Ukwahlula iSibhalo-Kupholile kangakanani?

Ngaba ucinga ngokuqhawula isicatshulwa? Ukuba ewe, cinga kwakhona. Ngokuqhelekileyo, kuthathwa njengesenzo esingenangqiqo kodwa ekugqibeleni konke kuxhomekeke kubudlelwane bakho kunye neemeko. Xa nikubudlelwane, nobabini nabelana ngolonwabo, usizi kunye namaxesha akhethekileyo omnye komnye yonke imihla. Abanye benu basenokungachithi nje ixesha elisemgangathweni omnye nomnye kodwa nikwahlala kunye.

Nokuba yeyiphi na imeko ubudlelwane bakho buhamba ngayo, ukwaphula isicatshulwa kufuneka kube licebo lakho lokugqibela. Xa umfana ehlukana nawe phezu kwetekisi okanye intombazana ibiza ikhefu kunye nomyalezo, into yokuqala ethi qatha engqondweni kukuba abakulungele ukuthatha uxanduva kwaye babhekane nemiphumo yokwahlukana. Ngandlela-thile, ukuhlukana nomntu ngetekisi kufana nokuthatha indlela yokuphuma.

Ngaba kulungile ukuhlukana ngesicatshulwa? Sifumana lo mbuzo rhoqo. Phezu kwazo nje iintsilelo zayo, abantu badla ngokukhetha le ndlela ukuze baphephe ukungqubana ngokweemvakalelo. Ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo ukuba yenye yeendlela zamva nje kunye nezona zihamba phambili zokuqhekeka kweli xesha ledijithali, kodwa eyayo inzuzo kunye nokubi. Ke, kuya kufuneka ucinge ngononophelo ngelixa ulinganisa ukhetho lokwahlukana ngemiyalezo ebhaliweyo.

Ngaba Kulungile Ukohlukana Kwisicatshulwa?

Akukho nto ivuyisayo okanye evuyisayo okanye ehlekisayo malunga nokwahlukana. Ukuba uphuma kubudlelwane obunobundlobongela / obuxhaphazayo / obuxhomekeke kuwe obufunxa ubomi bakho, ukwahlukana kunokuzisa isiqabu kodwa kusekude kumava olonwabo okanye olonwabo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ukubudlelwane obungenampilo, kufuneka nahlukane kukuhle kwaye akukhathaliseki nokuba uyenza njani na – ngokobuqu okanye ngokwahlukana ngetekisi.

Ukuba ubunobudlelwane obuhle obuthe, ngasizathu sithile, buqhubela wena, kufuneka ukhumbule ukuba ukwahlukana kuya kuba ngamava atyumzayo ngokweemvakalelo kwiqabane lakho. Ngoko ke kufuneka uyiqaphele indlela ozama ngayo ukuphelisa ubudlelwane. Ewe, ukushwankathela zonke iimvakalelo zakho kumyalezo obhaliweyo kunokubonakala ngathi yeyona ndlela ilula yokwenza loo ncoko inzima emntwini. Yiyo loo nto ukohlukana kwesicatshulwa kuye kwaziwa kakhulu phakathi kweminyaka eyiwaka kunye neGen-Zers. Ngaphambi kokuba utsibe kule bandwagon, zibuze, "Ngaba kulungile ukuhlukana nesicatshulwa?"

Ngelixa iluncedo kakhulu kumntu otsala iplagi, isenokuziva ithoba isidima kwiqabane ekufumaneni kwayo. Ngoko ke, kutheni abafana beqhekeza phezu kwemiyalezo ebhaliweyo? Okanye kutheni amantombazana ethumela iitekisi zokuqhawula kumaqabane abo? Kwaye ngaba kukhe kulunge ukwenza njalo? Mininzi kakhulu imibuzo eza kuphendulwa apha, kwaye siza kufika kuyo yonke, nganye nganye. Ngoko, hlala apho!

Kungalunga ukuba uqhawule isicatshulwa ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buphela bube bunyani kwaye ubusoloko uhambisa yakho iimvakalelo ngemiyalezo yothando ngombhalo, kungenjalo ukufumana itekisi efana naleyo inokuba yi-jolt kwaye unokulindela umnxeba okhawulezayo kubo. Yintoni omawuyenze xa isoka lakho lihlukana nawe ngetekisi okanye intombi yakho iphelisa ubudlelwane ngomyalezo omnye? Ewe, ngaba kuninzi ekufuneka kwenziwe xa umntu omnye kubudlelwane sele ethathe isigqibo sokuphelisa izinto kube kanye? Isenokukukhathaza kakhulu into yokuba bengazihluphi ngokuthetha ngokobuqu ngesigqibo esibaluleke ngolo hlobo. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ukwahlukana kweetekisi kusebenza, siyakuxelela ukuba nini.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela yokuphendula kwisicatshulwa soKwahlukana

Ukophula iSibhalo-Xa Kulungile?

Kukho icala elilungileyo lokuqhawula isicatshulwa kwaye nalu uluhlu lweenzuzo zokukhetha ukuphelisa ubudlelwane ngale ndlela. Usenokuba uyazibuza ukuba yintoni elungileyo enokuphuma kumyalezo obhaliweyo ecaleni kwemigca ethi "Lo iya kuba ngumyalezo wam wokugqibela kuwe". Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha umgama owophulayo malunga nokunikezelwa kwesicatshulwa unokukunceda uphephe indawo embi onokuthi uyoyike ukude.

Okanye mhlawumbi uye waqaphela ukuba wakho ubudlelwane kumgama omde ayisebenzi kwaye ukuyibiza kuyeka emntwini ayiyondlela yokukhetha. Oku kunokukushiya kwingxaki malunga nokuba ufanele ukuba waphule isicatshulwa okanye hayi. Kwimeko enjalo, kunokungqina ukuba yintsikelelo ekhululayo ekuthinjweni kobudlelwane obuya kuba nzima ukuyigcina ngosuku ngalunye oludlulayo. Ngoko, uyabona, kukho iimeko kunye neemeko apho kulungile ukuthumela isicatshulwa sokuhlukana.

1. Ungayiphepha imibuzo engafunekiyo

Ukuqhawula kwisicatshulwa kufanelwe abo bangafuni ukubanjiswa kwimibuzo ekungekho iimpendulo kuyo. Ungathini ngokwenene xa uyaphelelwa luthando kwaye akukho ngcaciso ibambekayo? Okanye, mhlawumbi kukho kodwa awukwazi ukuyichaza ngaphandle kokulimaza iqabane lakho. Ngoko ke, ubuyela kwimibuzo efana kutheni abafana baqhawule phezu kwemiyalezo okanye kutheni amantombazana ephelisa ubudlelwane kunye nomyalezo, impendulo inokuba kuba yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuphepha iinyembezi, ukujongana, kunye nemibuzo ngale ndlela.

2. Inceda ukunqanda umlo ongcolileyo wokwahlukana

Akunikwa ukuba kuya kuhlala kukho ukulwa emva kokuhlukana. Kodwa kungcono ukuba kwicala elikhuselekileyo kwaye uqhawule kwisicatshulwa ukuphepha imilo enokuthi inyuke ngokukhawuleza. Kwiimeko ezininzi, abantu bazama ukwenza okulungileyo kubo kunye namaqabane abo kamsinya-ukuba-ex kunye Luphelise ulwalamano oluhle. Kodwa kusenokwenzeka ukuba incoko yokwahlukana isenokungahambi njengoko bekucwangcisiwe.

Into yokuba uzama ukuwusingatha ngendlela eqolileyo lo mbandela akuthethi kuthi iqabane lakho liya kuhlala liyibona imbono yakho. Unokufumana kwakhona ekupheleni kokufumana ukukhala okukhulu, ukukhwaza kunye nokulwa ukuba abazange babone ukuhlukana okuza okanye abakulungele ukuphelisa ubudlelwane. Asinguye wonke umntu onokuqhawula umtshato ngoxolo. Ukwahlukana nomntu ngesicatshulwa kususa idrama kwi-equation.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ngaba akukho Mgaqo woQhagamshelwano emva kokuqhawula umsebenzi?

3. Akukho mfuneko yokuba unike iingcaciso ezinde

Isizathu esifutshane kunye crisp ukuphelisa ubudlelwane bakho kwanele xa uqhawula ngetekisi. Akukho mfuneko yeendinyana ezinde zeenkcazo kunye nezizathu, okwenza kube lula ukuba ucaphule ingqiqo yakho ngaphandle kokuthandabuza. Njengoko akunyanzelekanga ukuba ujongane neqabane lakho ngelixa uqhekeka ngetekisi, ufumana umda wokucinga kwaye ukhethe amagama akho ngononophelo.

Unokwenza isigqibo sokuba ufuna ukuthetha kangakanani kunye nobungakanani bengcaciso ofuna ukuyinikezela kwisigqibo sakho sokuqhawula. Okukhona uthetha ngento, kokukhona ungena kwizangqa apho ungakwazi ngokwenene ukunika ingcaciso ebambekayo kwiqabane lakho. Kwimeko apho, ukwahlukana ngaphezu kwesicatshulwa kungcono.

4. Kuphephe amaxesha anzima

Amaxesha anzima afana nokuwolana okanye ukuthembisa ukuhlala bengabahlobo ngonaphakade axhaphakile xa isibini sivakalelwa kukuba ubuhlobo abusakwazi ukuqhubeka. Ezi meko azinakuphepheka ngokupheleleyo ukuba uzama ukwenza njalo hlukana neqabane elihlala nawe phantsi kophahla olufanayo.

Ngaba kulungile ukuhlukana ngesicatshulwa? Ewe, kuya kukunika ithuba ukuba awugqwesi kwiingxabano. Ubuncinane, xa usithethile isigqibo sakho sokuqhawula kwaye ukungaboni ngasonye kuye kwahla, ukuba nencoko kunye neqabane lakho kungabi nzima kangako. Ngoko ke, ewe, ukuba ufuna ukubaleka la maxesha anzima, ngoko wahlukane phezu kokubhaliweyo.

5. Inokuba nolwazelelelo ngakumbi

Ukwahlula isicatshulwa kunokuba lukhetho olunobubele kunye nolwazelelelo kunokwenza oko umntu. Ukuba uceba ukuhlukana nomntu, kuya kufuneka udibane ngesidlo sakusihlwa, isidlo sasemini, okanye ubuncinane, ikofu ukuze uthethe ngayo. Kuba umhlobo wakho uDan ucebise ukuba nihlukane kwindawo kawonke-wonke ukuze unciphise ukukhala kwaye uhambe nanini na ufuna.

Mfana, ubungazi ukuba inokuba ngumlilo njani! Mhlawumbi ubize iqabane lakho kwaye wathi loo mazwi amane atyhwatyhwayo, "Sifuna ukuthetha", kodwa bafunda kakubi imeko kwaye babelindele iindaba ezilungileyo, mhlawumbi kunye nesiphakamiso. Kodwa uwisa ibhombu yokwahlukana etafileni ngesiquphe. Abanye abantu ukwahlukana kakhulu kunabanye kwaye kuya kuba buhlungu ngakumbi kwintombi/isithandwa sakho. Ke ngoko, ukukhetha ukwahlula kwisicatshulwa kunokuba yingozi kangako.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Kutheni Ukwahlukana Kubetha Abafana Kamva?

Ngaba Kukrwada Ukwahlukana NgeSibhalo?

Ukwazisa iqabane lakho ngexesha elifanelekileyo ukuba awusenazo iimvakalelo kuye okanye ukuba awufuni ukuqhubeka nobudlelwane kunokusindisa nobabini ebunzimeni. Kodwa isenokubonakala ikrwada ukuba uthe wabaphosa nje isicatshulwa eso, okanye okubi ngakumbi, khuphela-ncamathisela isicatshulwa sokwahlukana kwaye usithumele kwiqabane lakho.

Ukwahlukana akwenzeki ngokukhawuleza, kukho rhoqo iimpawu ezibonisa ukwahlukana kuyeza. Kodwa ukwazisa iqabane lakho ngayo yonke le nto ngomyalezo obhaliweyo ayisiyondlela ilungileyo kubo bonke. Ukuqhawula isicatshulwa akusoloko kuyindlela efanelekileyo yokuhamba ngayo. Ngoba? Qhubeka ufunda.

Ukuqhawula phezu kwesicatshulwa bubugwala kunye nentshukumo enqabileyo kwicala lakho, efana nokubaleka kwimeko. Ibonisa ukuba ulwalamano lwenu aluphathi ngendlela eqolileyo. Ngaphandle koko, ukwahlukana kwisicatshulwa akukho ngcaciso ifanelekileyo kumthumeli. Ngoko ke kunzima ukuba iqabane elifumana iindaba zokwahlukana lijongane nalo.

Indlela enjalo yokwahlukana idla ngokushiya ngasemva umkhondo omdaka weemvakalelo ezingasonjululwanga kunye netyala engqondweni yeqabane lakho. Iqabane lakho lisenokuziva lifanelwe yisiphelo esihloniphekileyo kunokuba linyanzeliswe ukuba lijongane nalo ukuqhubela phambili ngaphandle kokuvalwa ngokufanelekileyo. Yintoni omawuyenze xa isoka lakho lahlukana nawe ngenxa yesms okanye intombi yakho ifowunela ishiya umyalezo? Nawuphi na umntu ozihloniphayo kufuneka amkele isivumelwano kwaye aqhubeke ngaphandle kokumcenga ukuba ahlale.

Xa umntu ehlukana nomntu ubuso ngobuso, kusekho ithuba lokuvuselela ubudlelwane. Nangona kunjalo, ukwahlukana kwisicatshulwa kushiya indawo encinci yokuxolelana. Awunakulindela ukuba ubudlelwane obuqhekekileyo bubuyele endleleni njengoko kungekho ndawo iseleyo kulo naluphi na uhlobo lonxibelelwano kunye nengxoxo phakathi kwamaqabane amabini.

Lo mbhalo uza njengento ekrwada kwaye ushiya incasa ekrakra ongayiboniyo iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba ubudlelwane bufanele ukulondolozwa. Ukwahlula isicatshulwa kunokuba buburhalarhume obungaphantsi kunomoya okanye ukuphepha ngokupheleleyo iqabane lakho, kodwa akunakuphikwa ukuba sisenzo esikrwada.

Uphendula Njani kwiSibhalo soKwahlukana?

Khawucinge ukuba isoka okanye intombi yakho iphelile ubudlelwane bakho phezu kwesicatshulwa kwaye ngoku uyazibuza ukuba ungayiphendula njani isicatshulwa. Khumbula ukuba inyathelo lobulumko kukwenza ngokuqolileyo kwaye uphendule ngendlela enoxolo. Alandelayo ngamanqaku ambalwa ekufuneka agcinwe engqondweni ngelixa uphendula isicatshulwa sokwahlula:

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela Yokuchitha Ukwahlukana Wedwa?

1. Buza iqabane lakho ukuba uqinisekile ngalo nto

Okokuqala, xa umfana ehlukana nawe ngenxa yombhalo okanye intombazana ikuxelela ukuba ayifuni kuphinda ibe nawe kumyalezo, musa ukutsibela ekunene ukukhwaza kubo. Ukungena kwi-spiral ngokukhawuleza xa ufumana isicatshulwa sokwahlukana akuyi kukwenza nantoni na. Thatha ixesha lakho ukuze uqonde ukuba yintoni engahambi kakuhle, kwaye uzame ukubonakalisa ukuba bekusoloko kukho iimpawu ubudlelwane bakho buphelile ukuba awuzange uyiqaphele ngokwenene. Xa sele uzithobile, phendula umbhalo ngoku. Mbuze (okanye) ukuba uzimisele na ngesigqibo kwaye akadlali iprank kuwe.

2. Ungamcengi ukuba ahlale

Khumbula ukwahlukana yinxalenye yobudlelwane. Ukuba nobabini anifanelanga ukuba nibe yiyo, kufuneka niyamkele ngobabalo. Yamkela ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buphelile kwaye ubomi bakho abuzukuphela ngaphandle kwakhe. Awukwazi ukunyanzela umntu ukuba ahlale kubudlelwane obunganelisekiyo kwaye akuthande kwakhona. Endaweni yokucingisisa ukuba kulungile na ukohlukana nesicatshulwa, kuya kufuneka ugcine isuntswana lokugqibela lesidima sakho kwaye ubayeke bahambe endaweni yokucenga ngokungenathemba.

3. Kuphephe ukuthuka iqabane lakho

Xa umntu ehlukana nawe ngetekisi, kufuneka usihloniphe isigqibo sakhe. Ukujonga umntu omthandayo ngokunyanisekileyo ayingomsebenzi ulula, ngakumbi xa bengakuniki ngcaciso eyiyo. Kodwa kuya kuba kukudelela kwakho ukuthuka iqabane lakho kwaye uziphathe kakubi kunye nalo. Zama ukuba nembeko kwaye uzolile ngelixa uthetha nokuba wophukile ngaphakathi kwaye ufuna ukuba nomlo ombi. Kuphephe konke oku, ukuze ungazisoli kamva.

4. Cela ingcaciso

Kutheni abafana beqhekeza isicatshulwa? Kutheni amantombazana ephelisa ubudlelwane ngesicatshulwa? Mhlawumbi, yinzame ebuthathaka yokuphepha imibuzo edinayo malunga nokuba yintoni, nini, kutheni kwaye njani yonke. Kodwa ukuze waneliseke, ngokuqinisekileyo ufanele uzame konke okusemandleni akho ukuze wazi unobangela wokwahlukana. Oku kuya kukunika uxolo lwengqondo kwaye kukukhulule kwiingxaki zakho malunga nesigqibo seqabane lakho lokutsala iplagi kubudlelwane bakho. Ukwazi isizathu sokwahlukana kuya kukunceda ukwazi ukuhlangabezana neemvakalelo zakho bhetele. Awuyi kugcinwa usokola ebumnyameni.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezili-18 eziqinisekileyo I-Ex yakho iya kubuya ekugqibeleni

5. Xelela ngokuqolileyo

Kuhlala kucetyiswa ukuba uphelise ubudlelwane bakho ngenqaku elifanelekileyo. Xa lifikile ixesha lokuba valelisa kumntu obumthandayo kanye, zama ukuba novelwano kangangoko unako. Zinike ixesha lokuqamba isicatshulwa esifanelekileyo sokuvalelisa kwaye usithumele kuye ukuze ukwazi ukuqhubeka nobomi bakho kwaye ubayeke bayeke ukonwaba. Kuhlala kulungile ukulwela lowo umthandayo kodwa inxalenye enkulu yothando kukuyeka umntu omthandayo.

Kuthetha ukuthini xa umntu ehlukana nawe ngetekisi?

Kuthetha nje ukuba umntu akazange akuxabisile okanye ubudlelwane ngokwaneleyo ukuba basebenze ekuwugcineni okanye baxoxe ngeeyantlukwano kunye nokuza kwisigqibo esifanayo sokuqhawula. Kuthetha ukuba umntu okuthumele isicatshulwa sokwahlukana ufuna indlela elula yokuphuma kubudlelwane kwaye akakwazi ukuqonda iimvakalelo zakho. Kwakhona, bayayifumana kunzima ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo ngendlela efanelekileyo.

Sivakalelwa kukuba isicatshulwa sokwahlukana kufuneka sikuncede uqhubele phambili ngokukhawuleza kuba uyaqonda ukuba ukuba nobudlelwane nalo mntu kungapela ingxaki enkulu kwixesha elizayo. Abakwazi ukumelana neemeko zoxinzelelo oluphezulu kwaye banokukushiya kwakhona kwingcinga yokuqala yengxaki ngokulahla isicatshulwa.

Endaweni yokoyikiswa malunga nendlela yokuphelisa ubudlelwane bakho, kufuneka ukhethe indlela efanelekileyo yokuphula iindaba kwiqabane lakho. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukwahlukana kwisicatshulwa akufanele kube yinto yakho yokuqala njengoko kunciphisa umda wencoko. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ubudlelwane bakho abukhuselekanga kwimpilo yakho yomzimba kunye nengqondo okanye yinto nje eqhelekileyo, ngoko ke ukwahlukana phakathi kwesicatshulwa akubonakali kulukhetho olubi kakhulu lokuzama.

Izinto ekufuneka uziqwalasele ngaphambi kokuba uqalise ukuthandana kwakhona emva kokwahlukana

Iimpawu ezi-5 zokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kufuneka uzilumkele ulumkisa iTherapist

Iimpawu ezili-18 ezifihlakeleyo Ubudlelwane bakho bexesha elide buphelile

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.