinaki me te haumaru.   

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6. Ngā rohe, te kore rānei o aua rohe

Ko tētahi atu rerekētanga matua o te hunga e aroha ana ki te pōrearea aroha, arā, kāore te hunga e aroha ana ki te pōrearea aroha e whakaute ana i te tūmataitinga me ngā rohe. Ka takahi tonu rātou i tō wāhi whaiaro, ā, ka riri ina whakatakotohia e koe he rohe, ka whai wā hoki mōu ake. Ko te tangata ia e aroha pono ana ki a koe, ka whakaute i ō rohe me ō herenga, ka tuwhera ki te kōrero mō ngā mea e pai ana koe, ngā mea kāore rānei e pai ana ki a koe, ā, ka whai whakaaro ki ēnā mea i a rātou e whakatau ana me pēhea tā rātou whanonga ki a koe. 

7. Whakawhirinaki, kaua ki te whakamahi i tō ngoikoretanga hei patu i a koe anō

Hei wehewehe i te rerekētanga i waenganui i te aroha me te hiahia pono, me titiro koe ki te huānga o te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga . "Mā te whakawhirinaki i waenganui i ngā hoa ka whakaoho i te ngoikore, ka whakamana hoki i a koe ki te whakapuaki i ō ngoikoretanga, i ō mamae, i ō mataku, me ō mea ngaro nā te mea e mōhio ana koe kāore ēnei e whakamahia hei whakahē i a koe," te kī a Jayant.

Ki te mea he hoa tōu e whakamahi ana i ō ngoikoretanga ki a koe, hei whakahaere i a koe, hei whakakino rānei i a koe, tena koa kōrero mai ki a mātou: He aroha noa iho, he manaaki pono rānei? Āe, kāore he raruraru. Ki te whakahuatia e rātou ngā mea i whakapuakina i ngā wā o te ngoikore me te kore whakaae, kātahi ka whakamahia aua kōrero hei whara i a koe, he rautaki nanakia, he mahi nanakia hoki hei whakapohehe me te whakahaere i te kōrero.

E kore rawa te tangata pono e pena. E whakaute ana rātou i te meka i whakawhirinaki koe ki a rātou kia tuwhera ō whakaaro ki a rātou, ā, e kore rawa e whakahua i ngā mea i whakapuakina e koe ki a rātou mēnā kāore koe e hiahia ki te kōrero mō taua mea.

8. Kei roto i ngā whanaketanga mana te rerekētanga o te aroha me te hiahia pono

E kī ana a Jayant, "Ko te whanaungatanga hauora i hangaia i runga i te pūtake o te aroha pōrearea ka tohuhia tonutia e ngā nekehanga mana hē . I te ngako o taua whanaungatanga, ka titiro te tangata aroha pōrearea ki ngā whanaungatanga me te mea he kēmu chess. E hiahia ana rātou ki te whakamātau i tā rātou hoa mā te whiwhi i te mana whakahaere o te whanaungatanga. Ka pōrearea te taurite ina hinga te whāinga o te aroha pōrearea ki ngā tono."

Ehara i te mea pēnei te āhua ina huihui ngā tāngata e rua e aroha pono ana tetahi ki tetahi ki te hanga hononga i runga i te whakaute, te aroha me te māramatanga. I taua wā, he hononga ōrite te whanaungatanga. Ae, tera pea ētahi wā ka nui ake te hoatu a tetahi hoa i tetahi. Heoi, kāore te whanaungatanga i te pumau tonu, engari he tauutuutu - ina puta tetahi hoa ki te taha o tetahi ina hiahiatia. 

Engari ehara i te mea pērā ina pāngia koe e te aroha. Kia mau tonu koe i te aroha, ka riro i a rātou te mana whakahaere katoa o te kōrero mō te whanaungatanga, ā, ka ārahi i te whanaungatanga kia rite ki tā rātou e pai ai. Kāore he huarahi kē atu i a koe engari me haere tonu, mō te roa e taea ai e koe—he maha ngā wā ka nui rawa atu tēnei i tō kaha kare ā-roto.  

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Me aha koe mēnā kei te pāngia koe e te aroha

Ka pōhēhē, ka taumaha hoki te āhua o te pōreareatanga o te aroha. Ko te mea i tīmata hei wheako whakapatipati e kī ana i te aro me te aroha, ka huri hei moemoeā whakamomori, ka mutu ko tō oranga katoa e anga atu ana ki tō whanaungatanga. I te wā e tino piripono ana koe ki tō hoa, ka tīmata rātou ki te mawehe atu, ka whaia e koe tā rātou whakamana, ka whakaaro koe he koretake koe ki te kore ia. 

Ko te mōhio ki ngā tohu whero i mua i te mimiti rawa ki roto i te huringa aroha o te whakaaro nui, te whakaiti i te uara, me te maka atu koia te huarahi pai rawa atu hei tiaki i a koe mai i te mamae o te ngākau mō te wā roa. Mena he tino pai rawa te kaha o te whanaungatanga, he mea rānei kei te kite koe i ētahi take huna, me mahi koe i ngā mahi hei tiaki i tō oranga ngākau. Anei te mahi:

1. Kia mōhio ki ngā tohu o te pōmatanga aroha

Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te tiaki i a koe anō ko te whakaae kei te pāngia koe e te aroha pōrearea. Anei ētahi tauira matarohia o te aroha pōrearea me whakaaro koe he tohu whero o tētahi whanaungatanga paitini, e mamae ana te ngākau: 

• Te nui rawa o ngā mihi ki a koe 
• Ngā whakapuakitanga aroha wawe
• Te kōrero mō te marena, te neke tahi ki te noho tahi, tō kōrua "āpōpō" rānei i mua i te mōhio pono tetahi ki tetahi
• Te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero nui rawa atu—ngā karere kuputuhi tonu, ngā waea, te tae mai rānei i te wā kāore i te whakamōhiotia
• Te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto pērā i te hara-takahanga koe mō te tono wāhi

Ko tā Jayant tohutohu, "He kaha tonu te ahua o te whakaekenga aroha. Ki te tere rawa te pōuri o te ngākau, āta haere kia kite ai koe i te āhua o te mea e tupu ana." Ko te mea nui, ahakoa te āhua whakamīharo o te whiwhi i te aro nui mai i tētahi e pai ana ki a koe, ki te kī mai tō ngākau he mea rerekē, whakarongo mai. 

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2. Whakaroahia ngā mahi

He aha te āhua o te pōma aroha? Me te mea he nui rawa ngā mea e tupu wawe ana. Ina tīmata koe ki te kite i tēnei tauira, he mea nui kia whakahaere koe i te āhuatanga, kaua hoki e tukua tetahi kia akiaki i a koe ki te whakatau, ki te whakatutuki rānei i ngā herenga kāore anō koe kia rite. Anei te mahi:

• Whakatakotoria he rohe mō te auau o tā kōrua kōrero, mō te nui rānei o te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua
• Whakakahoretia ngā kōrero mō ngā herenga nui mēnā he wawe rawa te ahua
• Hoki whakamuri mēnā e tika ana mā te kī atu, "E tino pai ana ki ahau te mōhio ki a koe, engari he pai ake ki ahau te whakahaere i ngā mea i te tere e taea ai e tāua te noho humarie."

E mea ana a Jayant, "Ehara tēnei i te mea mō te mahi uaua ki te whiwhi engari mō te hoatu wā ki a koe anō ki te aromatawai i te hototahitanga me te kore e taumaha. Ka hangaia he whanaungatanga hauora i roto i te wā, kāore e taea te whakatere i tēnei tukanga."

3. Kia mau ki to mana motuhake

Ka ngana ngā kaiwhakaoho aroha ki te wehe i a koe i ō hoa, i tō whānau, i ō mahi o ia rā rānei. Ki te mea kei te ngaro atu tō oranga katoa i a koe e te tangata kei a koe, kaua e tukua. Tiakina tō mana motuhake mā te hono tonu ki tō pūnaha tautoko me te arotahi ki ō whāinga whaiaro.

Whakapaua te wā ki te hunga e arohaina ana e koe, e taea ai te tuku tirohanga ki te āhuatanga. Whakauru atu ki ngā mahi whakangahau, ki ngā mahi, me ētahi atu mahi e whakapūmau ana i tō tuakiri i waho o te whanaungatanga. Engari, kia maumahara ko te aroha pono kāore e tono kia whakarērea e koe ētahi wāhanga o koe. 

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4. Tiakina koe i roto i te hinengaro

He tino whai hua te whakamomori aroha nā te mea ka hangaia he whakawhirinakitanga kare ā-roto, ka tīmata koe ki te hiahia nui ki te aro me te aroha o tētahi atu tangata. Ko tēnei whakawhirinakitanga ka whakamahia e te kaiwhakamomori aroha hei whakahaere i a koe, hei whakahaere rānei i a koe. Ki te kitea koe e taka ana ki ngā āhuatanga kino pēnei i te tirotiro tonu i tō waea mēnā kua tuku karere mai rātou, te waiho rānei i te mahi, te wā rānei ki ngā hoa me te whānau kia noho tahi ai me rātou, te whakaaro nui rānei ki a rātou, me hoki whakamuri koe, me tiaki i a koe anō i te taha kare ā-roto. 

Kia maumahara koe ehara te aroha hauora i te mea e pā ana ki ngā āhuatanga tino nui; engari e pā ana ki te pumau me te auau. Kātahi, kia kaha ki te wawahi i ngā tauira kino e taka ana koe ki roto i mua i te huri hei huringa kino e uaua ana ki te whakarere. 

Mena kei te raru koe ki te kimi huarahi, he mea pea nā te mea he rite te aroha ki te tarukino—he whakahaurangi, he whakawara hoki, whakaarohia te rapu awhina i tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro. Ka taea e tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro mohio te āwhina i a koe ki te kite i ngā tauira kino, te mārama he aha koe e kukume ana ki aua tauira, me te whakarato i a koe ki ngā taputapu hei tiaki i a koe anō. Mena kei te hiahia āwhina koe, kei konei ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mohio me te wheako o te rōpū Bonobology hei āwhina i a koe.

5. Kia rite ki te haere atu

Ki te mau tonu te aroha ahakoa te whakatakoto rohe, ki te mea rānei ka noho te tangata hei kaiwhakahaere, hei whakahaere, hei tukino rānei i te ngākau, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakaaro ki te wehe atu i te whanaungatanga . Kaua e piri ki te putanga tino tika o ngā rā tuatahi o te whanaungatanga, kaua hoki e manawanui ki te tukino, ki te tinihanga rānei, me te tumanako ka hoki tō hoa ki tōna āhua o mua. Kāore e tupu. Kia maumahara koe e tika ana kia noho tahi koe me tētahi e aroha pono ana ki a koe, e manaaki ana hoki i a koe, engari e whakaute ana hoki i a koe.

Kia oti i a koe te whakatau ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, kōrerotia marietia ki tō hoa, kia mārama hoki. Kia rite mō te huringa aroha ka tīmata anō ina whakatau koe ki te wehe atu. Kia kore ai e hoki anō ki tēnei āhuatanga, me mahara koe ki ngā tohu kino katoa i ngaro, i warewarehia rānei e koe i te wā tuatahi, me te whakamahara ki a koe anō kua mōhio kē koe ki te āhua o tēnei tuhinga, nō reira kāore he painga ki te tuku atu i tētahi atu whai wāhitanga.  

Thoughts Final

He mea whakapoauau te aroha ina pāngia koe e te mate, engari mā te mōhio ki te whanonga me te whakatakoto i ngā rohe, ka taea e koe te tiaki i a koe anō i te whara o te ngākau. E kī ana a Jayant, "He rite te aroha pono ki te wai marino, ehara i te tupuhi. Ki te nui rawa te aro o te tangata, kāore he aha ki te hoki whakamuri." He roa te wā e hiahiatia ana hei hanga i te aroha hauora—he aroha pumau, ehara i te kaha nui rawa.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.