Uthando Vs Eluthandweni — Yintoni Umahluko?

Ejonge iqabane lakhe ngothando, ngenye imini uJenna wazityand’ igila esithi, “Nindenza ndizive ndingoyena mntu ubalulekileyo ehlabathini yaye ndinombulelo ongazenzisiyo ngokuba nani ebomini bam. Ngoko, luhlobo luni lothando esilubonayo apha? Ngaba luthando olunzulu esilunqwenelayo okanye olona thando silufunayo kodwa ngamanye amaxesha asinako ukulugcina? Yintoni uthando vs eluthandweni?

Ewe, sikugqumile apha ngaphambili. Ngezimvo ezivela kwingcali yesayikholoji yengcebiso kunye nomqeqeshi wezakhono zobomi oqinisekisiweyo Deepak Kashyap (IiMasters in Psychology of Education), egxile kuluhlu lwemiba yempilo yengqondo, kubandakanya i-LGBTQ kunye neengcebiso ezivaliweyo, sifumanisa umahluko phakathi kokuba sethandweni kunye nokuthanda umntu nje.

Yintoni uthando? IPsychology emva kwayo

Ingaba kunjani ukuba sothandweni? Buza imbongi ikubhalele umbongo malunga noku. Buza ingcali yezibalo kwaye mhlawumbi baya kuza ne-equation entsonkothileyo ukucacisa imvakalelo. Kodwa yintoni isayikholoji emva kothando kwaye wazi njani xa umthanda ngokwenene umntu?

Nzulu uthi, “Kulucelomngeni ukuchaza iimvakalelo zothando phakathi kwabantu ababini.” Njengesazi ngengqondo, ekuphela kwento endinokuyithetha kukuba uthando lokwenene aluyomvakalelo nje enye kodwa yintlaninge yeemvakalelo, apho kukho ukuqonda ngokunzulu ukuba ungubani na umntu omthandayo, nokulindela ukuba ngubani na ofuna ukuba kunye naye.”

Xa umthanda umntu, akupheleli nje kweemvakalelo; ibhalansi yeekhemikhali emzimbeni wakho nayo iyachaphazeleka. Thatha, umzekelo, indima ye-oxytocin eluthandweni. I-Oxytocin yi-neurotransmitter kunye nehomoni eveliswa kwi-hypothalamus. Ngo-2012, abaphandi baxela ukuba abantu abakwizigaba zokuqala zokuthandana babenamazinga aphezulu e-oxytocin, xa kuthelekiswa nabantu abangabodwa, becebisa ukuba nzulu eluthandweni inceda ubudlelwane obusondeleyo nabanye abantu.

UGqr. Daniel G. Amen, ugqirha wengqondo onesiqinisekiso esiphindwe kabini kwincwadi yakhe, Ingqondo eluthandweni: Izifundo ezili-12 zokuphucula ubomi bakho bothando, uthi uthando lwexesha elide luyinkuthazo eyinxalenye yenkqubo yokuvuza kwengqondo.

IPsychology emva kothando inokushwankathelwa ngolu hlobo:

• Uthando sisenzo, lusenzi ngaphezu kwesibizo
• Uthando yimpendulo eyomeleleyo ye-physiological enokuthi umntu azive ngeendlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo
• Isenza silumke, sibe nemincili kwaye sifune ukunxulumana

Ngoku siyazi ukuba yintoni na isayikholoji emva kothando kukuba, makhe simbe umahluko phakathi kokuthanda umntu nokuthandana nomntu.

Uthando Vs. Eluthandweni - 8 Umahluko oPhambili

Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba semathandweni? Yintoni umahluko phakathi kothando kunye nothando malunga nokuziphatha kwethu? UDeepak uthi: “Kukho umahluko omkhulu omkhulu: Ukuthandana ngendlela yothando kuthetha ukungabi nangqiqo kancinane kuze kukhokelela kwizithembiso zokuzibophelela.

I-conundrum yothando xa ithelekiswa neyothando iphumela kumahluko kubunzulu beemvakalelo. Nangona sityekele ekusebenziseni omabini la magama ngokutshintshanayo, kukho umahluko ocacileyo phakathi kokuthanda umntu nokuthandana naye. Kodwa khumbula, uthando luyakhula kwaye luyatshintsha ukusuka kwesinye isigaba ukuya kwelinye. Makhe sihlolisise lo mahluko nzulu ukuze sicace ngakumbi ngeemvakalelo zethu kunye nobomi bothando:

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Uthando Vs I-Attachment: Ngaba Luthando Lokwenyani? Ukuqonda Umahluko

1. Uthando lunokuphelelwa lixesha, ukuba seluthandweni kuyathandeka

Ngoxa sixoxa ngothando vs. ngothando, makhe sijonge kwimeko kaJenna. UJenna wadibana neqabane lakhe malunga neenyanga ezintandathu ezidlulileyo kwaye bayibetha ngoko nangoko. Baziva benamandla, bechwayitile, kwaye bechwayitile ukuba kunye kwaye amandla abo abonakaliswa luthando olukhulu. Benza umgudu ongakumbi wokunyamekelana nokuba kunye. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba ungachaza njani ukuba sothandweni, iimvakalelo zikaJenna ziqhelekile ukuba kuthetha ukuthini. Kodwa nantsi indlela enokujongeka ngayo ezi mvakalelo kwixesha elizayo:

• Umdla ukhula ngamandla: Olu thando lunokusebenza njengento ekhuthaza ukuhlangana kwexesha elide okanye a ubudlelwane bexesha elide kunye nokuncamathela. Nangona kunjalo, imincili ayinakuhlala ngonaphakade kwaye kulapho uthando lungena khona
• Uthando olunzulu luyavela: Ukuba sothandweni ekugqibeleni kuvula indlela eya kuhlobo olunzulu, oluqulunqwe ngakumbi lothando awayeza kuluphonononga uJenna njengoko ixesha lihamba. Ikhulile ngakumbi, ayinadrama kwaye yinto yexesha elide. Lo ngumahluko phakathi kothando nothando

A Umsebenzisi weReddit ivakalisa iingcamango zabo ngothando: “Baye bazama ukuchaza indlela okuvakalelwa ngayo ukuba semathandweni kangangeenkulungwane ngazo zonke iindlela ukususela kuncwadi, umculo, ubugcisa, njl.

2. Uthando vs. othandweni: Ungathanda nantoni na, kodwa unokuba nothando lothando kuphela

Nanku umahluko wokwenyani phakathi kwala magama mabini abhidayo. Kuthetha ukuthini uthando? Ewe, ukuthandana nomntu kudla ngokucebisa ukuba kukho uthando kunye namandla umtsalane ngokweemvakalelo, into osenokuvakalelwa ngayo kwasekuqaleni. Kukho into engachazekiyo malunga nendlela onqwenela ngayo ukusondelana nomntu othandana naye. Unokubabona ngeeglasi ezinemibala kwaye ungazihoyi zonke ezinye izinto malunga nazo ezinokukukhathaza.

UDeepak uthi, "Kukho umnqweno omkhulu wokuba kunye nabo kwaye ungabi ngaphandle kwabo." UJenna ufuna ukuba kufutshane neqabane lakhe ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye bazixakekise ngeengcinga zakhe imini yonke. Kwelinye icala, ukuthanda umntu akuyonto ibukhali okanye inothando ngokwendalo. Okwenyani uthando lunokuba yiplatonic. Lo ngomnye umahluko obalulekileyo phakathi kokuba sothandweni vs ukuthanda umntu.

3. Uthando lokwenyani lukugcina uzinzile; ukuba sothandweni kubangela ukuphakama kweemvakalelo

Ubunzulu beemvakalelo ezinxulumene nokuba sothandweni bufana ne-roller coaster. Uphezulu emafini, uchwayitile kwaye akuthinteki. Yonke into ebomini iqala ukuziva icace ngakumbi. Kodwa xa iimvakalelo eziphakamileyo nezinamandla ziphela, amandla aphuma kanye kunye nawo. Ngelixa ukuba sothandweni kumalunga nengqondo eyomeleleyo yokungafuni ukuyeka, uthando yinto ebambe kwaye ikubambe xa usiwa.

Indlela yokuchaza ukuba sothandweni? Sibuyela kwiReddit. Fetishiste, a Umsebenzisi weReddit ubhala athi, “Eneneni ndicinga ukuba ‘eluthandweni’ lujika lube luhlobo oluthile lothando ngokuhamba kwexesha, luze lumane luphaphazela ukuze likukhumbuze isizathu sokuba ulithande kangaka iSO (iqabane) lakho.

Ngoko wazi njani xa umthanda umntu kwasekuqaleni? Uthando lubaleka nzulu kunoko luphezulu kwaye lungaphezu kwamaxesha amnandi kunye. Kunokuba izinzile kwaye ayiguquguquki. Xa umthanda umntu, uyayikhathalela imeko yakhe yeemvakalelo kunye nokuphila kakuhle. Uthando lwakho luyakumisela xa ukwizinga eliphezulu lothando.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ukuthanda Umntu Vs Ukuba Semathandweni - 15 Iiyantlukwano ezinyanisekileyo

4. Ukuba sothandweni kukulawula, ngelixa uthando lugxile ekukhuleni kuphela

Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba semathandweni, uyabuza? Masibuyele kuJenna kwakhona ukuvavanya uthando vs. kwiiyantlukwano zothando. Ufuna ukuvakalisa uthando lwakhe ngeqabane lakhe kwihlabathi liphela. Akakwazi kuyeka ukucinga ngendlela iqabane lakhe elimenza azive ngayo nokuba libabiza njani. Kwaye loo nto yahluke kancinane kuthando lokwenyani. Makhe silandele iimvakalelo zikaJenna:

• Xa uthandana, ufuna ukuba babe ngabakho: Ufuna ukuxelela wonke umntu ukuba omnye wakho obalulekileyo ngowakho, ngokufana nokubanga loo mntu ngokwakho. Uziva kamnandi ukwazi ukuba ngabakho
• Uthando luza emva kwexesha: Xa kukho uthando nje, udla ngokugxila ekwakhiweni kwento entsha nebalulekileyo naloo mntu ngaphandle kobunini. Ayiyiyo eyona nto iphambili kuwe, kodwa alwenzi uthando lube luncinci. Oku kuqhele ukwenzeka kwizigaba zothando okanye kamva izigaba zobudlelwane

5. Ukuba semathandweni yimvakalelo enamandla ngelixa ukuthanda umntu lukhetho

UJenna akazange akhethe ukuthandana neqabane lakhe. Yenzeka nje kwaye yamtshayela ezinyaweni zakhe. Wawuva umtsalane kunye nawo wonke umlingo owawuza nawo. Amandla kunye nemincili, imvakalelo yokukrazula, uyintloko phezu kwezithende kulo budlelwane. Kuyafana neengcinga zakudala malunga nothando awayeve ngalo, esakhula.

Nangona kunjalo, uthando lwahlukile kunoko. Unokumthanda umntu kuphela xa ukhetha ukumthanda. Ikwenza uzive ukhuselekile kwaye ulawula, kunokuba ube kwi-dynamic edlayo yonke apho ungenakucinga nganto ngaphandle kwabo. Akukho ukutshayela iinyawo ezibandakanyekayo, kodwa kukho ukuzinikela okukhulu kwinqanaba elinzulu. Linyathelo olithabathayo kunye nokukhetha okwenzayo kwaye uqhubeke ulenza, usuku olunye ngexesha.

6. Uthando lunokukunika indawo ngelixa ukuba semathandweni kunokukwenza ubambelele

Ukuba semathandweni vs ukuthanda umntu — Kwahluke njani? Ukuthanda okanye ukuthandwa yinto enhle ekunika zonke iziyolo zobomi, kodwa ikuvumela ukuba ube ngumntu wakho. Lowo ngomnye womahluko ophambili phakathi kothando lokwenene nothando nje.

• Uyabambelela ngelixa uthandana: Kaloku, ukuziva usemathandweni ngokufuthi kunokukwenza ufune ukuncamathela kwiqabane lakho. Kufana nesigaba sehoneymoon kubudlelwane. Uhlala ufuna ukuba kunye nabo kwaye ufuna ukuchitha ixesha elininzi kunye njengoko unako
• Uthando lokwenyani luvumela indawo engakumbi: Kwelinye icala, uthando lukunika amandla okunika umntu indawo ngaphandle kokuchaphazela ubudlelwane bakho. Usafuna ukuchitha ixesha kunye nabo kodwa, kwangaxeshanye, ukhuselekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungaziva isidingo sokuhlasela indawo yabo okanye uzive usoyikiswa yiyo.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela yokukhulisa isithuba kubudlelwane

7. Ukuba semathandweni kuthetha ukuba ukhokelwa yindlela abakwenza uzive ngayo

Kwi-conundrum 'yokuba nothando ngomntu xa kuthelekiswa nokuthanda umntu', lo ngowona mahluko umntu anokuwuva kakhulu. Ngoko ukuba uxakwe ngokupheleleyo iimvakalelo zakho kumntu kubudlelwane obutsha, jonga nzulu kwaye uvavanye ukuba kangakanani iimvakalelo zakho zilawulwa ngulo mntu ukhethekileyo. Nantsi eminye imibuzo ekufuneka uzibuze yona:

• Ngaba iimvakalelo zabo zihlala zichaphazela eyam?
• Ngaba ndixhomekeke kubo ngokweemvakalelo?
• Ngaba ndonwaba ngakumbi xa bendithanda ngakumbi?

Ukuba uphendule uninzi lwale mibuzo ngokuvumayo, kukho ithuba elihle lokuba uthandana neqabane lakho kwaye awukafiki kwinqanaba lamva apho izinto ziqala ukuziva zizinzile kwaye kulula. Usenokufuna ukwazi i umahluko phakathi kothando nentabatheko, njengoko oku kunokuba yinto yokugqibela. Ukuba ubume bakho bonke kunye neemvakalelo zakho zixhomekeke kubo, ukwimeko yokuncamathela okugqithisileyo edla ngokwahlukileyo kuthando lokwenene njengoko le yokugqibela ikhulula ngakumbi.

8 Uthando lungunaphakade

Awudingi isazi ngengqondo yentlalo ukuba sikuxelele ukuba uthando lokwenyani yinto engasoze iphele emgceni. Ukuthanda omnye umntu yimvakalelo ehlala ixesha elide xa ithelekiswa nokuba semathandweni. Ukuthandana kusekho ukuzingca ngendlela, apho ubakhathalela kuphela kude kube lixesha lokuba bakukhathalele. Ngeli xesha beyeka, uziva ngathi uyeka njengoko uzama ukuqhubeka kwaye uthande abanye abantu abahlukileyo. Noko ke, uthando lokwenene luyaqhubeka nokuba ukunye nabanye, luyaqhubeka naxa ubathanda abanye.

Nazi ezinye iingcamango zokugqibela ukuze uqonde umahluko phakathi kothando lokwenyani vs uthando bhanyabhanya okanye uhlobo lothando olunzulu umntu aziva ngalo ekuqaleni. Ukuba ukhe wazifumana kwindawo apho uthi “Ndithandana naye kodwa Andimthandi okwangoku” okanye “ndiyamthanda kodwa andisamtsaleli,” yazi ukuba ungamthanda umntu kwaye ungathandana naye.” Kwaye ngokuphambene noko. Xa inkalo yenkanuko, umnqweno, kunye nomtsalane ngokwasemzimbeni ingekho, kodwa ukonwabela ukuchitha ixesha neqabane lakho, luthando olumsulwa nje.

Xa wawuqala ukuva uJenna esithi uyathandana, usenokuba wacinga, “Olo luthando nje oludala olulungileyo.” Siyathemba ukuba uyayiqonda ngoku ukuba umi phi kubudlelwane bakhe. Emva kokuba sithethile ngomahluko phakathi kwezi ngcamango, kufuneka kuthiwe uthando vs uthando alukho ukhuphiswano. Alukho uhlobo lothando olugqwesileyo, kwaye olunye alulunganga kunolunye. Kukho indawo eyahlukileyo iintlobo zothando kweli hlabathi kwaye eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba uthando lwakho kufuneka ukuzisa uvuyo kuwe.

Eli nqaku lihlaziywe ngoSeptemba wama-2023.

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