Xa Usithi "Ndiyakuthanda" okwesihlandlo sokuqala: Iimpendulo zengcali

Njengoko uqala ukuthandana nomntu omtsha kwaye uqale ukuphuhlisa iimvakalelo kubo, ingxaki xa uthi "Ndiyakuthanda" okokuqala iqala ukuba nzima engqondweni yakho. Akukho mpendulo ichanekileyo okanye ingalunganga apha, akukho mgaqo onzima-and-okhawulezayo wokumisela ukuba lixesha elilungileyo lokubeka intliziyo yakho kumntu, akukho sikhokelo sokuqhubeka. Ngaba ukuthi "ndiyakuthanda" emva kweenyanga ezimbini yindlela efanelekileyo yokwenza oko? Okanye ngaba ukulinda iinyanga ezi-6 yindawo elungileyo, ekhuselekileyo?

Kungeso sizathu lo mbuzo uye wadlulela kwindawo ye-conundrum engapheliyo. Ukulungiswa kweidée kwabo bafunda iintambo zothando olutsha. Yitsho kwakamsinya kwaye ubeka emngciphekweni wokuphazamisa iqabane lakho ngokupheleleyo. Lindela ixesha elide, kwaye ungaphuthelwa ixesha lakho kwaye ubaphoxe, nokuba. Ukwazi ukuba leliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthi “Ndiyakuthanda” kungundoqo ekuqinisekiseni ukuba amazwi akho anesiphumo esifanelekileyo.

Ukukunceda ukusombulula imfihlakalo yendlela yokubeka ixesha lokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho ngokufanelekileyo, ndiye ndakhangela iincwadi kwaye ndagalela uphando, ndathetha nabantu - abo baye bawa kwaye batshisa ngokubonisa uthando lwabo ngexesha elingafanelekanga kunye nabo baye babethelela isikhonkwane entloko - kwaye bafuna ukuqonda kwi-psychologist yokucebisa. Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), ojongene nobudlelwane, ukwahlukana, kunye neengcebiso ze-LGBTQ. Masingene kuyo, akunjalo?

xa uthi "ndiyakuthanda"? Iimpawu Ukuba Ulungile

Ukujongana nombuzo wokuba leliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthi "ndiyakuthanda" kwaye wazi njani ukuba ulungile, Dhriti wabelana ngomzekelo, “Intombazana eyayikunyango kunye nam yaphazamiseka emva kokuba ubudlelwane bayo buye batshintsha xa yaxelela umfana wayo ukuba iyamthanda, okokuqala, phakathi komlo omkhulu.

“Wacinga ukuba umlo wawunokuthetha ukuba izinto ziphelile phakathi kwabo waza waziva enyanzelekile ukuba axelele lo mfana indlela avakalelwa ngayo ngaye. lawula ngokweemvakalelo ukuba ahlale kubudlelwane. Loo nto yenza izinto zaba mbi ngakumbi.” Uyabona ukuba amagama amancinci amathathu anokonakalisa njani ubudlelwane bothando ukuba akabekwanga ixesha elifanelekileyo.

Ukuba ubuzibuza, “Uthi nini “Ndiyakuthanda” kulwalamano olutsha?”, Ngokuqinisekileyo uya kufuna ukuyiphepha imeko efana nale. Ngoku, oku kunokukushiya ujijisana nemibuzo efana nale, "Ngaba iinyanga ezi-3 kungekudala ukuba uthi "Ndiyakuthanda"?" okanye “Ndingatsho ukuthi “Ndiyakuthanda” emva nje kweentsuku ezimbalwa?”

Njengoko besenditshilo ngaphambili, akunakubakho ixesha elichanekileyo okanye imithetho enzima nekhawulezayo yokuthi "ndiyakuthanda" okokuqala. Okanye nokuba uqikelele ukuba kungekudala kangakanani ukuba uthi "Ndiyakuthanda". UDhriti uthi, "Andiyi kubhalisa kwingcamango yokuba kufuneka ulinde ixesha elithile ngaphambi kokuba uthethe loo magama mathathu omlingo. Thembela kwikhampasi yakho yangaphakathi, jonga ngaphakathi, kwaye uqonde iimvakalelo zakho. Uthando luyimvakalelo efudumeleyo, ekhululekile ekunzima ukuyikhumbula okanye ukungayinaki. Kufana nechaphaza elibomvu eludongeni olumhlophe, liya kutsala ingqalelo yakho kungakhathaliseki ukuba uzama kangakanani ukungahoyi ukuba uyathandana.

Ukukunceda ukuba uqiniseke nge-100% ngeemvakalelo zakho, nantsi imiqondiso yokuba ukulungele ukuxelela umntu omthandayo okokuqala:

• Unomdla onyanisekileyo malunga nolonwabo kunye nokuphila kakuhle kweqabane lakho
• Nangona ilubudlelwane obutsha, uziva unxibelelwano olunzulu kunye neqabane lakho
• Uziva ukulungele ukuthatha amanyathelo alandelayo kubudlelwane bakho
• Udlulile kwinqanaba lokuthatheka kwaye uyaziqonda iimpazamo zeqabane lakho kunye nezinto ezingalunganga, kodwa oko akuchaphazeli iimvakalelo ezinzulu onazo ngabo.
• Uziva ukhuselekile xa unabo
• Ufuna ukuba sesichengeni kunye nabo, ubeke intliziyo yakho kwi-SO yakho kwaye wabelane ngezinto ongakwaziyo ukuthetha naye nabani na
• Ufuna ukumazi iqabane lakho ngokunjalo
• Uqinisekile ukuba uya kuba lapho ngenxa yobunzima kunye nobunzima
• Uthathe ixesha lokuhlala neemvakalelo zakho kwaye uqinisekile ukuba into oziva ngayo luthando lokwenyani

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ngaba Uyandithanda? Iimpawu ezili-25 zokukuxelela ukuba uyakuthanda

Xa uthi "ndiyakuthanda" okokuqala

Uyazibuza ukuba ungatsho nini ukuba "ndiyakuthanda" okokuqala? Wothukile malunga nokuba kungekudala kangakanani ukuba uthi “Ndiyakuthanda”? Okanye uxhalabele ukuba ulwalamano lwenu lunokuphazamiseka ngenxa yokungatshongo “ndiyakuthanda” ngexesha elifanelekileyo? Ewe, i-conundrum yakho ayinasiseko. Sonke siyayazi loo nto esithi “I love you” ngokukhawuleza kunokuba neziphumo ezibi kubudlelwane bakho. Ukusuka ku-"kulungile" ukuya ku-"enkosi" kunye noxolo lwerediyo, iimpendulo kwisibhengezo esingalindelekanga seemvakalelo zakho zinokutyumza umphefumlo. Singasathethi ke ukuba ubudlelwane, obunokuthi buhambe ngokugqibeleleyo ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, bunokungena kwi-limbo.

Kwi-flip side, linda ixesha elide kwaye ubutsha bothando busenokuba buphelile ngexesha uthetha loo mazwi omlingo. Kwaye ke ushiywe ukuba ujongane nemiphumo yokungatsho ukuba "ndiyakuthanda" ngokukhawuleza ngokwaneleyo. Ke, kukwabalulekile ukuba ungalindi ixesha elide kangangokuba iqabane lakho liqala ukuthandabuza ukufumaneka kwakho ngokweemvakalelo. Konke kuxhomekeke ekufumaneni ixesha elifanelekileyo. Nasi isikhokelo sokuxelela umntu ukuba uyamthanda okokuqala, ngexesha elifanelekileyo kunye nendawo kubudlelwane bakho:

1. Thatha ubushushu bobudlelwane

Ndandinomhlobo omkhulu-nge-benefits into eyenzekayo kwi-20s yam yokuqala. Sasivana okwendlu etshayo. Ukongezelela kumtsalane onamandla womzimba, kwakukho ukuhleka kunye novuyo kuloo mlinganiso ongachazwanga. Ndide ndahamba ndayonakalisa yonke into ngokuthetha into ebudenge njengo "I love you" (faka uRobbie William track). Emva komjikelo wesini esirhabaxa, sasihlala sihleli ebhedini yehotele, siphunga ibhiya, xa esenza into emnandi.

Ngokwethuku, ndachopha ndamncamisa ndaza emva koko ndathi, “Gosh, ndiyakuthanda kakhulu.” Kwathi cwaka. Ekugqibeleni sanxiba sobabini sahamba. Ndisazibetha nangoku ngayo. Ngokungathi uyasokola iimvakalelo kwi-FWB yam bekungekubi ngokwaneleyo, ndongeza izithuko kukwenzakala ngokuwakhupha la mazwi anzima. Ugqirha wengqondo uGqr. Jenn Mann, umbhali we Ukulungiswa kobudlelwane, icebisa ngokuchasene neempembelelo ezinjalo. Ngokutsho kwakhe, kubalulekile ukuthatha ubushushu bobudlelwane phambi kokuba ukonwabisa le ngcinga.

Uthi, “Ngaba ulwalamano lwenu luphawulwa ngamandla ashushu nabandayo? Okanye ngaba lumanyano oluzinzileyo olunokukhulela ekubeni luzibophelele omnye komnye, oluhlala ixesha elide? Ukuba ubani ukulungele ukuba yedwa, okanye ubuncinane akugqale njengeqabane lakhe eliyintloko xa ukuba nomfazi omnye ingelulo usukelo, ngoko oko kuluphawu oluhle lokuqhubeka.” UDhriti wongezelela ngelithi, “Ukuze wazi ukuba ungatsho nini okokuqala uthi “Ndiyakuthanda”, kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule ukuba iqabane lakho liphi na ngokweemvakalelo, ngakumbi ukuba lisoyika ukuzibophelela okanye lisaqhubeka lilungisa iimvakalelo zalo.”

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2. Mamela intliziyo yakho kunye nethuku lethuku lakho

Khumbula oko uDhriti wathi malunga nemvakalelo yothando - ichaphaza elikhulu elibomvu eludongeni olumhlophe. Ayinasiphoso, ayinakuphikiswa. “Xa uziva umthanda ngokwenene umntu, akukho ndawo yokuthandabuza, awuziqiqi iimvakalelo zakho. intabatheko yahluka kakhulu kuthando. Ke, ukuba uqinisekile nge-100% malunga nendlela oziva ngayo, thembela nje amathumbu akho malunga nokuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" okokuqala," wongeza.

Abaqeqeshi bobudlelwane kunye nababhali UAron noJocelyn Freeman bavakalisa amazwi afanayo xa becebisa izibini. “Xa abantu beqalisa ukwenza amaqhinga xa kusemva kwexesha kakhulu okanye kusemva kwexesha, kuqala ukuzisa into yokunganyaniseki ekuthandanani. Ngoko ke yeka ukucinga kakhulu kwaye uqhubeke ulandela ithuku lakho. Nokuba anikho kwiphepha elinye kwaye iqabane lakho alikakulungeli ukuyiphendula, kuya kukhululeka ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho.”

Ukwabelana ngamava akhe malunga nokuba ulinde ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba uthi "Ndiyakuthanda", esekwe eKolkata Madhu Jaswal uthi, “Xa uqala usithi “ndiyakuthanda” kumfana okanye intombi yakho okwesihlandlo sokuqala? Xa intliziyo yakho ikhululekile yaye loo mntu uziva esekhaya.” Yiloo ngongoma xa ubani engathethi nje ngeemvakalelo zakhe kuphela kodwa zonke izenzo zakhe zikwadlulisela indlela avakalelwa ngayo, ngokuvakalayo nangokucacileyo.

3. Khangela ukusondelana ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasemzimbeni kubudlelwane

Liliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthi “ndiyakuthanda” emntwini okokuqala? UDhriti uthi, “Khangela iimpawu zokusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasemzimbeni kulwalamano lwakho. Uziva njani xa ungqonge iqabane lakho? Xa umthanda ngokwenene umntu, amaxesha akho asondeleleneyo aziva njengendawo ekhuselekileyo. Enyanisweni, amaqabane athandanayo aziva ezolile yaye ekhululekile ngokuwolana okanye ukuba nolwalamano olusondeleyo lomzimba, oku kwaziwa njengokulungelelana ngokweemvakalelo kwaye luphawu olubalulekileyo lwempilo yolwalamano.

Le mvakalelo yokhuseleko idlulela nakwindlela yokubonakalisa iimvakalelo. Xa umthanda ngokwenene umntu, unokuba sesichengeni kunye naye ngaphandle koloyiko lokugwetywa okanye ukugxekwa. Xa uzuza ukholo kunye nokuthembela, awusayi kuphinda woyike ukuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" kuqala okanye uchithe ixesha ukhathazekile malunga nokuba kungekudala kangakanani ukuthi "Ndiyakuthanda".

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4. Xa ingekho enye indlela echaza iimvakalelo zakho, lixesha lokuba uthi “Ndiyakuthanda”

Liliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthi “ndiyakuthanda” okokuqala? Ewe, xa ezinye iintetho ezinjengokuthi "ndiyakuthanda", "ndiyakukhumbula", okanye "Andikhathali ngawe" zingasashwankatheli ngokuchanekileyo iimvakalelo zakho, lixesha lokuvuma uthando. UDhriti wabelana ngomzekelo, “Isibini endisaziyo sasikubudlelwane obuhlala kude, kwaye sasidla ngokuthi “ndiyanikhumbula” omnye komnye.

Noko ke, ngandlel’ ithile, eli bhinqa laqalisa ukuvakalelwa kukuba “ndiyakukhumbula” akasabuthinti ubunzulu beemvakalelo zalo, laza lagqiba kwelokuba yayilixesha lokuba lithi “ndiyakuthanda.” Okwamvuyisayo kukuba, iqabane lakhe lalivakalelwa ngendlela efanayo.

5. Ukoyika ukwaliwa akukubambi

Ngaba ukuthi "ndiyakuthanda" ngokukhawuleza iflegi ebomvu? Kufuneka ulinde ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba uthi “Ndiyakuthanda”? linini ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuba uthi “Ndiyakuthanda”? Ngaba iinyanga ezi-3 kungekudala ukuba uthi "Ndiyakuthanda"? Esinye sezizathu ezibangela ukuba la mathandabuzo asidle kwaye le mibuzo inzima ezingqondweni zethu kukoyika ukwenza njalo jongana nokwaliwa. Ke, ngaphambi kokuba uzibeke apho kunye nala magama mathathu oyikisayo, lungiselela onke amathuba.

Nangona kungekho sayensi echanekileyo yokumisela ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuvuma uthando, ukuziphatha kweqabane lakho, izenzo kunye nesimo sengqondo kunokukunika ingcamango enhle yokuba baya kuphendula njani. Nangona kunjalo, kungcono ukuba uzilungiselele zonke iziphumo kwaye wenze isigqibo malunga nendlela obuya kuphendula ngayo okanye apho ubuhlobo bakho buza kuhamba khona ukusuka apha ukuba iqabane lakho lithi emva, alithethi emva, okanye licela ixesha lokuphendula. Oku kunokwenza kube lula kuwe ukuba udlule kwizithintelo zakho kwaye uthathe ukholo lwakho,

Ukuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" kwaye andiyiva kwakhona-ukujongana njani

Nokuba ungacinga kangakanani na xa ilixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthi “Ndiyakuthanda”, kuhlala kukho into enokwenzeka - nokuba incinci kangakanani na - ukuba iqabane lakho lingaziva ngendlela efanayo ngayo. Ukuthi "ndiyakuthanda" kwaye andiyiva kwakhona ukusuka endodeni/kumfazi wamaphupha akho ayonto ilula. Nazi iindlela ezimbalwa zokujongana nentliziyo ebuhlungu kwaye ungalahli ukholo kubuhle bobudlelwane bothando ngonaphakade:

• Nxibelelana neqabane lakho. Mhlawumbi bafuna ixesha elingakumbi ukuze bafikelele apho ukhoyo ngoku
• Musa ukuzibetha ukuba bafuna ukuluphelisa ubudlelwane. Cinga ngazo zonke iindlela zothando oye wakhaba ngazo ngenxa yokuba ubungaziva ngendlela efanayo. Ngeli xesha, kungenye indlela
• Sukunikezela kulo naluphi na uhlobo lothando olugqithisileyo njengokuhlala ucinga ngalo mntu, ukumlandela, okanye ukuhlala ngethemba lokuba baya kukuthanda ngenye imini.
• Kusenokubonakala ngathi sisiphelo sehlabathi ngoku kodwa ungavumeli ukwaliwa nokuba kuthintele ubomi bakho ukuba buhambe ngesantya sako.
• Musa ukuzisola ngesibhengezo sakho sothando umzuzwana. Akukho nto ihlazo malunga nokunyaniseka kwiimvakalelo zakho
• Zilolonge, fumana into ekwenza wonwabe, hamba, hamba ngeentsuku, kwaye ufune unyango ukuba unengxaki yokujongana nokungavunyelwa.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iindlela ezingama-21 onokuthi ungazi "Ndiyakuthanda" kwi-SO yakho

Kunini Xa Kungafanelekanga Ukuthi “Ndiyakuthanda”?

Xa uzama ukuqiniseka ukuba ungatsho nini ukuba “ndiyakuthanda” okokuqala, ngaphandle kwexesha enikunye ngalo (ukuba nibe neentsuku ezintlanu ubuncinane ngumgaqo oqhele ukwenziwa), inqanaba lobudlelwane okulo — umzekelo, ngaba ukhethekile okwangoku? -kwaye umzuzu okhetha ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho nawo ubalulekile. UDhriti uthi, “Musa ukucinga nje ukuba ufanele ulinde ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba uthi “ndiyakuthanda” kodwa cinga ngendlela nexesha oza kukuthetha ngayo kuba ezi zinto zibalulekile.

“Ibhinqa endandilicebisa lashiyeka libhidekile xa umfana awayekunye naye okokuqala wathi “ndiyakuthanda” waza wavala ucingo emva kokuba uyithethile, musa ukubaleka okanye urhoxe ngokweemvakalelo. Yiba khona kunye neqabane lakho kwaye ulixabise elo xesha.

Ngamanye amazwi, ukwenza isigqibo xa kulungile ukuthi “Ndiyakuthanda”, kubalulekile ukuqonda xa kungenjalo. Nazi iimeko ezimbalwa apho ungafanelanga ngokupheleleyo:

• Xa unxilile: Xa uthi “ndiyakuthanda” okokuqala? Ngokuqinisekileyo hayi xa usele iziselo ezintandathu phantsi. Ukuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" kwiqabane elitsha phantsi kweempembelelo zotywala kufuneka kube kanye apho kunye nokusela imiyalezo enxilisayo kwi-ex kuluhlu lwezenzo zobudenge ezizisa nto ngaphandle kokuzisola. Xa uthetha la magama mathathu ukwimo yokunxila, omnye umntu akazi ukuba enze ntoni ngaloo nto. Ubunzima ukusuka mzuzwana bunokuchitheka kubudlelwane
• Ukuthi "ndiyakuthanda" okokuqala kwisicatshulwa: UDhriti uthi, "Ukuthi "I love you" okokuqala phezu kokubhaliweyo kufana nokuqhawula phezu kokubhaliweyo. Lukrwada kwaye alucingeli nto, singasathethi ke ngokuba lususa iimvakalelo.” Ukuba ukubudlelwane obukude, ukuyithetha emntwini inokuba bubunewunewu ongenabo, okwangoku, ubuncinci uyithethe ngomnxeba wevidiyo okanye ngexesha lokwenyani.
• Phantsi kwefuthe: Ukuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" kuba uziva ucinezelekile ukuba yiflegi ebomvu eqinisekileyo. Kungenxa yokuba iqabane lakho livakalelwa ngendlela ethile kwaye liye labonisa iimvakalelo zalo, akuthethi ukuba unyanzelekile ukuba uyibuyisele. Eyona nto imbi ngaphezu kokuba iimvakalelo zakho zingaphendulwa kukuba umntu athethe xa engathethi. Ke, zisindise wena kunye neqabane lakho loo ntlungu, kwaye ungayibhaqi ngaphandle kokuba umthanda ngokwenene umntu
• Ukuvuselela isondo: Ukuthi "ndiyakuthanda" ukwenza iqabane lakho livume ukuba neentlobano zesini kunye nawe ngu-HAYI omkhulu. Musa ukusebenzisa iimvakalelo zakho, nokuba zinyanise kangakanani na, ukucenga iqabane ukuba livume ukulala nawe. Luhlobo lokukhohlisa, kwaye ukunikezela kwinkqubela phambili yakho akuyi kwahluka kakhulu kwimvume enyanzelweyo.
• Kungekudala emva kokuba uqale ukuthandana: Ngaba ukuthi "ndiyakuthanda" ngokukhawuleza iflegi ebomvu? Ngokuqinisekileyo, ewe! Ukuba ubungamazi lo mntu kwasekuqaleni kwaye ukwimihla embalwa ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, nix umbono okwangoku. Isenokuba kukungxama kweehomoni zokuziva wonwabile egazini lakho ezikuxelela ukuba uyamthanda lo mntu. Ngoko, musa ukuyingxamela. Lindela ude udlule kwinqanaba le-honeymoon, kwaye uhlale neemvakalelo zakho ixesha elithile ngaphambi kokuba uvume kwiqabane lakho.
• Ukugcina ubudlelwane: UDhriti uthi, “Ukuba uthi “ndiyakuthanda” okokuqala kuba usoyika ukuba ulwalamano lwenu luya kuqhawuka ukuba akukwenzi oko, oko ukwenza ngezizathu eziphosakeleyo.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Uxanduva kuBudlelwane-Iifomu ezahlukeneyo kunye neNjani yokuziPhuhlisa

Ngelixa utyala ixesha elininzi kunye namandla ekucingeni ukuba ungatsho nini ukuba "ndiyakuthanda" kwintombi yakho okanye isithandwa sakho okokuqala, khumbula ukuyithetha kanye xa ubudlelwane buqala. Yitsho xa ufuna ukuthi enkosi xa ubona ibhedi yondluliwe, xa kuhoywa izinto ezincinci, xa bepakisha okanye bekhupha imithwalo yakho, xa bekwenzela ikomityi yeti okanye bekupha kamnandi.

Ukugcina uthando luhlala lunzima ngaphezu kokuthandana, kwaye ukwenza kube ngumkhwa ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho njengoko wenzayo xa wawuqala ukuthandana kunokuba ngundoqo kule nkxaso. Sukufihla uthando lwakho kunye nokuncoma iqabane lakho elinobubele. Phuma nayo. Kwaye nanini na usenza, qiniseka ukuba uyithetha njengoko uthetha ngayo – sisitshixo soku ubudlelwane obonwabisayo.

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