Wazi njani ukuba uyamthanda umntu? Yintoni eyahlula uthando kumtsalane okanye intabatheko? Ukuqonda ukuba uyathandana kunokwahluka kubantu abahlukeneyo. Abanye banokuzibona ezi mvakalelo njengoko zivela ngelixa abanye bethatha ixesha elide ekwamkeleni nasekuqhubeni le mvakalelo inzima.
Ngethamsanqa, ukuqonda ukuba okanye hayi into oyivayo luthando akunzima kangako. Umzimba wakho, ingqondo kunye nokuziphatha kwakho kuthumela imiqondiso ecacileyo yokuba usemathandweni. Omawukwenze kukuqaphela. Kodwa zeziphi ezi mpawu ezikuncedayo ukuba wazi ukuba uyamthanda umntu?
Silapha ukukunceda ukuba uchonge imfihlakalo ngemibono evela kumcebisi Neelam Vats (i-CBT eqinisekisiweyo kunye ne-NLP practitioner), onamava angaphezu kwamashumi amabini eminyaka enceda abantwana, abafikisayo kunye nabantu abadala ukuba bamelane nemiba enxulumene nokudakumba, ukuxhalaba, ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu kunye neenkxalabo zomsebenzi.
Kuvakala Njani Ukuba Sethandweni?
Isiqulatho
Wazi njani ukuba uyamthanda umntu? Ukufumana impendulo yalo mbuzo, kufuneka uqonde ukuba kunjani ukuba sothandweni. Yintoni eyenza kube nzima ukubona iimpawu zothando lokwenene ziindlela ezingalindelekanga ezibonisa ngayo le mvakalelo. Isenokutshayela kwaye itye yonke into okanye inokuzola kwaye iyancwina.
Uthando lunokuba ngumnyama ekupheleni kwesiphango okanye isaqhwithi ngokwaso. Inokuziva i-surreal kwaye inomlingo okanye iyinyani kwaye iqinisekisa. Ukuba semathandweni kuvakala njani kuxhomekeke emntwini othandana naye nakulo athandana naye. Nangona kukho konke ukwahluka kwayo, le mvakalelo ivuselela iimvakalelo ezithile zehlabathi.
UNeelam uthi, “Uthando lokwenene lubonakala yaye luvakalelwa ngokwahlukileyo kancinane kwiimvakalelo ezifudumeleyo esidla ngokunxulumana nazo xa sithandana.” Nazi ezinye iimpawu zokufumana uthando oko kuya kukunceda wazi ukuba uyamthanda umntu ngenene ngaphandle kokungacaci okanye ukubhideka:
1. Iziva ikhethekileyo kwaye iyingqayizivele
Nangona abantu bethandana ngalo lonke ixesha, wonke umntu uvakalelwa kukuba yinto ekhethekileyo kwaye eyodwa kuphela abahlangabezana nayo. Oku kungenxa yokuba abantu baziva bethandwa ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Amava omntu osemathandweni anokwahluka ngokuphawulekayo komnye.
Nokuba yimvakalelo yentliziyo yakho etsiba isingqi xa ubona lowo uthandana naye okanye intwasahlobo kwinyathelo lakho, imvakalelo yokuba sothandweni ikwenza uzive wahlukile.
U-Neelam uthi, "Uthanda umntu ngaphandle kwemiqathango xa ingaphezulu nje kwenkanuko okanye umtsalane womzimba. Kubalulekile ukuqonda umahluko phakathi kothando nenkanuko.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezingama-20 Ungumntu Ongenathemba Wothando
2. Yimvakalelo eqengqelekayo
Ingaba kunjani ukuba sothandweni? I-roller coaster yeemvakalelo yiyona nkcazo echanekileyo yala mava. Kungenxa yokuba uthando aluyomvakalelo nje kuphela kodwa lubandakanya iimvakalelo ezinzulu, ukususela kulonwabo ukusa eluxolweni.
Imincili eyothusayo yothando lwakho lubonakala lube lulonwabo emva koko. Ukungaqiniseki malunga nokuba iimvakalelo zakho ziya kubuyiselwa na. Uloyiko lwe ntliziyo. Uthando lunokukuthatha kwi-roller coaster yeemvakalelo apho uchukumisa awona aphezulu kunye namazantsi asezantsi, konke kujikelezo olunye. Oku kukhawuleza kweemvakalelo kukwatyhala ukuba uthathe imingcipheko obungayi kuyenza ngokuqhelekileyo.
“Uyazi ukuba uyamthanda umntu ngentliziyo yakho yonke xa ungakhathali ngomngcipheko.Uthando lukushukumisela ukuba uzivule ngokupheleleyo komnye umntu, ukuze ubonwe ngokwenene kwaye uqondwe.Uthando luyingozi enkulu kodwa lubonakala ngathi lolo sizimisele ukuyithatha sonke,” utsho uNeelam. Ngapha koko, yeyiphi ingozi enkulu kunokubeka intliziyo yakho emkhonweni wakho kwaye uvumele ukulinda kwakho ukuze umntu okhethekileyo akwazi ukukubona ukuba ungubani ngokwenene.
3. Kuvakala njengovuyo
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ungubani na okanye unamava kwaye uqhuba njani iimvakalelo, ukuba sothandweni kunembonakaliso enye yendalo yonke. Yimvakalelo yovuyo leyo. Ukuba sothandweni phantse kusoloko kuvakala ngathi kukubethwa sisigebenga sovuyo. Ngaphandle kokuba, kunjalo, kunjalo uthando olungafunekiyo. Ngelo xesha, uvuyo lunokuguquka lube yintlungu elinganayo. Ke, uyazi ukuba uyazi xa uthandana naye ukuba baba ngowona mthombo wovuyo okanye intlungu yakho.
Indlela yokwazi ukuba usamthanda umntu okanye uthandana naye, ukuqala? Xa phezu kwayo nje uvuyo okanye intlungu, kuvakala kulungile. UNeelam uthi: “Akusoloko kuvakala kulula okanye kuluncedo, kodwa kusoloko kuvakala ngathi ukwindawo ofanele ukuba kuyo.
4. Uthando yimvakalelo edla yonke into
Xa uthandana, into oyithandayo ithatha indawo enkulu yentloko yakho. Bangumntu wokugqibela ocinga ngaye ebusuku kunye nokucinga kwakho kokuqala ekuvukeni ngentsasa elandelayo. Uthando ngokungathandabuzekiyo yimvakalelo edla yonke into.
Ikusa kumhlaba owonwabileyo, wentelekelelo. Inxalenye yakho ayifuni kubuya kuyo. Yintoni ekugcina unamathele kule mvakalelo yinkolelo eqinileyo yokuba uthando lwakho luya koyisa. UNeelam ucacisa esithi: “Xa umthanda umntu othile ngezothando nangentliziyo yakho yonke, uyamthemba ukuba iimvakalelo zakho ziya kuhlala zihleli.” Phezu kwayo nje ingozi okanye ubunzima, kukho imvakalelo enzulu yolweyiseko lokuba uyafuna lo mntu ebomini bakho, yaye unethemba lokuba uya kuhlala ekho kangangexesha elide.”
5. Uthando oluhlala luhleli lunoxolo
Uthando luyaguquka ngokuhamba kwexesha. Uchulumanco, uchulumanco kunye nokungxama okunentloko okuba nakho ekuqaleni kothando kunokunika indlela yokuzola ekuhambeni kwexesha. Yiyo loo nto uthando oluhlala ixesha elide lunoxolo. Enye yeempawu zokuthandana nomntu ofanelekileyo kukuba le mvakalelo ikwenza uzive ukhuselekile kwaye ukhuselekile. Ngokungathi ufumene i-ankile yakho.
Luvela phi olu xolo nokuzola? U-Neelam uthi, “Uyakwamkela okulungileyo nokubi. Xa uthandana naye, ubotshelelwa kukuba ungamncami loo mntu.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Yintoni uthando AKUKHO
Kuthatha Ixesha Elingakanani Ukuthandana?
Usenokuba ubonile abantu abathandanayo kwiiveki ezimbalwa zokudibana nomntu kunye nabo bebenomdla kumntu kangangeenyanga kodwa abaqinisekanga malunga nendlela yokuchaza iimvakalelo zabo. Ke, kungokwemvelo ukuzibuza ukuba kuthatha ixesha elingakanani ukuthandana.
Nangona kungenakwenzeka ukuphuhlisa iimvakalelo ezinzulu zomnye umntu ngokukhawuleza, amaxesha amaninzi ezi mvakalelo zinokuba yinkanuko okanye ukufihla intabatheko njengothando. Ukuba ungomnye wabo bazinika ixesha lokuvavanya iimvakalelo zabo ngaphambi kokuba benze okuthile, musa ukuzibetha ngoko nangoko. Kungcono ukuphazama kwicala lokulumka xa kufikwa kwimibandela yentliziyo.
Ngenxa yokuziva uthando kunye nokwamkela ezo mvakalelo yinkqubo yobuqu kakhulu, kunzima ukuzoba umgca wexesha elithile malunga nokuba kuthatha ixesha elingakanani ukuthandana. Nangona kunjalo, umndilili othatyathwe kuphando olwenziwe kwixesha elidlulileyo usinika uqikelelo olurhabaxa.
Ngokwe-avareji, amadoda athatha malunga neentsuku ezingama-88 ukuba athandane ngelixa abafazi banokuthatha ukuya kwiintsuku ezili-134. Kumadoda othando, i-39% idla ngokuxela iimvakalelo zabo kwinyanga yokuqala. Kwimeko yabasetyhini, inkqubo yokuthandana inokukhawuleziswa ukuba kukho ubudlelwane bezesondo obubandakanyekayo.
Kungcono ukuba ungavumeli la maxesha kunye noqikelelo luphazamise inkqubo yakho yemvelo yokufumana uthando. Okubaluleke ngakumbi kukuba iimvakalelo zakho zomelele kwaye zihlala zihleli, kungakhathaliseki ukuba ukhawuleza kangakanani okanye awuthandani.
Wazi Njani Ukuba Uyamthanda Umntu? Iimpawu ezili-11 ekufuneka uzijonge
Nokuba uyazazi iimpawu zothando, kunokubhida ukuzisebenzisa kuwe. Ingxaki ethi 'wazi njani ukuba uyamthanda umntu okanye umqhelile nje' inokuba nzima engqondweni yakho, njengoko uzama ukulungisa iimvakalelo zakho. Ngenxa yoku, uNeelam ucebisa ngelithi, “Ukuba uneemvakalelo ezintsha ezibhidayo, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukungaqiniseki ngendlela onokuzisingatha ngayo.
"Zibuze, luhlobo luni lonxibelelwano olufunayo nalo mntu - ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwasemzimbeni okanye zidityaniswe zombini? Ngaba uyazibona usabelana ngobomi bakho nalo mntu? Buya kuba njani ubomi bakho ngaphandle kwabo?" Iimpendulo zale mibuzo ziya kukunika ingcaciso eninzi malunga neemvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo zakho.
Wazi njani ukuba uyamthanda umntu? Ukuhlola okuthile ngokuqinisekileyo yindawo elungileyo yokuqala. Ukongeza kuloo nto, unokujonga ezi mpawu zili-11 zothando ukubeka ezo mvakalelo zinzulu kwimeko:
1. Ukuziva uphezulu yenye yeempawu ukuba usemathandweni
Hayi, kungekhona ngokomfuziselo. Ukuba semathandweni kukunika ukuphakama ngokoqobo. Uphononongo olwenziwa kwiZiko laseKinsey lubonisa ukuba ingqondo yomntu osethandweni kunye neyomntu okwicocaine ijongeka ngendlela efanayo. Ukuba uziva udityaniswe ngamandla angazange abonwe ngaphambili kunye ne-positivity ekwenza uzive ngathi ungaloyisa ihlabathi, yenye yeempawu zokuba usemathandweni.
Unokubulela i-dopamine kwinkqubo yakho ngayo. Le hormone yokuziva ilungile yinto eyenza imvakalelo yokuba sothandweni ibe ngamava amnandi. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba wazi njani ukuba usamthanda umntu okanye ukhe wathandana naye, nikela ingqalelo kakhulu kwindlela akwenza uzive ngayo. Ukuba uziva ukuba rush kunye eliphezulu awukwazi ukuchaza, mhlawumbi uthando.
2. Awunakuwasusa amehlo akho kubo xa usemathandweni
UNeelam uthi: “Kungokwemvelo ukucinga ngomntu okhethekileyo xa uthandana naye.” Uthando lukwenza ubone isithandwa sakho sikhethekile. Ukuba ukhe wazibamba ungaqondanga ujonge into oyithandayo okanye abahlobo bakho bakubonise utyekelo lwakho lokujonga kuwe, yenye yeempawu ezicacileyo ukuba uyathandana.
Uyaqonda ukuba uyamthanda umntu xa amehlo akho eqala ukumkhangela. Usenokungayazi kodwa inxalenye yengqondo yakho engaphantsi kwengqondo ilangazelela ubukho babo. Yiyo loo nto ukhangela kubo okanye awukwazi ukuwasusa amehlo akho kubo.
Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuba amehlo akho athe ntsho emntwini luphawu lokuba uhleli naye. Ngaphandle koko, ukuhlala ujongana emehlweni kunceda ukomeleza iimvakalelo zothando. Ngoko konke oko kujongwa yindlela yengqondo yakho yokukugcina ukhonkxiwe.
3. Ubona nini ukuba uyamthanda umntu? Xa zihlala zisengqondweni yakho
Uziqonda nini wena thanda umntu? Okanye uyazi ukuba uyamthanda umntu okanye uqhele nje kuye? Lo mbuzo ubhide iingqondo ezininzi kangangexesha elide. Ewe, ukuba omnye umntu uhlala esengqondweni yakho kwaye awukwazi ukuyeka ukucinga ngaye, lolunye lweempawu zakudala ukuba uyamthanda.
Usenokukufumanisa kunzima ukugxila kuyo nayiphi na enye into ngenxa yokuba uhlala uxakene neengcinga zomntu othandana naye. Kwaye nokuba uzama ukungacingi ngabo, awukwazi ukuyigcina ingqondo yakho kubo ngaphezu kwemizuzu embalwa (iiyure ezimbalwa, phezulu). Lixesha lokuba uyamkele endaweni yokulwa neemvakalelo zakho.
4. Xa umthanda ngokwenene umntu, ufuna ukumbona onwabile
Ubudlelwane bumalunga nentsebenziswano kunye nokulingana. Okuxakayo kukuba, uthando, oluyingcambu yobudlelwane bothando, aluyiqondi le mithetho kunye ne-dynamics. Xa unyanisekile ukuthanda umntu ngaphandle kwemiqathango, ufuna ukubabona bonwabile. Nokuba oko kuthetha ukubeka ulonwabo lwabo ngaphambi kolwakho.
UNeelam ucacisa ukuba isizathu esibangela ukuba sibe novelwano olunzulu olusuka eluthandweni. Uthi: “Abantu abathandanayo badla ngokuba novelwano ngesithandwa sabo.” Ukuva intlungu yomnye umntu njengeyakhe kwaye ukulungele ukuncama nantoni na ngenxa yomnye umntu kuzenzakalele xa umthanda umntu ngaphandle kwemiqathango.
Lo mnqweno wokungazingci wokubona omnye umntu onwabile kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni enye yeempawu ezibonisa uthando lokwenene. Ukuba ulonwabo lwabo luxhomekeke ekubeni ungabi nawe, awuzukubetha nje amehlo ngokubayeka bahambe. Nokuba ikutyumza ngaphakathi. Kwelinye icala, ukuba iimvakalelo ezinzulu ngolo hlobo zimanyene, unokwakha olona lwalamano lwakhayo kunye.
5. Wazi njani ukuba uyamthanda umntu? Uziva unexhala kwaye unoxinzelelo
Ewe, uthando ngokuqhelekileyo lunxulunyaniswa neemvakalelo ezifudumeleyo kunye ne-fuzzy. Nangona kunjalo, ikwenza ukuba ube nexhala kwaye ucinezeleke ngokungapheliyo, ngakumbi ngezo ntsuku zokuqala xa usaqala ukuqonda ukuba usemathandweni. Onke loo mabhabhathane esiswini kunye nokuba nexhala elijikeleze umntu yimbonakaliso yendalo yeengxaki zakho zangaphakathi xa uqonda ukuba uyamthanda umntu.
The ukoyika ukwaliwa okanye ukunqongophala kokucaca malunga neemvakalelo zomnye umntu kunokubangela ukuba ihomoni yoxinzelelo i-cortisol kwinkqubo yakho iphume. Le hormone yoxinzelelo inoxanduva lwezo zihlandlo zokuxhalaba ezikushiya ubophe ulwimi, imilenze ingcangcazela, nanini na xa ukunye nomntu oye wawela kuye.
Ukungena eluthandweni kudla ngokukhokelela ekungazinzini ngokweemvakalelo nasemzimbeni.Uphuma phakathi kwemincili, imincili, amandla angakumbi, ukungalali, ukungabi namdla wokutya, ukungcangcazela, intliziyo ebalekayo nokuphefumla okukhawulezileyo kwakunye nexhala, ukuphakuzela nokuphelelwa lithemba xa ulwalamano lwenu luneengxaki ezingephi,” utsho uNeelam.
6. Ukuziva wonwabile yenye yeempawu zothando
Ukuba uziva unovuyo oluqhubekayo kunye novuyo olugijima egazini lakho, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo enye yeempawu zothando. Ithemba lokudibana nalo mntu likwenza wonwabe. Uyolala unoncumo ebusweni bakho kuba ingqondo yakho izele zingcinga ngabo.
Umyalezo obhaliweyo, umnxeba, ukubaleka ngengozi - yonke into ikwenza wonwabe. Nditsho nokulinda. Enye yeempawu zokuthandana kuxa uqala ukwakha iimeko zokuba kunye nalo mntu kuya kuba njani. Ezi ngcinga zibe ngumthombo wolonwabo lwakho.
7. Nkqu nezinto eziqhelekileyo zibonakala zimnandi kwaye zinika umdla
Olunye lweempawu eziqinisekileyo zokuba uyathandana kuxa kwanesiqhelo, izinto zesiqhelo ziqala ukubonakala zimnandi kwaye zinika umdla. Konke kuba uzenza nalo mntu ukhethekileyo. Nokuba kukuya kwiimuvi okanye ukubukela ukutshona kwelanga kwibalcony yakho, yonke into ekufutshane nawe inesibheno esihlaziyiweyo. Ndiyabulela kuloo mehlo anemibala yothando.
Ngaphandle kokongeza isibongozo esitsha kuzo zonke iinkcukacha ezincinci zobomi, le ndlela yokujonga uthando iphantse yenza ukuba ubone omnye umntu egqibelele kwaye engenazo naziphi na iimpazamo. UNeelam uthi: “Abantu abathandana ngokwenene badla ngokunikel’ ingqalelo kwiimpawu ezintle zesithandwa sabo ngoxa betyeshela iimpazamo zaso.
8. Uba nothando ngakumbi kwiintetho zakho
Wazi njani xa uthandana naye? Ibonakala kwizenzo zakho kunye nokuziphatha. Ukuba sele uthandana nalo mntu, oko kunokuthetha ukuba qatha ngakumbi iiseshini zokuzenzela, ukubambana ngezandla nokuwolana ixesha elide. Ukuba akunjalo, ngoko unokuzifumana ukhangela iindlela zokunxibelelana ngokwasemzimbeni. Ukungqiyama kubo, bephulula iinwele zabo ngothando, behleli kufutshane kunesiqhelo.
Akunakukhanyela ukuba uyamthanda umntu ngokuthandana xa ukusondelelene nalo mntu kuphela kwento ekuzisela uvuyo kwaye uzive unothando olungagungqiyo ngakuye. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba uzama kangakanani ukungavumeli iimvakalelo zakho zibonise, baya kufumana indawo yokuphuma, enye indlela okanye enye.
9. Umona kwakhona yenye yeempawu zothando
Umona udla ngokugwetywa njengemvakalelo engakhiyo kodwa ikwayimvakalelo engenakuphepheka eza nommandla wothando. Ukuba nomona ngokusondela kwabo komnye umdla onokubakho wothando kubonisa ukuba ufuna ububodwa. Leyo yenye yeempawu ezibonisa uthando.
Nangona kunjalo, kufuneka ufunde ukuzibamba ezi mvakalelo kwaye ufunde ukwahlula ikhwele elinempilo kulowo ungafanelekanga. Ikhwele elingaguqukiyo linokukhawuleza libe yityhefu, libangele intshabalalo nakobona lwalamano lomeleleyo.
10. Wazi njani ukuba uyamthanda umntu? Ufuna ukuba bajikeleze usapho lwakho kunye nabahlobo
Enye yezalathi ezixelayo ukuba wakho imvakalelo idlule ngaphaya kwentabatheko kwaye umtsalane, charting kwintsimi yothando, kuxa ufuna ukuba babandakanyeke nobunye ubudlelwane obubalulekileyo ebomini bakho. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba wazi njani ukuba uyamthanda umntu, cinga malunga nokuba uyafuna na ukumazisa kusapho lwakho kunye nabahlobo.
Ngaba ufuna ukuba babe yinxalenye yawo onke amaxesha abalulekileyo obomi bakho? Ngaba unqwenela ngamandla ukuba abahlobo bakho kunye nosapho lwakho babathande kwaye ngokuphambeneyo? Ewe? Kulungile ke, unayo impendulo yakho kuba oku kwenzeka kuphela xa uthandana naye.
11. Kuthetha ukuthini ukuthanda umntu ngokwenene - Ubona ikamva kunye naye
Xa ucinga ngekamva, ngokuzenzekelayo uwubona umdla wakho wothando kulo. Kuthetha ukuthini ukuthanda umntu ngokwenene. Yiba yiholide kwiinyanga ezintandathu phantsi komgca okanye ukwenza izicwangciso zekhaya lakho lomhlalaphantsi, ucinga ukuba loo mntu usecaleni kwakho kuyo yonke loo nto. Uyazi ukuba uyamthanda umntu ngokwenene xa ungenako umfanekiso wobomi bakho ngaphandle kwakhe.
Ngaba uziva ezi zinto kumntu okhethekileyo? Ngoku ukuba usombulule indlela wazi njani ukuba uyamthanda umntu iqhina, lixesha lokuba wenze ngokweemvakalelo zakho. Beka intliziyo yakho, ubazise!
FAQs
Into eyohlulayo enokukunceda wazi ukuba uyamthanda umntu okanye uqhelene naye yindlela loo mntu akwenza ukuba uzive ngayo. Ukuba ubuqhele ubukho babo ebomini bakho, intliziyo yakho ayizukutsiba xa ubabona. Awuyi kuva loo mabhabhathane esiswini sakho okanye la mandla ovalo akubambe. Ukusetyenziselwa umntu kumalunga nokufumana indawo yokuthuthuzela kunye naye.
Ukuba umthanda ngokwenene umntu, ubuya kwenza nantoni na ukuze onwabe. Ukuvuma ukususa iintaba kumntu oneemvakalelo kunye nokwenza konke okusemandleni akho ukubasindisa kwintlungu kunye nentlungu yimiqondiso yothando lokwenene.
Ukucacisa uthando lwakho kumntu, kufuneka unyaniseke malunga neemvakalelo zakho kubo. Ayizi lula kuba ifuna ukuba ube sengozini phambi kwabo. Kodwa ukuba ufuna baqonde kwaye bayixabise indlela ovakalelwa ngayo, akukho ndlela yimbi.
Unokuthi ndiyakuthanda emntwini ngaphandle kokuthetha ngamagama amaninzi ngokucinga kwakho, izenzo zakho kunye nezenzo zobubele. Xa umntu ebona ukuba uxabisa kangakanani kwaye ubaxabisa kangakanani, baya kwazi ukuba wenza kwindawo yothando.
Ngaba Ndithandana noMhlobo Wam Osenyongweni? Iimpawu ezili-15 ezithetha njalo!
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
