Igama elithi ‘umbingelelo’ lithetha ukuba umntu uncama into ethile ayixabisayo ngenxa yento ethile okanye omnye umntu. Bonke ubudlelwane bufuna ukupha kunye nokuthatha - kodwa kulapho ukubanjiswa khona! Ukuzincama kubudlelwane kunokubonakala ngathi yinto enkulu, kodwa kweli nqaku, siza kuphonononga ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ngokwenene.
Ukulungelelana kufuneka kube yinto efanayo, ngelixa ukuzincama kuyinto yendlela enye. Enyanisweni, ukulungelelana ligama elinempilo kakhulu. Kukho iiyantlukwano ezibalulekileyo phakathi kokuzinikela kunye nokulalanisa.
- Ukuyekelelana kumacala omabini ngelixa ukuzincama kudla ngokuba calanye
- Ukulungelelana kunenjongo yokusombulula ingxaki yobudlelwane. Imibingelelo ngamanye amaxesha inokuba nenjongo yokugxeka, ukwenza elinye iqabane lizive linyanzelekile ukuba lincame/ lilenze lizive liphantsi nangayiphi na indlela.
- Idini linokubangela ukuba umntu enze idini uzive unomsindo. Kwimeko yokulalanisa okunempilo, omabini amaqela avakalelwa kukuba aye aphathwa ngokufanelekileyo
Libaluleke kangakanani idini kubudlelwane?
Isiqulatho
Kubudlelwane obunothando, elinye iqabane lincama into ebalulekileyo lithetha inkxaso kwelinye iqabane. Kodwa le nkxaso, ukuba ithathwa kakhulu, inokukhokelela ekubeni iqabane (ozincamayo) libe ithathwa njengesiqhelo. Isenokude ikhokelele elinye iqabane ukuba lilindele izinto ezingekho ngqiqweni kwiqabane lalo. Oku kwenzeka ukuba umntu omnye uncama kakhulu kwaye rhoqo kwaye kuya kubangela umba kubudlelwane bakho. Kuninzi lwe-dynamics, abantu bakholisa ukungenzi ngokwaneleyo.
Ngamanye amaxesha iindima zesini, izithethe zentlalo kunye namava ethu nabazali bethu anokwenza isimo sethu sengqondo malunga nokubingelela kubudlelwane. Ukuba ujonge ukufumana impendulo “kungakanani ukuzincama kubudlelwane obugqithileyo?” khawucinge nje ngengcinga ebuyela emva 'yomfazi ogqibeleleyo', ophekayo, ococayo, orholayo, ohoya iintsana zonke ngaxeshanye.
A isifundo epapashwe kwi-Social Psychological and Personality Science yafumanisa ukuba abantu abanokuzithemba okuphantsi abazincama kubudlelwane badla ngokuzisola ngedini. Basenokuthi bafumane "imo engathandekiyo, uxinzelelo olukhulu kunye nokwaneliseka okuphantsi kobomi". Banga namava oxinzelelo, ukuzisola nengqumbo.
Ngokunyaniseka, nabani na uya kuzisola ngokuncama ixesha lakhe lokukhulula ukuva iqabane labo lithetha ngento enye okwesine kuloo veki. Mangaphi amatyeli angakumbi onokuthi “Hmm” kunye “Ewe” phambi kokuba ungasakwazi ukuyamkela? Ukuncama ulonwabo lwakho kulowo umthandayo kuya kukukhokelela kwindawo emnyama kuba kuya konakalisa impilo yakho yengqondo.
Ngoko, ngaba ukuzincama kubalulekile kulwalamano? Ngelixa impendulo emfutshane ingu-ewe, kuya kufuneka uzibuze le mibuzo ilandelayo kuqala ngaphambi kokuba wenze idini kubudlelwane:
- Ngaba uzinikele ngokupheleleyo kubudlelwane?
- Ngaba uvakalelwa kukuba iqabane lakho liya kuncama okuthile ngenxa yakho?
- Ngaba iqabane lakho liyayibona kwaye liyalixabisa idini lakho?
- Yintoni ekushukumisela ukuba uzinikele ngolo hlobo?
- Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuthetha-thethana kunye nokufika kwisivumelwano?
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Amadini amancinane namakhulu
Kukho imizekelo emininzi yokubingelela kubudlelwane. Amaqabane abingelela ngenxa yamaqabane awo; abazali kubantwana babo, abantakwabo omnye komnye - idini lixhaphakile. Umzekelo, ukuba iqabane lakho lifumana umsebenzi kwesinye isixeko kungafuneka uzincothule kwaye nawe uhambe.
Kwakhona, xa abantwana besebancinane kakhulu, amabhinqa amaninzi kuye kufuneke ancame umnqweno wawo womsebenzi aze athabathe ikhefu ukuze anyamekele abantwana bawo.
Idini lukhetho lomntu. Ndiyazi ukuba xa ndayeka ukusebenza iminyaka emine xa abantwana bam babebancinane kakhulu, yayingeloxesha lilungileyo lobomi bam. Ukucaphuka kwam kundenze ndangumzali 'ongaphantsi kunokulunga'. Ukuhlala kwam ekhaya kwandenza ndaziva ndililolo. Bendikhumbula umoya weofisi.
Ndaba ngumntu owonwabileyo ngakumbi, yaye ngenxa yoko ndaba ngumama ongcono, xa ndaqalisa ukusebenza rhoqo xa omncinane wam wayeneminyaka emine ubudala.
Kodwa oku ngamava axhomekeke kakhulu. Abanye abasetyhini banokukufumanisa kusanelisa kakhulu ukuthatha ikhefu emsebenzini, okanye nokuba ngoomama abahlala ekhaya, ukuze bakhulise abantwana babo.
Ukuzincama kubudlelwane kunokusukela kwizinto ezincinci njengokubukela umboniso kamabonwakude iqabane lakho elifuna ukubukela ukuya ekunyamekeleni abazali bakhe, nangona kukho ukungavisisani nabo. Ukwala ukunyuselwa ngenxa yoxanduva lwekhaya lidini elikhulu.
Ukugqiba ngento ethile yefanitshala oza kuyithenga ngenxa yokuba ilukhetho lwakhe, okanye ukumema abahlobo bakhe kwisidlo sangokuhlwa nangona ediniwe, ngamadini amancinane xa kuthelekiswa nawo. Ngaba ubudlelwane bufuna ukuzincama? Ukuba ujonge ukwakha kunye nokugcina i ubudlelwane obuhambelanayo, ukubingelela kubudlelwane yinxalenye kunye nenxalenye yenkqubo.
Yintoni ekufuneka ungaze uyincame kubudlelwane
Ukutshintsha ngokwakho ngaphaya kwinqanaba kwiqabane liyiresiphi yentlekele. Ukuba awukwazi ukuba nguwe kunye nomntu omthandayo, kwaye okuthandayo, ulahlekelwa ubuni bakho kwaye uhamba nolonwabo lwakho. Ubudlelwane obunjalo, apho iqabane lincama ubunikazi balo, linyanzelekile ukuba liye ezantsi. Ukwazi ukuba kungakanani ukuzincama kulwalamano kuya kukunceda ubone umahluko phakathi kokusetyenziswa nokuba kulwalamano lothando.
In Intloko yomthombo, umbhali uAyn Rand, owayengakholelwa kwi-altruism, uvakalisa ngakumbi. “Ukuzincama? Kodwa yisiqu sakhe kanye esingenakuzincama.”
Imvumi yaseNgilani nombhali weengoma uZayn Malik ukubeka ngolu hlobo oku: “Ubomi buyahlekisa.
Nantsi into ekufuneka ungaze uyincame kubudlelwane.
1. Inkululeko
Elona lungelo lisisiseko samalungelo oluntu, inkululeko ayinakuthotywa kubudlelwane. Ewe, kufuneka uqinisekise ukuba inkululeko yakho ayiphazamisi inkululeko yeqabane lakho.
Okanye, ukuba awumenzakalisanga ngandlel’ ithile. Umzekelo omhle ngulo ukudlala ngothando epatini. Ngelixa ukudlala ngothando kuluqheliselo kwinkululeko yomntu, xa kungafanelekanga, kunokulenzakalisa iqabane lakho. Inkululeko yemali nayo ibalulekile. Oku kwenza ukuba ukwazi ukwenza izigqibo ngaphandle kokuziva ubophelelekile nakubani na okanye ubotshelelwe nangayiphi na indlela.
Hayi, iqabane lakho alinyhashi inkululeko yakho ukuba lifuna ukuba uhambe nalo xa uye evenkileni rhoqo. Kuyafana nakubo bafuna ukuthetha nawe ngefowuni, ngelixa ungathanda ukubukela imovie kwaye ulale esofeni. Ukubingelela kubudlelwane akusoloko malunga nezenzo ezinkulu, kunokuba lula njengohambo oluya evenkileni.
2. Iminqweno yakho
Ukuba uyawuthanda umsebenzi wakho kwaye kufuneka uwuncame ngenxa yokunyanzeliswa kosapho, yinto ukuzincama okungafunekiyo. Awunakuze wonwabe ukwenza eli dini. Ngaphezu koko, iqabane lakho alifanele lilindele ukuba wenjenjalo. Endaweni yoko, kufuneka nihlale kunye kwaye nifikelele kwisivumelwano esiphilileyo.
Xa ufunda umahluko phakathi kwedini kunye nokulalanisa kubudlelwane, uya kukwazi ukuphelisa naluphi na ulindelo olungeyonyani iqabane lakho elinokuba nalo kuwe. Kungenxa yokuba abafuni ukuba wenze njalo, akuthethi ukuba akufanele ulandele amaphupha akho. Ngaphandle kokuba iphupha lakho liphumela ekubeni uvuthe yonke imali yakho kwi-cryptocurrencies, kunjalo. Mhlawumbi mamela iqabane lakho ngalo!
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3. Usapho kunye nabahlobo bakho
Emtshatweni okanye naluphi na olunye ubudlelwane, ngamanye amaxesha uchitha amandla kunye nexesha elininzi kwiqabane lakho. Oku akunakukunika ixesha elaneleyo lokuba nabahlobo kunye nosapho.
Ungaze uncame obu bunye ubudlelwane, kungekuphela ngenxa yokuba aba ngabantu abakukhathaleleyo nabakhathaleleyo, kodwa ngenxa yokuba bayinkqubo yenkxaso exabisekileyo. Ukuncama kubudlelwane akufuneki kuthethe ukubayeka abahlobo bakho.
4. Iimpawu zentsulungeko
Kulilize ukuncama imilinganiselo yakho njengoko kuya kukushiya unemvakalelo yokungakhululeki kunye nokulahlekelwa yimvakalelo yobuqu. Njengoko kunjalo ukuba uneqabane ubomi ngubani wabelana ngexabiso elifanayo ke ubomi bakho bungena kwisigqi esonwabileyo.
Kodwa ukuba ucinga ukuba ukwamkela ukunyotywa kulungile yaye uvakalelwa kukuba yeyona nto ingafanelekanga ukuyenza, ngoko akuyi kuba nokonwaba emtshatweni. Ukuba kufuneka wamkele iindlela zeqabane lakho ngelixa kufuneka uphephe inkqubo yakho yexabiso, ngoko uncama iinkolelo zakho ezingundoqo kubudlelwane kwaye akufanelekanga.
5. Ukuzithemba okanye isidima
Ungaze uncame ukuzithemba kwakho ngokuhlala ufuna ukuqinisekiswa kubudlelwane. Ukuba upheke isidlo esikhethekileyo, vuya ukuba wenze into yokudala kubantu obathandayo.
Musa lindela izincomo. Ewe, zonwabele ukuba ziza ngendlela yakho! Kodwa kukho abantu abalindele ukuxelelwa ngeendlela ezili-15 ezahlukeneyo ngamalungu eentsapho zabo ukuba ngabona bapheki babalaseleyo. Ayinguye lowo ufanele ukuba nguye.
6. Iinkolelo zokomoya
Omabini amaqabane anokuba neenkolelo zomoya ezahlukeneyo. Omnye usenokuba ngumHindu okhutheleyo, omnye umBhuda. Okanye, omnye unokuba likholwa kumandla aphezulu, ngelixa omnye unokuba ngumntu ongakholelwa kuThixo okanye u-agnostic.
Le yindawo apho bonke bakhululekile ukukholelwa oko bafuna ukukwenza. Akunakubakho kuvumelana kulo mba. Kufuneka uyamkele loo nto iinkolelo zonqulo musa ukutshintsha lula. Ukuzincama kulwalamano akumele kuthethe ukuncama iinkolelo zakho zonqulo nangayiphi na indlela.
7. Uxolo lwengqondo kunye nempilo yengqondo
Ezi zidityanisiwe. A ubudlelwane obunetyhefu oko kuchaphazela impilo yakho yengqondo akufanelekanga. Akufanele uncame impilo yakho yengqondo okanye uxolo kuye nabani na.
Ukuba iqabane lakho liyakulawula, lilawula kwaye likukhanyise ngegesi, kufuneka uhlale uzimele. Ungaze uvumele nabani na ukuba adlale ngempilo yakho yengqondo. Hlala umile.
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Ngaba uncama kakhulu kubudlelwane?
Ngamanye amaxesha unokuba uncama kubudlelwane ngaphandle kokuqonda ukuba wenza oko rhoqo. Makhe ndikunike umzekelo. Ngaba ukhe wacinga ukuba kutheni ungaze uphumelele kwingxabano kunye neqabane? Oko kungenxa yokuba ekugqibeleni uncama imbono yakho ngenxa yoxolo. Kodwa ngaba kunjalo?
Mhlawumbi uyayazi impendulo. Uyakuphelela ngaphakathi rhoqo kwaye oku kuya kuba yingozi kwimpilo yakho yengqondo. Xa ekugqibeleni uncama kakhulu kubudlelwane ngoko unokuziva ezi zinto zilandelayo.
- Nguwe onikezelayo kwaye uncama rhoqo
- Uziva umthwalo oqhubekayo wokwenza iqabane lakho lonwabe
- Awuziva wonwabile, endaweni yoko uzive unomsindo kwaye unomsindo
- Kukho i-equation yamandla kubudlelwane apho usoloko uhla
- Iqabane lakho alize lincame nto, lisoloko linguwe
Yintoni onokuthi Uyincame kubudlelwane
Ukuncama kubudlelwane akukho nto imbi. Ukuba unentshukumisa elungileyo yokuncama, ikwenza uzive wonwabile. Umzekelo, ukuba uye wancama intwana yokugqibela yentlanzi kunye neetshiphusi oza kuzitya kuba unyana wakho ebefuna ngaphezulu, uziva wonwabile.
Okanye ukuba uye wancama ukhenketho lomsebenzi ukuze unyamekele iqabane lakho eligulayo ukuze ulincancise libuyele empilweni, uziva wanelisekile ukuba unokubakho xa belikufuna kakhulu. Ukudala ubudlelwane obunelisayo kufuneka sincame izinto ezithile. Ukuqinisekisa ukuba awuhambi ngokuncama kakhulu kubudlelwane ngelixa uzama ukwenza into elungileyo, sidwelise imibingelelo eyamkelekileyo onokuyenza:
1. Ixesha namandla
Kuya kufuneka unike iqabane lakho ixesha namandla akho. Oku kunokubandakanya ukuncama 'ixesha lakho wedwa', kodwa oko akunakuphepheka. Mhlawumbi, unokufikelela kwi-balance emva kwengxoxo kunye neqabane lakho. Ukuba uyamcacisela ukuba udinga 'ixesha lam' ukuze uzihlaziye kwaye uzihlaziye, ndiqinisekile ukuba iqabane lakho liya kuqonda.
Ngaphezu koko usenokuba nesidingo esifanayo. Ngokuphathelele amandla, elinye iqabane linokuba namandla ngakumbi kunomnye. Kodwa kulungile. Akukho mfuneko yokuba iqabane elinamandla angaphantsi lisokole ukugcina isantya. Ukuba ucinga ukuba uncama ulonwabo lwakho kulowo umthandayo ngokuyeka iCawe eyonqenayo ngamaxesha athile, kufuneka uqale ukwenza izinto ezizonwabisa ngakumbi neqabane lakho. Kulungile, baxelele ukuba uyithiyile iiseshoni ze-yoga zesibini!
2. Imfihlo
Naluphi na ulwalamano olusenyongweni lubandakanya ukuphulukana nokuba yimfihlo. Isenokuba kukwabelana ngegumbi okanye inokuba iphendula imibuzo yokuba uthetha nabani emnxebeni. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba imida kubudlelwane kunokuvunyelwana ngayo, kuya kunceda ukumisela ukuba kugqithwa nini na imigca.
Kwakhona, ningaqinisekisa ukuba ninika omnye nomnye indawo eyaneleyo xa kuyimfuneko. Kwangaxeshanye, kufuneka uncame ukuba nemfihlo obukunandipha njengomntu ongatshatanga. Kodwa kule meko, ukuzincama kubudlelwane kukwenza wonwabe.
3. Injongo yakho yobuqu
Ewe, ngamanye amaxesha elinye iqabane kufuneka lincame injongo yalo. Kusenokufuneka akwale ukunyuselwa ngenxa yeembopheleleko zokunyamekela abantwana. Ngethuba nje omabini amaqabane ekulungele ukuyeka into ethile, mhlawumbi ngamaxesha ahlukeneyo, ubudlelwane buya kukhula.
4. Imali
Oku kunokuba yinto ekhohlisayo. Ubudlelwane obuninzi buyaphela ngenxa yokungavisisani kumbandela wemali. Ngumcimbi ekufuneka uphathwe ngobunono. Ukuba akunjalo, kunokudala umsantsa – lowo ungenakho ukujongana nawo ngokulula.
Xa usebudlelwaneni, kufuneka uqonde ukuba akukho mntu unokulunga ngalo lonke ixesha. Kuya kufuneka uvume ukoyiswa ngamaxesha athile ukuba nje uqinisekile ukuba imbono yomnye umntu isengqiqweni ngakumbi. Unokuncama iimfuno zakho zokuthenga kuba iqabane lakho lifuna ukugcinela ikamva. Ilungile. Kodwa awukwazi ukunyamezela ukungathembeki kwezemali.
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5. Ukuzifunxa
Kuya kufuneka uncame, enyanisweni, uchithe, ukuzibamba kwakho. Ukuba ubomi bakho bumalunga 'nam, mna kunye nam' kuphela, awuyi kukwazi ukugcina ubudlelwane obusondeleyo. Omabini amaqabane kufuneka abe nomdla kwizinto ezenziwayo kunye neembono zomnye.
Awukwazi ukuba a umyeni ozingcayo okanye umfazi ozingcayo; kufuneka uqonde ixabiso lokuncama kubudlelwane ukuze busebenze. Ukuba awukwazi ukuzincama, mhlawumbi unokulalanisa.
6. Isimo sengqondo sokufuna ukwenza izinto ngendlela egqibeleleyo
Ngamanye amaxesha, elinye iqabane licocekile kakhulu ngelixa elinye lilula ngakumbi. Kufuneka ufikelele kumhlaba ophakathi apho kungekho mntu uziva engonwabanga.
Okokugqibela, ngoxa ubuhlobo obusenyongweni busenokufuna ukuzincama, kunyanzelekile ukuba umntu owenza idini acinge ngesizathu sokuba enze umbingelelo. Ukuba kukunceda iqabane lakho, unako yandisa ukuthembana kunye nolonwabo kumacala omabini. Ukuba kungenxa yokuba ulindele imbuyekezo (ngoku okanye kwixesha elizayo) oko kunokukhokelela kwiingxaki.
Kwakhona, khangela enoba uncama okuthile kuba nje ukuphepha ukungquzulana. Oku kunokukwenza uzive unomsindo kwaye unenzondo ngaphakathi. Jonga ukuba kukho indawo yothethathethwano kunye nokulalanisa. Kwaye, iqabane ngalinye kufuneka linyamekele iimfuno zalo kunye nokwenza uhlengahlengiso kwelinye.
Ngaba ungathanda ngaphandle kwedini? Ewe. Ndicinga ukuba unako! Unokuthanda ngentliziyo iphela, ukanti ufune ukulalanisa kuyo nayiphi na imbambano kunokuba uncame.
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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
